Showing posts with label brothers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brothers. Show all posts

Thursday, January 21, 2021

Amalgamation

Sup.

I haven't been able to write for months. I mean, I've tried. But I never ended up finishing any of the posts I meant to write and so I've been left with an amalgamation of sorts. I thought I'd share them anyway.

..........

It's been exactly one month since I turned twenty and one month since I last saw all my Vassar friends. It's been a month since I had possessions that existed outside of a carry-on suitcase and a month since things started to go downhill.

It's hard to believe that a month ago, I was still convinced I'd be going back to school in two weeks' time; that I'd spend a week touring Chicago with my a cappella group; that I'd get to go back to my room and spend quality time with Jessica, with Charlotte & Leila; that I'd get to crash Evan's room so we could blow out our very late birthday candles; that I'd finally be able to go on a real date with the guy I was trying not to crush on for months.

..........

Heya.

It's late, I know. 

Bit nauseous, bit of a headache. Can't seem to sleep. Just one of those nights, I suppose. 

I'm in a mood I think. There were excellent parts to this week and parts I wish I could forget. My anxiety's been real bad.

..........

Hi friends <3

I meant to write something in the month of October but it seemed to have escaped me. The days dragged on, each one feeling longer than the last. A blur of nightmares, skipped meals, and incomplete assignments. My friends are gems, though. We're all just trying to make it through. Only three weeks til home.

Rip so I wrote that weeks ago
..........

I dunno what's wrong. I mean I should know what's wrong. I'm pretty sure I know what's wrong. I haven't taken my meds for a week. That would do it. It wasn't exactly on purpose. I dunno. Maybe it was. Maybe I'm self-sabotaging again. Maybe my brain doesn't want me to succeed. 

I'm in the middle of a Dungeons and Dragons game at the moment. Should I be paying attention? Probably. I'm trying to. I want to. I also can't shake the need to violently vomit. Withdrawals, probably. Oh, and the Big Sads. That, too.

Being home is hard. It's a lot. It's knocked me down lower than I thought it would. I can't wait to go back home. Real home. School. Where my friends will be. Where I want to be. 

I want to be okay. I want my brain to stop scrambling. I want to feel okay in my body. I don't want to hate being alive. 

I'm trying my best to feel like an interesting person. Like I can be good at things. Like I might have talents. Like I might not be mediocre. The company I keep is hard to beat. Not that there's anything to beat. I'm proud of them. I appreciate them. I love them for who they are. I'm just not them. Or anywhere near them. I want to like myself. 

I'm so tired all the time. My body hurts all the time. I think it thinks I'm fighting a bear every day. Or getting hit by a bus. Or battling the flu. My bones hurt. My muscles ache. My head throbs. My stomach churns. Why do mental poisons seep so deeply into our bodies?

..........

Hi there darlings.

I know the holiday season can be extremely difficult for some of us. It certainly is for me. Whatever your reason may be, I want to make sure you know you are loved and cherished and cared for, if not by anyone else, then by you. Be your own best supporter this holiday season (it's also a-okay to ask for help when you need it.)
..........

It was so bad. The screaming just never stopped. I just wanted to have a good Christmas. A good anything, really. Family isn't supposed to cause you this much pain. It isn't it isn't it isn't. Only a little more and then I'll be home home again. 

..........

We broke up. It was the right choice.

..........

A civil war? In this economy?

..........

HEY BITCHES!

Things have been kinda... good lately? Food has been more stable and fun (I get to cook a lot of it) and my brothers have been nice to me which is unheard of. My dad's about the same but we've binge-watched a lot of shows with my brothers like His Dark Materials and Peaky Blinders and Ink Master. It's been nice. My cats have each slept in my room more so, yaknow, maybe they love me after all. LINNEA ADOPTED A DOG! AND SHE'S NAMING HIM MONET! LIKE A BALLER! And he's going to be my little nephew I am so excited. I started knitting again (thanks to Jessica crocheting boob triangles) and I started collaging again (thanks to an identity crisis.) Oh also JESSICA FINALLY GOT HER ROOM ASSIGNMENT AND SHE'S JUST DOWN THE HALL FROM ME I AM SO BEYOND EXCITED TO SQUEEZE THAT WOMAN AGAIN! And also we finally watched The Warriors (her and her dad's fave movie to watch together, so I think I'm part of the family now.) I'm hella fucking nervous for school to start again because I still don't have my class schedule ahahaha but hopefully the imposter syndrome stops getting to me and I'll actually feel like I belong at Vassar. Oh, and I've made tiktoks? I dunno, man... I'm a new woman or whatever.
..........

Aaaaaand that concludes all the things I meant to write but never finished (minus the Thanksgiving and New Years' posts, those will have to wait.) I know it's not much but I guess you can at least see the progression of my different mental states or something? Wack. Anyway.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Monday, March 4, 2019

Turning Tables

Fair warning: This entire post is covered in sap. Read at your own risk :-/

Growing up, you always thought of your older siblings as your sworn protectors—those fiercely heroic assholes who would do anything to keep you from harm. Or I mean, that's how I saw it anyway.

Of course, it's usually nothing like that. Fuck no, older siblings nine times outta ten are the ones to rat you out, to go out of their way to terrorize you and their greatest pleasure derives from your misery. Yan Diego was probably the #1 enemy throughout my childhood. But he was also my best friend. Things just worked out that way.

As young kids, we were inseparable. Mind you, I made sure to do everything exactly the way he did. I idolized him, much as it pains me to say it. And then he became a teenager and developed that repulsive thing we call teenaged angst. At that point, I'm pretty sure he no longer wanted anything to do with me, as one does. We had a rocky few years, indeed.

But something happened after the divorce. Or during, I guess. We couldn't turn to our parents for comfort anymore—we only had each other. Javier was too young. He had no clue what was going on. So YD and I sought each other out anytime our parents were acting unreasonable (which believe me, was more often than not.) That all started somewhere around three years ago, and ever since then we've maintained a pretty good run. I'm honestly so glad things turned out that way. I couldn't have gotten through it without him.

Anyway, much as Yan Diego lives for roasting me, he's always been there when it mattered. Like when me and my mom got into one of our most heated arguments to date, or when I'd woken up screaming from a sickening night terror, or when some boyfriend screwed me over in some way or another, or even all those years ago when I tried to end it all. He was always there. Yeah, not all of his help or advice worked every time but he sure damn tried. And it mattered a hell of a lot to me.

What no one ever really tells you is how much he needs you too.

Hell, he'll probably kill me for writing this post anyway...

YD's not really one to take things seriously most of the time. But when he does, he means it from the depths of his soul. We were having one of those rare heart to hearts earlier last year, I was helping him through some stuff and he actually called me his best friend. He can deny it all he wants but he's a fucking softie and he knows it. Like I said, he'll shit on me 24/7 but at the end of the day, he'll make sure I know I'm loved. I could never ask for anything more.

I was inspired to write this post based on a semi-hilarious thing that happened tonight. There I was, watching Riverdale and minding my own business when YD called me up all the way from Italy.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Maya, I am so high."

"Lol good for you dude."

"No, I'm like SO high."

He proceeded to ramble on about all his paranoid thoughts, stopping himself mid-sentence every other second, voicing all his concerns and extreme confusion. At times, I could hear his voice crack or his breath speed up.

"Take a sec to breathe, my dude."

"I'm trying but I can't."

I proceeded to scroll through my ever-growing photo gallery, searching for just the thing: a GIF of a geometrical shape, shrinking and expanding at a steady pace.

"Here, I'm gonna text you this thing and I want you to match your breathing to it. Can you do that?"

I sat there for a few moments as he opened it up and started breathing along with it. Bad highs are easier to get through when you've got somebody with you.

"Maya, I'm scared."

"I know you are but you're okay. Everything's fine and this'll be over soon," I reminded him.

We stayed on the phone for over an hour. I tried to make him laugh and then there'd be times where he'd shush me even when I wasn't saying anything. Or he'd be his old weird self and talk in funny voices only to freak himself out afterwards. Eventually, I got him to get sleepy and asked if he'd be alright going to bed now. He said yes, thanking me for being a good sister and telling me that he loved and missed me lots.

Granted, this time he may have been wickedly crossed but he still called me because he needed me. And I could've told him to go fuck himself and continued to watch Riverdale in peace for all I cared but I figured, "This dude has been there for me practically always, he deserves the same. Especially when it's 2am in Italy and the guy is high off his rockers." XD

I guess this was all just a long-winded way of saying your older siblings/mentors/senpais need your help too once in a while. Don't take them for granted.

