Omniscient

Hello lovelies. Those of you who know me have known for quite some time that I keep a list of quotes on me always. You say some funny shit—I write it down. That's how that works.

Now, I will say I planned on waiting 'til the end of my senior year to post this, but I'm a tad bit impatient and I've already waited a good, long two and a half years so now's as good a time as ever. Another thing I should probably mention is a lot of these won't make sense unless you know the person saying it. Since it's impossible to expect all my readers to know each other, I've decided to exclude names from this post. That reason and also just so no one gets accidentally offended or in trouble :)

Look at me being all responsible.

Last disclaimer before I let you loose: some of these were said by me, others (possibly and most probably the more offensive ones) were said by my dearest friends and companions, so if you are easily offended, I suggest you leave now.

If you are easily amused, by all means, stay. Stay a while and see how long it takes before confusion consumes you :)

Onwards.

..........

"Love is when you care for someone even though they suck."

"Good for you, Maya. It takes balls to be hated that much."

"Baby steps but NO BABIES!!!"

"What kind of a name is Allcock? That's like saying my last name is Allpussy!"

"They hate us cuz they ain't us."
"They hate us cuz they butthole?"

"In a world filled with darkness, disco is the light."

"Sozanski, what is the number one difference between you and successful people? Your hair."

"Listen, Sozanski, your hair has to GLISTEN! Everyone knows redheads have more fun."

"Stupid ass gurl, if I wanted some milk I woulda gone to the kitchen!"

"I love you with my entire soup."

"Duck is literally just dirty chicken."

"I don't think they actually thought I was dead..."

"Yeah Anny, get with the lesbian fucking times."

"Look at the people, they hide in plane sight, u gotta find the overalls through the over-somes."

"Wow I wish people cheered for me just for existing."

"Sozanski, you're not a squirrel!!"

"I can find my own porn!"

"Anny, I'm warning you right now, if I hear your voice one more time, I'm kicking you out of this dorm and my life."

"Bite me."
"Nah, you probs taste like tree bark."

"You can't half ass that, you gotta full ass that."

"I know, but who the fuck cares what I think? I always think I'm the shit."

"Everybody's got a dick...in here."
*points to heart*

"There needs to be more jiggle."

"Change my watuh muthafucka."

"MY UTERUS IS BEING A DICK."

"Don't like grope the heart."

"She looks like the green goblin."
"Except she's black."

"I talk a lot but I don't really like to."

"Go back to white man land. Jesus."

"When I lived there, I lived there a lot."

"Pocketful of pocketful of pocketful of lint."

"Here I am, a common European stew with extra potato."

"I'm a hater because I'm cranky and old."

"I sound ignorant."
"You are ignorant."

"Because Conor's a dramatic bitch, that's why."

"I just don't want deer to jump out, it's just like stay the fuck home."

"Conclusion: peanuts are just edible kangaroos."

"She's from Ohio!! That's not even south!!!"

"I kinda wanna be a rock. But like a pretty one."

"We're gonna be run over by muskrats ugh."

"That's a big ass valley."

"Seriously, what is this UFO business? We're in the middle of Ohio like what are you doing here?"

"If it's not cute, it doesn't matter."

"YEAH YOU DRINK THAT ORANGE JUICE... FUCKING SLUT!"

"Why would you ever wanna live somewhere that rhymes with loin?"

"Because it's a meme! Memes are forever."

"Who drinks vodka casually???"

"I don't have back sweat!"

"Did you know there's ice cream for dogs?"
"Yeah, it's called your ass."

"I'M TELLING YOU--WU WEI IS THE WAY TO GO!"

"I cleaned my earhole out."

"My favorite part of the day is when Papi gives up."

"MAYA NO! No passive aggressive life hating!"

"Then you've gotta be the best poop you can be."

"That's why we need Drake, to split up Kansas."

"Just because you have an earring and a girlfriend doesn't make you the alpha."

"He looks like the messed up face of John Travolta."

"The Godfather took place in where?"
"In the DR."
"You haven't even seen that movie."

"Maya, there's no yinyang in this bullshit."

"After you live in a castle, everything else is just mildly disappointing."

"THE MOON IS A LIE!"

"Everyday is leg day in the castle."

"Hey, guys, look! It's a rare specimen. Here we have a special snowflake. Hey, hey you, would you like some attention?"

"That bull's just like pissed off at a ROCK."

"Farts are the ghosts of meals past."

"Good luck with your butthole!"

"Waaaagaaaaa mama. Wagamama!!!"

"If you have at least one leg, you are a cat."

"We came, we saw, we puffined."

"Puffins are literally fruit-beaked penguins. They're so cute!"
"They're all extinct."

"Time to dangle our rectums, guys!"

"GET GLUC-ED!"

"Look, Irish cracker eats Irish cracker."

"Look, it's a Gubbeen. Theeeeeenks!"

"Claire, matches are illegal, didn't you know that?"
"Yeah, well, so are you, Maya, but you're still here."

"Everybody knows Hitler loved apples!!"

"I'm not a landfish, guys."

"Nuuuu Michelleee!"

"Don't put my blood on your pasta."

"I hope you're mildly inconvenienced for the rest of your life."

"You're a dumbledweeb."

"Do you want a little applesauce conscience on your shoulder?"

"I will crack your ribs until you die."

"I'm gonna do this til you hurt."

"Believe it or not, I don't need any fox dick."

"Is that Zootopia porn version?"

"Cups are for weenies."

"MY ROOM IS GONNA BE NEXT TO A FIELD OF PONIES!!!"

"What's a mandril?"
"It's a lowkey mammoth."

