Hello faithful humans. I don't know if you know this, but this is my 100th post here on Titles are for Turtles. That's quite an accomplishment, if I do say so myself :) For those of you who've stuck with me through all of this, I give you my thanks. You're absolutely wonderful.
That being said, today a struck of existential crisis hit me in the face like a concrete brick. It was not fun, to say the least. Shout out to CJS for tolerating me through my entire "episode". It was mildly pitiful.
Conor tells me it must've come from all the stress I've been under lately, what with our Fall Play coming up literally this Friday, and hell week (otherwise known as tech week) looming upon us, and exams rolling up next Wednesday, and Enharmonix rehearsals and All State auditions and Thanksgiving travel plans and affection deprivation and forgetting to eat meals and trying to stay sane while all of Benet's PMSes and remembering to do my homework and to not fail at life.
I mean it makes sense if you think about it.
Nonetheless, I've been in the weirdest mood (possibly cuz of my 12 hour tech weekend but it's fine I'm fine we're fine) and that caused me to go from giddy and spontaneous to detached, insufferable and alienated. I honestly don't know how Conor puts up with me, or any of you, for that matter.
First, when we were walking right behind the Science Building, I just sat down—smack on the pavement. Through fits of laughter, Conor and Scott both tried to get me out of the path so other people could walk by but I was being a stubborn piece of shit and didn't feel like getting up. Besides, what was the point?
Mind you, it was practically 40 degrees out and those boys probably wanted nothing to do with the out of doors at the moment. I was just making their life difficult, I guess.
But in all honesty, I was just tired.
After Conor hauled me back up, Scott decided to head out so he wouldn't third wheel but then we bumped into Megan M (otherwise known as "Wife" or "Better Spouse") and I love her to bits but I just wanted to get away from everyone for a while—excluding CJS cuz I hadn't spent five minutes alone with him in what felt like forever and ever and ever.
But of course the only precious time I had with him was ruined by my irrepressible insanity.
He asked me where we were going and I just shrugged. I really didn't know where we were going. I just let my feet lead the way.
I walked past Benet's and past Tuck and found my way over to the lawn across Manor House Road, near the gazebo. I commented on how strange it was that it's already November but the leaves are just now starting to fall. Conor told me this was actually pretty normal.
I sighed.
He kept asking where we were going and I jokingly (sort of) told him I intended to jump in the bay. Besides, it'd be a beautiful day to die.
He followed me regardless because he's a kind hearted soul and followed me even as I stumbled into the chain near the train tracks and even as we made our way down to the rocks, even though it was high tide.
I looked out into the vast body of water and crinkled my nose at the repulsive smell that reminded me of Fish Fridays. Ah, salt water.
I walked past the boathouse, not knowing where my feet would lead me until I came across a flattish rock and sat down. Conor gave me a befuddled look but sat down next to me anyway because apparently he loves me or something.
I didn't even look at him because I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know why I was down there.
They say when you're sad, you should go out to the ocean to make you feel better.
Only I didn't feel any better. I thought I would no longer be sad but I was still pretty darn sad.
I didn't tell him that though because I suck sometimes.
I just sat and stared out at the water and gosh, we live on the prettiest campus you've ever seen, we really do. I watched as the waves crashed into the jumble of sea shells and rocks before running away—again, and again, and again.
I felt Conor kiss my shoulder and I turned my head to smile at him so he didn't think I was ignoring him. He asked me what we were doing there and once again, I shrugged.
I didn't really know, anyway.
I looked back out at the water and sniffled because my nose was cold. It was really cold, actually. I felt bad for dragging him out there. What an idiot.
We stumbled back up the steps of the boathouse up to the train tracks before I stopped. Conor looked at me with those worried brown eyes of his and asked me for the millionth time if I was okay. I nodded but when he held out his pinky, I couldn't bring myself to link it.
I didn't really know what I was feeling but I was definitely not okay.
He sighed and put his backpack down to pull me into a hug. I hadn't felt one of those in a while. I wrapped my arms around his waist and felt his head rest on top of my fluffy winter hat. I just got it a few weeks ago and it makes me really happy except everyone kept groping the pom pom and I didn't appreciate that.
I guess he was probably waiting for me to let go because we stood there, hugging, for quite a while. My cheek pressed against his coat zipper and it was starting to hurt so I let my arms fall to my sides. But I still couldn't look at him.
"Maya, could you please just tell me what's wrong?"
I groaned.
"I'm literally a walking stereotype right now."
He went on to tell me about how stereotypes had to be derived from something, right?
For the third time in the span of an hour, I found myself sitting in the middle of an unlikely setting—this time in the middle of our school train tracks.
I sighed and laughed at myself and sighed again and groaned some more before I got any words out.
I'm literally a ball of teenaged angst. I am so sorry.
"I just... what's the point? Of any of it?"
I don't even think I had to explain myself, Conor just let out a laugh before I glared at him for making fun of me.
In his defense, he had been extremely nice to me thus far.
I shlumped onto my back, spread-eagle in the middle of the fucking train tracks, letting autumn leaves cling to my knitted hat and my winter coat.
I sighed and sighed, hoping that each exhale would bring some sort of relief to the fact that we're all gonna die one day, but it didn't. It just made me more anxious that each breath could be my last.
I looked out at the gorgeous trees around us and cursed them for living such a simple life. All they have to do is exist. Nature takes care of the rest.
Us? We're popped out into the world and no one tells us what the fuck we're supposed to do, we're left to scramble and figure it out for ourselves and we have expectations to live up to and such.
A tree doesn't have to be anything more than a tree.
Conor said something along the lines of: "I know nothing I say right now is gonna make you feel any better, so I'm sorry, but just know most of this you have zero control over so there's no use in worrying about it anyway."
And I mean, he's right. But like I said, I'm a stubborn drama queen with a flare for exaggeration apparently, so I couldn't let it go.
I moped and huffed and quietly screamed about all the uncertainties in the world.
Then Conor told me it was time for lunch. So we walked back up the steps past the train tracks.
Except I forget what he said that made me laugh and cry except cry more than laugh, so I fell to my knees in the middle of a grassy hill and faceplanted the ground, no lie.
He laughed after he made sure I wasn't actually hurt or anything, so I laughed too, but I quickly started to cry and cry and cry and just wanted to cease existing because that would be so much easier than pondering the universe.
What if there isn't a God? Everyone I know and love today will one day die. What am I going to do with my life? What if I'm not smart enough for college? How am I going to financially support my family in the future? Why has the world gone to shit?
All these issues felt very real and very urgent. I don't know why, they just did.
And so, I let my tears roll into the dirt and spoil the grass. My hair had fallen into my mouth but I hadn't made any moves to remove it. Everything was just too much.
Once again, CJS was courteous enough to haul me back up and lead me to the dining hall while trying to cheer me up. He made a valiant attempt.
Besides, on Mondays they have ice cream.
Hasta la próxima,
Much love xoxo
Maya
Monday, November 7, 2016
Friday, October 14, 2016
Omniscient
Hello lovelies. Those of you who know me have known for quite some time that I keep a list of quotes on me always. You say some funny shit—I write it down. That's how that works.
Now, I will say I planned on waiting 'til the end of my senior year to post this, but I'm a tad bit impatient and I've already waited a good, long two and a half years so now's as good a time as ever. Another thing I should probably mention is a lot of these won't make sense unless you know the person saying it. Since it's impossible to expect all my readers to know each other, I've decided to exclude names from this post. That reason and also just so no one gets accidentally offended or in trouble :)
Look at me being all responsible.
Last disclaimer before I let you loose: some of these were said by me, others (possibly and most probably the more offensive ones) were said by my dearest friends and companions, so if you are easily offended, I suggest you leave now.
If you are easily amused, by all means, stay. Stay a while and see how long it takes before confusion consumes you :)
Onwards.
"The struggles of having a big butt: you knock down dinosaurs."
"Can we listen to music?"
"When I speak, it's kinda like music."
Now, I will say I planned on waiting 'til the end of my senior year to post this, but I'm a tad bit impatient and I've already waited a good, long two and a half years so now's as good a time as ever. Another thing I should probably mention is a lot of these won't make sense unless you know the person saying it. Since it's impossible to expect all my readers to know each other, I've decided to exclude names from this post. That reason and also just so no one gets accidentally offended or in trouble :)
Look at me being all responsible.
Last disclaimer before I let you loose: some of these were said by me, others (possibly and most probably the more offensive ones) were said by my dearest friends and companions, so if you are easily offended, I suggest you leave now.
If you are easily amused, by all means, stay. Stay a while and see how long it takes before confusion consumes you :)
Onwards.
..........
"Love is when you care for someone even though they suck."
"Good for you, Maya. It takes balls to be hated that much."
"Baby steps but NO BABIES!!!"
"What kind of a name is Allcock? That's like saying my last name is Allpussy!"
"They hate us cuz they ain't us."
"They hate us cuz they butthole?"
"In a world filled with darkness, disco is the light."
"Sozanski, what is the number one difference between you and successful people? Your hair."
"Listen, Sozanski, your hair has to GLISTEN! Everyone knows redheads have more fun."
"Stupid ass gurl, if I wanted some milk I woulda gone to the kitchen!"
"I love you with my entire soup."
"Duck is literally just dirty chicken."
"I don't think they actually thought I was dead..."
"Yeah Anny, get with the lesbian fucking times."
"Look at the people, they hide in plane sight, u gotta find the overalls through the over-somes."
"Wow I wish people cheered for me just for existing."
"Sozanski, you're not a squirrel!!"
"I can find my own porn!"
"Anny, I'm warning you right now, if I hear your voice one more time, I'm kicking you out of this dorm and my life."
"Bite me."
"Nah, you probs taste like tree bark."
"You can't half ass that, you gotta full ass that."
"I know, but who the fuck cares what I think? I always think I'm the shit."
"Everybody's got a dick...in here."
*points to heart*
"There needs to be more jiggle."
"Change my watuh muthafucka."
"MY UTERUS IS BEING A DICK."
"Don't like grope the heart."
"She looks like the green goblin."
"Except she's black."
"I talk a lot but I don't really like to."
"Go back to white man land. Jesus."
"When I lived there, I lived there a lot."
"Pocketful of pocketful of pocketful of lint."
"Here I am, a common European stew with extra potato."
"I'm a hater because I'm cranky and old."
"I sound ignorant."
"You are ignorant."
"Because Conor's a dramatic bitch, that's why."
"I just don't want deer to jump out, it's just like stay the fuck home."
"Conclusion: peanuts are just edible kangaroos."
"She's from Ohio!! That's not even south!!!"
"I kinda wanna be a rock. But like a pretty one."
"We're gonna be run over by muskrats ugh."
"That's a big ass valley."
"Seriously, what is this UFO business? We're in the middle of Ohio like what are you doing here?"
"If it's not cute, it doesn't matter."
"YEAH YOU DRINK THAT ORANGE JUICE... FUCKING SLUT!"
"Why would you ever wanna live somewhere that rhymes with loin?"
"Because it's a meme! Memes are forever."
"Who drinks vodka casually???"
"I don't have back sweat!"
"Did you know there's ice cream for dogs?"
"Yeah, it's called your ass."
"I'M TELLING YOU--WU WEI IS THE WAY TO GO!"
"I cleaned my earhole out."
"My favorite part of the day is when Papi gives up."
"MAYA NO! No passive aggressive life hating!"
"Then you've gotta be the best poop you can be."
"That's why we need Drake, to split up Kansas."
"Just because you have an earring and a girlfriend doesn't make you the alpha."
"He looks like the messed up face of John Travolta."
"The Godfather took place in where?"
"In the DR."
"You haven't even seen that movie."
"Maya, there's no yinyang in this bullshit."
"After you live in a castle, everything else is just mildly disappointing."
"THE MOON IS A LIE!"
"Everyday is leg day in the castle."
"Hey, guys, look! It's a rare specimen. Here we have a special snowflake. Hey, hey you, would you like some attention?"
"That bull's just like pissed off at a ROCK."
"Farts are the ghosts of meals past."
"Good luck with your butthole!"
"Waaaagaaaaa mama. Wagamama!!!"
"If you have at least one leg, you are a cat."
"We came, we saw, we puffined."
"Puffins are literally fruit-beaked penguins. They're so cute!"
"They're all extinct."
"Time to dangle our rectums, guys!"
"GET GLUC-ED!"
"Look, Irish cracker eats Irish cracker."
"Look, it's a Gubbeen. Theeeeeenks!"
"Claire, matches are illegal, didn't you know that?"
"Yeah, well, so are you, Maya, but you're still here."
"Everybody knows Hitler loved apples!!"
"I'm not a landfish, guys."
"Nuuuu Michelleee!"
"Don't put my blood on your pasta."
"I hope you're mildly inconvenienced for the rest of your life."
"You're a dumbledweeb."
"Do you want a little applesauce conscience on your shoulder?"
"I will crack your ribs until you die."
"I'm gonna do this til you hurt."
"Believe it or not, I don't need any fox dick."
"Is that Zootopia porn version?"
"Cups are for weenies."
"MY ROOM IS GONNA BE NEXT TO A FIELD OF PONIES!!!"
"What's a mandril?"
"It's a lowkey mammoth."
"I am absolutely fifty shades of not okay."
"What they don't tell you is that Spiderman probably has cancer."
"Glitter is the herpes of the craft world."
"That's one of the few things I'm quite sure about. Your arm will not turn into a dolphin."
"I feel like a coupon book."
"Passing tacks sounds like one of the least fun things you could possibly do."
"I AM THE ULTIMATE CHICKEN NUGGET!"
"Do all mammals give live birth?"
"No, all mammals as opposed to platapu."
"Platapu???"
"The rooster doesn't just like hump the egg."
"No! The rooster doesn't 'do' the egg!"
"So you don't get to pick who your baby daddy is?"
"What if flamingos could drive?"
"Alright I'm gonna do the twist-twist now."
"That sounds like some sort of martial art."
"My name is Caellum Kerr, therefore, asshole."
"So like... No homo man but like... Can I kiss you?"
"You're not just Maya, you're FUCKING Maya!"
"Oh look! Those look like dirty clouds!"
"Meningitis? Why can't it be Womanengitis?"
"Caellum's a salty mama."
"Hockey games are where grown men fight each other."
"Wait, old men find each other??"
"I'M SORRY YOU DONT HAVE A PENIS!"
"Literally, life decisions not on fleek."
"Don't let the turkeys getcha down."
"BUT IT'S SO SCARY AND I HAVE A KNOT THE SIZE OF ECUADOR ON MY SHOULDER."
"We get attached to the weirdest things, Maya: marshmallow robots and founding fathers."
"Why did I read 'campus' as 'cramps'?"
"Well, they're basically the same thing."
"Here, let me pull myself up on iTunes real quick."
"Wait they're all naked?! That's super funny!!!"
"What kind of a name is Gretchen Weiners?"
"WHY THE FUCK DO WOMEN ENDURE ALL THE BULLSHIT IN THIS WORLD?!"
"I will be quiet like a little mole."
"Well if you have a fat wrist then congratu-fucking-lations!"
*white girl voice*
"No friends, same problems. #relatable"
"Welcome to the Portsmouth Abigail, where nothing works and you want to die most of the time."
"It might be my ego and giant superiority complex, but I feel like we're doing a lot better than your other section... Plus Matias is in that section."
*tiny children walk by*
"Oh look, it's your brethren."
"Maya's a Mexican supremacist now. It's like the real south will rise again."
"Biblical sexual is my personal favorite."
"Hannah I'm gonna cry."
"Don't cry, you don't have time."
"STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME."
"I thought it would be a good idea to put my head down for a while and then the entire continent of Asia started playing the piano."
"Who run the world? David."
"Yeah, sure, could I just have a slice of the pink girly gay pirate one?"
*raises hand*
"I can't catch things. There's a reason I do drama..."
"You look like a fish."
"I'm just gonna pretend like my whole life is very together."
"Did you salt your cucumber?"
"...But here's my number, so Call Me--"
"Never."
"...as he tried to throw mayonnaise on my body..."
"Juneau, Alaska, Juneau Alaska, Juneau Alaska, Juneau Alaska, Juneau Alaska, Juneau Alaska, Juneau, Alaska, Juneau, Alaska, Juneau, Alaska, Juneau, Alaska."
"Keep the collar up and the haters out."
"She sounds like a man when she coughs."
"Yo pretend my hand is a cookie."
"Javier is very literal, his world is black and white."
"No, it's not. It's full of colors!"
"He's always so lonely when he poops."
"MY THRIFTY BITZ BRINGS ALL THE KITTIES TO THE YARD AND THEY'RE LIKE MM I LIKE THRIFTY BITZ"
"I'd rather be a whore than die."
"....MASTURBATION...."
"Ewww."
"I'm surprised that didn't come out of your ass."
"Maya, I am as single as they come. I am ALWAYS on the menu."
"Go read your dick book."
"You know what happens in Ireland. You go as two, you come back as three."
"My Jesus is better than your Jesus."
"Yo, when I had a pixie cut, I literally looked like I was gonna steal some guy's shoes."
"Dye is for eggs, not people."
"Real platforms have curves."
"When I say Mother you say Theresa. Mother!"
"Theresa!"
"Dean, you can't just monopolize AIDS!"
"Yes, I can, I'm gay!"
"Yeah? Well, I'm African!"
"Good for you, Maya. It takes balls to be hated that much."
"Baby steps but NO BABIES!!!"
"What kind of a name is Allcock? That's like saying my last name is Allpussy!"
"They hate us cuz they ain't us."
"They hate us cuz they butthole?"
"In a world filled with darkness, disco is the light."
"Sozanski, what is the number one difference between you and successful people? Your hair."
"Listen, Sozanski, your hair has to GLISTEN! Everyone knows redheads have more fun."
"Stupid ass gurl, if I wanted some milk I woulda gone to the kitchen!"
"I love you with my entire soup."
"Duck is literally just dirty chicken."
"I don't think they actually thought I was dead..."
"Yeah Anny, get with the lesbian fucking times."
"Look at the people, they hide in plane sight, u gotta find the overalls through the over-somes."
"Wow I wish people cheered for me just for existing."
"Sozanski, you're not a squirrel!!"
"I can find my own porn!"
"Anny, I'm warning you right now, if I hear your voice one more time, I'm kicking you out of this dorm and my life."
"Bite me."
"Nah, you probs taste like tree bark."
"You can't half ass that, you gotta full ass that."
"I know, but who the fuck cares what I think? I always think I'm the shit."
"Everybody's got a dick...in here."
*points to heart*
"There needs to be more jiggle."
"Change my watuh muthafucka."
"MY UTERUS IS BEING A DICK."
"Don't like grope the heart."
"She looks like the green goblin."
"Except she's black."
"I talk a lot but I don't really like to."
"Go back to white man land. Jesus."
"When I lived there, I lived there a lot."
"Pocketful of pocketful of pocketful of lint."
"Here I am, a common European stew with extra potato."
"I'm a hater because I'm cranky and old."
"I sound ignorant."
"You are ignorant."
"Because Conor's a dramatic bitch, that's why."
"I just don't want deer to jump out, it's just like stay the fuck home."
"Conclusion: peanuts are just edible kangaroos."
"She's from Ohio!! That's not even south!!!"
"I kinda wanna be a rock. But like a pretty one."
"We're gonna be run over by muskrats ugh."
"That's a big ass valley."
"Seriously, what is this UFO business? We're in the middle of Ohio like what are you doing here?"
"If it's not cute, it doesn't matter."
"YEAH YOU DRINK THAT ORANGE JUICE... FUCKING SLUT!"
"Why would you ever wanna live somewhere that rhymes with loin?"
"Because it's a meme! Memes are forever."
"Who drinks vodka casually???"
"I don't have back sweat!"
"Did you know there's ice cream for dogs?"
"Yeah, it's called your ass."
"I'M TELLING YOU--WU WEI IS THE WAY TO GO!"
"I cleaned my earhole out."
"My favorite part of the day is when Papi gives up."
"MAYA NO! No passive aggressive life hating!"
"Then you've gotta be the best poop you can be."
"That's why we need Drake, to split up Kansas."
"Just because you have an earring and a girlfriend doesn't make you the alpha."
"He looks like the messed up face of John Travolta."
"The Godfather took place in where?"
"In the DR."
"You haven't even seen that movie."
"Maya, there's no yinyang in this bullshit."
"After you live in a castle, everything else is just mildly disappointing."
"THE MOON IS A LIE!"
"Everyday is leg day in the castle."
"Hey, guys, look! It's a rare specimen. Here we have a special snowflake. Hey, hey you, would you like some attention?"
"That bull's just like pissed off at a ROCK."
"Farts are the ghosts of meals past."
"Good luck with your butthole!"
"Waaaagaaaaa mama. Wagamama!!!"
"If you have at least one leg, you are a cat."
"We came, we saw, we puffined."
"Puffins are literally fruit-beaked penguins. They're so cute!"
"They're all extinct."
"Time to dangle our rectums, guys!"
"GET GLUC-ED!"
"Look, Irish cracker eats Irish cracker."
"Look, it's a Gubbeen. Theeeeeenks!"
"Claire, matches are illegal, didn't you know that?"
"Yeah, well, so are you, Maya, but you're still here."
"Everybody knows Hitler loved apples!!"
"I'm not a landfish, guys."
"Nuuuu Michelleee!"
"Don't put my blood on your pasta."
"I hope you're mildly inconvenienced for the rest of your life."
"You're a dumbledweeb."
"Do you want a little applesauce conscience on your shoulder?"
"I will crack your ribs until you die."
"I'm gonna do this til you hurt."
"Believe it or not, I don't need any fox dick."
"Is that Zootopia porn version?"
"Cups are for weenies."
"MY ROOM IS GONNA BE NEXT TO A FIELD OF PONIES!!!"
"What's a mandril?"
"It's a lowkey mammoth."
"I am absolutely fifty shades of not okay."
"What they don't tell you is that Spiderman probably has cancer."
"Glitter is the herpes of the craft world."
"That's one of the few things I'm quite sure about. Your arm will not turn into a dolphin."
"I feel like a coupon book."
"Passing tacks sounds like one of the least fun things you could possibly do."
"I AM THE ULTIMATE CHICKEN NUGGET!"
"Do all mammals give live birth?"
"No, all mammals as opposed to platapu."
"Platapu???"
"The rooster doesn't just like hump the egg."
"No! The rooster doesn't 'do' the egg!"
"So you don't get to pick who your baby daddy is?"
"What if flamingos could drive?"
"Alright I'm gonna do the twist-twist now."
"That sounds like some sort of martial art."
"My name is Caellum Kerr, therefore, asshole."
"So like... No homo man but like... Can I kiss you?"
"You're not just Maya, you're FUCKING Maya!"
"Oh look! Those look like dirty clouds!"
"Meningitis? Why can't it be Womanengitis?"
"Caellum's a salty mama."
"Hockey games are where grown men fight each other."
"Wait, old men find each other??"
"I'M SORRY YOU DONT HAVE A PENIS!"
"Literally, life decisions not on fleek."
"Don't let the turkeys getcha down."
"BUT IT'S SO SCARY AND I HAVE A KNOT THE SIZE OF ECUADOR ON MY SHOULDER."
"We get attached to the weirdest things, Maya: marshmallow robots and founding fathers."
"Why did I read 'campus' as 'cramps'?"
"Well, they're basically the same thing."
"Here, let me pull myself up on iTunes real quick."
"Wait they're all naked?! That's super funny!!!"
"What kind of a name is Gretchen Weiners?"
"WHY THE FUCK DO WOMEN ENDURE ALL THE BULLSHIT IN THIS WORLD?!"
"I will be quiet like a little mole."
"Well if you have a fat wrist then congratu-fucking-lations!"
*white girl voice*
"No friends, same problems. #relatable"
"Welcome to the Portsmouth Abigail, where nothing works and you want to die most of the time."
"It might be my ego and giant superiority complex, but I feel like we're doing a lot better than your other section... Plus Matias is in that section."
*tiny children walk by*
"Oh look, it's your brethren."
"Maya's a Mexican supremacist now. It's like the real south will rise again."
"Biblical sexual is my personal favorite."
"Hannah I'm gonna cry."
"Don't cry, you don't have time."
"STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME."
"I thought it would be a good idea to put my head down for a while and then the entire continent of Asia started playing the piano."
"Who run the world? David."
"Yeah, sure, could I just have a slice of the pink girly gay pirate one?"
*raises hand*
"I can't catch things. There's a reason I do drama..."
"You look like a fish."
"I'm just gonna pretend like my whole life is very together."
"Did you salt your cucumber?"
"...But here's my number, so Call Me--"
"Never."
"...as he tried to throw mayonnaise on my body..."
"Juneau, Alaska, Juneau Alaska, Juneau Alaska, Juneau Alaska, Juneau Alaska, Juneau Alaska, Juneau, Alaska, Juneau, Alaska, Juneau, Alaska, Juneau, Alaska."
"Keep the collar up and the haters out."
"She sounds like a man when she coughs."
"Yo pretend my hand is a cookie."
"Javier is very literal, his world is black and white."
"No, it's not. It's full of colors!"
"He's always so lonely when he poops."
"MY THRIFTY BITZ BRINGS ALL THE KITTIES TO THE YARD AND THEY'RE LIKE MM I LIKE THRIFTY BITZ"
"I'd rather be a whore than die."
"....MASTURBATION...."
"Ewww."
"I'm surprised that didn't come out of your ass."
"Maya, I am as single as they come. I am ALWAYS on the menu."
"Go read your dick book."
"You know what happens in Ireland. You go as two, you come back as three."
"My Jesus is better than your Jesus."
"Yo, when I had a pixie cut, I literally looked like I was gonna steal some guy's shoes."
"Dye is for eggs, not people."
"Real platforms have curves."
"When I say Mother you say Theresa. Mother!"
"Theresa!"
"Dean, you can't just monopolize AIDS!"
"Yes, I can, I'm gay!"
"Yeah? Well, I'm African!"
"The struggles of having a big butt: you knock down dinosaurs."
"Can we listen to music?"
"When I speak, it's kinda like music."
"I love to eat dead babies."
"If I ended up writing a script about Spongebob, it would end up being torture porn."
"And then Maggie kicked her in the vagina."
"Do you think I'm a good dancer?"
"Well, you're Spanish and stuff..."
"Wait, THE CAT HAD AIDS?!"
"Did you know that there's an illness that makes you see sound?"
"Yeah, it's called acid."
"I'm not Obama, okay?!"
"We're done looking at women!"
"Kill your inner child!"
"Make it funny!"
"Yo, he's talking to the people having sex on the mat."
"I am Jesus."
"Maya, just TAKE THE CAKE!"
"...and everyone's BITCHING at the pub..."
"And sometimes your Mountain Dew just Mountain Don't."
"So what are we doing today?"
"Uh...well I'm currently inside Alex Barlow so..."
"No, this is like my crack."
"Hey Fonts? Mount and Dew me."
"I don't think I've ever given this note before, but swing your noodle in the fog."
"All day Avery Dey!"
"Urgh the bread just grazed my face."
"And that one... Well that one I guess would be the crotch."
"I'm a little tea pot short and stout, google that shit and call me out."
"I'm having iced-milk."
"Yan Diego, your sausage is falling off the bed!"
"Wait, Steve Jobs died?"
"Ohmygod where have you been?"
"But isn't he rich?"
"Oh, yeah, I forgot rich people don't die."
"Really?!"
"No, Javier, he died."
"Wait, but he's still rich?"
"Aww, look at all those horses!"
"Those are llamas."
"What's the difference between gelato and pistachio?"
"At my school they call it the train and the train hole."
"Now softly caress, now slowly undress--"
"Now clean up your mess."
"Why you gotta make it weird, Dad?"
"No! Don't hug me, I'm still sad!"
"If I were the creator of Apple and I died, I'd just shut it all down so no one could have anything else. If I can't have it, no one else can."
"Don't touch my nose! I have sharp boogers and they hurt!"
"I need to crap so hard !" *cries*
"Mami, can I ask you something? What's the meaning of life? And also, why did the chicken cross the road?"
"I'm a monastery! I don't even know what that means."
"Wanna use old hand sanitizer?"
"What if I use pants that are against their religion?"
"Imagine if this was vegan water!"
"I need to take a shih tzu."
"See? Liv enjoyed the joke!"
"That's because she's on drugs."
"Look! The bees are hibernating!"
"Javier, bees don't hibernate..."
"Oh."
"Suki looks so fat now."
"She's like a mini you!"
"Yeah, they just shrivel up and die. It's beautiful."
"You recorded me snoring? You're officially disowned."
"Maya don't get addicted to advil, if you're going to get addicted to a drug, do a weird one."
"Whoa, that's a lotta llamas."
"Javier, those are sheep."
"What's a sheep?"
"He's such a wet noodle."
"I get sweat mustaches on my eyebrows after P.E."
"Alpacas, llamas, sheep, same thing."
"Sibling compliments aren't compliments unless there are insults involved."
"Being at boarding school is like being pregnant. You're busy for nine months and you get weird cravings and you're always tired and you get mood swings and everything bugs the shit out of you."
"Max is so salty, her tears are all dried up."
"I don't have feelings, I have attitudes."
"But is he really gay? Or is he just southern?"
"Everyone should drop dead."
"YOU should drop dead...but gently."
"Fuck you. Fuck your whole family. For twelve centuries."
"How different would you say are the DNA of a dolphin and like...Jay?"
"Ugly people shouldn't have good names."
"You are not a priest. You cannot put things into my mouth."
"You're like a Canadian goose!"
"All hardcore people have plants."
"Marriage is a good end point, especially when they own a palace."
"So when someone says 'sick bro', they do not mean they are necessarily diseased. In fact they mean that the person is quite awesome."
"Maya, don't take my puns for granite. I'm getting real sedimental."
"He's not God, but like almost."
"That's not dancing, that's having a seizure."
"There is no life, there is only death."
"To be stoned or not to be stoned?"
"I am the asparagi!"
"I feel like you can't say all those things without blushing or going to Hell."
"You guys ready for this? ...Tigger El Dorado."
"Ugly people should just go home."
"Can we have chicken alpaca for dinner?"
"Eww now it's a chap ball."
"Oh my god... WE'RE FRUITS😭"
"I'm a whore and I like books!"
"Don't piss on your work!"
"Let's go back to mating you."
"I need you guys to give me more head!"
"Way way way back when, a cell found this mitochondria and just decided to hang out and was like 'cool, this is chill'."
"I was gonna say... Most of us look like Pater Noster."
"Please have a bad day everyday--that was great!"
"Wait so are you guys gonna sing the Pasta Noster now?"
"I love Canadians!"
"I must die mainly in Canada."
"Paint me like one of your French girls!"
"Well Kevin's drunk."
"Not having a soul is good."
"Voice of an angel, body of a beanstalk."
"No! You're not part of the banter!"
"...so because I'm one morbid motherfucker..."
"But like what if I text him with a British accent?"
"I like to touch my face when I'm in class."
"Okay so I was standing on the couch in the computer room like... Hitting a pumpkin... Because I have a lot of feelings."
"I JUST HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS I PROMISE I'M NEVER LIKE THIS."
"I just feel very noodle-y!"
"I hate talking about breathing because it makes me want to breathe and I hate that."
"Alcohol does not solve any problems, but neither does milk."
"You know Maya? Money can't buy you happiness, but somehow crying in a Mercedes Benz sounds better than crying on the street."
"Thanks five!"
"Who's Clive?"
"That sounds like 'oh yeah, I'm studying fuckin' Aristotle and Vaginies'!"
*drops toothbrush in the sink*
"NOOOOOOOO😭😭😭"
"If I ended up writing a script about Spongebob, it would end up being torture porn."
"And then Maggie kicked her in the vagina."
"Do you think I'm a good dancer?"
"Well, you're Spanish and stuff..."
"Wait, THE CAT HAD AIDS?!"
"Did you know that there's an illness that makes you see sound?"
"Yeah, it's called acid."
"I'm not Obama, okay?!"
"We're done looking at women!"
"Kill your inner child!"
"Make it funny!"
"Yo, he's talking to the people having sex on the mat."
"I am Jesus."
"Maya, just TAKE THE CAKE!"
"...and everyone's BITCHING at the pub..."
"And sometimes your Mountain Dew just Mountain Don't."
"So what are we doing today?"
"Uh...well I'm currently inside Alex Barlow so..."
"No, this is like my crack."
"Hey Fonts? Mount and Dew me."
"I don't think I've ever given this note before, but swing your noodle in the fog."
"All day Avery Dey!"
"Urgh the bread just grazed my face."
"And that one... Well that one I guess would be the crotch."
"I'm a little tea pot short and stout, google that shit and call me out."
"I'm having iced-milk."
"Yan Diego, your sausage is falling off the bed!"
"Wait, Steve Jobs died?"
"Ohmygod where have you been?"
"But isn't he rich?"
"Oh, yeah, I forgot rich people don't die."
"Really?!"
"No, Javier, he died."
"Wait, but he's still rich?"
"Aww, look at all those horses!"
"Those are llamas."
"What's the difference between gelato and pistachio?"
"At my school they call it the train and the train hole."
"Now softly caress, now slowly undress--"
"Now clean up your mess."
"Why you gotta make it weird, Dad?"
"No! Don't hug me, I'm still sad!"
"If I were the creator of Apple and I died, I'd just shut it all down so no one could have anything else. If I can't have it, no one else can."
"Don't touch my nose! I have sharp boogers and they hurt!"
"I need to crap so hard !" *cries*
"Mami, can I ask you something? What's the meaning of life? And also, why did the chicken cross the road?"
"I'm a monastery! I don't even know what that means."
"Wanna use old hand sanitizer?"
"What if I use pants that are against their religion?"
"Imagine if this was vegan water!"
"I need to take a shih tzu."
"See? Liv enjoyed the joke!"
"That's because she's on drugs."
"Look! The bees are hibernating!"
"Javier, bees don't hibernate..."
"Oh."
"Suki looks so fat now."
"She's like a mini you!"
"Yeah, they just shrivel up and die. It's beautiful."
"You recorded me snoring? You're officially disowned."
"Maya don't get addicted to advil, if you're going to get addicted to a drug, do a weird one."
"Whoa, that's a lotta llamas."
"Javier, those are sheep."
"What's a sheep?"
"He's such a wet noodle."
"I get sweat mustaches on my eyebrows after P.E."
"Alpacas, llamas, sheep, same thing."
"Sibling compliments aren't compliments unless there are insults involved."
"Being at boarding school is like being pregnant. You're busy for nine months and you get weird cravings and you're always tired and you get mood swings and everything bugs the shit out of you."
"Max is so salty, her tears are all dried up."
"I don't have feelings, I have attitudes."
"But is he really gay? Or is he just southern?"
"Everyone should drop dead."
"YOU should drop dead...but gently."
"Fuck you. Fuck your whole family. For twelve centuries."
"How different would you say are the DNA of a dolphin and like...Jay?"
"Ugly people shouldn't have good names."
"You are not a priest. You cannot put things into my mouth."
"You're like a Canadian goose!"
"All hardcore people have plants."
"Marriage is a good end point, especially when they own a palace."
"So when someone says 'sick bro', they do not mean they are necessarily diseased. In fact they mean that the person is quite awesome."
"Maya, don't take my puns for granite. I'm getting real sedimental."
"He's not God, but like almost."
"That's not dancing, that's having a seizure."
"There is no life, there is only death."
"To be stoned or not to be stoned?"
"I am the asparagi!"
"I feel like you can't say all those things without blushing or going to Hell."
"You guys ready for this? ...Tigger El Dorado."
"Ugly people should just go home."
"Can we have chicken alpaca for dinner?"
"Eww now it's a chap ball."
"Oh my god... WE'RE FRUITS😭"
"I'm a whore and I like books!"
"Don't piss on your work!"
"Let's go back to mating you."
"I need you guys to give me more head!"
"Way way way back when, a cell found this mitochondria and just decided to hang out and was like 'cool, this is chill'."
"I was gonna say... Most of us look like Pater Noster."
"Please have a bad day everyday--that was great!"
"Wait so are you guys gonna sing the Pasta Noster now?"
"I love Canadians!"
"I must die mainly in Canada."
"Paint me like one of your French girls!"
"Well Kevin's drunk."
"Not having a soul is good."
"Voice of an angel, body of a beanstalk."
"No! You're not part of the banter!"
"...so because I'm one morbid motherfucker..."
"But like what if I text him with a British accent?"
"I like to touch my face when I'm in class."
"Okay so I was standing on the couch in the computer room like... Hitting a pumpkin... Because I have a lot of feelings."
"I JUST HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS I PROMISE I'M NEVER LIKE THIS."
"I just feel very noodle-y!"
"I hate talking about breathing because it makes me want to breathe and I hate that."
"Alcohol does not solve any problems, but neither does milk."
"You know Maya? Money can't buy you happiness, but somehow crying in a Mercedes Benz sounds better than crying on the street."
"Thanks five!"
"Who's Clive?"
"That sounds like 'oh yeah, I'm studying fuckin' Aristotle and Vaginies'!"
*drops toothbrush in the sink*
"NOOOOOOOO😭😭😭"
*cries*"What on earth what's wrong, Hannah?"
"I'M GONNA GET EBOLA NOW😭"
"Dang it, my butt is covered in salt!"
"Excuse me while I part the sea."
"BUT NO because they're not supposed to be sweet, they're VEGETABLES! And then it's just like WHAT AM I EATING?!"
"Maya, life is arbitrary. Worst comes to worst, just become a prostitute."
"Prostitution will always be there for you."
"FUCK MY ASS. FUCK THIS ASS."
"I can't do this. I'm looking at cakes in a restaurant from the Baltimore airport. I'm not gonna get a cake from the Baltimore airport because they are very large and I don't need to consume that many calories... I don't think... No... I'm not diabetic."
"My heart hurts. I'm so done."
"That's so sad."
"It's kay, this is normal."
"You're irrelephant."
"I feel like 'you're so cute' has become code for 'you're insane'"
"YOU'RE like a pilot... Of a submarine... that DOESN'T WORK!"
"Oh, I thought you were a man."
"D to the E to the L to the uh... I don't know how to spell delicious..."
"So do you have your license now?"
"Nah, I'll get it in the spring, I'm too tired."
"Speaking of cleaning our skulls, we need to buy more Q-tips."
*points at a broken lamp*
"Oh look that's me some days."
"Hi I'm Taj and this is Ma Hal."
"She's breathing in my eyeball."
"Ahh, I love it when mothers do that."
"You just gotta flick your inner thighs; it'll wake you up a bit."
"Speaking of death, how does sleep sound to you?"
"I was like 'Do I look like I have AIDS?' And they were like 'Yes'."
"Maya, come here or Imma spill lemon juice on you."
"My friend's mother-in-law once knew a guy named Sandy Wieners."
"That's so unfortunate."
"What's Magooch?"
"You're like Bigfoot but small."
"Yan Diego, stop looking at things with your hands."
"I'm giving you makeup cuz you need it."
"I'm talking to this girl whose name is like a tree."
"Wait what was it again?"
"I dunno Bamboo or somethin."
"I blew my nose and margarita came out."
"First I went for your penis, then for your neck."
"What? That's not even a good name! Why didn't you say Jim or something?"
"See I wish I were a senior right now. Actually, just kidding I don't have my life together enough yet."
"Writing section was just an excuse to verbally assault Dom."
"Bread is like pizza that's lost all aspirations in life."
"No, bitch, I sat here before you! I don't care if you're handicapped!"
"How do you feel about buying me a $125,000 pony?"
"So what? I WANT THE BREAKFAST SANDWICH!"
"What do you call a cold puppy sitting on a rabbit?"
"I wanna say hash browns...?"
"Wait but LOOK AT MY CORE oh nope just kidding I fell."
"Do I need to give Conor Smith worksquad for missing your recital?"
"I've made it my mission to coax the Outies out of the closet."
"Do they even celebrate prom in Alaska?"
"...I forgot how to eat a cupcake."
"Hang on, I've got a Eucharist stuck in my throat."
"My phone connection has to stop sucking dick."
"BUT WHERE IS ITS PENIS I DON'T UNDERSTAND😭?!"
"Do chickens even have sex?"
"Fucking number two! That little girl... I was like I will break you with my pinky!"
"Don't be Nemo. I'll kick Nemo's ass."
"Get your quesadilla ass outta here."
"WHY'D YOU KILL ME?!"
"So I could take your money."
"Ew, Javier put your toe back in your sock!"
"Did u throw your phone into the Atlantic fucking ocean and then dog paddle to retrieve it?"
"You have a really saggy neck."
"Snoopy's such a baller."
"Plus my fiancé is a jew. So that's fun."
"Where have you been? I run my own brothel."
"I thought you said 'Is Papa Gino's Chilean?'"
"Alright, you know the hunting sign with the deer and the antlers and stuff? For the longest fucking time I had no idea what it was. I thought it was a dancing man and I'd just be like man, why there so many fucking dancing men everywhere?"
"Claire's a pimp."
"How's the cake, you BITCH?!"
"Our nation may be dying but we're still racist as FUCK!"
"I feel very okay with using all of you for your bodies."
"Shut up I'm not Mongolian! I'm Filipino!"
"He has a WOMBBBB!!!!"
"Shut up, child, I birthed you."
"In the blood tests they always say everything's fine but then I'm like 'okay, bitch, obviously everything is not fine!'"
"Ooo look at me I'm Maya and I'm edgy cuz I dye my hair and rip my tights."
"Max, which is your least favorite limb?"
"I'M GONNA GET EBOLA NOW😭"
"Dang it, my butt is covered in salt!"
"Excuse me while I part the sea."
"BUT NO because they're not supposed to be sweet, they're VEGETABLES! And then it's just like WHAT AM I EATING?!"
"Maya, life is arbitrary. Worst comes to worst, just become a prostitute."
"Prostitution will always be there for you."
"FUCK MY ASS. FUCK THIS ASS."
"I can't do this. I'm looking at cakes in a restaurant from the Baltimore airport. I'm not gonna get a cake from the Baltimore airport because they are very large and I don't need to consume that many calories... I don't think... No... I'm not diabetic."
"My heart hurts. I'm so done."
"That's so sad."
"It's kay, this is normal."
"You're irrelephant."
"I feel like 'you're so cute' has become code for 'you're insane'"
"YOU'RE like a pilot... Of a submarine... that DOESN'T WORK!"
"Oh, I thought you were a man."
"D to the E to the L to the uh... I don't know how to spell delicious..."
"So do you have your license now?"
"Nah, I'll get it in the spring, I'm too tired."
"Speaking of cleaning our skulls, we need to buy more Q-tips."
*points at a broken lamp*
"Oh look that's me some days."
"Hi I'm Taj and this is Ma Hal."
"She's breathing in my eyeball."
"Ahh, I love it when mothers do that."
"You just gotta flick your inner thighs; it'll wake you up a bit."
"Speaking of death, how does sleep sound to you?"
"I was like 'Do I look like I have AIDS?' And they were like 'Yes'."
"Maya, come here or Imma spill lemon juice on you."
"My friend's mother-in-law once knew a guy named Sandy Wieners."
"That's so unfortunate."
"What's Magooch?"
"You're like Bigfoot but small."
"Yan Diego, stop looking at things with your hands."
"I'm giving you makeup cuz you need it."
"I'm talking to this girl whose name is like a tree."
"Wait what was it again?"
"I dunno Bamboo or somethin."
"I blew my nose and margarita came out."
"First I went for your penis, then for your neck."
"What? That's not even a good name! Why didn't you say Jim or something?"
"See I wish I were a senior right now. Actually, just kidding I don't have my life together enough yet."
"Writing section was just an excuse to verbally assault Dom."
"Bread is like pizza that's lost all aspirations in life."
"No, bitch, I sat here before you! I don't care if you're handicapped!"
"How do you feel about buying me a $125,000 pony?"
"So what? I WANT THE BREAKFAST SANDWICH!"
"What do you call a cold puppy sitting on a rabbit?"
"I wanna say hash browns...?"
"Wait but LOOK AT MY CORE oh nope just kidding I fell."
"Do I need to give Conor Smith worksquad for missing your recital?"
"I've made it my mission to coax the Outies out of the closet."
"Do they even celebrate prom in Alaska?"
"...I forgot how to eat a cupcake."
"Hang on, I've got a Eucharist stuck in my throat."
"My phone connection has to stop sucking dick."
"BUT WHERE IS ITS PENIS I DON'T UNDERSTAND😭?!"
"Do chickens even have sex?"
"Fucking number two! That little girl... I was like I will break you with my pinky!"
"Don't be Nemo. I'll kick Nemo's ass."
"Get your quesadilla ass outta here."
"WHY'D YOU KILL ME?!"
"So I could take your money."
"Ew, Javier put your toe back in your sock!"
"Did u throw your phone into the Atlantic fucking ocean and then dog paddle to retrieve it?"
"You have a really saggy neck."
"Snoopy's such a baller."
"Plus my fiancé is a jew. So that's fun."
"Where have you been? I run my own brothel."
"I thought you said 'Is Papa Gino's Chilean?'"
"Alright, you know the hunting sign with the deer and the antlers and stuff? For the longest fucking time I had no idea what it was. I thought it was a dancing man and I'd just be like man, why there so many fucking dancing men everywhere?"
"Claire's a pimp."
"How's the cake, you BITCH?!"
"Our nation may be dying but we're still racist as FUCK!"
"I feel very okay with using all of you for your bodies."
"Shut up I'm not Mongolian! I'm Filipino!"
"He has a WOMBBBB!!!!"
"Shut up, child, I birthed you."
"In the blood tests they always say everything's fine but then I'm like 'okay, bitch, obviously everything is not fine!'"
"Ooo look at me I'm Maya and I'm edgy cuz I dye my hair and rip my tights."
"Max, which is your least favorite limb?"
..........
I honestly have no idea how I got here. I have weird friends/family. Don't judge.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!
Hasta la próxima,
Much love xoxo
Maya
P.S: It was Papa Kerr's bday today and he is my favorite human ever so he deserves a shoutout. I LOVE YOU!
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Just Tired
Just Tired, Or Perhaps Dying of Depression, But Most Likely Tired
by Maya Wilson
Oftentimes, I don't greet sunlight
With open arms. You should know that
I'm sorry.
Occasionally, I find myself suffocating under
The sweltering heat of my bedsheets, and
Peeking a singular toe out takes the utmost effort.
They like to call me lazy, but come on,
Breathing wastes SO much energy.
Plus, you have to remind yourself to intake and
Expel oxygen every couple of seconds and you die if you
Forget.
I mean, what kind of sick, twisted universe allows its members
To die off for being forgetful? Absolutely ridiculous.
Winning the lottery is more probable than me
Finding the motivation to get out of bed in the morning,
And no, I'm not exaggerating.
You see, it's not like I try to make every single aspect of life
Hard for myself. By its very nature, it just is.
Remembering to eat, remembering to drink water,
Remembering to breathe, to exercise, to shower,
To sleep, to relax, to take your meds...
Good God, it's exhausting!
If they accuse me of complaining,
Forgive me, but please tell them
I'm just tired.
by Maya Wilson
Oftentimes, I don't greet sunlight
With open arms. You should know that
I'm sorry.
Occasionally, I find myself suffocating under
The sweltering heat of my bedsheets, and
Peeking a singular toe out takes the utmost effort.
They like to call me lazy, but come on,
Breathing wastes SO much energy.
Plus, you have to remind yourself to intake and
Expel oxygen every couple of seconds and you die if you
Forget.
I mean, what kind of sick, twisted universe allows its members
To die off for being forgetful? Absolutely ridiculous.
Winning the lottery is more probable than me
Finding the motivation to get out of bed in the morning,
And no, I'm not exaggerating.
You see, it's not like I try to make every single aspect of life
Hard for myself. By its very nature, it just is.
Remembering to eat, remembering to drink water,
Remembering to breathe, to exercise, to shower,
To sleep, to relax, to take your meds...
Good God, it's exhausting!
If they accuse me of complaining,
Forgive me, but please tell them
I'm just tired.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Too Much To Do, Too Much To Say
HIYA DEAREST FRIENDS!!!
I know, I know. It's been five million years. Sue me.
I believe last time we left off, I had just had my very first day of senior year. Needless to say, I've jam-packed quite a lot into the last couple of weeks.
Enharmonix has dropped from 13 members to 12. We've swapped out one of the three original charts. Which is okay. We'll get where we need to be by February 11th.
The Diary of Anne Frank is going surprisingly well. We've just finished staging all of Act 1. I got cast as Mrs. Frank, much to everyone's surprise, but although initially reluctant, I'm really loving this role. Despite her few lines, her character has so much depth and it's something I'm really having a lot of fun with. Besides, she's the first adult character I've ever had to play, so I'm thankful for the challenge.
Our good friend Mark will be playing my husband, Otto Frank. He's a newbie but he's getting the hang of it. My ol' roommate Amanda will be playing my eldest daughter, Margot, which is pretty ironic seeing as Amanda is the incarnation of dynamite and Margot is as sweet and mild as it gets. Then comes little baby freshman Annie, playing my younger daughter, Anne (I know, shocker). She's literally a fairy and she's so cute and I want to adopt her and take her home with me <3 Then we have the Van Daans, played by the lovely MegMeg and my bestie, Scotty P. I could not ask for any better people to be sharing all my time with. Then we have David S. playing their son, Peter, and Addison, the lil weasel, playing the old dentist, Mr. Dussel. Lastly, we have Emily and David Oh playing Miep and Mr. Kraler, respectively. It's a small cast, for sure, but everyone is doing such a great job and I am beyond excited to make people feel something for once.
If people don't shed tears, we will have failed.
Oh! Not that any of you were wondering, but yesterday I pulled the greatest feat of my entire Abbey career. Guess what.
I wrote an entire 5 paged paper for Father P in under an hour. It was due last period. I am still in shock at how I managed to pull that off.
Let's see, let's see... What else?
I suppose I forgot to mention my article finally got published and I was a tad bit proud of that, not gonna lie.
The International Student Dinner is this Thursday and I'm taking the bae cuz I can.
Columbus Day Weekend is coming up and I cannot wait to see all my college peeps when they come home. Guys, please expect endless hugs on my behalf :)
I got the first draft of my college essay done. It's decent enough but I don't exactly like how it's supposed to sum me up.
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm
I got an A on my first AP English recitation! So that's cool :)
I've only had one real panic attack so far, so that's also good, I guess.
I also watched the movie Anonymous with CJS last Saturday. It is a must see. Seriously. If you're a fan of Shakespeare conspiracy theories, you HAVE to see it.
I've worn my dinosaur socks a lot recently.
Ooo!!! I got into Culinary Arts Club and it is the greatest decision I've ever made. So much food. All the time. It's magical.
I was sick for like a week because the Portsmouth Plague hit and the whole school was dead for a while.
Stillman is the same as it ever is. But today was Taco Tuesday so I was happy.
I also got my flu shot today so my arm is extremely sore. Darned needles.
Schola is pluggin along like a little choo choo train. I don't know why I just used that as the best-fitting analogy. It just works.
I'm somehow missing my family a lot lately and I don't quite know why.
AP Euro is for badasses only.
I've been meaning to write a lot of different posts lately but I haven't gotten the chance to come around to them yet. I apologize.
Hmm. I'm not quite sure what else needs filling in.
I've been pretty tired as of late for no reason in particular.
I seem to be rambling so I think I should stop now.
Yeah.
Things are strangely okay. It's weird. I feel like I'm supposed to be more stressed out than I am. I'm not sure what to make of it.
I'll let you know if anything else cool happens :)
Hasta la proxima,
Much love xoxo
Maya
I know, I know. It's been five million years. Sue me.
I believe last time we left off, I had just had my very first day of senior year. Needless to say, I've jam-packed quite a lot into the last couple of weeks.
Enharmonix has dropped from 13 members to 12. We've swapped out one of the three original charts. Which is okay. We'll get where we need to be by February 11th.
The Diary of Anne Frank is going surprisingly well. We've just finished staging all of Act 1. I got cast as Mrs. Frank, much to everyone's surprise, but although initially reluctant, I'm really loving this role. Despite her few lines, her character has so much depth and it's something I'm really having a lot of fun with. Besides, she's the first adult character I've ever had to play, so I'm thankful for the challenge.
Our good friend Mark will be playing my husband, Otto Frank. He's a newbie but he's getting the hang of it. My ol' roommate Amanda will be playing my eldest daughter, Margot, which is pretty ironic seeing as Amanda is the incarnation of dynamite and Margot is as sweet and mild as it gets. Then comes little baby freshman Annie, playing my younger daughter, Anne (I know, shocker). She's literally a fairy and she's so cute and I want to adopt her and take her home with me <3 Then we have the Van Daans, played by the lovely MegMeg and my bestie, Scotty P. I could not ask for any better people to be sharing all my time with. Then we have David S. playing their son, Peter, and Addison, the lil weasel, playing the old dentist, Mr. Dussel. Lastly, we have Emily and David Oh playing Miep and Mr. Kraler, respectively. It's a small cast, for sure, but everyone is doing such a great job and I am beyond excited to make people feel something for once.
If people don't shed tears, we will have failed.
Oh! Not that any of you were wondering, but yesterday I pulled the greatest feat of my entire Abbey career. Guess what.
I wrote an entire 5 paged paper for Father P in under an hour. It was due last period. I am still in shock at how I managed to pull that off.
Let's see, let's see... What else?
I suppose I forgot to mention my article finally got published and I was a tad bit proud of that, not gonna lie.
The International Student Dinner is this Thursday and I'm taking the bae cuz I can.
Columbus Day Weekend is coming up and I cannot wait to see all my college peeps when they come home. Guys, please expect endless hugs on my behalf :)
I got the first draft of my college essay done. It's decent enough but I don't exactly like how it's supposed to sum me up.
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm
I got an A on my first AP English recitation! So that's cool :)
I've only had one real panic attack so far, so that's also good, I guess.
I also watched the movie Anonymous with CJS last Saturday. It is a must see. Seriously. If you're a fan of Shakespeare conspiracy theories, you HAVE to see it.
I've worn my dinosaur socks a lot recently.
Ooo!!! I got into Culinary Arts Club and it is the greatest decision I've ever made. So much food. All the time. It's magical.
I was sick for like a week because the Portsmouth Plague hit and the whole school was dead for a while.
Stillman is the same as it ever is. But today was Taco Tuesday so I was happy.
I also got my flu shot today so my arm is extremely sore. Darned needles.
Schola is pluggin along like a little choo choo train. I don't know why I just used that as the best-fitting analogy. It just works.
I'm somehow missing my family a lot lately and I don't quite know why.
AP Euro is for badasses only.
I've been meaning to write a lot of different posts lately but I haven't gotten the chance to come around to them yet. I apologize.
Hmm. I'm not quite sure what else needs filling in.
I've been pretty tired as of late for no reason in particular.
I seem to be rambling so I think I should stop now.
Yeah.
Things are strangely okay. It's weird. I feel like I'm supposed to be more stressed out than I am. I'm not sure what to make of it.
I'll let you know if anything else cool happens :)
Hasta la proxima,
Much love xoxo
Maya
Monday, September 12, 2016
On The First of the Lasts
Hello all. Some of you may or may not know, but today was my last first day of high school.
Yep. I am a senior, now, believe it or not.
I guess you could say I had quite an eventful day. Waking up in my very own room while at school was a bit odd, to say the least. I have a single this year and as lovely as it is to have my own privacy and the like, I've found myself awfully lonely without dear Hannah Banana. I woke up at 5:45am because what can you do? It was my last first day and I had to look good.
I took my time getting ready (far different from Junior year where I'd wake up 10 minutes before class started...) and proceeded to memorize an entire song for 8:15 Opening of School Mass. Emmalene and I had a hard time not laughing during it. You should not be surprised. I also managed to hand in my laundry on time and went to breakfast because I'm trying to be healthy and you know, not skip meals.
After church and an uncomfortably long assembly, it was time for my first class: Marine Biology. Granted, the teacher is my advisor and I love him to pieces and he's the chillest dude to walk this earth so I wasn't all surprised but I have a feeling it's gonna be a really great class. Next, I had AP Literature with the legendary Dr. B himself. My class is honestly a party. It's me, CJS, Amber, Scott, Emmalene, and Kevin plus a couple others. In other words, we're the raddest and the baddest AP Lit section this year. Not even gonna lie :)
After English was lunch, which was cut to 40 minutes because special schedule and all. BUT THEY HAD ICE CREAM BECAUSE MONDAYS SO YAY but then I had Precalculus with the new math teacher who seems nice and all but if I'm being honest I was 1000000000% falling asleep. Poor guy.
After that, I rushed on over to Ap European History, where Father P and I totally just made jokes the entire time while he went over the syllabus. Said syllabus makes me want to die, just by the way. It's been the first day and I already have two papers due so that's cool.
Then I had about 40 minutes to get my shit together, tug on my trademark overalls and severely beat-up red converse before making my way up to the auditorium for Anne Frank auditions. The turn out was greater than I expected although I'm having more doubts as to who's gonna play who. The cast list doesn't come out 'til Wednesday which is kinda frustrating but that's okay. I'd just rather get it over with.
Auditions were long but at least I had MegMeg and Scotty P and David Oh and Amanda and Addison and the other David and Emily and Diane. They're a wacky bunch, for sure, but I'm glad I get to spend this next term with them of all people.
I headed to dinner and realized just how badly my day-long headache had developed but I super wasn't feeling the food because Stillman but then CJS forced me to go make a PB&B (peanut butter and banana) sandwich, so at least that's something. Around 6:30, all the new EHX dweebs started freaking out cuz none of them knew their music and I mean I thought I didn't either but compared to them, I'd say I did pretty okay XD
Either way, that was probably the most emotionally challenged part of my day.
I dunno.
I guess it was weird to walk into such a familiar room with some of my fondest memories and yet not a single person from those memories was present but me. And it didn't help that Papa Kerr decided it'd be a great idea to show the rest of the newbies some old EHX videos where we killed our set.
If any of y'all are reading this, you'll know what I mean when I say he played the video from NAIS. We performed Radioactive and Run To You that time. That was our last killer performance of that year. This video was from two years ago. Two whole fucking years ago. I mean I shouldn't even be surprised I'm the only one left! Everyone else there has already graduated. I'm the only one left.
I know I know this is turning sappy and gross but I can't help it so if you're not enjoying this post anymore, I invite you to click the exit button. Otherwise, feel free to stay and read my whirlpool of emotions.
Mr. Kerr pressed play and almost instantly, every single memory of that day clouded my brain. I remember feeling a little sad because I knew it would be my last performance with these guys. I knew it would be my last time performing Run To You (which was my favorite piece from that set). Still, I tried to do my best to overcome that melancholiness and just enjoy the moment. So I focused on my rockin' outfit and dicking around with the rest of the peeps instead. I still have that dress and I still have those boots. However, my hair is about half as long as it was back then, and my skin is definitely heaps clearer than it was then, too. A lot can happen in two years.
Anyway, as I was saying. Mr. Kerr pressed play and instantly, I was looking back at an almost fifteen-year-old me, surrounded by a bunch of dorks who loved me for some godforsaken reason. Tiernan stood right by my side, Gibb was sat at his drum set behind us, C was all the way to the far right, and Soph all the way to the far left, right behind her magical keyboard. I looked around at all of us.
Some goddamn teenagers we are.
Smiling giddily at each other as we prepare to kickass on our last performance together.
That's when present-tense Maya started to tear up. Soph started to play like the Queen that she is and Mr. Kerr jokingly said to the newbies, "If any of you know anyone who can play like that, give me a call!"
And I know I should've laughed cuz he was just messing around. But the real answer to that is pointless. Absolutely no one, and I mean no one can play the keys like Sophia Diodati. And that made me sad. Well, maybe not necessarily sad but it made me realize what a fucking gem she is and what an absolute privilege it was to perform with her let alone become one of her closest friends. I just... I miss her. A lot.
And then we started singing and T and I did that thing where we'd look at each other knowingly and discreetly smirk because we know we're fucking good. Not good.
Fantastic.
And we'd sorta dance and feed off of each other's energy. And Caellum, dear God, he was just standing there all tall and proud cuz he also knows we're pretty darn fabulous and it really can't get any better than that.
So the tears started rolling down my cheeks faster than I could control and I knew that everybody was stealing quiet glances at me out of the corners of their eyes but I didn't give a shit. If anything, I wanted this to prove how special this music ensemble is to me. And how much more the people mean to me. I needed them to know this is what Enharmonix is all about. So I didn't wipe my tears away. I let the mascara stain ugly streaks down my face and sniffled all the while.
And don't even get me started on Run To You. I don't have words for that one. For those of you who've ever witnessed us performing that song, you know exactly what I mean.
All in all, I had a complete meltdown in front of all these new kids at our first rehearsal because I missed my friends. But hey, that's life. Last first days can't always be perfect.
I stayed afterward to talk to Papa Kerr for a while and we discussed the upcoming year and all our goals and expectations and I showed him a CD I'd been dying to show him for a while. So that was fun. I missed just hanging out talking to him in the Wing. But then it hit me this was the first time I'd been down there without anyone else. Without another motive to go. It was just me and Mr. Kerr chilling in the lab (which has AC now btw) and I somehow expected Claire to just walk around the corner. Or Caellum. Or Mike. Or Sophia. Or Tiernan. Or Fonts.
Anyone.
I just missed my friends. I miss you guys. More than you know.
And I'm excited about this year, I really, truly am. I'm just... still in the emotional stage, I guess. I hope I get over it soon.
Anyway, that's about the extent of what I have to tell you about today so I'll leave it at that. If you managed to read all this, thank you. You're cool. I like you.
Hasta la próxima,
Much love xoxo
Maya
Yep. I am a senior, now, believe it or not.
I guess you could say I had quite an eventful day. Waking up in my very own room while at school was a bit odd, to say the least. I have a single this year and as lovely as it is to have my own privacy and the like, I've found myself awfully lonely without dear Hannah Banana. I woke up at 5:45am because what can you do? It was my last first day and I had to look good.
I took my time getting ready (far different from Junior year where I'd wake up 10 minutes before class started...) and proceeded to memorize an entire song for 8:15 Opening of School Mass. Emmalene and I had a hard time not laughing during it. You should not be surprised. I also managed to hand in my laundry on time and went to breakfast because I'm trying to be healthy and you know, not skip meals.
After church and an uncomfortably long assembly, it was time for my first class: Marine Biology. Granted, the teacher is my advisor and I love him to pieces and he's the chillest dude to walk this earth so I wasn't all surprised but I have a feeling it's gonna be a really great class. Next, I had AP Literature with the legendary Dr. B himself. My class is honestly a party. It's me, CJS, Amber, Scott, Emmalene, and Kevin plus a couple others. In other words, we're the raddest and the baddest AP Lit section this year. Not even gonna lie :)
After English was lunch, which was cut to 40 minutes because special schedule and all. BUT THEY HAD ICE CREAM BECAUSE MONDAYS SO YAY but then I had Precalculus with the new math teacher who seems nice and all but if I'm being honest I was 1000000000% falling asleep. Poor guy.
After that, I rushed on over to Ap European History, where Father P and I totally just made jokes the entire time while he went over the syllabus. Said syllabus makes me want to die, just by the way. It's been the first day and I already have two papers due so that's cool.
Then I had about 40 minutes to get my shit together, tug on my trademark overalls and severely beat-up red converse before making my way up to the auditorium for Anne Frank auditions. The turn out was greater than I expected although I'm having more doubts as to who's gonna play who. The cast list doesn't come out 'til Wednesday which is kinda frustrating but that's okay. I'd just rather get it over with.
Auditions were long but at least I had MegMeg and Scotty P and David Oh and Amanda and Addison and the other David and Emily and Diane. They're a wacky bunch, for sure, but I'm glad I get to spend this next term with them of all people.
I headed to dinner and realized just how badly my day-long headache had developed but I super wasn't feeling the food because Stillman but then CJS forced me to go make a PB&B (peanut butter and banana) sandwich, so at least that's something. Around 6:30, all the new EHX dweebs started freaking out cuz none of them knew their music and I mean I thought I didn't either but compared to them, I'd say I did pretty okay XD
Either way, that was probably the most emotionally challenged part of my day.
I dunno.
I guess it was weird to walk into such a familiar room with some of my fondest memories and yet not a single person from those memories was present but me. And it didn't help that Papa Kerr decided it'd be a great idea to show the rest of the newbies some old EHX videos where we killed our set.
If any of y'all are reading this, you'll know what I mean when I say he played the video from NAIS. We performed Radioactive and Run To You that time. That was our last killer performance of that year. This video was from two years ago. Two whole fucking years ago. I mean I shouldn't even be surprised I'm the only one left! Everyone else there has already graduated. I'm the only one left.
I know I know this is turning sappy and gross but I can't help it so if you're not enjoying this post anymore, I invite you to click the exit button. Otherwise, feel free to stay and read my whirlpool of emotions.
Mr. Kerr pressed play and almost instantly, every single memory of that day clouded my brain. I remember feeling a little sad because I knew it would be my last performance with these guys. I knew it would be my last time performing Run To You (which was my favorite piece from that set). Still, I tried to do my best to overcome that melancholiness and just enjoy the moment. So I focused on my rockin' outfit and dicking around with the rest of the peeps instead. I still have that dress and I still have those boots. However, my hair is about half as long as it was back then, and my skin is definitely heaps clearer than it was then, too. A lot can happen in two years.
Anyway, as I was saying. Mr. Kerr pressed play and instantly, I was looking back at an almost fifteen-year-old me, surrounded by a bunch of dorks who loved me for some godforsaken reason. Tiernan stood right by my side, Gibb was sat at his drum set behind us, C was all the way to the far right, and Soph all the way to the far left, right behind her magical keyboard. I looked around at all of us.
Some goddamn teenagers we are.
Smiling giddily at each other as we prepare to kickass on our last performance together.
That's when present-tense Maya started to tear up. Soph started to play like the Queen that she is and Mr. Kerr jokingly said to the newbies, "If any of you know anyone who can play like that, give me a call!"
And I know I should've laughed cuz he was just messing around. But the real answer to that is pointless. Absolutely no one, and I mean no one can play the keys like Sophia Diodati. And that made me sad. Well, maybe not necessarily sad but it made me realize what a fucking gem she is and what an absolute privilege it was to perform with her let alone become one of her closest friends. I just... I miss her. A lot.
And then we started singing and T and I did that thing where we'd look at each other knowingly and discreetly smirk because we know we're fucking good. Not good.
Fantastic.
And we'd sorta dance and feed off of each other's energy. And Caellum, dear God, he was just standing there all tall and proud cuz he also knows we're pretty darn fabulous and it really can't get any better than that.
So the tears started rolling down my cheeks faster than I could control and I knew that everybody was stealing quiet glances at me out of the corners of their eyes but I didn't give a shit. If anything, I wanted this to prove how special this music ensemble is to me. And how much more the people mean to me. I needed them to know this is what Enharmonix is all about. So I didn't wipe my tears away. I let the mascara stain ugly streaks down my face and sniffled all the while.
And don't even get me started on Run To You. I don't have words for that one. For those of you who've ever witnessed us performing that song, you know exactly what I mean.
All in all, I had a complete meltdown in front of all these new kids at our first rehearsal because I missed my friends. But hey, that's life. Last first days can't always be perfect.
I stayed afterward to talk to Papa Kerr for a while and we discussed the upcoming year and all our goals and expectations and I showed him a CD I'd been dying to show him for a while. So that was fun. I missed just hanging out talking to him in the Wing. But then it hit me this was the first time I'd been down there without anyone else. Without another motive to go. It was just me and Mr. Kerr chilling in the lab (which has AC now btw) and I somehow expected Claire to just walk around the corner. Or Caellum. Or Mike. Or Sophia. Or Tiernan. Or Fonts.
Anyone.
I just missed my friends. I miss you guys. More than you know.
And I'm excited about this year, I really, truly am. I'm just... still in the emotional stage, I guess. I hope I get over it soon.
Anyway, that's about the extent of what I have to tell you about today so I'll leave it at that. If you managed to read all this, thank you. You're cool. I like you.
Hasta la próxima,
Much love xoxo
Maya
Thursday, September 8, 2016
Young Love
Forgive me as I spill the contents of my brain onto this webpage but the thought's been itching to be written for a while now so...
..........
The trouble with being young and in love is that you've got far too little time.
I know it must sound contradictory to the common phrase, "Oh, you're so young—you've got plenty of time." In fact, it's quite the opposite. You see, teenagers... Well... Adults expect us to act like adults, yet they treat us like children. I mean, what sort of sick madness is that? Do your homework, be responsible, take out the trash, wash the dishes, get a job, get an internship, learn to drive, learn to cook, learn to clean, learn to sew, learn to care for yourself... But don't grow up too fast, don't crash the car, don't get any crazy ideas, don't you dare swear, don't you dare drink, don't you dare smoke, don't you dare do drugs, don't you dare have sex, don't even think about falling in love... Unless it's innocent and pointless or you plan on spending the rest of your life with them.
I mean, the mere concept of adolescence is horrifying enough, let alone having old people breathe down your neck, analyzing your every move. It's stressful! It really is!
Especially because these very same adults claim "puppy love" is normal, but "true love" is obsessive, and we should steer clear of it at all costs. They don't want you thinking about marriage, they don't want you thinking about babies, they don't want you to even fantasize what it would be like to wake up next to your favorite person every morning. Because they're afraid you'll fall into some sort of death trap.
Now, I agree, there's a time and place for everything and truth be told, some realities we are simply too young for. However, I strongly believe that kids will be kids and we need to experience certain things on our own.
You see, the trouble with being young and in love is that you've got far too little time.
Between school and clubs and jobs and responsibilities, any free time you have left is meticulously and precisely calculated by the adults. Sure, they'll act like they care and they'll pretend that every moment you spend with your significant other is so stupidly precious that it'll last forever.
Except they really don't believe any of that crap. All they really want to do is make sure you're not holding hands too tight and that no one ends up pregnant or with premature emotional abuse. They want to save you from all those real world problems by shielding you from potential threats. But in doing so, they steal all those stupid precious moments from you.
All those lingering hugs, all those peppered kisses, all those oddly comfortable silences, all those fingers intertwined, all those stares when you're not looking, all those secret giggles, and inside jokes, and blissful naps, and hair combing, and back scratching, and foot rubbing, and tongue teasing, and side tickling, and heart beating... It's all stolen away because we've just got too little time.
God forbid you start thinking they're the one.
God forbid you begin to believe you met the right person at the wrong time.
God forbid you dwindle into heartache from realization.
Some things are just too good to be true.
So you see, I understand why the adults decide it's best to protect us from all this confusion. But it doesn't make it fair. Love isn't fair at all. It's fucking magnificent if you let it. But it can crush your soul, just as well.
The trouble with being young and in love is that it's complicated.
Simple as that.
Monday, September 5, 2016
Too Much On My Mind
So I've kind of had a lot going on. To be honest, that sounds like a bullshit statement considering everyone's got a ton of stuff to deal with all the time. But that's how it is.
I don't even really know where to begin... I know I've made a few posts here and there throughout the summer but I haven't exactly kept you updated on anything recently. My bad.
I guess you could say this summer's been somewhat eventful. Mainly towards the beginning and the end—the middle was full of a whole lotta nothing. As some of you may or may not know, I spent the first two weeks of summer in Ireland and then in England pursuing a handful of awesome adventures. When I came back to RI, I stayed with Claire Bear for a bit before spending a blissful three days with CJS (we picked strawberries, if you must know.) Soon though, it was time to go home. And that was all right, I guess. I'm just not necessarily the biggest fan of home. Which is okay.
Then, like I said, I spent my days doing a whole lot of nothing, which involved binge watching Fresh Prince, That 70's Show, Stranger Things, Modern Family, and Gilmore Girls. 10/10 would recommend all of those shows. After that, my mom thought I needed something to put on a college application cuz apparently I couldn't tell them that I'd been fervently studying large amounts of cinematography, so to speak.
Instead, I got my first job. Or active, unpaid volunteering, I guess you could call it. Now, I'm not trying to sound like one of those snobby rich kids who've never worked a day in their lives and the second they do, it's hell. That's not what this is about. I actually happened to love my job. I spent almost a month teaching theatre games to young Haitian girls in the Dominican countryside. Granted, some days were long and hot and tiring and full of mosquitos, but other days were full of ceiling fans, strong repellent, hugs and smiles. I actually think I'm gonna be going back next year. The girls did grow on me.
After my last day of work, I hopped on a plane and made my way to fuckin' middle-of-nowhere Minnesota. I cannot tell you how lovely it is there. Quality people. Truly.
I wasn't just there for kicks, however. This would be the first stop of many throughout a whole week of college tours with my dad. It was long. Like really long. We drove 12 hours at a time when we needed to. The drive from Iowa to Ohio takes years, I'm telling you. Not only were we visiting, but I had scheduled tours, info sessions and interviews at each school. Talk about exhausting. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond privileged and happy I got to see some of the schools of my dreams, but it was still a hassle. Despite all that, I am really glad I got to spend all that time with Papi. He just gets me. He really, truly does.
He's just started grad school in NY, so we moved him into his apartment at the end of the week and I got to much on clementines and frozen burritos for a solid three days. After that, I got dropped off at my godmother's with YD while we waited for him to get settled into college (this was where the whole biking fiasco took place). Before I knew it, Conor got up wicked early to come pick me up.
There was a bit of stress surrounding the topic of where I would be staying, but it all technically worked out in the end. Besides, I was just happy to see my favorite person after a long three months :) Getting back to the Abbey though... Boy, was that an experience.
Not to sound morbid, but it was like walking over a dead corpse. Even though I was with Conor, the place was as empty as a graveyard. I knew none of my best friends would be there. They'd be off enjoying themselves at college. I'm the only one left. I'd been dreading this day since the moment I made friends with all of them during my freshman year. I knew one day I'd be the only one left. It's a really lonely thought, if you think about it.
Also, I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party here. I'm not. I'm just telling you what it feels like, so please spare me the "It will get better" spiel, no matter how good your intentions are. I know you're right. I know I'll make more friends soon. Right now it's just scary and it sucks. A lot. Sure, I have CJS and sure, I've got a couple underclassmen peeps but they don't compare to you guys, and no offense, Conor, love, but I can't exactly spend all year with my boyfriend. It doesn't exactly work that way, no matter how much I love you. I just wanna skip to the part where I'm not lonely and everything feels okay again.
Being on campus also brought up a lot of feelings I hadn't had to deal with until I got there. The recent death of our good friend Luc had felt nonexistent until now. Every single one of my friends got to attend his memorial service and they all told me about how rough but how beautiful it was. And no matter how many times they tell me I was there in spirit, it's honestly not the same. It's just not. I know I didn't know Luc as well as a lot of people. If anything, I feel like I don't even deserve to be sad because I can't even begin to comprehend the pain his closest friends and family are going through. But I get attached to people. It's just what I do. And I know he only had a legitimate conversation with me a handful of times but goddamn does it hurt to know his kindness and smiles and goofiness have just up and vanished from the earth. And I wasn't even a part of the goodbye. I didn't have anyone to lean on when it happened. I didn't have a memorial service for closure. I only got a week full of tragic Facebook posts and tearful Instagrams. That was it. It felt unfair.
But alas, life is unfair, so be it.
Despite the whirlpool of emotions I was going through, I still got to have a ton of fun with CJS. We watched a ton of movies like Sing Street, Bottle Rocket, Gone Girl, McFarland, and What's Eating Gilbert Grape (Also 10/10 would recommend.) We played Scrabble and went for walks and made smoothies and finally went out on our first official dinner date even though we've been together for almost a year and a half but it's fine I'm super not salty about it. I'm just kidding, babe ;) We also napped and chilled out on a hammock and attempted slacklining where I got a super badass cut on my thigh (which still stings, btw -_-). And we ate his favorite foods because his mom is just great and we went on long nighttime drives with ice cream and we went nighttime exploring down by the bay and watched a potential rescue mission occur. It was kind of super scary, to be honest. Anyhow, we got to do some pretty fun stuff and I am beyond grateful to his whole family for letting me stay, even if only for a while. Even though it was super fun, I'm still off my meds which means I've been a bit wired as of late and wires cause electrical damage which means I had quite a few meltdowns. And for that, I must thank Conor for all his infinite patience. Thank you thank you thank you I love you.
Today, we left at 6am so he could drop me off back at my godmother's. He has preseason so that's why I'm back here. It kind of sucks. Just a little bit. But I have to get some sort of motivation to start and finish Julius Caesar so...
Move in day is in basically a week and I am not mentally, emotionally or physically prepared for that yet. My dad is dropping me off and saying goodbye to him is never ever ever ever ever a good time. Too many tears involved. It gets messy. And again, the whole lonely empty hollow feeling. Not seeing my best friends is gonna highkey suck. A lot. Ugh. It's a lot to deal with in a very short amount of time. I'm just hoping I get used to it sooner than later.
Oh, also auditions for The Diary of Anne Frank are on Monday. I forget if I ever mentioned that that's gonna be our Fall Play... Either way, now you know. Not gonna lie, that is something I am very much looking forward to. I've begged Bray-Bray for years to give me a dramatic show. And now we've got one. God bless.
Let's see, let's see... What else?
Hmm.
Well.
College is stressful. It's fun and exciting as fuck but it's also stressful. I'm having a lot of self-doubt issues as of late but it's whatever.
Divorce and separation is super confusing. Especially when you're one of the older siblings. Especially when you're all still living under the same roof. It's just hard, that's all. They say it gets easier but I'm still waiting for that day to come.
I miss my dog, Suki. Like a lot.
I kind of can't wait for senior year. But I'm also scared outta my mind. The concept of being a senior is just crazy to me. It really is. I just remember being a freshman thinking that my time would never come. And yet here it is, served to me on a silver platter and I have no idea what the fuck to do with it. I guess no one really does.
I always sorta pictured seniors as having their shit together but now that I am one, I can see almost how much more frightened they are than the freshman. Sure, freshman have got to deal with a whole lotta new stuff being thrown their way and they're itty bitty babies but like... Seniors are just as, if not more scared because we literally have to spend the entire year counting down our lasts. After spending four years in a place, no matter how much you hate it, you grow attached. We're forced to forge our own path into the future even if we have no idea how to do it and that in itself is super exciting but also really really fucked. The system is just fucked.
Either way, I've got a lot ahead of me in the upcoming weeks. If I remember to write, I will. Please don't let me forget. You're the only escape I have.
Hasta la próxima,
Much love xoxo
Maya
P.S: My half birthday is tomorrow. 6 more months til the grand One Seven.
I don't even really know where to begin... I know I've made a few posts here and there throughout the summer but I haven't exactly kept you updated on anything recently. My bad.
I guess you could say this summer's been somewhat eventful. Mainly towards the beginning and the end—the middle was full of a whole lotta nothing. As some of you may or may not know, I spent the first two weeks of summer in Ireland and then in England pursuing a handful of awesome adventures. When I came back to RI, I stayed with Claire Bear for a bit before spending a blissful three days with CJS (we picked strawberries, if you must know.) Soon though, it was time to go home. And that was all right, I guess. I'm just not necessarily the biggest fan of home. Which is okay.
Then, like I said, I spent my days doing a whole lot of nothing, which involved binge watching Fresh Prince, That 70's Show, Stranger Things, Modern Family, and Gilmore Girls. 10/10 would recommend all of those shows. After that, my mom thought I needed something to put on a college application cuz apparently I couldn't tell them that I'd been fervently studying large amounts of cinematography, so to speak.
Instead, I got my first job. Or active, unpaid volunteering, I guess you could call it. Now, I'm not trying to sound like one of those snobby rich kids who've never worked a day in their lives and the second they do, it's hell. That's not what this is about. I actually happened to love my job. I spent almost a month teaching theatre games to young Haitian girls in the Dominican countryside. Granted, some days were long and hot and tiring and full of mosquitos, but other days were full of ceiling fans, strong repellent, hugs and smiles. I actually think I'm gonna be going back next year. The girls did grow on me.
After my last day of work, I hopped on a plane and made my way to fuckin' middle-of-nowhere Minnesota. I cannot tell you how lovely it is there. Quality people. Truly.
I wasn't just there for kicks, however. This would be the first stop of many throughout a whole week of college tours with my dad. It was long. Like really long. We drove 12 hours at a time when we needed to. The drive from Iowa to Ohio takes years, I'm telling you. Not only were we visiting, but I had scheduled tours, info sessions and interviews at each school. Talk about exhausting. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond privileged and happy I got to see some of the schools of my dreams, but it was still a hassle. Despite all that, I am really glad I got to spend all that time with Papi. He just gets me. He really, truly does.
He's just started grad school in NY, so we moved him into his apartment at the end of the week and I got to much on clementines and frozen burritos for a solid three days. After that, I got dropped off at my godmother's with YD while we waited for him to get settled into college (this was where the whole biking fiasco took place). Before I knew it, Conor got up wicked early to come pick me up.
There was a bit of stress surrounding the topic of where I would be staying, but it all technically worked out in the end. Besides, I was just happy to see my favorite person after a long three months :) Getting back to the Abbey though... Boy, was that an experience.
Not to sound morbid, but it was like walking over a dead corpse. Even though I was with Conor, the place was as empty as a graveyard. I knew none of my best friends would be there. They'd be off enjoying themselves at college. I'm the only one left. I'd been dreading this day since the moment I made friends with all of them during my freshman year. I knew one day I'd be the only one left. It's a really lonely thought, if you think about it.
Also, I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party here. I'm not. I'm just telling you what it feels like, so please spare me the "It will get better" spiel, no matter how good your intentions are. I know you're right. I know I'll make more friends soon. Right now it's just scary and it sucks. A lot. Sure, I have CJS and sure, I've got a couple underclassmen peeps but they don't compare to you guys, and no offense, Conor, love, but I can't exactly spend all year with my boyfriend. It doesn't exactly work that way, no matter how much I love you. I just wanna skip to the part where I'm not lonely and everything feels okay again.
Being on campus also brought up a lot of feelings I hadn't had to deal with until I got there. The recent death of our good friend Luc had felt nonexistent until now. Every single one of my friends got to attend his memorial service and they all told me about how rough but how beautiful it was. And no matter how many times they tell me I was there in spirit, it's honestly not the same. It's just not. I know I didn't know Luc as well as a lot of people. If anything, I feel like I don't even deserve to be sad because I can't even begin to comprehend the pain his closest friends and family are going through. But I get attached to people. It's just what I do. And I know he only had a legitimate conversation with me a handful of times but goddamn does it hurt to know his kindness and smiles and goofiness have just up and vanished from the earth. And I wasn't even a part of the goodbye. I didn't have anyone to lean on when it happened. I didn't have a memorial service for closure. I only got a week full of tragic Facebook posts and tearful Instagrams. That was it. It felt unfair.
But alas, life is unfair, so be it.
Despite the whirlpool of emotions I was going through, I still got to have a ton of fun with CJS. We watched a ton of movies like Sing Street, Bottle Rocket, Gone Girl, McFarland, and What's Eating Gilbert Grape (Also 10/10 would recommend.) We played Scrabble and went for walks and made smoothies and finally went out on our first official dinner date even though we've been together for almost a year and a half but it's fine I'm super not salty about it. I'm just kidding, babe ;) We also napped and chilled out on a hammock and attempted slacklining where I got a super badass cut on my thigh (which still stings, btw -_-). And we ate his favorite foods because his mom is just great and we went on long nighttime drives with ice cream and we went nighttime exploring down by the bay and watched a potential rescue mission occur. It was kind of super scary, to be honest. Anyhow, we got to do some pretty fun stuff and I am beyond grateful to his whole family for letting me stay, even if only for a while. Even though it was super fun, I'm still off my meds which means I've been a bit wired as of late and wires cause electrical damage which means I had quite a few meltdowns. And for that, I must thank Conor for all his infinite patience. Thank you thank you thank you I love you.
Today, we left at 6am so he could drop me off back at my godmother's. He has preseason so that's why I'm back here. It kind of sucks. Just a little bit. But I have to get some sort of motivation to start and finish Julius Caesar so...
Move in day is in basically a week and I am not mentally, emotionally or physically prepared for that yet. My dad is dropping me off and saying goodbye to him is never ever ever ever ever a good time. Too many tears involved. It gets messy. And again, the whole lonely empty hollow feeling. Not seeing my best friends is gonna highkey suck. A lot. Ugh. It's a lot to deal with in a very short amount of time. I'm just hoping I get used to it sooner than later.
Oh, also auditions for The Diary of Anne Frank are on Monday. I forget if I ever mentioned that that's gonna be our Fall Play... Either way, now you know. Not gonna lie, that is something I am very much looking forward to. I've begged Bray-Bray for years to give me a dramatic show. And now we've got one. God bless.
Let's see, let's see... What else?
Hmm.
Well.
College is stressful. It's fun and exciting as fuck but it's also stressful. I'm having a lot of self-doubt issues as of late but it's whatever.
Divorce and separation is super confusing. Especially when you're one of the older siblings. Especially when you're all still living under the same roof. It's just hard, that's all. They say it gets easier but I'm still waiting for that day to come.
I miss my dog, Suki. Like a lot.
I kind of can't wait for senior year. But I'm also scared outta my mind. The concept of being a senior is just crazy to me. It really is. I just remember being a freshman thinking that my time would never come. And yet here it is, served to me on a silver platter and I have no idea what the fuck to do with it. I guess no one really does.
I always sorta pictured seniors as having their shit together but now that I am one, I can see almost how much more frightened they are than the freshman. Sure, freshman have got to deal with a whole lotta new stuff being thrown their way and they're itty bitty babies but like... Seniors are just as, if not more scared because we literally have to spend the entire year counting down our lasts. After spending four years in a place, no matter how much you hate it, you grow attached. We're forced to forge our own path into the future even if we have no idea how to do it and that in itself is super exciting but also really really fucked. The system is just fucked.
Either way, I've got a lot ahead of me in the upcoming weeks. If I remember to write, I will. Please don't let me forget. You're the only escape I have.
Hasta la próxima,
Much love xoxo
Maya
P.S: My half birthday is tomorrow. 6 more months til the grand One Seven.
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