Keep on keeping on, fam.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Monday, August 8, 2016

Camping at its Best

Hi all. It's been a while since I've written one of these but after a long and thoughtful conversation with Fonts last night, I thought it was right about time for me to write something like this again :) Keep in mind that, as always, this story is based very loosely on a dream I had involving each of you, except this time (to make it a tad more interesting) I'm not using your real names! The fun part is guessing who's who ;)

However, so it's not overly complicated, I will tell you this story features C, Fonts, Gibb, Tom, Tiernan, Claire, Shelby, and myself.

..........

It all started when Alex brought up the idea one night after we'd scarfed down three pizzas in his living room.

"Holy shit, guys. You know what would be a great idea?" he went off excitedly.

"Enlighten us," Gabby offered, taking a sip of the Code Red in her hand.

"What if we all went camping together?" the brightness behind his eyes immediately gave away how excited he was about the whole idea.

"I don't know, dude... That's a death sentence waiting to happen..." Theo pointed out, scanning the room for everyone else's opinions.

"Cmon, think about it. We pile into Mel's van and drive out into the woods for a couple of days, build a campfire, cook some smores, go exploring... You know the drill. Who's down?" Alex insisted, folding up the last empty pizza box before throwing it away.

"Hold on a second, we are NOT driving my van into the woods, and even if we were, how in the hell would we all fit?" Melvin looked pointedly at Alex, folding his arms across his chest all the while.

"I mean, we could always shove Charlotte in the trunk,"

"Fuck off, Judah," I flipped him the bird, wiping the smug grin off his face as he shlumped further into the couch.

"Yeah, fuck off, Judah," Louise backed me up, although I think the message didn't quite deliver seeing as she winked and blew him a kiss at the same time.

"Hey, I'm with Alex, here. This could be stupidly fun if we let it," Sam finally intervened.

"I mean, yeah, it could be fun," Gabby chimed in, pulling her knees up to her chest from her seat on the ground.

"We're probably gonna end up hating each other but sure, what the hell," Theo approved.

Alex smiled even wider since people were beginning to cooperate.

"I'm in!" Louise tucked the hair behind her ear before resting her head on Jude's shoulder.

"If she's in, I'm in," was the latter's immediate response.

"Oh, shut up," I rolled my eyes at the two love birds before Alex kneeled down in front of me, grabbing my hands in his own.

What a fucking drama queen.

"Charlotte? Please, pretty please...?"

Knowing I'm not the biggest fan of Mother Nature, I sighed before reluctantly nodding my head yes.

That only left Melvin.

"Come on, Mel, live a little," Sam pleaded, eager to help his best friend with his dream plan.

We all looked to him, knowing he would give in eventually.

And he did.

So one hot and very sunny June morning, all eight of us piled into Melvin's van, as was foretold. 
..........

The drive only lasted about two hours but by the end of it, we were dying to get away from each other.

"Ahhhhh we're here!!!" Alex was the very first one out of the car, shutting the passenger's side door behind him.

"Does anyone else have to pee or is it just me?" Sam shuffled from one foot to another, grabbing his crotch.

"Ugh, Samuel, get a tree," Gabby made a look of disgust before flipping the trunk open.

I called dibs on the largest sleeping bag, much to Jude's chagrin. Served him right for his little comment the other day.

Theo took hold of the cooler while everyone else grabbed a sleeping bag and a backpack. And off we went in search of the perfect spot.

After a mere twenty minutes of hiking, we arrived at a little clearing.

"Guys, this place is perfect!" Louise jogged ahead of us, sliding the backpack off her shoulder and throwing her sleeping bag on the ground.

"Great, we'll crash here then. Any objections?" Melvin took the silence as a no, so the rest of us lugged our stuff over to Louise, following suit.

"Alright, goons, first thing's first—" Gabby started.

"I'm the realest."

I threw a thermos at Alex.

"Sorry..."

"Drown yourselves in bugspray," Gabby continued, looking expectantly at Theo, whom we'd all agreed would be in charge of bugspray.

He just looked back at us sheepishly, "Hey, I thought Jude was in charge of that,"

"You leave me out of this, Theodore," Judah pointed a finger at his accuser, ready to start a fight.

A burst of exasperation echoed through all of us.

"You've gotta be shitting me," Louise grumbled.

"YOU HAD ONE JOB!" Alex retorted.

"Welp, we're never inviting Theo to anything again," Sam stated matter-of-factly.

"Hey—!"

Just as they were about to attack each other, I rolled my eyes and unzipped my backpack.

"Chill, fam. I brought a backup," I announced, holding it out to them like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"This is why Charlotte's the favorite," Louise pulled me in a bone-crushing hug before snatching the repellant out of my hands.

There were murmurs of agreement as Off! passed down from one person to another.

"Yeah, you're welcome," I stuck my tongue out at Theo teasingly, knowing this was just karma for all the times he tried to annoy me in the past.

..........

It was just short of 1pm when someone's stomach growled.

"Hey, don't look at me, I'm the only one who had a real breakfast," Gabby defended, ready to challenge anyone who said otherwise.

"...sorry..." Alex mumbled self-consciously, placing his hands over his stomach.

"Well, I for one, could definitely go for some noms," Mel stalked over to the cooler and flipped open the lid.

"Who wants some Capri Sun?"

"OHMYGOD I DO!" I raced over to the cooler like it was my job, shoving Mel aside and rummaging for my favorite: Strawberry Kiwi.

Hey, I can't help it. That's some good shit.

"You never age a day, do you?" Judah smirked at me, making sure to poke me in the side.

I stuck my tongue out at him, which didn't really help my case.

It took roughly about ten minutes for everyone to be settled on top of their sleeping bag with a sandwich of some sort in one hand and some variation of Capri Sun, Mountain Dew, or water in the other.

"Not gonna lie, I'm very okay with all this right now," Melvin spoke up from behind a BLT.

"Told youuuuuu," Theo said, smirking from his grilled cheese.

"Hey, don't rub it in, asshole," Mel sneered, taking another bite out of the heavenly sandwich.

"I'm bored," I huffed, flopping over onto my backpack.

"Wow, way to kill the mood, kiddo," Gabby laughed, smacking me lightly over the head.

"What? I'm just saying, now that we've all stuffed our faces, I would really like to go do something," I explained.

"I'm with the child on this one," Judah quipped, crumbling up his tin foil before chucking it at me.

"Fine, then, who's up for frisbee?" Theo suggested.

"I'm down," Sam agreed.

"Yeah, word," said Alex.

"Sure, I'll play," Melvin chimed.

"Yeah, me too," Gabby joined the others.

"Ugh, you guys are boring. I'm going exploring. You're all welcome to join me," I muttered cockily, standing up and brushing myself off before I looked around to see if anyone would consent.

After an awkward five second pause, Louise sighed, slinging her arm around my shoulder.

"Sure, I'll go with you,"

I relaxed a little, suddenly relieved I wouldn't have to go alone.

That left Judah. And I sure as hell wasn't gonna third wheel so...

"Welp, have fun with frisbee. Bye guys!" I grabbed Louise by the hand and scampered off, not even giving Jude the chance to answer me.

I would imagine I left them all rather befuddled, but they're big kids. They can take care of themselves.
..........

"What the fuck is going on here?!"

Apparently, they cannot take care of themselves.

Louise and I had a lovely time exploring the woods, walking along a stream, and talking about everything under the sun. Meanwhile, what do we come back to?

Sam and Judah wrestling something out of a tree, Melvin and Alex beating an upturned cooler with a large stick, Theo attempting to salvage our strewn sleeping bags, and Gabby filming it all.

"We were playing frisbee and Jude chucked it into a tree and now the mom's angry and—" Sam rambled off hysterically.

"Hey, it's not my fault she's got four cubs..." Judah attempted to defend himself.

"Oh, shove a dick in it, Judy Bloom," Melvin howled, clearly still struggling with whatever was under the cooler.

"Gabby, how could you let this happen?!" I sputtered, rushing over to the rest of them, who clearly needed help.

"Hey, I'm not their babysitter; don't go blaming this on me!" she countered, shoving her phone in her front pocket.

"Fuckin' hell," Louise pulled her hair into a ponytail while walking over to Judah and Sam.

She gave Jude's arm an extra tug and out came the frisbee from the branch it was previously caught in.