"I am absolutely fifty shades of not okay."

"What they don't tell you is that Spiderman probably has cancer."

"Glitter is the herpes of the craft world."

"That's one of the few things I'm quite sure about. Your arm will not turn into a dolphin."

"I feel like a coupon book."

"Passing tacks sounds like one of the least fun things you could possibly do."

"I AM THE ULTIMATE CHICKEN NUGGET!"

"Do all mammals give live birth?"
"No, all mammals as opposed to platapu."
"Platapu???"

"The rooster doesn't just like hump the egg."
"No! The rooster doesn't 'do' the egg!"
"So you don't get to pick who your baby daddy is?"

"What if flamingos could drive?"

"Alright I'm gonna do the twist-twist now."
"That sounds like some sort of martial art."

"My name is Caellum Kerr, therefore, asshole."

"So like... No homo man but like... Can I kiss you?"

"You're not just Maya, you're FUCKING Maya!"

"Oh look! Those look like dirty clouds!"

"Meningitis? Why can't it be Womanengitis?"

"Caellum's a salty mama."

"Hockey games are where grown men fight each other."
"Wait, old men find each other??"

"I'M SORRY YOU DONT HAVE A PENIS!"

"Literally, life decisions not on fleek."

"Don't let the turkeys getcha down."

"BUT IT'S SO SCARY AND I HAVE A KNOT THE SIZE OF ECUADOR ON MY SHOULDER."

"We get attached to the weirdest things, Maya: marshmallow robots and founding fathers."

"Why did I read 'campus' as 'cramps'?"
"Well, they're basically the same thing."

"Here, let me pull myself up on iTunes real quick."

"Wait they're all naked?! That's super funny!!!"

"What kind of a name is Gretchen Weiners?"

"WHY THE FUCK DO WOMEN ENDURE ALL THE BULLSHIT IN THIS WORLD?!"

"I will be quiet like a little mole."

"Well if you have a fat wrist then congratu-fucking-lations!"

*white girl voice*
"No friends, same problems. #relatable"

"Welcome to the Portsmouth Abigail, where nothing works and you want to die most of the time."

"It might be my ego and giant superiority complex, but I feel like we're doing a lot better than your other section... Plus Matias is in that section."

*tiny children walk by*
"Oh look, it's your brethren."

"Maya's a Mexican supremacist now. It's like the real south will rise again."

"Biblical sexual is my personal favorite."

"Hannah I'm gonna cry."
"Don't cry, you don't have time."

"STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME."

"I thought it would be a good idea to put my head down for a while and then the entire continent of Asia started playing the piano."

"Who run the world? David."

"Yeah, sure, could I just have a slice of the pink girly gay pirate one?"

*raises hand*
"I can't catch things. There's a reason I do drama..."

"You look like a fish."

"I'm just gonna pretend like my whole life is very together."

"Did you salt your cucumber?"

"...But here's my number, so Call Me--"
"Never."

"...as he tried to throw mayonnaise on my body..."

"Juneau, Alaska, Juneau  Alaska, Juneau  Alaska, Juneau  Alaska, Juneau  Alaska, Juneau  Alaska, Juneau, Alaska, Juneau, Alaska, Juneau, Alaska, Juneau, Alaska."

"Keep the collar up and the haters out."

"She sounds like a man when she coughs."

"Yo pretend my hand is a cookie."

"Javier is very literal, his world is black and white."
"No, it's not. It's full of colors!"

"He's always so lonely when he poops."

"MY THRIFTY BITZ BRINGS ALL THE KITTIES TO THE YARD AND THEY'RE LIKE MM I LIKE THRIFTY BITZ"

"I'd rather be a whore than die."

"....MASTURBATION...."
"Ewww."

"I'm surprised that didn't come out of your ass."

"Maya, I am as single as they come. I am ALWAYS on the menu."

"Go read your dick book."

"You know what happens in Ireland. You go as two, you come back as three."

"My Jesus is better than your Jesus."

"Yo, when I had a pixie cut, I literally looked like I was gonna steal some guy's shoes."

"Dye is for eggs, not people."

"Real platforms have curves."

"When I say Mother you say Theresa. Mother!"
"Theresa!"

"Dean, you can't just monopolize AIDS!"
"Yes, I can, I'm gay!"
"Yeah? Well, I'm African!"

"The struggles of having a big butt: you knock down dinosaurs."

"Can we listen to music?"
"When I speak, it's kinda like music."

"I love to eat dead babies."

"If I ended up writing a script about Spongebob, it would end up being torture porn."

"And then Maggie kicked her in the vagina."

"Do you think I'm a good dancer?"
"Well, you're Spanish and stuff..."

"Wait, THE CAT HAD AIDS?!"

"Did you know that there's an illness that makes you see sound?"
"Yeah, it's called acid."

"I'm not Obama, okay?!"

"We're done looking at women!"

"Kill your inner child!"

"Make it funny!"

"Yo, he's talking to the people having sex on the mat."

"I am Jesus."

"Maya, just TAKE THE CAKE!"

"...and everyone's BITCHING at the pub..."

"And sometimes your Mountain Dew just Mountain Don't."

"So what are we doing today?"
"Uh...well I'm currently inside Alex Barlow so..."

"No, this is like my crack."

"Hey Fonts? Mount and Dew me."

"I don't think I've ever given this note before, but swing your noodle in the fog."

"All day Avery Dey!"

"Urgh the bread just grazed my face."

"And that one... Well that one I guess would be the crotch."

"I'm a little tea pot short and stout, google that shit and call me out."

"I'm having iced-milk."

"Yan Diego, your sausage is falling off the bed!"