Then she ambled over to Alex and Melvin, grabbing the stick out of Mel's hand and casting it aside before advising the boys to let the creature go.

Reluctantly, they flipped the cooler over, revealing a ring-tailed coon. 

The creature immediately scurried away with a deathly glare in her eyes, hissing back at us as if to say, "You motherfuckers."

"And that's how you take care of that," Louise dusted her hands off, a smug grin decorating her features.

"Oh yeah, sure, like it was that easy—You weren't even here before! You didn't see what she was capable of!" Theo shuddered at the thought.

I giggled at the ridiculousness of it all, helping Alex pick up the remains of our food that had toppled over with the cooler.

"What say you we get a fire going?" Sam proposed, hands resting on his hips, clearly tired from attempting to dislodge a frisbee a few moments ago.

"Yeah, it's getting late. If we're building a fire, we better start now," Mel pointed out.

All eyes turned to Gabby.

"Oh, come on, you'd think that after all our Satanic Thursday Gatherings you'd know how to do this already..." she grumbled, adjusting her boots before leading the way.

We all knew that she secretly loved being in charge of this part though. It was in her blood.
..........

A solid hour and a half later, it was nearing 7pm and we were all pretty exhausted from collecting firewood and stones and the like.

"There we go," Gabby concluded with a smile, wiping her hands on her jeans victoriously.

A decently-sized fire blazed and crackled before us. Now, only one thing was missing.

"I want smoresssssss!" I squealed, eager to start the dessert making.

"Hold your horses, sugar freak, we'll get there when we get there," laughed Mel, giving me an unwanted noogie.

"Yo, I'm with sugar freak. I want smoresssss!!!" Judah backed me up, continuing my chant for dessert. 

And so Gabby was put in charge of handing out marshmallows because we didn't trust anybody else with them.

"Hey! Stop poking me with your stick!"

"Wuss!"

"Idiot!"

"Smartmouth!"

"Cocksucker!"

"Jesus fuck, guys, put a lid on it, wouldya? There's a child in our presence," Louise made sure to give both Judah and Theo a hard smack on the arm.

"Hey, you're the one who just dropped an f-bomb..." Theo defended weakly, rubbing his now very sore arm.

"Yeah, and I'm not a child..." I whined.

"Fuck isn't a swear word. It's a verb. And of course you're not the child. Sam is," she countered conclusively.

"Heyyyy—!"

"Just accept it, man. Don't fight it," Alex placed a hand on his friend's shoulder sympathetically.

"Hahaaaa! Guys, look, my marshmallow's on fire!"

"I'm sorry, what—?'"

Everyone's eyes turned to me as I giggled and let the fire envelope my marshmallow, burning it to a crisp along with the stick.

As the flame reached closer and closer to my hand, I could tell the others became a bit unnerved.

"Cmon, Charlotte, what the hell are you doing? You're gonna burn yourself like that!" Alex was at my side in two seconds but I didn't let go yet.

Just as the flames reached less than a milimeter away from my fingers, I blew the fire out.

"Jesus, kid, what the fuck was that for?"Judah eyed the smoltering thing with something short of terror.

"Dramatic effect," I smiled, tossing the charred stick and marshmallow into the fire pit before retrieving another one.

"You know, she's loonier than she lets on..." I heard Sam whisper to Gabby who gave him a look that told him to leave it be.

At least Theo and Jude weren't playing Shish Kebob anymore.

..........

Rounding 9pm, the ghost stories began.

Now, usually I'm a fan. When I'm safe and sound at home, that is. When the stories involving forests have nothing to do with me. Now that we've gone camping, it's personal.

But of course, this was Jude's expertise, so alas, we let him.

I'll save you all the piss-inducing details, but I guess you can imagine they were maybe a tad 2 spooky 5 you.

I made sure to smush myself between Alex and Mel, Sam and Theo latched onto Gabby as if their lives depended on it, and that left Judah and Louise huddling in the opposite corner.

"How on earth am I supposed to go to sleep after that?!" I squeaked.

"Charlotte, darling, you know they're not real, right?" Gabby tried to reassure me from across the way, where Sam and Theo continued grabbing onto her for protection.

"Yeah, and even if they were real, there's eight of us. Nothing bad can happen in large groups," Louise rationalized.

"Tell that to the Holocaust..." Jude mumbled beside her, earning him a few half-hearted chuckles and a jab to the ribs.

"Okay, well, if we're getting up to see the sunrise, we better get to bed," Gabby stated, peeling Samuel and Theodore off her limbs before making her way to her sleeping bag.

"She's right, sleep is good sometimes," Mel reasoned, getting up from his spot beside me.

"Sleep is for the weak," Sam stammered, still shaking a bit from the concluding ghost story.

"Yeah, well, so are bags under your eyes, so get your ass to bed," Gabby snapped.

She gets cranky when she's tired.
..........

I could've sworn I'd heard a snap.

Our fire was out and the trees blocked all sight of the moon, so I was dealing with pitch black darkness.

There it was again. The snap. And then a rustle. And then a crack.

My heartbeat suddenly increasing about ten thousand beats per minute, I shook the first person I could reach.

"Psst! Hey, wake up!" I hissed, not wanting to be alone.

"Hmmmwhaaa?" spoke a groggy voice, whom I assumed belonged to Theo.

"I heard something," I whispered urgently.

I could hear him shuffling around in his sleeping back, turning to face me in the darkness.

"Charrrrlotte, go bacck tsleepm," he drolled, too useless for my sake.

"No, I'm serious! I know I heard something!" I pressed, shaking him more so he wouldn't fall back asleep.

And there it was again. I knew he heard it too, this time. We both tensed up.

"Shit, man, what is that?" Now I knew he was awake.

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know," I squeaked, trying my best not to be a sissy and start crying on the spot.

"Hey, dude, wake up," I heard Theo bump someone on the head.

I think it was Mel.

"Somemoree desserrtt in Orlandoo..." Yup. Definitely Mel.

"Mel, shut up, we heard something, wake up," Theo urged him, clearly as freaked out as I was.

And we heard it again. The rustling.

"See?! Didn't you hear that?!" I inquired, trying not to lose my shit.

"Fuck," was his only response.

Then I heard what I think was him unzipping his sleeping bag very carefully before grabbing something heavy and metallic. A flashlight.

"You guys stay here, I'll go check it out," he decided.

"Are you crazy?!" I nearly shrieked, "If there's a bear out there, you're gonna die!"

"Fine. Theo, you come with me. Charlotte, you stay here."

"Hey, that's not fair!"

After all, I wasn't gonna let my friends die on my watch. But they wouldn't leave unless I promised them I'd stay, so after I was sure they were a few steps ahead, I sprang right up and followed the sound of their footsteps.

I can be stealthy sometimes.

The scary noises from before were getting closer and I could tell the two in front of me were pretty spooked.

"Hey, man, if this is the end... Well, you're a pretty good guy," I heard Mel speak almost inaudibly.

"You too, dude, you too..." came Theo's voice.

The sounds were nearly in front of us now and I heard the two count to three under their breath.

"One..."

"Two..."

"Three!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

The next few seconds are kind of a blur of flashlights, screaming and heartattacks.

Mel shone the bright light directly onto a guilty/terrified Judah, who had cheese dust covering the rims of his mouth and his fingertips.

Mel screamed. And Theo screamed. And Judah screamed. So I screamed.

Then they all screamed because none of them had known I was there all along.

There was a lot of screaming.

This, of course, must've woken up the others, because there were a whole lotta footsteps and yelling that followed.

"What's going on? Is anyone hurt?!" Louise tried to make out the rest of our figures in the dark.

"No, your idiot boyfriend just gave us the scare of a lifetime," Melvin spoke bitterly, shoving said boy towards the others.

"What were you doing up anyway?" Theo asked, perplexed.

"I just, uh... got hungry?" he scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah, likely excuse," Mel's eyes wandered over to where I stood.

"And you, missy! I thought I told you to stay!" he shouted, not very pleased.

"Hey! You can't honestly expect me to leave my best friends to the hands of death, could you?!" I retorted, wrapping my sweater tighter around me as I just began to notice the cold.

"Guys, why don't we leave all this arguing for the morning, shall we?" Gabby reasoned, covering an oncoming yawn.

"Agreed," mumbled Sam, who still seemed to be half asleep.

So as the eight of us walked back to camp, I heard Mel and Theo trail off behind us.

"Hey... Did you really mean what you said back there...?" Theo's timid voice spoke up.