"Wait, Steve Jobs died?"
"Ohmygod where have you been?"
"But isn't he rich?"
"Oh, yeah, I forgot rich people don't die."
"Really?!"
"No, Javier, he died."
"Wait, but he's still rich?"

"Aww, look at all those horses!"
"Those are llamas."

"What's the difference between gelato and pistachio?"

"At my school they call it the train and the train hole."

"Now softly caress, now slowly undress--"
"Now clean up your mess."
"Why you gotta make it weird, Dad?"

"No! Don't hug me, I'm still sad!"

"If I were the creator of Apple and I died, I'd just shut it all down so no one could have anything else. If I can't have it, no one else can."

"Don't touch my nose! I have sharp boogers and they hurt!"

"I need to crap so hard !" *cries*

"Mami, can I ask you something? What's the meaning of life? And also, why did the chicken cross the road?"

"I'm a monastery! I don't even know what that means."

"Wanna use old hand sanitizer?"

"What if I use pants that are against their religion?"

"Imagine if this was vegan water!"

"I need to take a shih tzu."

"See? Liv enjoyed the joke!"
"That's because she's on drugs."

"Look! The bees are hibernating!"
"Javier, bees don't hibernate..."
"Oh."

"Suki looks so fat now."
"She's like a mini you!"

"Yeah, they just shrivel up and die. It's beautiful."

"You recorded me snoring? You're officially disowned."

"Maya don't get addicted to advil, if you're going to get addicted to a drug, do a weird one."

"Whoa, that's a lotta llamas."
"Javier, those are sheep."
"What's a sheep?"

"He's such a wet noodle."

"I get sweat mustaches on my eyebrows after P.E."

"Alpacas, llamas, sheep, same thing."

"Sibling compliments aren't compliments unless there are insults involved."

"Being at boarding school is like being pregnant. You're busy for nine months and you get weird cravings and you're always tired and you get mood swings and everything bugs the shit out of you."

"Max is so salty, her tears are all dried up."

"I don't have feelings, I have attitudes."

"But is he really gay? Or is he just southern?"

"Everyone should drop dead."
"YOU should drop dead...but gently."

"Fuck you. Fuck your whole family. For twelve centuries."

"How different would you say are the DNA of a dolphin and like...Jay?"

"Ugly people shouldn't have good names."

"You are not a priest. You cannot put things into my mouth."

"You're like a Canadian goose!"

"All hardcore people have plants."

"Marriage is a good end point, especially when they own a palace."

"So when someone says 'sick bro', they do not mean they are necessarily diseased. In fact they mean that the person is quite awesome."

"Maya, don't take my puns for granite. I'm getting real sedimental."

"He's not God, but like almost."

"That's not dancing, that's having a seizure."

"There is no life, there is only death."

"To be stoned or not to be stoned?"

"I am the asparagi!"

"I feel like you can't say all those things without blushing or going to Hell."

"You guys ready for this? ...Tigger El Dorado."

"Ugly people should just go home."

"Can we have chicken alpaca for dinner?"

"Eww now it's a chap ball."

"Oh my god... WE'RE FRUITS😭"

"I'm a whore and I like books!"

"Don't piss on your work!"

"Let's go back to mating you."

"I need you guys to give me more head!"

"Way way way back when, a cell found this mitochondria and just decided to hang out and was like 'cool, this is chill'."

"I was gonna say... Most of us look like Pater Noster."

"Please have a bad day everyday--that was great!"

"Wait so are you guys gonna sing the Pasta Noster now?"

"I love Canadians!"

"I must die mainly in Canada."

"Paint me like one of your French girls!"

"Well Kevin's drunk."

"Not having a soul is good."

"Voice of an angel, body of a beanstalk."

"No! You're not part of the banter!"

"...so because I'm one morbid motherfucker..."

"But like what if I text him with a British accent?"

"I like to touch my face when I'm in class."

"Okay so I was standing on the couch in the computer room like... Hitting a pumpkin... Because I have a lot of feelings."

"I JUST HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS I PROMISE I'M NEVER LIKE THIS."

"I just feel very noodle-y!"

"I hate talking about breathing because it makes me want to breathe and I hate that."

"Alcohol does not solve any problems, but neither does milk."

"You know Maya? Money can't buy you happiness, but somehow crying in a Mercedes Benz sounds better than crying on the street."

"Thanks five!"
"Who's Clive?"

"That sounds like 'oh yeah, I'm studying fuckin' Aristotle and Vaginies'!"

*drops toothbrush in the sink*
"NOOOOOOOO😭😭😭"

*cries*"What on earth what's wrong, Hannah?"
"I'M GONNA GET EBOLA NOW😭"

"Dang it, my butt is covered in salt!"

"Excuse me while I part the sea."

"BUT NO because they're not supposed to be sweet, they're VEGETABLES! And then it's just like WHAT AM I EATING?!"

"Maya, life is arbitrary. Worst comes to worst, just become a prostitute."

"Prostitution will always be there for you."

"FUCK MY ASS. FUCK THIS ASS."

"I can't do this. I'm looking at cakes in a restaurant from the Baltimore airport. I'm not gonna get a cake from the Baltimore airport because they are very large and I don't need to consume that many calories... I don't think... No... I'm not diabetic."

"My heart hurts. I'm so done."
"That's so sad."
"It's kay, this is normal."

"You're irrelephant."

"I feel like 'you're so cute' has become code for 'you're insane'"

"YOU'RE like a pilot... Of a submarine... that DOESN'T WORK!"

"Oh, I thought you were a man."

"D to the E to the L to the uh... I don't know how to spell delicious..."