"Fuck no."

"Thought so."

And the two continued walking.

Needless to say, our little midnight excursion caused us to cut the trip short, seeing as half of us were too scared to spend another night in any proximity of the woods.

But that wasn't the last of our crazy adventures.

..........

Hey guys! If you made it all the way to the end, I commend you :) I'm not exactly pleased with the ending but that's okay. It was still a helluva lotta fun to write, I can promise you that ;)

Please let me know your thoughts and if you'd ever like for me to write something like this again!

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Friday, January 29, 2016

Snow Days, Surprises and Birthdays


So. It finally snowed.

Take that global warming!

Anyway, because of this tiny miracle, the Abbey finally let us have a snow day. God bless. Yep, first snow day of the year and guess who didn't sleep in? Moi. Yeah. Woke up at 5:45am on the dot, got the email around 6:30, went to breakfast just around 7ish. Of course, snow days don't stop Bray-Bray from having rehearsal, but I mean, hey—The Addams Family isn't all bad. In fact, it's the first musical I've actually thoroughly enjoyed here, so props to us :) I spent the next four hours in a cat onesie, doing absolutely nothing in the art building *cough* totally not canoodling with the boyf *cough* After rehearsal, I sorta milled about on my own and did some jamming in the Wing—til I got kicked out by a couple of lowerclassmen scrubs doing inappropriate business...

Fun times. That night I spent chilling with the boarder peeps (aka Brandt, Max, Cassie, Anjli, Rory, Jon, etc...) watching Mad Max: Fury Road in the boys' common room. Explosions ensued.

The next day—surprise surprise!—was my little nugget's 11th birthday. That's right, my little Javi is officially two full hands and a toe old. That's a lot. What am I doing with my life.

What my dearest CJS neglected to tell me, though, was that it was also his mother's birthday. Thanks a lot, babe. Instead, I learned this wonderful bit of news from C, and so he happily dragged me along to her ambush/surprise party. Needless to say, it would've been a tad bit awkward if I had just shown up at their house without knowing that. Oh whale.

Random sidenote: not that any of you were wondering, but I should 100% be writing my english paper right now. Guess what's not getting done tonight?

Ignore me. Anyway, as I was saying, it was a jolly old time at the S house with about three other families crowding around the place. After they all left, though, I being the super special creature that I am got to stay and so CJS and I got to watch A Beautiful Mind, which was quite emotional to say the least.

So that was my weekend in a nutshell. Next week is Berklee. Dear Lord, help us all...

Week after that is tech and then whoop-di-do! It's show time. Week after that: exams. God bless the Abbey.

I'M GONNA BE SO BUSY SO I'M SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR PROBABLY NOT POSTING LIKE EVER BUT HEY I'LL TRY <3

I love you all to infinity and banana :)

Hasta la proxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya <3

P.S: MY BRO GOT INTO COLLEGE TODAY AND I AM SO PROUD FRICK YES



Sunday, October 18, 2015

Well Worth The Pain

Hi.

It's been a while.

I have several posts that were meant to be published before this one but I'm afraid this particular one couldn't wait.

..........

Empathy... It's a horrifyingly beautiful thing. I'd like to believe most relatively "sane" people on this earth possess at least an ounce of it. This could be considered the human standard or minimum decency level.

I happen to possess about five tons of it. And sometimes, that can be the hardest thing in the world.

Forgive me as I go off on a tangent here, but I don't think I could ever explain how much hurt I feel when another is in pain. Instinctually, I care about everything that moves or breathes or lives or simply is. I develop a protectiveness over them all—hoping, in vain, that I can shelter each and every one of them from that which causes them pain.

I don't tend to talk about it unless we're super close but I've played my fair share of battles against depression and anxiety. I can proudly say I've come a long way compared to where I used to be. So yes, I am genuinely proud of myself.

Good job, Maya.

I am in a happier place than I used to be.

But, that does not mean that the darkest corners of my brain have ceased to exist. No, they're still very much alive but I rarely stumble across them anymore. Most of the occupied area of my mind shines with uncontainable light, generally blinding anyone who dares enter it. My point being, I hold far too much happy inside of me that it confuses some people XD That being said, those who do have the pleasure, if not "interesting experience" of meeting my mind, are often delighted by the brightness there. I like to think I'm full of sunshine and squirrels and ice cream and happy thoughts.

Still, there are times when stress or sadness or anger get the better of me, and so I retreat back to the dark, secluded corners of my brain. I haven't dusted up there in a long while so for the most part, it just makes me sneeze.

Hah. I made a joke. See, 'cuz you sneeze when you feel sick and being up in the attic of my brain makes me feel sick, get it?

I'm not really sure how to describe it to you.

It feels cold. Sort of like the wind felt outside today. The kind where you wish you had on gloves and a hat or wish that you'd brought an extra coat. You sit there on the floor—by yourself—and you begin to wonder if you really are alone and whether these dust bunnies and cobwebs just keep appearing or whether you keep putting them there? After a few minutes, you think you're starting to feel peaceful, even though you're alone, except your eyes aren't accustomed to the dark yet—not in the least—but you don't want to be sitting on the ground anymore so you get up and explore. It doesn't take you long to realize you've come to the front of a door. You're not sure how it got there and you're not sure where it will take you but curiosity takes the better of you, so you push it open. You've now entered somewhere more quiet—more peaceful—yet this place drowns in darkness you've never even dreamed of. Your eyes can't perceive any depth whatsoever so you reach out your hands to feel out the walls. You're in a maze. You turn left; there's no exit. You turn right a couple times; there's no exit.You're in there for what feels like hours and by now you wish you hadn't strayed from the original door. You hear the dull sound of something slamming shut. Slowly, but growing in intensity, the slamming is nearing you. It's chasing you. It's dark, the walls are closing in, the slamming is muffling your shouts. You can't get out. You can't get out. You can't get out. Your chest heaves gulps of air in and out and in and out but it's only getting darker and now screams have joined the slamming but you can't tell if they're someone else's or your own. Your chest is on fire but you gotta keep breathing to survive. The sounds become deafening and before the worst is over you open your eyes and you're back in your little dark corner full of dust bunnies and moth balls and you wonder if you ever even moved from that spot in the first place?

I'm sorry if I got a bit sidetracked there.

Back to my point: empathy. It's a bitch. A beautiful bitch, but a bitch nonetheless.

I've never had any children and I don't plan on it for a long while but I'd imagine empathy/protectiveness is 90% of what a mother—a parent—feels. It's like you want to shelter that someone from anything that could ever possibly go wrong. And if anything does go wrong, it's like you're experiencing the pain yourself. You want to wrap them up in a hug and never let them go. You want to shower them in kisses and tell them that they are loved. So so so loved. You want to tell them that they are not alone, that they are never alone and should never have to feel alone. You want to tell them that they are beautiful, and special, and clever, and loved. You want them to see themselves the way you see them: as a ray of sunshine or a shooting star or the moon or a sweater on a rainy day. You want them to feel so fucking happy and you want to sew up all the holes in their despair. You never want them to feel hopeless.

And so yes, I may have an excess of empathy, but no matter how much it drains me at times, I like to think I'm exceptionally lucky.

Not many human beings (that I know of) care so deeply for matters that don't even directly concern them. How lucky I am to love so unconditionally.

Because along with the bad times, come the good times, and it's the good times that I live for.

When someone scores their first goal; or when they hit that note they never thought they could reach; or when they play a piece so beautifully, I think I might cry; or when they finish a masterpiece that's taken them weeks to complete; or when they get an A on a test; or when they're excited about seeing a friend they haven't seen in months; or when they've had a fantastic night; or when they dance to their heart's content; or when they write a poem that leaves me speechless; or when they're giddy about eating a cupcake; or when you can just see the plain joy across their face, radiating from within; or when you see their simple smile that lights up the whole room.

Those are the moments that make it worth it. Those are the things that make all the pain so much more bearable.

Because there is so much pain in this world; so much misery; so much suffering. But I couldn't stand to live my whole life focusing on the negative.

Yes, there is pain. Yes, there is suffering. Yes, there is misery.

But there is also joy, and there is excitement, and there is bliss.

Feeling both isn't necessarily bad. It just means you're human.

..........

And there you have it, folks. Just a few thoughts I've had on my mind for a while and thought I should share.

Hasta la proxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: Thanks for toughing it out with me, C <3

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Baby Steps

(I actually meant to post this last night but apparently I fell asleep...Whoops)

Hello dearest fluffernutters.