"So do you have your license now?"
"Nah, I'll get it in the spring, I'm too tired."

"Speaking of cleaning our skulls, we need to buy more Q-tips."

*points at a broken lamp*
"Oh look that's me some days."

"Hi I'm Taj and this is Ma Hal."

"She's breathing in my eyeball."
"Ahh, I love it when mothers do that."

"You just gotta flick your inner thighs; it'll wake you up a bit."

"Speaking of death, how does sleep sound to you?"

"I was like 'Do I look like I have AIDS?' And they were like 'Yes'."

"Maya, come here or Imma spill lemon juice on you."

"My friend's mother-in-law once knew a guy named Sandy Wieners."
"That's so unfortunate."

"What's Magooch?"

"You're like Bigfoot but small."

"Yan Diego, stop looking at things with your hands."

"I'm giving you makeup cuz you need it."

"I'm talking to this girl whose name is like a tree."
"Wait what was it again?"
"I dunno Bamboo or somethin."

"I blew my nose and margarita came out."

"First I went for your penis, then for your neck."

"What? That's not even a good name! Why didn't you say Jim or something?"

"See I wish I were a senior right now. Actually, just kidding I don't have my life together enough yet."

"Writing section was just an excuse to verbally assault Dom."

"Bread is like pizza that's lost all aspirations in life."

"No, bitch, I sat here before you! I don't care if you're handicapped!"

"How do you feel about buying me a $125,000 pony?"

"So what? I WANT THE BREAKFAST SANDWICH!"

"What do you call a cold puppy sitting on a rabbit?"
"I wanna say hash browns...?"

"Wait but LOOK AT MY CORE oh nope just kidding I fell."

"Do I need to give Conor Smith worksquad for missing your recital?"

"I've made it my mission to coax the Outies out of the closet."

"Do they even celebrate prom in Alaska?"

"...I forgot how to eat a cupcake."

"Hang on, I've got a Eucharist stuck in my throat."

"My phone connection has to stop sucking dick."

"BUT WHERE IS ITS PENIS I DON'T UNDERSTAND😭?!"

"Do chickens even have sex?"

"Fucking number two! That little girl... I was like I will break you with my pinky!"

"Don't be Nemo. I'll kick Nemo's ass."

"Get your quesadilla ass outta here."

"WHY'D YOU KILL ME?!"
"So I could take your money."

"Ew, Javier put your toe back in your sock!"

"Did u throw your phone into the Atlantic fucking ocean and then dog paddle to retrieve it?"

"You have a really saggy neck."

"Snoopy's such a baller."

"Plus my fiancé is a jew. So that's fun."

"Where have you been? I run my own brothel."

"I thought you said 'Is Papa Gino's Chilean?'"

"Alright, you know the hunting sign with the deer and the antlers and stuff? For the longest fucking time I had no idea what it was. I thought it was a dancing man and I'd just be like man, why there so many fucking dancing men everywhere?"

"Claire's a pimp."

"How's the cake, you BITCH?!"

"Our nation may be dying but we're still racist as FUCK!"

"I feel very okay with using all of you for your bodies."

"Shut up I'm not Mongolian! I'm Filipino!"

"He has a WOMBBBB!!!!"

"Shut up, child, I birthed you."

"In the blood tests they always say everything's fine but then I'm like 'okay, bitch, obviously everything is not fine!'"

"Ooo look at me I'm Maya and I'm edgy cuz I dye my hair and rip my tights."

"Max, which is your least favorite limb?"

..........

I honestly have no idea how I got here. I have weird friends/family. Don't judge.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya 

P.S: It was Papa Kerr's bday today and he is my favorite human ever so he deserves a shoutout. I LOVE YOU!

Holy Fricken Frack

Well. I told you I'd be busy, didn't I?

Either way, here we are: February 15th (my little Suki's 7th bday holy crap) and I have SO MUCH to tell you.

Let's see, where did I leave off?

Ah, yes.

Firstly there was Berklee. I have so many feelings about that. I may or may not have a post written about it later... In the meantime, please go read Claire's recap of it here.

That was during the first half of our Winter Weekend. The second half was filled with various events ranging from fun to exciting to downright dangerous (we get competitive while playing games... *ehem* Catan *ehem*).

That Sunday, I finally got to see Star Wars in theaters with the bae. I also had an impromptu shopping spree with Claire and Max (my real baes, obviously) where we raided Sally's and bought Claire's first batch of hair dye (SUPER EXCITING!). Later that evening, we all ended up playing Settlers of Catan in Caellum's bedroom and dare I say, it was one of the most hilarious things I have ever experienced. We played in pairs, so Rory and Claire officially won, while Max and I took a close second, and meanwhile, poor Conor and Caellum were left begging for cyanide in their fruitless nation. I may have peed myself laughing once or twice. The next day snowed buckets and so obviously we thought it'd be a great idea to go sledding.

Wrong. We were so, so very wrong. Our faces were nearly burned away from wind chill and I was feelin the frostbite coming on. Instead, we took to Martin's, where Max and I proved to everyone else that we are true soulmates (and we also kick ass at Squares). We probably spent around three hours shuffling cards around and getting into heated competitions of Speed and Poker. I love my people.

Alas, the next day we had school, so naturally we were overcome with woe.

But that was that.

OTHER SUPER INTERESTING THING THAT HAPPENED RECENTLY:

I had my first stage kiss ever and it was awkward as fuck and I completely missed the first time and God bless Jimmy for putting up with my shit but holy crap I was so nervous and I kinda wanted to die

Since then, we've had to kiss like a trillion more times for The Addams Family but thank goodness it's only gotten easier and increasingly less awkward (except for, yaknow, the fact that the whole school and my boyfriend are gonna be watching but oh whale).

This past Thursday was Poetry Out Loud and as per usual, I memorized my poem like half an hour before the actual event (I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS, DO NOT TRY IT AT HOME) yet somehow I managed getting first place...?????????

Like........ wat. But yeah, that happened.

The weekend dragged on because Tech but HEY WE'RE GONNA PUT ON A MIGHTY FINE SHOW SO IT IS ALL A-OKAY. Plus, Saturday night the squad got to watch Deadpool and I have never not regretted something more in my life. IT WAS EFFING AMAZING.

You may be wondering what I did on my Valentine's Day especially considering the fact that I actually have a bae this year (I know none of you are wondering but I'm salty about it so I'm gonna tell you anyway).

Well, my dearest friends, I did absolutely nothing. Why, you ask? Well, because I was stuck in the goddamn auditorium the whole day and so I didn't even get to see CJS and usually I hate Valentine's Day so I wouldn't even care but it was mildly upsetting and I was stressed and homesick and exhausted and fricken frack it wasn't a good time.

ANYWAY, today was a new day and it actually went pretty well :) Tomorrow I may die after APUSH first period but yaknowI it's really okay. I should be studying right now. Ugh.

I have so many other things I'm probably forgetting but—OH WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED! MAMI AND JAVI ARE COMING TO SEE THE SHOW THIS WEEKEND AND I AM BEYOND EXCITED TO SEE THEM AGAIN AHHHHH

Yay, exciting :)

Quick shoutout to Shelbs for making me smile every single day and to Claire for being my bestest bae and to Max for tolerating my shit and to C for loving me unconditionally and to CJS for being a love and to Soph for actually deciding to go on a kickass trip with us and to Papa Kerr for being selfless and kind and to Hannah Banana for being the best roommate ever and to Emmalene for enduring the pain that is tech and making me feel hardcore as Wednesday and to Brandt for making me laugh and to Lil Kerr for being my child. There are really a lot of other people I should be thanking right now but I'm hoping they get the idea already.

Okay, but now I should really actually try and be productive.

Hasta la próxima!

Much love xoxo

Maya

Snow Days, Surprises and Birthdays

So. It finally snowed.

Take that global warming!

Anyway, because of this tiny miracle, the Abbey finally let us have a snow day. God bless. Yep, first snow day of the year and guess who didn't sleep in? Moi. Yeah. Woke up at 5:45am on the dot, got the email around 6:30, went to breakfast just around 7ish. Of course, snow days don't stop Bray-Bray from having rehearsal, but I mean, hey—The Addams Family isn't all bad. In fact, it's the first musical I've actually thoroughly enjoyed here, so props to us :) I spent the next four hours in a cat onesie, doing absolutely nothing in the art building *cough* totally not canoodling with the boyf *cough* After rehearsal, I sorta milled about on my own and did some jamming in the Wing—til I got kicked out by a couple of lowerclassmen scrubs doing inappropriate business...

Fun times. That night I spent chilling with the boarder peeps (aka Brandt, Max, Cassie, Anjli, Rory, Jon, etc...) watching Mad Max: Fury Road in the boys' common room. Explosions ensued.

The next day—surprise surprise!—was my little nugget's 11th birthday. That's right, my little Javi is officially two full hands and a toe old. That's a lot. What am I doing with my life.

What my dearest CJS neglected to tell me, though, was that it was also his mother's birthday. Thanks a lot, babe. Instead, I learned this wonderful bit of news from C, and so he happily dragged me along to her ambush/surprise party. Needless to say, it would've been a tad bit awkward if I had just shown up at their house without knowing that. Oh whale.

Random sidenote: not that any of you were wondering, but I should 100% be writing my english paper right now. Guess what's not getting done tonight?

Ignore me. Anyway, as I was saying, it was a jolly old time at the S house with about three other families crowding around the place. After they all left, though, I being the super special creature that I am got to stay and so CJS and I got to watch A Beautiful Mind, which was quite emotional to say the least.

So that was my weekend in a nutshell. Next week is Berklee. Dear Lord, help us all...

Week after that is tech and then whoop-di-do! It's show time. Week after that: exams. God bless the Abbey.

I'M GONNA BE SO BUSY SO I'M SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR PROBABLY NOT POSTING LIKE EVER BUT HEY I'LL TRY <3

I love you all to infinity and banana :)

Hasta la proxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya <3

P.S: MY BRO GOT INTO COLLEGE TODAY AND I AM SO PROUD FRICK YES

Turkey Day List #2

Onto the much more extensive part of things I'm grateful for: the magnificent people in my life. I promise I tried to keep it short and sweet, but I mean hey, here you go.

Mami: You have always been my #1 fan. You've sacrificed so much just to make us happy and you work so, so incredibly hard. You've redefined the word "woman" for me and taught me that I am just as good as anyone else. You taught me humility and pride; love and caution; fun and responsibility. You may be an inch shorter than me but you sure as heck are the most badass person I know. Te quiero de aquí hasta la luna <3

Papi: Where do I even begin? You just get me. You get me more than anyone else on this planet. We share the same spirit and that allows us to bond over music and theatre and writing and art and poetry and feelings and experiences and you believe in me more than I believe in myself. You've always been there for hugs and kisses and food and dad jokes and I cannot express how much I miss you already now that we're on opposite hemispheres, but Cambodia will do you good. Please continue too seek the beauty in everything. You're really good at that.