I just looked up that word and it actually looks somewhat delicious.

Anyway.

Guess who finished her first day of Junior yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr???

ME! I did! 100% moi! I did I did I diddd

As Dora would say: We did it! We did it! We did it! Yeah! Lo hicimos! We did it! *insert creepy Dora music here*

Okay, sorry about that. It had to be done.

Let's just start with the fact that yesterday was a really super shitty day. That being said, I woke up at 6:30am on the dot without an alarm. I know. I'm just cool like that.

Unfortunately, it took two blow dryers, four separate outlets, and twenty minutes to blow dry my hair after I'd showered. But hey, one's gotta look good on their first day of school as an upperclassman :)

I was quite happy with my outfit, if I do say so myself (YD's girlfriend's hand-me-down dress and a pair of painful heel boots XD). I actually put makeup on for once in my life. Not a lot, but just enough to feel like I was more than just boring haha

Also, might I mention that the absolutely lovely Hannah Banderob has been paired as my roommate for this year and so far it's going fabulously <3 She's such a dear.

Anyway, so I headed to Abbey breakfast around 7:40 and met up with Claire Bear and saw CJS. The rest of our crew was being musical with Schola (I think that's how you spell that...)

Next was church, where I just sorta zoned out for an hour and marveled with Claire at Schola's new sound.

Then was the first assembly of the year, in which new teachers and faculty were announced and Liam and Sydney gave a speech about cyberbullying and Ruda came back with another announcement as DJ Ruda. It was fun.

My first class was Art History. I believe that went swimmingly even though I only knew half the people in my class. After that was Algebra 2, in which I struggled to remember what a function was and how to convince Mr. C that I'm not stupid. Next I had a free period (Thank Heavens) but I was hungry so I got lunch with G block huehuehue :P I chilled with Emma and Brandt and the blondes for a while before leaving back to my dorm to sort through the rest of my crap.

At 1:30, I strolled into the RLH with a very different group of people to join for Mrs. Bonin's Lit 3 class. Here she decided to make fun of me and call me a twelve year old. I kid you not. I will get you back, Mrs. Bonin, just wait for it...

After talking about summer reading and book reviews and Twilight (I have no idea how the topic came up), I went back to Benets for my dorm picture and to prepare for the play auditions.

We still have another day of auditions to go, but I think they went decently well. I gave it my best, at least. The turn out was better than I expected, considering most of our actors graduated last year. I was there with Meagan and C which was the highlight, by far.

To cut it short, then I had dinner and went back to my dorm to take a nap cuz I was exhausted for no reason. And so now I'm writing this. (Mainly just for me to remember my first day hehehe)

Basically, this year will be stressstressstress but I gotta take things one step at a time.

Baby steps.

Then it'll be okay.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: I saw Jay and gave him a hug today!

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Not A Farewell

I don't seem to be getting any better at this "going to sleep early" thing. My apologies.

Anyway, I'm sat here at 3 in the morning, not able to get a wink of sleep. Probably due to many things, but only one of those things seems relevant to me.

My big brother's going to college. No, not my biological one; he's still got a year to go. I mean the dude who offered me his sweater (which was about ten times too big for me) when I was a mousy little freshman just so I could look in dress code for some stupid school video. In the end, I politely declined and ended up wearing the Tree Person's vest but anyway. This is for him.

..........
Dear Sitka,

Hopefully by the time you read this, you'll have already taken off. But in the meantime, I'm writing this while you're still not gone. Well... that's a relative term, seeing as technically I'm the one away from all of you but that's besides the point.

I'm writing this because... hmm. Well, I'm not quite sure how to answer. I'll let you decide that for yourself. Again, this whole letter thing is just gonna sorta be improv, if that's okay with you. Wait. Who am I kidding? I don't need your permission or approval. Sorry, man. Improv it is.

So you're headed to college. Damn, am I proud of you. No, I really mean that. Tomorrow (or today, if you wanna get technical) you're headed out to the next greatest adventure of your life. Sure, I didn't know you your entire Abbey career, but I am proud to have been a part of half of it. At least I had that.

Now, I'm promising myself I'm not gonna cry through the duration of this letter because that would be sending you sad vibes while you're reading this and I don't wanna fill you up with sadness right as you're about to head to the next freaking best part of your life. So. No tears, Maya, those aren't allowed. Not right now at least. Though I can't make any promises about when I get back to school and remember you're not there. That's gonna be tough. But for now I can just pretend.

I know I don't need to write you a letter or even try to explain to you how much you mean to me or how much you've done for me. I know I don't need to do that because if you're even a teensy bit smart, you'll already know that without me telling you. 

I've said this five trillion billion gazillion million times but I'm taking advantage of the fact that you are currently not awake (hopefully) and you can't automatically shush me so: thanks. For everything. You know exactly what for. And in case your brain has randomly decided to fog up, let me jog your memory.

Thank you for being a part of my real family. Like, my real, real family. Thanks for practically raising me my freshman year even though you didn't know what the hell you were doing or what you were getting yourself into. Thanks for being an absolute idiot and yet still having the decency to apologize. Thanks for literally every time you've gone out of your way just to make sure I was okay. 

God fucking dammit I promised these tears wouldn't come

Thank you for every time you tag me on an Instagram or Facebook post merely because you think I'll find it amusing or mildly insulting. I expect you to continue doing that even after you forget who I am. Thank you for showing me what the best hug in the world feels like. Thanks for not getting tired of hearing me talk and talk and talk or even if you do get tired of it, thanks for not complaining. Thank you for bugging me to make healthy decisions and to relax. Thanks for un-teaching me how to be a lady (I remember distinctly when you taught me how to slouch XD). Thank you for being patient with me. God, am I thankful for that. Because lord knows I'm not a patient person myself and I could never in a million years reciprocate that patience you had with me. Thanks for letting me call you wherever and whenever, no matter what the occasion. Thanks for telling me you love me just because. You have no idea how much I needed that. Thanks for never thinking I'm too weird or for judging me when that's all I can do to myself. Thanks for believing in me when no one else would. Thanks for putting up with me when I was gross, sick, stressed, bawling, hyperactive, depressed, overjoyed, paranoid, terrified, tired, and even when I had nothing to say at all. Back in the day when it'd take you a full two hours to get me to speak up. Jesus, I don't know how you could handle it. Thank you for enjoying my laugh and for telling me I'm special. Thanks for being possibly the greatest older brother and best friend I could ever ask for. 

Yeah, you've messed up a couple times. And who's to say you won't mess up again? You're a kid. You're human. That's what humans do. But I can promise you (like 99.999999999999%) that I will always find it in my heart to forgive you. Because you're family. And that's what families do. 

Now, before you go taking this as a Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card, I'm not saying go screw around and be an absolute idiot on purpose, but if anything were to happen, I'd most likely have your back ;) 

I came up with the nickname Sitka when I was thirteen years old. It was because of our shared love for Brother Bear. I remember telling you it was because you were not only like my guardian angel but you were my guide (and also I might've been going through a cast-your-friends-into-Disney-movies stage). I looked up to you for everything. I'd look to you when I didn't know which way else to go. 

I can now confidently say I've grown out of that guidance. And no, I'm not saying I'll never need your help again—God knows I'll still come back to you for pretty much anything—but what I'm trying to say is you've done your job. And you've done your job well. Now the only person you need to guide is yourself. Care about yourself for a change <3 

I can promise you, college will be filled will insane challenges, memories and opportunities. I want you to take advantage of every single one of them. Make bold decisions, allow yourself to fail, discover new things, grab onto new friends. Hold the old days close to your heart but please promise me to start your world anew. It's so much more exciting that way :)

And also remember, we'll still be here when you get back.

I guess to conclude with my title, just know that this is not a goodbye. It's just a see you later. Kaykay?

I love you to infinity and banana and if I could insert a purple heart onto my blog, I'd do that right about now.

Your insanely awesome possum cherry blossom sister,

Koda xoxo

P.S: You also get a virtual see-ya-later hug. —(^-^)—
Yeah, I agree, it looks sorta creepy, but it's the best I could do. 

Friday, August 14, 2015

Spontaneous Thank-You Note

I'm not really sure what came over me to write about this but I might as well do it before the impulse wears off.

I just wanted to take a moment to say how much I appreciate a certain friend of mine who goes by the name of Fonts.

I dunno, maybe it's the fact that he promised to send me snapchats of the sunrise and actually did it, or the fact that he's pulled a dad move every night the past week and told me to go to bed at a decent time, or the fact that he just gives seriously deep life advice that blows my mind.

Sorry to get all cheesy on you dude, but I've just been thinking a lot lately about how stinkin' lucky I am to have you around, and by around, I mean the fact that you own a phone you can text me with XD

I find it funny that the year you were actually around, I was much too afraid to seriously befriend you. Don't ask why cuz I honestly couldn't answer that haha And yet the year you left us and went to college, we somehow managed to get closer. Funny how that works.

Anyway, I guess this was just a sort of shout out to you, man, for making my life infinitely richer and immensely happier. Thanks for telling me to go to bed, and for being a pain in the ass, and for bugging me to no end, and for telling me how proud of me you are, and for singing on the other line 'til I stopped hyperventilating, and for making me get to class late, and for using me as an armrest, and for going along with my poke wars (the real life ones, not FB), and for making me unafraid of the dark, and for telling me when I'm being irrational, and for actually thinking I'm sometimes funny, and for occasionally letting me win the argument.

You're pretty awesome, I will admit.

"The sun sets and it also rises, tomorrow is a new day full of outstanding adventure and opportunity, it is always darkest before the dawn, but it's only 12:20 so it's really not even that dark... Enjoy it while it lasts, savor it and respect it. Trust me, darkness is not the lacking of light, it's the presence of darkness, and it can work wonders."
-Matthew Fonts

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Nicknames

In case you're wondering, I'm currently sitting criss cross applesauce, barefoot, clad in a shirt I've owned since I was ten years old, glasses on, retainers in, hair up in a bun, and blasting Panic! At The Disco. Not that any of you were wondering... but hey, now you know XD

Just a few hours ago, Fonts was trying to convince me to write about food but unfortunately I'm not a skilled food critic, so sorry to disappoint.

Instead, I'm going to write about a much less interesting topic: all the names I can remember ever being given to me.

Now, I'm just gonna give y'all a heads up, if any of you EVER uses one of the... less than decent names, I will personally make sure none of you gets their Christmas present.

Yes, I am fully aware that it's August.

Brace yourselves.

..........

  • Maya
  • Maya Isabel
  • Isabel
  • Bells
  • Bella
  • Miss Maya
  • Maya Papaya
  • Meh
  • Señorita
  • Darisita
  • Mayita
  • Mashita
  • La Estrellita
  • Palomita
  • La peca
  • Guapa
  • Monita
  • Chiquitina
  • Princesa
  • Nena
  • Beba
  • Little one
  • Baby sis
  • Little cub
  • Izzy
  • Skittles
  • KitKat
  • Thumper
  • Semilla
  • M
  • Dork
  • Goober
  • Goob
  • Goof
  • Bugger
  • Booger
  • Dingus
  • Goofball
  • Tadpole
  • Minion
  • Nerd
  • Burger Queen
  • Fool
  • Turd
  • E.T.
  • Four-eyes
  • Oscar the Grouch
  • Anita la Huerfanita
  • Dude
  • Bro
  • Man
  • Scout
  • Miss Know-It-All
  • Mona
  • Alice in Wonderland
  • Dorito
  • Beautiful Mosquito-Butterfly
  • Hobo
  • Menor
  • Domestic
  • Hermione Granger
  • Smurf
  • Sandra D.
  • Hobbit
  • Hermit
  • Skunk
  • Shrimp
  • Chimp
  • Cruella DeVil
  • Gordie
  • Sleeping Beauty
  • Hamster
  • Little Woman
  • Caterpillar
  • Bubbles
  • Monkey
  • Twitchy
  • Tiny Tim
  • Short stuff
  • Strawberry Poptart
  • Penguin Child
  • Young Anne Hathaway
  • Boo
  • Kitty-cat
  • Mike Wazowski
  • Dora the Explorer
  • Ladybug
  • The Artful Dodger
  • Nemo
  • Piglet
  • Roo
  • Lilo
  • Sunshine
  • Clifford the Big Red Dog
  • Pixie
  • Fairy
  • Bud
  • Buddy
  • Rachel Berry
  • Mini Me
  • Angelina Ballerina
  • Simba
  • Mouse
  • Minnie Mouse
  • Queen of the Bees
  • Pygmy Puff
  • The Tornado
  • Tiny human
  • Small one
  • Nessie/Lochness Monster
  • Cosette
  • Cindy Lou Who
  • Tiger
  • Firefly
  • Aya
  • Mujer
  • Flaca
  • Phineas
  • Vieja
  • Loca
  • Gringa
  • Pippi Longstocking
  • Woman
  • Miss Mary Mack
  • Loud Mouth
  • Princess and the Pea
  • Mariah Carey
  • Snow White
  • Fresita
  • Strawberry Shortcake
  • Shorty
  • Watson
  • Fruity Patootie
  • Crazy
  • Blanquita 
  • Rubia
  • Ruby
  • Grinch
  • Little Red Riding Hood
  • Peep
  • Elf
  • Dwarf
  • The Little Engine That Could
  • Su Majestad
  • Matilda
  • Heffalump
  • Midget
  • Moño bueno
  • Bug
  • Little Mermaid
  • Tinkerbell
  • Honey bunny
  • Chilindrina
  • Lovebug
  • Kid
  • Kiddo
  • Child
  • Smallish Bear
  • Koda
  • One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater
..........

In case you didn't notice, insults and Disney seem to be running themes.

Now, I'm not saying I get called ALL of these things on a regular basis, 'cause to be honest, that'd be quite sad XD

A select few of these are what people call me day to day (thank God), but I thought I'd mention all the things I have been called just for shiggles.

Hope y'all enjoyed.

Yes, I'm aware most if not all of these names will be used against me.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Monday, August 10, 2015

Drunken Snippets

Now, before any of you go crazy or something, let me just say all of the following events are by no means real and I 100% completely made them up according to a dream I had a while back. 

Don't question me as to why I had this dream. It's kind of a long story...


Nonetheless, I thought I'd write this for fun, so if you don't have anything nice to say, I'd rather you didn't say it at all.

..........
Fonts-23
Gibb-22
Tom-22
Maeve-22
Caellum-21
Claire-21
Maya-19
..........

8:32pm

"Tom!" I squealed, throwing aside my bag to launch myself at a friend I hadn't seen in all of two years.

Maeve rolled her eyes at my antics before shutting the door behind us.

"Maya!" the tall redhead laughed as I hugged the life outta him, "Long time, no see, huh?"

I smiled in response.

"Okay so let me get this straight. You show up to my apartment after I invite you over, and you say hi to the ginger before me?!"

Fonts threw me a glare that could cut through steel.

"Why, hello there to you too, Matthew," I laughed, throwing him a fleeting hug–much to his chagrin–before making my way over to the living room, where Gibb and Claire sat chatting away.

"Oh, hello dear!" Claire got up to greet me, though she wasn't as enthusiastic as the others 'cause she'd seen me the day before at Maeve's place.

Gibb got up next, pulling me into one of his famous bear hugs and I couldn't keep the stupid grin off my face because I hadn't seen this fool since my high school graduation.

"How're you doing, little one?" 

"I'm hardly little anymore, Michael. Please give me the respect I deserve," I stuck my tongue out at him to show that I was only half joking.

"Where's the tall one?" I asked, surveying my surroundings and finding that one of my best friends was missing.

"Probably raiding my pantry. The guy has needs..." Fonts explained, right as Caellum decided to walk in.

"Hey, kiddo!" his face lit up as he walked over to hug me with one arm, the other holding a giant bag of Doritos.

"Huh. You seem taller. I wonder why?" Caellum teased as I let go, causing everyone to look pointedly at my feet.

The others snickered.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny." I flipped him the bird as I kicked off my five inch heels, taking a seat on the couch.

"Now that's more like the Maya we know," Tom chuckled, taking a seat beside me.

"I tried to convince her not to wear 'em but the girl insisted," Maeve threw her hands up in the air as everyone else sat down.

After the initial shock of being reintroduced to my best friends after two years, and after everyone else had somewhat settled down (like that ever happens in our friend group), I asked the rest what the occasion was.

After all, this was the first time we'd all been together since I graduated high school.

The others looked at each other for a minute.

When no one seemed to answer me, Fonts took it upon himself to look at me from across the coffeetable and tell me what was really going on.

"We're getting you drunk."

I had to refrain from choking on my own saliva.

"Excuse me, what?"

I could already feel my whole body tense up. This was not gonna be good.

This is not gonna be good.

"Listen, kid, you're about to be a Junior in college and you still haven't gotten wasted yet! It's our responsibility to fix that." Fonts explained with a smirk.

"Come on, dude, you promiseddd," Gibb whined from the armrest on the love-seat opposite me.

My eyes nearly tripled in size.

"I what?! When the hell did I promise you that?" I stood up on impulse.

"Sophomore year of high school," Fonts stepped in, "You said you'd promise to get drunk with us if we met your criteria."

I cocked an eyebrow. None of this was ringing a bell.

"You said you'd get drunk only if you were with your best friends, in a safe environment, and when we weren't planning on going out anywhere. Take a look around, Maya. None of us plan to leave tonight," Fonts tried to assure me but something still didn't feel right.

"Guysssss, this is peer pressureeee," I couldn't help but whine, fidgeting with my hands from the nerves.

"Come on, Maya, even Claire is doing it!" C chimed in, trying his best to be persuasive.

"I'm sorry, but what is that supposed to mean?" Claire gave him a light smack to the arm, clearly insulted.

"You do whatever you want, dear, no one is gonna make you do anything," she said.

"Guys, I'm putting my foot down on this one," I shook my head as I was putting my heels back on, ready to walk out the door.

"Maya, I hate to break it to you, love, but you've got nowhere to go... I'm your ride and I'm also your designated crashing area as of this summer, so..." Maeve tried reasoning with me.

She had a point, and again I found myself stuck.

"Look at it this way," Fonts took my bag back from me, laying it on the table next to us, "You could either get drunk, and have a great time, or you could stay sober, and have to babysit every single one of us. Think about it."

There was an awkward silence as the rest waited for me to make up my mind.

One glance at those goons and all I said was, "What the hell, hand me a drink,"

"That's what I thought," Fonts patted me on the back with a smile on his face, leading me back to where my friends all sat cheering for me. 

"Atta girl, Maya," Caellum stuck out his tongue at me and I mimicked the action.

"This'll be fun, I promise," Tom patted the spot on the couch I previously occupied.

I rolled my eyes at how ridiculous the whole situation was.

Fonts disappeared for a while and reappeared with a whole cooler full of, well... whatever he supposed we were gonna drink that night.

I eyed that blue mini fridge like it was gonna be the death of me.

"Take it slow, though, kiddo, we don't want you poisoning yourself and then hafta rush you to the ER or something," Gibb joked, nudging me in the ribs as he passed me a beer.

I gave him a weak smile back.

Well this was gonna be interesting.
..........

9:46pm

I can't remember who thought it'd be a great idea to play drunk Twister, but whoever did clearly wanted to see us all suffer.

Right now, Tom was winning. I have no idea how, but he was. 

I was out, along with Claire and Fonts, who'd both tripped over some idiot's foot in the process.

"Left hand on green," I giggled, knowing this would be the end of Caellum's Twister career.

"You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me!" he grumbled, trying his best to reach between Gibb's legs and around Maeve's arm, but balance was not on his side, and he toppled over.

"Aaaand you're out!" Claire exclaimed from the other side of the room, where she lay sprawled across the entire couch.

Instead of being angry though, C just started laughing hysterically. The kind where your face turns red and tears leak out your eyes.

I couldn't help but join in because what can I say? Laughing is contagious. Especially when you're pretty buzzed.

I hadn't even finished half my beer yet and I was already feeling a bit too happy.

Once I started laughing, Gibb just couldn't contain it any longer and allowed himself an explosion of laughter, which caused him to topple over as well.

"I'm sorry, losers, but could you please evacuate the premises while we figure out who the real champion is?" Maeve tried on her best precocious voice as the other two continued their laughter off by the side. 

By now, all of us were in stitches, struck by this never-ending chain of giggles and guffaws.

Tom and Maeve were still on the battlefield, determined not to let this laughter distract them, though both were definitely holding in sputters of their own.

"Just spin the fucking wheel Maya!" Tom called, trying his absolute best not to smile because he knew all would be over if he did.

"Okay! Sheesh," I tried to hold in my own laughter, "Right foot on yellow," I got up and sat back down where Gibb and C had claimed the rug.

I watched the concentration on Tom's face before he realized his inevitable defeat. Apparently, if he was gonna go down, so was Maeve.

"Ahh! Tom!" she'd squealed when the other one bumped into her on purpose.

And so there ended up being a tie between the pile of giggles on the floor.

"BUT ONLY ONE CAN SURVIVE!" Fonts insisted, bringing a fist into the air as he got up and stood in front of all of us.

"Fonts, what're you, nuts? This isn't the Hunger Games!" Claire laughed, pulling her hair up into a bun as she sat up to join the rest of our circle.

"Well, somebody's gotta break the tie," C said.

"I pronounce a chugging competition!" our host proclaimed.

"No!" Maeve sounded disgusted.

"I would totally beat you,"

"Fuck off, Tom, don't underestimate my power," Maeve gave him a shove.

"Nah, whoever does the best interpretive dance of Seventeen!" Claire sent herself as well as Maeve and I into another fit of laughter while the guys just looked on in horror.

"Fuck no." was their immediate response.

"I should actually murder you for even bringing that up, but you're my friend so I'm trying my best to restrain myself," Fonts spoke in all seriousness.

"I GOT IT!" I allowed myself a breath after my giggling ceased.

I stood up and climbed onto the table, heels and all, willing myself to be serious so I could announce their ultimate challenge.

"A catwalk!"

"What? Like modeling?" Tom's face contorted into one of complete disbelief.

"Mhmm! Whoever performs the best catwalk–" the others looked at me bemusedly as I fumbled to pull off one of my shoes,  "in MY heels, breaks the tie!"

Tom's mouth was wide open and I could tell he was about to protest when Fonts interrupted.

"IT'S PERFECT!"

"But Fonts–"

"It's my house, therefore, you live under my rules, buddy," Fonts could not have felt more pleased with himself.

Maeve held a look of pure contempt. She was so gonna win this.

"But Maya's shoes are like... ten sizes too small for me," the grown man whined, not ready to accept his fate.

"Suck it up, O'Rourke, and show the judges what you got," Caellum winked at our ginger friend, glad he wasn't stuck in the same predicament.

"WAIT!" I exclaimed, scrambling off the table in one shoe to find my bag so I could play them some proper catwalk music.

"Alright, who's gonna go first?" Claire came and sat down next to me, pulling her knees up to her chest, eager to watch this showdown go down.

"I say Maya gets to choose since she came up with the idea," Gibb grinned at me, poking me in the side as I let out a squeal.

Feeling very entitled at the moment, I sat upright, pretending to think very carefully about this.

"Maeve should go first cuz she's less likely to break my shoes," I announced with a pleased smile across my face.

I tugged off my other shoe and handed it to her as the others began to laugh.

"Ready?" I couldn't help but smirk as my finger hovered over the play button.

Maeve took off imaginary sunglasses and spoke with an overly dramatic voice, "Baby, I was born ready,"

And so began the hair flips and hip swishes and the sexy eyes.

"And that was Maeve Harten, everybody!" I mock-announced.

I gave Tom a little intro as he struggled to get the tips of his toes into my shoes.

"Introducing, the flawless and the fab: Tom O'Rourke! Gimme some sass," I played the part of the obnoxious show host, trying not to laugh when Tom did things like wink at us.

The rest hooted and whistled at the six-foot-who-knows-what guy standing in front of us, giving us his best flips and swishes and sexy eyes.

"Work it, baby, work it!" Gibb took on the voice of some middle-aged woman, trying not to crack up himself.

After I was sure the poor guy had tired himself out, I stood up, taking my spot by his side and calling Maeve to stand next to me. I forgot how it felt to be this short again.

"I give you our two contestants. You both performed valiantly," I kept up the act, letting our friends have a little laugh as Tom and Maeve bowed.

"But I'm afraid this was not your calling, Tom. You've been defeated," I sighed with fake sympathy.

"Dammit," he pretended to sulk away as he sat down with the others.

"And that leaves Maeve, Queen of the Catwalk! Congratulations!" I shook her hand and then sat down by her feet, hopelessly giggling at the ordeal that had just unfolded.

She pretended to act emotional and began saying, "I'd like to thank my mother, and Maya's lucky shoes, and lastly, Tom, for being the loser so I could win," she wiped away at a fake tear while Tom merely rolled his eyes.

"Awesome choice, Maya," Claire granted me a high five, grinning wildly at the result of this.

"Better luck next time, huh, Tom?" Gibb teased.

Then Tom shoved a pillow in Gibb's face.

..........
10:28pm

I was sprawled across Maeve's lap when C and Gibb came out of the kitchen carrying cans of Monster. 

"Can I try?" I mumbled, seeing as my face was somewhat smothered in the couch.

"You've never had one before?" Tom looked over at me incredulously.

"Uh uh," 

"Dude, how the hell did you survive college without coffee or Mountain Dew or this?" C looked struck dumb.

"I didn't," I let out an airy laugh, sitting up so I could grab one of the cans.

"Maya, I'm not sure you're gonna like tha–"

"EW!" It took all of me not to spit it out right then and there.

"Told you," Claire sighed from her criss cross applesauce on the ground, which gave me an idea.

"Hey Fonts?"

"Sup?"

I giggled.

"Do you have any applesauce?"

"Uhh no, why?"

"Dammit."

"Maya...?"

"I'm hungryyyyyyyyy," I groaned, taking up more space on the couch, against Tom and Maeve's will.

"Maya... you ate... like... the whole bag of Doritos, how the hell are you still hungry?" Gibb started laughing at me which only got a pout and a stomach grumble in return. 

"I mean, we could order pizza," Fonts suggested.

"This late?" Claire spoke up from below.

"Yeah, man, Dominos always has my back," Fonts stated matter-of-factly, taking his phone out and speed dialing the place.

The pizza got there ten minutes late, so you better believe how hungry I was by then.

As soon as the bell rang, I sprang from my seat and dashed over to the door, only bumping into two tables, three people, and a chair on the way.

"That'll be–"

"Here, thanks!" I swiped the two pizzas from the guy, shoving forty dollars into his hand before slamming the door shut.

The poor dude left with a bit of a shock to the system but what can I say? I was beyond hungry.

Bringing the pizzas back to the other room, I'd already called dibs on four pepperoni slices. And there was nothing they could do about it.

..........
11:17pm

Somehow I'd finished off two beers and a shot of whiskey and was still alive. Barely. But still.

The guys had downed a lot more than that but for some reason were holding up much better than I.

Tom and C were entwined together on one of the couches laughing at who knows what.

I lay across the arm of the other couch, my feet resting in Claire's lap.

Suddenly, I was struck by hiccups.

This, of course, made the others snicker.

"Guysss *hic* shut upppp *hic*" I groaned, displeased with the lack of respect I was receiving.

"I think someone's had a bit too much," Fonts simply looked at me with a smug grin whereas I took up a defensive stance.

"Have *hic* n-nottt *hic*" except now my own hiccups were causing me to laugh, and so I was stuck in an onslaught of simultaneous laughing and hiccuping.

"Something is very wrong with you, child," Maeve laughed, trying her best not to end up in a hopeless laugh attack as I was in the moment.

Eyeing Gibb's forgotten beer bottle on the table, I was about to reach for it when it was swiped away from me.

"Whoa there, tiger, you don't need anymore of that," Gibb sent me a mixture between a sympathetic and an amused smile.

I huffed in defeat.

Suddenly, I had a thought.

"Guys," I couldn't help but giggle at myself, "*hic* what if..." my laughing wouldn't let me finish my sentences, "What if *hic* giraffes had human *hic* personalities and then they *hic* took over the *hic* earth?"

I was met with silence. Apparently my humor was not up to par, but at that point, nothing mattered to me. I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

"Maya, that's not even funny..." C couldn't help the smile that was creeping onto his face just from witnessing another of my laugh attacks.

"Oh dear, child..." Claire shook her head at me.

They let me go like this until I rolled off of the couch and onto the floor, clutching my very sore stomach.

"I'M GONNA PEEEEE!"

Tears were streaming down my face now and I could do nothing to help myself.

"Maya, I swear to God, if you piss on my floor, you're cleaning it up," was all Fonts could say, but he, too, was starting to laugh himself.

Feeling that it was actually going to happen, I surprised everyone by scrambling to my feet and making a beeline for the bathroom.

After I walked back in the room, I'd managed to somewhat calm down, only taking gasps of breath every few seconds.

I relocated to my spot on the couch, deciding to sit on Claire's lap.

She didn't really do much but groan under the unexpected weight.

Suddenly, I felt a pang of lovingness that I couldn't seem to shake off.

I turned around and took Claire's face in both my hands, pressing my forehead to hers.

She was definitely caught off guard but didn't push me away either, instead sat there with an amused grin, wondering what my next extraordinary act would be.

Looking her straight in the eyes I said, "Claire... you are *hic* a wwonderrful human beinggg," our noses were practically touching, "And evveryone should *hic* knnoww that," I added.

Before anyone else could figure out what I was doing, I got up and seemed to play some odd version of Duck, Duck, Goose, patting each person on the head and telling them how wonderful they are XD

And yet, no one felt the need to stop me.

I plopped myself in Tom's lap, catching him much by surprise and started messing with his hair.

"Tom," I started with an airy sigh, "you'reee a g-good personn. But orange doesn't s-suit youu,"

Everyone else just seemed to be watching me now. Their eyes went wide. Tom flew a hand to his chest in mock-hurt.

"Well, I told you I might go blonde–"

"No, that wouldn'tt work eitherr..." I yawned, unfolding myself so I now lay sprawled across Tom and C's legs.

They couldn't really do much about it, anyway. Again, everyone looked on to see what I would do next. After all, the whole point of this get together was to see each other and watch me get drunk for the first time.

Only a few moments of silence passed before I started singing to myself in Spanish, not quite aware of the six other faces looking at me, holding in giggles and snickers of their own.

They watched as I grew tired and more tired. The alcohol finally got away with lulling me to sleep. 

I can't remember much else.

Until I woke up.
..........

3:15am

I woke up with the absolute worst feeling in my stomach. 

Someone had moved me to the love-seat so more people could occupy the couch.

Claire, C and Tom were fast asleep but Maeve, Gibb and Fonts were still awake, chattering away.

Though I was practically a grown woman at nineteen years old, in that moment, I felt like I'd retreated to the body of a child.

Someone had also thrown a fleece over me.

Trying my best to kick it off, I realized how badly my head was pounding, too, so I couldn't help but let out a wail.

I've never been one to be good about discomfort or pain and it seemed my only resolution was crying, especially when I felt so disoriented.

Gibb was the first to hear me, and he walked over in as straight of a line as he could.

"Hey, what's wrong, kiddo?" he helped me get to a sitting position.

"I... I don't feel good," I confessed, feeling the tears start to sting my eyes and the bile start to pile up in my throat.

"Oh, jeez," he mumbled to himself before calling out, "Guys? Could you help me out here?"

Maeve and Fonts made their way over to me and Fonts did his best to crouch down.

"You okay, kid?" he asked seriously.

All I could do was shake my head before bringing one hand up to my mouth.

All their eyes went wide as if to say "Nope! Not here!"

And so the three of them took my arms and led me to the restroom, where I puked my guts out for what felt like an eternity.

At some point, Maeve left to go to bed, giving me feel better wishes.

I could tell both Fonts and Gibb were about to knock out but they were kind enough to stay with me until I was all taken care of.

"Here, finish the whole thing, okay?" Fonts handed me a water bottle and I nodded, taking sips at a time.

"Alright, you've had quite a night, let's get you back to bed, shall we?" Gibb offered his hand to help me off the ground before leading me back to where I was sleeping before.

"Hey, Fonts?" I called out, pulling the fleece over me.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry for... uh... well, all of that," I mumbled, suddenly feeling very embarrassed at what my friends had just witnessed.

Through the dark, I could see him roll his eyes at me before saying, "God, Maya, you and your unnecessary sorries... You don't need to apologize, okay? It happens to the best of us," and since he was smiling, I knew I truly had nothing to worry about.

"Okay, now go to sleep," Gibb ruffled my hair and I swatted his hand away with a giggle.

Before long, I found myself very much unconscious again.

The next morning, I could hardly remember what had happened the night before, but I had a strange feeling that I had to apologize to Tom...


..........

And there you go. I told myself I'd finish this in one go and BAM here it is so TAKE THAT PAST SELF!

Fonts, I know you told me to go to bed and I promise I will after I publish this so please don't be mad. 

I love you all and I hope none of you are offended by any of this... craziness XD

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S.: There were only so many things I could write because as you know, I have very limited knowledge about certain things...