Yan Diego: Goddamn, you are a pain in the ass. And yet I still find myself missing you every day we're apart. You were my first companion and role model (not so much anymore XD) but even though we've both grown, I still look up to you occasionally, believe it or not. Thanks for not letting me travel alone 'cuz you know it freaks me out. Even with all the insults, you still make me laugh more than anyone else I know, so thanks for making me pee myself in public, I guess. Here's to many more years of mischievous rivalry and unconditional support. You're allright.

Javier: I'd never call you this to your face, seeing as you're turning eleven in January, but you're my little munchkin. Sure, you're a pest, as all little brothers are, but you're my pest, and you are most definitely the sweetest one out there. You're gonna break lots of hearts, that's for sure. Please don't ever let anyone tell you who to be, okay, bud? You wanna dance? You dance. You wanna sing? You sing. You wanna be the most kickass, multitalented kid in the world? Go right on ahead. Don't let anyone stop you. I continue to be so proud of you each and every day and I am beyond honored to call you my baby brother.

Suki: You're not actually a person, but you might as well be. I adore you, my little peanut rat. You've got a heart of pure gold. It probably weighs more than the rest of you. Missing you endlessly.

Abuelo: You are my hero <3

The Fam: Y'all are the loudest and touchiest group of people I know. Much love.

Madrina y Padrino: No se imaginan lo duro que sería todo esto sin ustedes. Los quiero un montón.

Pri: Vieja, tu y yo llevamos siglos. Se que casi nunca nos vemos pero tu sabes que te quiero y que te apoyo ahora y siempre <3 Vas a llegar super lejos, de eso estoy segura.

CJS: Goodness, all I can say is you're my best friend. I can't go a minute thinking about you without smiling. I am so, so lucky to have someone like you love someone like me. You put up with all my crazy and don't mind one bit. You make me feel beautiful and giddy and special and exciting and intelligent, even when I don't feel it myself. Thank you for staying up at all hours of the night just to talk to me, and for reminding me to chill when I'm winding myself up, and for going out of your way to make sure you see me at least once a day, and for your hugs and your jokes and for teaching me something new everyday. Thank you for always putting a smile on my face and for being a dork and for making me so so so happy. I love you so much.

Claire: Oh Claire Bear, what can I even say that you don't already know? You're my big sister. You know that and everyone else knows that. We keep each other grounded and we make sure to brighten up the other's day when we can. You've given me a home away from home and have become a part of my ever-growing support network and you have absolutely no idea how much that means to me. Thank you for taking me shopping and jams in the car and buying me food and coming to my shows. Thanks for the lazy Saturdays just chillin' in my bed, tumblring and geeking about Hamilton, among other things. You're honestly the loveliest and anyone who has ever had the pleasure to make your acquaintance should be greatly honored. Also, thank you for eating my candy for me so I don't get fat <3 Greatly appreciated.

Caellum: I am so thankful for this past year; it's allowed us to grow as friends and I honestly could not have managed fall term without your constant support. We get each other on so many levels; there're hardly enough words to express it. You've always been there. You've always been patient with me. You've never pushed me away even when I got annoying as heck. We've been through a lot together, believe it or not. Your puns and hugs and company are enough. Thank you thank you thank you. I love you dearly.

Shelby: YOU ARE MY FAVORITE! Words cannot express how glad I am to have gotten to know you in such a short amount of time. Your daily messages make my day and never cease to make me smile. Thanks for not thinking I'm an old lady for using Pinterest and thank you for sending me a letter all the way from Texas. I cannot wait to finally meet you so we can chill and have lots of fun :) You're always reminding me of this but this time I'm reminding you: please never forget how talented and capable you are. We're allowed to make mistakes. We're allowed to have bad days. It doesn't make us any less brilliant. You're going to change a lot of lives, trust me <3

Gibb: Sitka, you already know how much you mean to me. No use in writing paragraphs about our history ('cuz I've already done that before XD). Instead, I just wanted to say thanks for still picking up the phone regardless of what time it is and for not pushing me away. I love you to infinity and banana.

Maeve: My beautiful, talented, courageous Maeve. You're obviously kicking ass at school (just as I knew you would) and even though we don't necessarily talk as much anymore, I know you're still there if I ever need you. That's how you know who your real friends are—you can go days and weeks and occasionally months without speaking to them, and yet when you pick back up, it's just where you left off, as if no time had passed at all. That's what it feels like with you. Thanks for letting me come to you with awkward, childish questions and for being my mom and for reminding me of what I'm capable of. You're absolutely fantastic. We need to chill sometime.

Max: Oh my dearest Maximiliana, you are the only thing I look forward to at the end of the day. Those five minutes talking to you before housemeeting mean so much more than you know, especially when I'm crumbling with stress. You converted me to the dyed hair cult and I guess there's no turning back now. Thanks for the sass and for letting me bitch to you about people and/or things. Your perpetual badassery is an inspiration to all, let me tell you. Winter term I gotta actually hang out with you, okay? It must be done.

Tom: Eff you and your talent and smiles and hugs. You're actually the best, Tom. Don't let my lack of words throw you off, like you are actually the greatest. Please visit soon <3

Sophia: You are a goddess. It'd take a fool not to see that. You continue to inspire me every day through your talent, hard work and dedication. Thank you for being the greatest blessing EHX has ever had. I am blessed to have you in my life and I am so glad you let me be a part of yours. Please don't forget about me when you're rich and famous and have like 60 Grammys in your basement.

Tiernan: It still shocks me how you're on the complete opposite side of the country for most of the year and yet you still wow me with your sage advice. I miss your cuddles and your teasing more than anything. Please please pleaseeeee come back when you can, yeah?

Fonts: You know how the story goes. You're my rock and all. The end.

Hannah Banana Banderbob: Bae, you are my one and only. Don't tell anyone but you are by far my favorite roommate. I adore your sugar highs just as much as you despise them and your constant studiousness and determination inspires me to be my best self everyday. Your puppy chow and pumpkin bread are to die for. Thank you for telling me when I look like trash and for putting up with my meltdowns and my craziness and every time I squeal about Conor and/or food. I sure lucked out with you, boo #TheFruits <3

Amber: You crazy, soulless Asian. I love you with all my heart. Thanks for putting up with all the shit I give you and for not kicking me out of your room in the middle of study hall when I get obnoxious and distracting XD We hate the same things and we both swear more than others give us credit for. What a solid bond we have. Please continue to slay as you do. Te quiero.

Scott: You, sir, make my life immensely more entertaining, that's for sure. Your hugs and ridiculous jokes and your sass continuously make my day and the fact that you are now a part of EHX makes me wanna squeal every time I think about it. Please don't ever leave me alone 'cuz a life without Scott Powell seems kinda depressing to be honest.

Alasdaire: Babe, you are insane. The fact that Benet's walls are so thin lets me eavesdrop on your ridiculous conversations with my favorite Asian (I'd hardly call it eavesdropping though since y'all are always screaming at each other). Either way, thanks for making me feel smart and for being a more-than-decent lab partner for Bio. Couldn't have done it without you.

Meagan K: MegMeg, how you make me smile. Your patience with me is unbelievable and you stuck with me while we endured the horrors of BrayBray and rehearsal. That alone deserves an award. You are so talented at what you do, please don't let anyone dictate your dreams, okay? Go get 'em, ese.

Emma Kerr: I still refuse to believe that you're taller than me. I also refuse to believe that you are any older than eleven. You, kiddo, are growing more talented and more beautiful every day and I am so proud of you, okay? Never forget that.

Emmalene: For some reason I keep referring to you as my fairy godmother. Thanks for always making me feel like a princess.

Nayte: From Bonin's freshman Lit squad, to Geometry with Ruda, to Algebra with Mr. C and Bonin's Junior Lit. You've always stood by me and endured it all. Go team.

Elise Banderob: Lowkey my favorite freshman. Thanks for letting us in on all the amateur drama and being our eyes on the inside XD

Jay Gibb: My dude, your hugs are life. Thanks for letting me embarrass you in front of your freshman friends xo

Ellie D: Thanks for hating the same people as I do and for being a super chill prefect. Oh! And for putting baby powder in our beds. That was heaven.

Kevin Jiang: Your passive agressiveness and sass alone could kill. You keep doing you, gurl.

David Oh: I still have to beat you up. Don't worry, I'll take it easy on you <3

Brandt: We need to catch up. I haven't seen you in centuries.

She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named: Thanks for giving all of PAS a common enemy.

Haidy: You are the craziest Korean I know. God bless you child.

Jerry and Liam: You guys are definitely my favorite new additions to EHX.

James Briand: You're gonna go far, my friend. Keep doing what you do.

Megan M: You're the cutest and I love you to bits.

Matt Johnson: Your high fives are the greatest.

Will Kim: Can we get Will in here? Of course we can.

Anne from Stillman: Thanks for always asking how my day is going and for stealing me cookies when no one's watching and for wishing me happy holidays every time I leave. Your work does not go unappreciated.

Mr. McCarthy: The fact that you can call me nothing but Mia-Maya-Moya every single time you see me is impressive. You're a pretty fab advisor if I do say so myself. Thanks for using your kids as slave labor to make us food.

Dr. Davidge: You know what's up.

Bragan: Man, do you get on my nerves but you sure manage to pull off a great show.

Marilyn: I've lucked out in terms of costumes. You've managed to make me look decent in 5/6 shows so far. I'd say that's a good run.

Mrs. Smith: The fact that you don't hate me still amazes me, to be honest. Oh, and thank you for letting me date your son :)

Mrs. Bonin: You believe in my shine. Please don't let the brilliance fizzle out.

All State Judges: Holy crap thank you for choosing me.

Tyler Oakley and Zoe Sugg: How you make me laugh and smile.

Catbug: You're my friend now. We're having soft tacos later.

CryWolf: Your voice and lyrics follow me into my dreams, sometimes.

Ed Sheeran: Thanks for listening to me weep and stuff.

Johnny Depp: I swear, you're a human shape-shifter.

Emma Watson: You flawless woman, you.

Brennan's: Thank you for adopting Yan Diego into your family. Hannah means the world to him.

Doires: Oh my, my, my... The fact that you have an entire room in your house that I claim as mine must say something, right? You guys have been incredibly generous to me and my family and for that I am immensely grateful.

Mama and Papa Kerr: I think you both already know how thankful I am for y'all, but I'm gonna go ahead and say it anyway. You are my parents away from home and the fact that I get to see you throughout the day makes life at the Abbey a lot easier to bear. Thank you for adopting me and for your constant love and support. I love you guys.

My Angels in the Sky: Please continue to watch over me.

God: Thank you for listening to my prayers.

I am so blessed.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

On Crickets and Crayons and Wings

Well. Here concludes my first Abbey weekend, I guess.

I meant to write this post like three days ago (my bad....) but it appears I'd run out of time and energy.

So here I am.

Yesterday (Saturday, the 19th) was an interesting day. To kick it off, I handed in my first ever Overview for APUSH. That was a helluva relief.

After classes, Bray-Bray decided to cancel play practice, so that was awesome. I pretended like I was gonna do homework, but we all know that didn't happen. Sooner or later, I ended up in the Wing, where Abar decided to pop outta nowhere and make an appearance. It was really fun seeing him again :)

We went to dinner, where we met up with Claire, Brandt, Max, and the others. Eventually, Claire and I decided to head back to the dorm, except on the way, we bumped into a cozy little circle of people sitting out on the lawn, singing.

Now, this was weird. It was weird because it didn't consist of my little crew of favorite human beings. It wasn't our crew. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure this little group was full of lovely people, but the fact of the matter is they weren't my people.

They were a bunch of freshman and sophomores surrounding this one girl, Rory, who happens to be the younger sister of someone in my grade. Bottom line, her voice was insane. And by insane, I mean killer. And by killer, I mean she gave me chills.

And yes, I will admit—and I know y'all are gonna scold me for thinking like this so, I'm already ahead of you there—hearing her sing was a definite blow to the ego.

Her pipes were raspy, and unique, and loud, and those are all qualities I've struggled for years to try and learn to work on or live without.

Needless to say, I packed up my backpack and marched all the way back to the Wing, to sing until I felt better about myself.

I practiced EHX songs, I practiced my voice lesson songs, I tried learning a couple new songs by ear, I sang things to widen my range, I tried singing my favorites, I tried singing classics, I sang contemporary, I tried everything. In the end, I had a headache and some extremely sore vocal chords.

And yet, somehow I still felt overshadowed by this one, singular voice. A fucking beautiful voice, at that.

It wasn't until I couldn't feel my throat anymore and I was walking down the path back to my dorm, that I started to feel a little bit better.

I remembered this book I read when I was in kindergarten. It was about crayons.

Now, hear me out before you go ahead and skip reading this part.

It was about all the colors in the crayon box. And how all of them were beautiful.

Except no one ever wanted to use the white crayon. Cuz you can't use white crayons on white paper, duh (unless you're water coloring but that wasn't the point of this book.)

Spoiler alert: some kindergartener decides to draw on a black piece of paper that day and reaches for the white crayon. Oh, boy, did that crayon feel special.

I know, random anecdote of Maya's childhood literary choices, but my point is, this little story somehow felt more comforting than four hours of singing till my voice cracked like a 13-year-old boy's.

Despite having rushed to the Wing in a jolt of low self-esteem, I began to contemplate how much that basement of rooms means to me.

It's my little corner of the world. My space to do as I please and sing to my heart's content. Granted, I can only belt when the Wing is empty, so as not to disturb the peace, but that's besides the point.

I was on my way back to the dorm and by now the sky had gone pitch black.

Mr. Baron spoke to us earlier that day (or the day before) about not wasting moments.

Now, moments are curious. They come and go in flashes and just as we're about to grasp them, they disappear.

In that particular moment, I found myself sore, and cold, and in a bit of a sulky mood. So, instead of taking the easy way out, I decided to take a risk by leaving myself to my own thoughts. And nature. Mainly nature.

I made sure to walk reaaaaaaaallly slowly. And if you actually know me, you'd find that very hard to believe. But yes, I decided to consciously walk slowly for once.

Making my way down past Martin's, I made sure to look at every tree, notice how tall each lamppost was—sulk at my comparative height—listen to every chirp or bug around. And as I began to listen, the night sounds seemed to grow louder.

So loud, until I couldn't even hear myself think anymore. And that's not a bad thing.

There were crickets, and cicadas, and who knows whatever else was out there. Nonetheless, I found myself in complete awe at their combined sound. I had to stop for a moment, just by the edge of the road, to actually feel the vibration of sound, resonating within the ground and within me.

A few mosquitos found their way to my ankles, ruining the moment.

Fucking mosquitos.

Deciding I did not like bugs anymore, I walked further down the road, almost near Manor, where I stood atop Mike's favorite rock: one found just between a little cluster of trees. There, I had a perfect view of the bay, and the sky, and the stars, and the still earth beneath me.

I let my gaze rest on Orion's belt—the only constellation I know by heart—and sighed at just how brilliant it was. The whole thing.

I could hear the distant rolling of waves lapping at the shore, though the tide seemed quite calm, and I'd be lying if I told you I hadn't lost it for a moment.

Truth is, I had, in fact, completely lost myself in a trance of stars and flowers and constellations. The sky stood brilliantly before me, and I let it envelope me in its almost chilling embrace. Yeah, the wind was rough that night.

Eventually, the same damn mosquitos found their way back to me, forcing me out of my own beloved peace of mind.

Cursing the darned things, I made my way back to Benets, allowing the full fatigue of the day to finally catch up to me.

What happened later was fun, I will admit, but didn't seem to matter nearly as much.

I met up with CJS and took a walk before stopping by the admin building and sitting by the front benches. We talked and goofed around and joked about a glow stick he happened to find on the ground (I warned him not to pick it up). And it was fun.

The next day, I felt productive and took a stab at getting ahead on work, which was indeed a smart decision. Later that day, I met up with CJS again and we watched Ocean's 11 (I'd never seen it before). It was asdghjflewoiwehqjfnmv *insert heart eyes here*

So yeah. That was my first weekend. Pretty solid, I think.

Now it's on to the next one.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Let's Play A Game... Again

Hello dearest friends.

Yes, I know I already promised I was going to sleep... Yet here I am... Again. Whoops.

Anyway, while scrambling to finish Fonts's latest game (His Version) I thought I might come up with one of my own :)

Here goes...

One Republic

1. All The Right Moves
2. Stop and Stare
3. Say (All I Need)
4. Everybody Loves Me
5. Good Life
6. Secrets
7. Counting Stars
8. Marching On

And there you have it! Happy guessing ;)

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya