I'm Feeling Old Now

Will this be my only post this year? Let's hope not.

..........

1. What did you do in 2021 that you'd never done before?

Got my first tattoo!!! And second. And third. Got my first covid vaccine!!! And second. And third. Ordered my first legal drink. Got shwasted. Drank in front of my grandparents at my cousin's wedding. Dated a woman (whom I am still head over heels for!) Did the lesbian deed with said woman lmao. Did my first ever wine tasting *heart eyes* Said wine tasting occurred with said woman in EUROPE so, basically my life is better than yours.

2. Did you keep your New Years Resolutions and will you make more for next year?

During a parmesan panorama punani pandemmy? Resolutions? More like I've been trying to stay alive, thanks.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My cousin Chloe had a baby girl born on my same exact birthday! Baby Lily is now my birthday twin, only twenty-one years younger :)

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Riccardo. It was too soon, my dear friend.

5. What countries did you visit?

I actually have fun answers this time! And you wouldn't think it 'cuz corona but still! I, of course, spent an annoying amount of time in the US and sadly didn't get to visit DR. However, I did get to visit the love of my life in SWITZERLAND of all places??? And then we took a quick little weekend trip to France, like...  my life cannot get more romantic or romanticized than that.

6. What would you like to have in 2022 that you lacked in 2021?

Predictability. Stability. A steady income. The usual.

7. What dates from 2021 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

February. First tattoo!
March 6. My 21st Birthday!!! (also hbd Lily)
April 20. No longer a lesbian virgin lol.

July. Memphis!!!

October. Switzerland <3 France <3 Zoë <3

December 2. Death Day Debut ;)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Having the courage, determination, and the nerve to stand up for myself against my school administration when they were being classist, ableist, elitest fucks. And also getting to play a Latina character for the first time in my life—that was truly something.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Whoa there buddy, let's use some less violent language there, shall we? I wish I had noticed my value and worth in friendships and relationships sooner. I wish I had dropped people who did not serve me and realized sooner that they did not deserve me. I wish I had listened to my dear ones' warnings.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Ya girl is literally chronically mentally ill ahaha but other than that, didn't get the 'rona *knock on wood* so that's a win. I only had to put up with the lovely, delightful symptoms of aging, such as horrific tendonitis flare-ups in both my knees, among other less glamorous things.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Plane tickets to see my Zoë <3 Oh and AN iPAD FOR SCHOOL THAT LITERALLY CHANGED MY LIFE (thank you Sabrina)!!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Not even gonna lie: mine. I did so much work on myself this past year, it's kinda wild and deserves recognition. And sure, I may not be where I want to be yet but I did some badass things that previous me never would have been able to.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled?

Many, of course, but I've got someone specific in mind. No matter, she won't be making appearances around here anymore.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Take-out food binges. And plane tickets (dear god they cost as much as a mortgage).

15. What did you get really, really excited about?

My first tattoo! Getting to star in a play that centered young, powerful Latinx voices. Getting to visit my girlfriend in EUROPE?!!! Truly any time I got to see her was a gift.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2021?

Head Over Feet. Jagged Little Pill Cast.

Kiss Me More. Doja Cat ft. SZA

MONTERO. Lil Nas X.

good 4 u. Olivia Rodrigo.

Woman. Doja Cat.

Balancing the Scales. Barlow & Bear.

Heat Waves. Glass Animals.

Best Friend. Saweetie ft. Doja Cat.

Woman. Diana Gordon.

DÁKITI. Bad Bunny ft. Jhay Cortez.

34+35. Ariana Grande.

drivers license. Olivia Rodrigo.

Levitating. Dua Lipa ft. DaBaby.

space girl. Frances Forever.

Promiscuous. Nelly Furtado ft. Timbaland.

abcdefu. GAYLE.

STAY. The Kid LAROI ft. Justin Bieber.

Shivers. Ed Sheeran.
Easy On Me. Adele.

INDUSTRY BABY. Lil Nas X ft. Jack Harlow.

Bad Habits. Ed Sheeran.

Do It To It. ACRAZE ft. Cherish.

All Too Well (Taylor's Version). Taylor Swift.

Happier Than Ever. Billie Eilish.

love nwantiti (ah ah ah). CKay.

Beggin. Måneskin.

Oh My God. Adele.

SAD GIRLZ LUV MONEY Remix. Amaarae ft. Kali Uchis, Moliy

One Right Now. Post Malone ft. The Weeknd.

traitor. Olivia Rodrigo.

Smokin Out The Window. Bruno Mars, Anderson .Paak, Silk Sonic.

Need to Know. Doja Cat.

THATS WHAT I WANT. Lil Nas X.

I AM WOMAN. Emmy Meli.

Ghost. Justin Bieber.

Meet Me At Our Spot. THE ANXIETY, WILLOW, Tyler Cole.

Peaches. Justin Bieber ft. Daniel Caesar, Giveon.

Life Goes On. Oliver Tree.

edamame. bbno$ ft Rich Brian.

GHOST TOWN. Benson Boone.

Don't Go Yet. Camila Cabello.

Save Your Tears. The Weeknd ft. Ariana Grande.

Bored. Billie Eilish.

Build a Bitch. Bella Poarch.

deja vu. Olivia Rodrigo.

Rasputin. Majestic, Boney M.

Astronaut in the Ocean. Masked Wolf.

Heartbreak Anthem. Galantis ft. David Guetta, Little Mix.

I GUESS I'M IN LOVE. Clinton Kane. 

telepatía. Kali Uchis.

Leave The Door Open. Bruno Mars, Anderson .Paak, Silk Sonic.

MAMMAMIA. Måneskin.

In Da Getto. J Balvin ft. Skrillex.

We're Good. Dua Lipa.

Beautiful Mistakes. Maroon 5 ft Megan Thee Stallion.

Prisoner. Miley Cyrus ft. Dua Lipa.

Good Days. SZA.

Dinero. Trinidad Cardona.

Heartbreak Anniversary. Giveon.

Love Again. Dua Lipa.

Dark Red. Steve Lacy.

Butter. BTS.

Blinding Lights. The Weeknd.

Mood. 24kGoldn ft. iann dior.

Watermelon Sugar. Harry Styles.

Up. Cardi B.

positions. Ariana Grande.

Lemonade. Internet Money ft. Gunna, Don Toliver, NAV.

WITHOUT YOU. The Kid LAROI.

Supalonely. BENEE, Gus Dapperton.

Holy. Justin Bieber ft. Chance the Rapper.

A-O-K. Tai Verdes.

pov. Ariana Grande.

Physical. Dua Lipa.

Say So. Doja Cat. 

Thot Shit. Megan Thee Stallion.

Jalebi Baby. Tesher ft. Jason Derulo.

motive. Ariana Grande ft. Doja Cat.

Ain't Shit. Doja Cat.

Buss It. Erica Banks.

Get Into It (Yuh). Doja Cat.

Cry Baby. Megan Thee Stallion ft. DaBaby.

Dick. StarBoi3 ft. Doja Cat.

Into The Thick of It. The Backyardigans.

Iko Iko (My Bestie). Justin Wellington ft. Small Jam.

WHOLE LOTTA MONEY. Bia ft. Nicki Minaj.

Bills, Bills, Bills. Destiny's Child.

Like I Can. Sam Smith.

GUY.exe. Superfruit.

Have Mercy. Chlöe.

Running Away. VANO 3000, BADBADNOTGOOD, Samuel T. Herring.

Bananza (Belly Dancer). Akon.

my ex's best friend. Machine Gun Kelly ft. blackbear.

WAP. Cardi B ft. Megan Thee Stallion.

Circles. Post Malone.

Man's World. MARINA.

Dress. Charlotte Sands.

MANCHILD. Emily Bear.

Candy. Machine Gun Kelly ft. Trippie Redd.

Maneater. Nelly Furtado.

Mind Over Matter. Anthony Ramos.

She. Dodie.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

(a) Moods are in constant fluctuation but overall, I'd say happier.
(b) What on earth is up with these invasive questions? I gained more weight than I ever have in my life and I'm learning to be okay with it.
(c) I'm only a fraction of a fraction richer than I was, monetarily speaking. With everything else though, I'd say exponentially.

18. What do you wish you had done more of?

I wish for every possible moment with Zoë. I wish I had done some more writing, sleeping, dreaming.

19. What do you wish you had done less of?

Giving people who weren't worth it the time of day. And gosh, I need to spend less time on my phone.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

With my dad, the kitties, and the bros in our tiny apartment in NY. It was the best one we've had in years.

21. Did you fall in love in 2021?

Oh my, did I... She's everything and more.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Chrisley Knows Best.

One Day At A Time.

New Girl.

Julie & The Phantoms.

Peaky Blinders.
Maid.

Outer Banks.

Next in Fashion.

Sex Education.

Derry Girls.

Dead to Me.

Schitt's Creek.

The Queen's Gambit.

The Great British Baking Show.

23. Do you hate someone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Usually, I'd say hate is a pretty strong word but honestly I'd go so far as to say yeah. This warrants it.

24. What was the best book you read?

Dear god... did I read a single book this year? Uh... I'll get back to you on that.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

RATATOUILLE THE TIKTOK MUSICAL omfg greatest thing ever invented.
Måneskin, sexy beasts that they are.

Barlow&Bear, the talented-beyond-belief duo of my dreams.

26. What did you want and get?

True love <3 Experiences of a lifetime.

27. What did you want and not get?

An apology.

28. What was your favorite film of the year?

I dunno if you noticed but... it's been kinda ~impossible~ to go to the movies as of late so many of these had to wait. Luckily, the internet exists.

Luca.

In the Heights.

Black Widow.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings.
Encanto.

Don't Look Up.

The French Dispatch.

tick, tick... BOOM!

I have yet to see:

Spiderman: No Way Home (if anyone spoils this for me, I will personally make sure the rest of your life is filled with tiny innumerable inconveniences)

Being the Ricardos.

Licorice Pizza.

West Side Story.

House of Gucci.

C'mon C'mon.

Spencer.

Old.

Cyrano.

Wolf.

Minari.

29. What is one thing that made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Look, when I tell you lesbians do it better... they really truly do lmao

30. How would you describe your fashion concept in 2021?

Cottagecore-wannabe/baby-sapphic/yikes-depression.

31. What kept you sane?

Weed lmao kiddinggg (not really) But also my fierce, incomparably loyal friends. And doing theatre. Performing. Singing. Cooking. And knowing how long it would be 'til I could see Zoë again.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Doja Cat is just *perfection* Also, Zoë got me hooked on Machine Gun Kelly and I'm not mad about it. And of course, as always, Zendaya and Tom Holland, who will always have my heart.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

I'm not even gonna go there. I was simply astonished by how blatantly selfish and arrogant some choose to be.

34. Who do you miss?

Titi. Mami. Zoë. A lot of people.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2021.

Sometimes, people you thought loved you will absolutely break your heart. Hard as it might be, it's okay to let them go. Get angry! Anger is powerful and deserves to be felt! You deserve to have people in your life who will see your value and worth no matter what the circumstance and choose you every time. Make no space for nonsense. You are a GIFT—and not one anyone should take for granted.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"You've already won me over, in spite of me

And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet

And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are

I couldn't help it, it's all your fault."

"Head Over Feet" by Alanis Morissette

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Temporary Relief Part 2

Morning, darlings. I hope you are all staying well and taking care of your wonderful selves. The past week has been... eventful, for lack of a better word. No better time to commence the brain-numbing than through the second section of the conversation card questions.

..........

1. Do you ever eat lunch outside?

I assume this means when I'm at school/work? If the weather allows, for sure, but not when too many bugs are around *yuck*

2. Have you seen your work suffer when you're unhappy?

All. The. Time. Mood swings and performance correlations are no joke.

3. When you think about getting older do you imagine being happy?

I want to. I hope so. Every day I try to work toward creating the life I always wanted and never had. So we'll see.

4. Do you have certain foods that make you happier?

DO I? Strawberries & cream, Capri Suns, pickles, carrots with lime, extra buttery popcorn, anything Entenmman's, refried bean burritos, strawberry banana smoothies, Abuelo's baked ziti, salted mangoes, RICE, tomatoes with lime, tostones, Deece ice cream concoctions, arepitas, kiwis, concón, Quaker Oats dinosaur oatmeal, queso frito, sourdough bread, salted lime, cucumbers with lime, salami, Abuelo's dulce de coco, Abuela's ensalada de repollo, empanadas, banana bread muffins, Papi's pasta bolognese, Mami's fried eggs (jokes cuz that's like the only thing she can cook lol), and a million other things. Moral of the story is I'm kind of super into food :)

5. Where's the most unlikely place you've made a friend?

A bathroom lol

6. What would you love to grow?

Literally? Some freaking basil plants, man. Figuratively, probably patience and the ability to say no.

7. If you could get rid of a daily noise from something what would it be?

Not fully sure what this question is going for but I'm gonna say the stupid "Caw-Caw!!! Caw-Caw!!!"'s from the ravens in our backyard every morning. Like, they start at 6am, dude. The audacity.

8. Whose marriage would you like to emulate?

My late Titi Dorianny and her husband Tio John's, for sure. They were oh so in love and brought out the absolute best in each other. They went on adventures, they had dance parties, they pursued art projects together, they cooked together, they laughed together, they held each other up through everything until the very end. I have never known any other people who loved like that. What they had was for sure a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing.

9. Are you happier when your life has structure or with total freedom?

Sooooooo the thing is I suck at maintaining structure for myself??? Like, I know that I tend to thrive off of routines (when I'm able to stick with them) but on the other hand, I find some of my happiest moments to be the most spontaneous and unscheduled ones.

10. Do you have higher standards for yourself or other people?

5 million percent higher for myself, it's infuriating.

11. How happy are your genes?

Uhhhh is this a question about my DNA? If so, I legitimately couldn't answer your question. I have no idea lmao

12. When do you feel most independent?

When I accomplish adult-y things, like bank errands or grocery shopping or folding laundry or making uncomfy phonecalls with even more adult-y people or cooking for myself and others or deep cleaning an entire room. Just things like that. I don't love doing those things, but when I do get them done I feel like an accomplished human.

13. Would you rather have children that are successful or happy?

I consider happiness to be the greatest success :)

14. Why do so many beautiful people seem so miserable?

Can't relate so I couldn't tell you hahaahahaaaa otherwise idk, society man ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

15. What do you worry about in the middle of the night?

Oh buddy, you don't wanna know... But mostly embarrassing shit I did in the third grade that I will never live down. Rip.

16. Is Disneyland really the happiest place on earth?

Can confirm it's not even in the top twelve happiest places on earth.

17. What are the small daily things that give you pleasure?

The way my cats purr to get out of scoldings because they know they can get away with it; a warm mug of tea held between my hands; the dust particles dancing in rays of sunshine; my cats' little toe beans; showering after feeling gross all day; flinging my bra across the room for fun (hehe); watching my cats nap; sleeping on freshly laundered sheets; texting my very best friends that I love them.

18. What's your favorite dream about your future?

I am alive. I am healthy. I am free of all debts. I'm an accomplished occupational therapist for children. I have a spouse who adores me and kids who are never afraid to ask me things. I live in some quiet, easy suburb, away from city chaos. We have two cats and a dog whom we love very much. My life is no longer a mess. I find joy in being awake. 

19. Have you ever gone on a news fast?

As a Highly Sensitive Person (it's a real thing, look it up lol), I literally cannot handle vast amounts of overwhelming content for prolonged periods of time lest I wanna plummet headfirst into a mental breakdown. So, news fasts are kind of typical for me. I require more charging time than others, so frequent breaks are needed. Tis simply my lot in life ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

20. Why do we spend our time doing things we know won't make us happy?

Free will, bro. Idk.

21. When's the last time you took a big risk?

I think a lot of the risks I end up taking in life are purely coincidental or accidental XD But on a more serious note, I guess when I re-applied to college after two years. There was no guarantee I'd get in, and applying to college once is draining enough, let alone doing it twice. I'm really glad it ended up working out :)

22. What are your greatest pleasures?

Bad romcoms, fuzzy socks, naps in the arms of a love, fried food, car karaoke with the best of friends, spontaneous adventures, long showers, Pinterest boards, having my hair played with, the warmth of a fire when the rest of the world is freezing, praise, the smell of grass in the morning, talking to the moon.

23. If you were going to begin dancing regularly what kind would you do?

100% would love to get back into hip-hop and jazz *heart eyes*

24. When you want to laugh, what or who do you turn to?

Potterless Podcast, old vine compilations, jokes written by kids, and when all else fails, Evan lmao <3

25. Is it harder to forgive yourself or others?

Ehhh I'd say it's a solid 60/40 split, with an edge towards me. Forgiving oneself is not easy work.

..........

And there you have it. Arbitrary answers to questions nobody asked or cared for :) You're welcome.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Temporary Relief Part 1

Hi friends.

I haven't been able to bring myself to write in quite some time. Due to everything going on in the world (and in my own life), it just didn't seem right. For a number of reasons, I've found it quite difficult to do anything for myself, even writing on this blog. The thought of doing anything for myself in light of recent events has only riddled me with guilt because it leaves me feeling empty, like I'm not doing enough, like I'm not contributing enough and I shouldn't spend time on myself when there are more pressing matters at hand. And while part of me still feels that way, I've realized how important it is to take care of myself and to do things for myself even in the midst of all this chaos and tragedy—because if I don't, there will be none of me left to fight. So if that means writing easy, mindless puff pieces in addition to signing petitions and donating where I can and re-educating myself on issues of systemic racism, then so be it (and I encourage you all to do the same! if you are able to attend protests, please do so safely!)

Anyway.

I discovered some "conversation starter cards" in my living room a while ago (courtesy of Natasha lol) and thought I'd give them a go. Since there are quite a few questions, I thought I'd split them into a couple different posts so as not to overwhelm you or myself :)

1. Would you choose to be 20% better-looking if it made you 20% less happy?

Probably not. I already have low-enough days... I don't need them to be any lower lol

2. Do your morals ever get in the way of your happiness?

Oh, definitely. Not often, but there are times where the easier, immoral option is the quickest road to happiness and yet I have to stop myself if I feel like keeping my integrity.

3. What quote do you live by?

Rest in Distress.

-Evan Rubenzahl

Lmao jk I have a handful. But the one I tend to come back to over and over again is "Have courage and be kind." Who knew Cinderella would have the answers on how to live my life ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

4. Is happiness over-rated?

Absolutely not.

5. What made each of your past pets special?

Oh boy, there were quite a few so I dunno if I'll be able to remember them all! There were the cannibal snails; the rescued baby bird;  Roger the Hamster named after the iconic Mr. Rogers; Gato and Bachi, my parents' first set of cats; the mysteriously disappearing frogs; Sandy the Prize Turtle who we thought was a boy but was actually a girl; probably several fish that have vanished from memory; Bernie & Phyllis, my precious sassy old rescue kitties; Suki the peanut chihuahua-terrier, who is the love of my life but such an old little woman now; Nutella the warm, adorable slobbery bulldog pup; and finally, Phoenix & Scout, my current demonically playful, astonishingly needy (and loud) kittens adopted from South Salem, New York.

6. Do you think it's easier to be happy when you don't have as many choices?

It can be. Ignorance is bliss and all that jazz.

7. Are you letting any of your gifts go to waste?

I mean, I hope not. I'm assuming gifts here means "natural talents" or something like that? Each of my "talent" inclinations has always fallen in the artistic realm but I haven't necessarily had the means to pursue them as in-depth as I'd like. Dance/voice/music lessons are not cheap, my dudes. I know I have skills there, I just need to figure out how to harness them fully.

8. Which bad habits could you cut out that would help you sleep better?

I'm not even gonna go there. Insomnia can go fuck itself.

9. What do you sometimes take for granted?

Probably my friends' kindness. They are too good to me and I do not deserve them <3

10. What is contributing a surprising amount of happiness to your life these days?

Not all that surprising, but Phoenix & Scout have stolen my entire heart and can get away with probably anything if they nuzzle me hard enough.

11. Have you ever tried to regularly take quiet time for yourself?

As an introvert, it's sorta hard to exist without it.

12. How often do you make a to-do list?

Ohmygod, every day.

13. What's the hardest thing for you to resist?

Persuasion.

14. What would you like to give up thinking about?

Student loans hahahaahhahahahahhaaaaaa

15. Which of your commitments is the hardest to keep?

I'm not entirely sure what this means but I guess anything school-related stresses me out the most and therefore I end up brushing things off until the last possible minute.

16. If you could wave a magic wand and one thing in your life would be checked off your to-do list what would you pick?

Any homework, ever. I love school and I love learning yall, but completing assignments? Not my area.

17. Do you accept what can't be changed?

Not always. I want to, though.

18. How can you be happier than you are right now?

If I could stick to a routine. I mean actually, really truly stick to a healthy routine to the point where it becomes second nature. But unfortunately, not much of my life has allowed for it.

19. Which locations are on your bucket list?

Colombia, Peru, El Salvador, Venezuela, Brazil, Chile, Cuba, Mexico, Scotland, The Netherlands, Portugal, France, Greece, Italy, Austria, Vietnam, Japan, Thailand, Australia, Nepal, China, The Philippines, Egypt, Lebanon, Nigeria, South Korea, Singapore, Bangladesh, Belgium, Switzerland, Norway, Denmark, Iceland... Man, the list could go on.

20. What are the three most important qualities you look for in a partner?

Compassion, humor & reliability.

21. What's the difference between pleasure and happiness?

I like to think of pleasure as a short-lived, immediate thing whereas happiness is more of a long-term, all-encompassing thing. 

22. Which area of your life needs the most organization?

My sleep schedule, holy shit.

23. Are you ever surprised by your own behavior?

Rarely. Usually, the surprise stems from the shock of my own self-restraint. I tend to be very impulsive when it comes to my emotions and the actions that follow them, so if I'm able to fight off some impulsive instincts, it's no small thing.

24. Who's the most surprisingly happy person you know?

All the ones I can think of are children, so... I dunno what that says about the adult world.

25. Do you have unnecessarily impossible standards?

For myself? Absolutely 100%. For others, not particularly.

..........

And there you have the first 25 questions, folks. If anything, I hope this brought some vague sense of levity to your own life before you go out and fight for change in this world (go do it! we need you!)

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Perhaps the First Good Year

Once again, I'm the worst. To be fair, though, this time I didn't have internet on the day it was meant to be posted sooooo.......... Pretend this was posted on December 31st lmao XD

You won't even believe it but this year was the beginning of good news. Good news! For me! That hasn't happened for me in years, and that is not an exaggeration. Anyhow, this post was a lot more fun to write this time because it wasn't the same old depressing bullshit. At least for the most part.

1. What did you do in 2019 that you'd never done before?

Hmm, I'm trying to remember... Oh right. I FINISHED MY FIRST EVER FULL SEMESTER OF COLLEGE!!! FUCK YEAH!!! I also became a waitress for the first time, got fired for the first time (from that same job lol), became a dogwalker and a babysitter simultaneously, initiated my first ever breakup (that's huge for me, I've never been the one to initiate the split), I learned how to cartwheel, how to change a tire, I had my first ever successful hookup, I stood up to men who thought they could get away with treating me condescendingly and coercively, I performed in community theatre for the first time, I adopted KITTIES!, I became the primary caretaker/financial supporter in my household for a period of time, I experienced hunger, I overcame said hunger along with a bunch of other challenges and now I am here :)

2. Did you keep your New Years Resolutions and will you make more for next year?

I think I remember saying all I wanted for myself was self-compassion. It wasn't always easy but dear God, I think I finally am starting to get the hang of it. Next year, I want to continue on that track but also try to develop some more healthy day-to-day routines. Nothing should be more of a priority than my health.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My cousin Alex and his wife Chelsea had their first child together, Xander, and he's the cutest little nugget there ever was. Also, WE ADOPTED TWO INSANELY CRAZY AND ADORABLE CATS AND I'M OVER THE MOON ABOUT IT.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Mike Meads was in the year below me and even though I'd never been close to him, his death was unexpected and tragic and hurt many lives. Then Mary Oliver, Luke Perry, and Cameron Boyce, other untimely tragedies that shook my soul more than I thought they would. It was also the first anniversary of Titi's death. That was hard.

5. What countries did you visit?

US and DR, baby. I'm a predictable bitch.

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?

I think just more financial security and the ability to find consistent routines that work for me.

7. What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

January 5th. Send in college apps.
January 6th. YD goes to Rome.
January 22nd. First day waitressing.
February 9th. Visit Evan and Linnea <3
February 11th. First (initiated) breakup.
February 14th. Margaritowlville!
February 16th. Freaky Friday.
February 23rd. Meet Noah!
March 6th. Last teen year.
March 9th. Into the Spiderverse.
March 17th. Doña Flor y Sus Dos Maridos.
April 1st. Vassar says yes!
April 5th. NEWSIES.
April 11th. First time getting fired :/
April 20th. Dogsit for Shea.
April 24th. Hadestown <3
April 25th. Change a tire.
May 5th. Seussical.
May 10th. Les Mis.
May 18th. Nat's Dance Recital!
May 26th. Babies' graduation!
May 27th. Brunch Reunion w/ Fonts, Claire & Clara.
June 8th. Minigolf with CJ, NJ + Matt.
June 14th. WIFE!!!
June 21st. Whose Live Is It Anyway w/ The Martins.
June 30. Pride with Kota.
July 6th. RIP Cameron Boyce <3
July 12th. Spiderman: Far From Home.
July 30th. Marshland Conservancy.
August 6th. Kitty Adoption Day!
August 22nd. Vassar Round 2.
August 30th. Titi <3
September 15th. Owl Sing-Ins!
October 10th. Still.
October 11th. The Flick.
October 31st. O'Hysteria.
November 13th. Summertime/Wintertime.
November 22nd. Safe Hands.
November 23rd. Nina.
December 4th. Fun Home.
December 12th. Owls Final Concert.
December 14th. Beats Final Concert.
December 19th. Beats Suite Christmas.
December 20th. Return to the island.
December 21st. The Big Chop.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I somehow managed to make myself my number 1 priority. It didn't always work and there definitely were times where I had to put my family first but at least I didn't fall into the trap of needing a companion to get me through it all. I was there to get me through it all. I was capable and strong and determined and I was enough.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I don't really like to think of anything as a failure because from our mistakes, we learn. I would have liked to continue and get through my Fundamentals of Music class, but ultimately I made the right decision in withdrawing. It was sucking up all my energy and time and was wrecking my mental health so I'm glad I let it go.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Oh goodness, my immune system has never been the strongest and after working so closely with kids so often, you pick up all their gross little germs. Needless to say, I was pretty consistently sick for about half of this year. Finished the year off with a month and a half long bout of bronchitis :)

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Tickets to Hadestown. Wouldn't have traded them for the world.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My usual go-to's, Linnea and Evan—I seriously don't know what I'd do without them; my cousin Natasha who is the older sister I never had; Papi for breaking the cycle that had been eating at him for the past five years; and my lovely roommate Jessica, who made coming back to school the most fun ever.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled?

So many people in power. It's nauseating, really.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Groceries, rent, medical bills. That's what life as a real adult is like.

15. What did you get really, really excited about?

Seeing Hadestown with my dad as our joint birthday present :) Performing Newsies with a cast of unbelievably amazing people. Adopting two precious kitties <3 Rejoining the path of college education. Getting to sing with my Night Owls once more. Watching professional-grade theatre for free because my college's drama department slaps. The new Dominican food place down the street from my dorm.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2019?

Señorita by Camila Cabello & Shawn Mendes
Old Town Road by Lil Nas X
I BEEN BORN AGAIN by BROCKHAMPTON
bad guy by Billie Eilish
7 rings by Ariana Grande
Sucker by Jonas Brothers
Lights Up by Harry Styles
Dancing With a Stranger by Sam Smith ft Normani
Circles by Post Malone
If I Can't Have You by Shawn Mendes
Dance Monkey by Tones and I
Juice by Lizzo
bury a friend by Billie Eilish
break up with your girlfriend, im bored by Ariana Grande
DDU-DU DDU-DU by BLACKPINK
Beautiful People by Ed Sheeran
Watermelon Sugar by Harry Styles
Cool by Jonas Brothers
BOY BYE by BROCKHAMPTON
Tempo by Lizzo ft Missy Elliot
Movement by Hozier
2 by H.E.R.
Greedy by Ariana Grande
Earth by Lil Dicky
Nightmare by Halsey
Kill This Love by BLACKPINK
Con Calma by Daddy Yankee
Back Pocket by Vulfpeck
365 by Zedd ft Katy Perry
Boys by Lizzo
bloodline by Ariana Grande
Exactly How I Feel by Lizzo ft Gucci Mane
Grow As We Go by Ben Platt
NO HALO by BROCKHAMPTON
i'm so tired by Lauv ft Troye Sivan
Truth Hurts by Lizzo
Funky Duck by Vulfpeck
MONOPOLY by Ariana Grande ft Victoria Monét
Mount Everest by Labrinth
Level Up by Ciara
Go DJ by KAYTRANADA ft SiR
The Box by Roddy Rich
thank u, next by Ariana Grande
Down Bad by Dreamville ft JID, J. Cole, EARTHGANG, Young Nudy
Need It by KAYTRANADA ft Masego
Solita by Kali Uchis
Fred Astaire by Jukebox The Ghost
Que Calor by Major Lazer ft J Balvin & El Alfa
All For Us by Labrinth ft Zendaya
Narcos by Migos
MALAMENTE by ROSALIA
151 Rum by JID
Hold Up by Beyoncé
Stop Your Crying by Lake Street Drive
Trampoline by SHAED ft ZAYN
River by Leon Bridges
i love you by Billie Eilish
Obsessed by Mariah Carey
Hey DJ by CNCO ft Yandel
Undrunk by FLETCHER
Teeth by 5 Seconds of Summer
hot girl bummer by blackbear
16 shots by Steffon Don
Lalala by Y2K, bbno$
Callaita by Bad Bunny ft Tainy
Don't Call Me Angel by Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus ft Lana del Rey
California Dreamin' by The Mamas & The Papas
Jailbreak the Tesla by Injury Reserve by Aminé
I THINK by Tyler, The Creator
715 Creeks by Bon Iver
Good Kisser by Lake Street Drive
My Type by Saweetie
Jesus Is The One (I Got Depression) by Zack Fox, Kenny Beats

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

(a) Definitely happier. Without a doubt.
(b) Probably fatter lol Gaining muscle is exhausting.
(c) I think richer but it certainly doesn't feel like it what with all the adulting.

18. What do you wish you had done more of?

Enjoying the moment. Feeling confident in my abilities. Writing.

19. What do you wish you had done less of?

It may come as no surprise to you but worrying. It's time-consuming and unnecessary. Things work out in the end, not always the way we want them to but they do.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Uneventfully at my mom's apartment in DR surrounded by my fam.

21. Did you fall in love in 2019?

I'd like to say I learned how to fall in love with myself.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Where do I even start? Here are the ones that come to mind:

Dead to Me
Derry Girls
Scrubs
Riverdale
Friends (I watched all 10 seasons in about three weeks oops)
Euphoria
Barry
His Dark Materials
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Queer Eye
Stranger Things (duh)
The Act
Schitt's Creek

23. Do you hate someone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Ooooooof sometimes men as a whole make me real mad. I'll just leave that there.

24. What was the best book you read?

I'm forgetting which books I read this year and which I read last year so I'm hoping these are accurate? I think it was a pretty good year for reading :)

Beautiful Broken Things
My Heart and Other Black Holes
Zac & Mia
Reincarnation Blues
Prince Charming
The Sun is Also A Star
Milk & Honey
Rainbow in the Cloud
Gmorning Gnight
Real Women Have Curves
Make Your Home Among Strangers
The Farming of Bones
Where the Crawdads Sing
The Sun & Her Flowers

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Ben Platt's Sing Me To Sleep
KATRANADA's BUBBA
Harry Styles's Fine Line
Ariana Grande's thank u, next
BROCKHAMPTON's GINGER
Fun Home Soundtrack
Hadestown Soundtrack
Vanara the Musical Soundtrack

26. What did you want and get?

A speck of stability which I didn't ever think I'd get in the next few years.

27. What did you want and not get?

Inner family peace but we're working on it.

28. What was your favorite film of the year?

As always, there is never one single answer:

Avengers: Endgame
Joker
The Lighthouse
Spiderman: Far From Home
Captain Marvel
The Lion King
Little
Always Be My Maybe
Downton Abbey
After (lmaoooooo)
Let It Snow
Klaus <3

I have yet to see:

Hustlers
Rocketman
Aladdin
Judy
The Two Popes
Good Boys
Honeyland
Peanut Butter Falcon
booksmart
Toy Story 4
Missing Link

29. What is one thing that made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Quality time with my dad, my brothers, Natasha, the kitties... And getting beyond lucky when it came to my sweet hallmates and roommate :)

30. How would you describe your fashion concept in 2019?

Comfy girl-next-door

31. What kept you sane?

ASMR. Kiddos. My best friends.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Wow um cool if Hunter Shafer wants to accept my hand in marriage, I would be over the moon <3 Then again, I've got my usual suspects: Zendaya, Tom Holland, Ana de Armas, Lana Condor, Noah Centineo, Joey King, Cole Sprouse, Billie Eilish, Reeve Carney, Eva Noblezada, Ben Platt, Harry Styles, and of course, Lizzo.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

Sigh. 2019 was not unique in its growing cases of hate and violence. Between the mass shootings, the numerous cases of transphobia, islamophobia, and anti-semitism, the blatant acts of terrorism, raging fires, families being separated and children being put in cages... I just have no words. It is each and every one of our responsibility to be better. This world cannot improve on its own—it is imperative that we step in and make every little tiny difference we can.

34. Who do you miss?

My mom. Suki. My grandparents. My brothers. Phoenix and Scout. Evan & Linnea.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019.

You have courage made of steel, babe. You are made of bravery and determination and perseverance. You are made of stars and exploding galaxies and the Sun and the Moon. There is absolutely nothing you can't do if you put your mind to it. I have every faith that you will succeed. I love you I love you I love you.

36. Quote a song lyrics that sums up your year:

"Woo girl, need to kick off your shoes
Got to take a deep breath, time to focus on you
All the big fights, long nights that you been through
I got a bottle of Tequila I been saving for you
Boss up and change your life
You can have it all, no sacrifice
I know he did you wrong, we can make it right
So go and let it all hang out tonight"

"Good as Hell" by Lizzo

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: Happy Birthday a billion days late Maeve, my dear <3

Year 18, Still Breathin'

Wow okay so 2k18 wasn't at all what it was cracked up to be but hey! There's always next year.

1. What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?

Oh goodness, let's see... Well, I voted for the first time so that was pretty sweet! I also may have made some poor life choices and got high with the big bro and dissociated for the first time and had my first real paying job and got my first ever state ID and lost my virginity and got hospitalized and bought my first toy (lol) and paid my own bills and scheduled my own doctor's appointments so like adulting yay that's cool.

2. Did you keep your New Years Resolutions and will you make more for next year?

I didn't make any resolutions that I can recall. I do remember saying I hoped 2018 was my year and even though on the surface it may very well have been an absolute disaster, it has taught me more lessons than I can possibly count. For 2019, I'm just striving for absolute self compassion, no questions asked.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Hmmm... no, BUT Yan Diego officially became the godfather of this teeny tiny black cat, Luna, and she is such a demonic treasure :)

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My one and only beautiful Titi Dorianny who lives in our hearts and in our smiles forever.

5. What countries did you visit?

The usual: DR & US. I'm not exciting.

6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?

Oh gosh, stability for once in my life. Emotional, financial, physical, all of it. Or even just one of the three. I want something to go right for me in 2019. I've waited long enough and I sure as heck deserve it.

7. What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

January 1st. First time.
January 22nd. Move to RI.
February 16th. The Little Mermaid.
March 6th. Finally legal.
March 11th. Winter photoshoot.
March 20th. Mami's book launch, DR.
April 21st. Hospitalization.
May 27th. Babies' graduation!
May 28th. First day of work.
August 2nd. Mami's book launch, NY.
August 3rd. Waitress.
August 4th. Anastasia.
August 16th. Second heartbreak.
August 23rd. Book of Mormon.
August 30th. Te quiero, Titi <3
September 10th. Officially settled in NY.
October 17th. Aidan <3
October 19th. A Star is Born.
October 31st. Halloween in VT.
November 6th. First vote!!!
November 11th. Fall photoshoot.
November 15th. SNOW.
November 19th. MacBook Pro.
November 24th. Bohemian Rhapsody.
December 11th. Officially together!
December 13th. First "I love you"

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Learning to love myself and to let go. Still a work in progress.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Failure is a strong word. It would be a little harsh to peg the word failure on someone when we're all just trying our best, but I guess I let myself sink all the way down this year. Farther into the void than I've ever gone before and it was scary as heck, let me tell you.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes. I was briefly hospitalized in April for extreme panic disorder and suicidal thoughts. I also had a short but torturous bout of vertigo around midsummer. 10/10 would not recommend.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Hmmm... well back when I was making mula, I'd splurge on myself every now and again which was pretty heckin' fun and most of it consisted of unnecessary thrift store items or random beauty products. However, I was the most excited when I bought my first denim jacket. What can I say? I have my priorities.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

It may come as no surprise to you but my loves Linnea, Lauryn, Kelila, and Evan seriously pulled through. I mean those four got me through some of the toughest most excruciating times of my life, I owe them just about everything. Another pleasant surprise was seeing Tia Susan and Ali team up to be my personal champions and I just love them both beyond words.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled?

I have a select few I could mention but the world never got any better by spreading hate.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Oh jesus, most of you won't want to know this but it's freaking true so I might as well say it: Calvin Klein underwear. Like stashes and stashes of them. It's teetering on obsessive, honestly.

15. What did you get really, really excited about?

Seeing a Broadway show for the first time in years. Any time I got to spend with my friends. Every trip to the Martins' home. Burritos. Cats. Movies.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2018?

God is a Woman by Ariana Grande
IDGAF by Dua Lipa
I Like It by Cardi B
breathin' by Ariana Grande
Radio Ga Ga by Queen
Just a Stranger by Kali Uchis ft. Steve Lacy
Bad Liar by Selena Gomez
Spice Girl by Aminé
No Tears Left to Cry by Ariana Grande
bellyache by Billie Eilish
Joanne by Lady Gaga
Mo Bamba by Sheck Wes
Feel It Still by Portugal the Man
Bodak Yellow by Cardi B
Shallow by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper
Moonlight by XXXTENTACION
La Cintura by Alvaro Soler
Rewrite the Stars by Zac Efron and Zendaya
lovely by Billie Eilish ft. Khalid
Sober by Demi Lovato
BLACKJACK by Aminé
Don't Stop Me Now by Queen
In my Feelings by Drake
Sweet Creature by Harry Styles
King Kunta by Kendrick Lamar
REEL IT IN by Aminé
idontwannabeyouanymore by Billie Eilish
In My Blood by Shawn Mendes
I Love It by Kanye West ft. Lil Pump
Sorry not Sorry by Demi Lovato
1998 TRUMAN by BROCKHAMPTON
All the Stars by Kendrick Lamar ft. SZA
you should see me in a crown by Billie Eilish
Havana by Camila Cabello
Yikes by Kanye West
Uproar by Lil Wayne ft. Swizz Beatz
ICY GRL by Saweetie
Nice for What by Drake
Movement by Hozier
Lost In Japan by Shawn Mendes
Look At Me! by XXXTENTACION
Girls Like You by Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B
Youngblood by 5 Seconds of Summer
Sweet but Psycho by Ava Max
REDMERCEDES by Aminé
Caroline by Aminé
Taki Taki by DJ Snake, Selena Gomez, Ozuna & Cardi B
thank u, next by Ariana Grande
JELLO by BROCKHAMPTON
I Ain't Got Time! by Tyler, The Creator
Greedy by Ariana Grande
Hair Too Long by The Vamps
Icon by Jaden Smith
NO EXCUSES by Meghan Trainor
Money by Cardi B
Who Dat Boy by Tyler, The Creator & A$AP Rocky

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

(a) I can't believe I'm even saying this but happier. So much happier.
(b) I can't believe this either but thinner... I lost ten pounds XD
(c) Wowowow I have never been more penniless in my life and yet I'm makin' it work somehow.

18. What do you wish you had done more of?

Art. Part of me feels like I wasted a whole good nine months but then again, I had lots of healing to do and the healing isn't over yet. I'm doing the best that I can.

19. What do you wish you had done less of?

Ew crying. Ohmygod, if I had a dollar for every second I spent crying this year, I'd be a fucking trillionaire. Not that crying isn't good for you or a healthy coping mechanism but when you've got anything in excess, it's not so bueno.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Quietly in NY with my dad and the bros.

21. Did you fall in love in 2018?

Oh yes, absolutely.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Bisshhhhhhh I thought you'd never ask :)

Say Yes to the Dress
Grace & Frankie
Downton Abbey
King of the Hill
This is Us
Community
The Good Place
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
The Great British Baking Show
The Fosters (it finally ended and I think I might die)

23. Do you hate someone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Hate is a very strong word. Again, a select few come to mind but spreading hate is bad karma so...

24. What was the best book you read?

Heck dudes, I'm bummed I didn't read as much as last year but I still managed to sneak some reading in here and there.

Paperweight by Meg Haston
When in doubt, add butter by Beth Harbison
The Beginning of Everything by Robin Schneider

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Hadestown: The Myth. The Musical. (thank you Claire for blessing my whole life with this)

26. What did you want and get?

Affection. To see my family.

27. What did you want and not get?

Security. Safety. Stability.

28. What was your favorite film of the year?

As always, there is never one single answer:

A Star is Born
Bohemian Rhapsody
Crazy Rich Asians
Black Panther
Dumplin'
To All The Boys I've Loved Before
Set It Up

I've yet to see:

Love, Simon
The Hate U Give
Incredibles II
Christopher Robin
Ocean's 8
Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again
BlacKkKlansman

29. What is one thing that made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Music helped me through it all.

30. How would you describe your fashion concept in 2018?

50% barely functioning/systematically depressed human being, 50% casual hipster chic.

31. What kept you sane?

Meditation. Spotify. Sleep.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Not even gonna try to hide my love for Noah Centineo <3 I LOVED HIM SINCE THE FOSTERS YOU POSERS!!!

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

It's sad that there are almost too many to count with each coming year but for reasons that hit far too close to home, the Kavanaugh trial. I don't think I'd been triggered that badly in a while.

34. Who do you miss?

Titi. Linnea, Evan, the Owls, Suki, Luna, Nutella, Bernie, & Phyllis <3

Notice how half of those are animals.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018.

You are love. You are light. You are loved. You are worthy. You are able. You are enough.

36. Quote a song lyrics that sums up your year:

"I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in
I'll never meet the ground
Crash through the surface
Where they can't hurt us
We're far from the shallow now"

"Shallow" by Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: Happy Birthday my dearest Maeve <3

We Made It! (Barely)

Oh boy. What a year it's been, my loves. A lot of firsts... A lot of lasts... Here's to hoping you had a better one than I.

1. What did you do in 2017 that you'd never done before?

I graduated motherfucking high school, bitchesssssssssss!!!!! Oh, I also may have gotten drunk for the first time. And high for the first time. And had my first hookup. And regretted my first hookup. And started college. And dropped outta college. And met the love of my life under the strangest of circumstances.

2. Did you keep your New Years Resolutions and will you make more for next year?

Well, my dudes, I did as I promised last year: I survived 2017. Quite a feat, might I add. Beyond that, I don't really know if I could focus on anything else. 2018 better be my year. Please be my year. Please, pretty please.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Still no nieces or nephews, thank God. HOWEVER, the Kerrs and the Doires both adopted some gorgeous baby puppers, Finn and Loki respectively. And ohMyGOd they are the most terrific babies you ever did see.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My dearest Rosie. Thank you for visiting me the other day. You have no idea how special that was.

5. What countries did you visit?

Nowhere new, I'm afraid. Just the good ol' USofA and DR.

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

I just... I want the pain to go away. I know that's a longshot, but the past few years have been hell. I mean, absolute hell. And I know I should be counting my blessings—I am—but just... I just want to know something for certain for once, you know? I just wanna be happy. Isn't that what we all want?

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

January 22nd. Semi with CJS.
February 11th. Killed Berklee 2k17.
February 17th. Legally Blonde.
March 28th. Vassar says yes!
April 10th. My poor Rosie <3
May 1st. Yes to Vassar!
May 13th. Senior Prom with CJS.
May 20th. Last Abbey show :(
May 28th. Graduation.
May 31st. First crossfade.
June 3rd. First heartbreak.
August 17th. Hello college.
September 12th. NIGHT OWLS!
October 27th. Buddhist retreat.
November 4th. Goodbye college.
November 10th. William Wells Rider <3
November 28th. First "I love you".
December 10th. One month of happiness.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Honestly? Getting into college didn't hurt. But I'd say the real achievement was finding someone who respects me and loves me for everything that I am.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I feel like I failed myself. I thought I was ready for college but just... things didn't really line up. The timing wasn't right. Lots of things weren't right.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

So I casually suffered from emotional shock in October and almost went into cardiac arrest which was no fun. But here I am, alive and, well... alive, folks. That's about all I can say.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Whaleeeeeeee, here's the dealio: I have zero income. Or at least, I did have a minimal income until I left college. HOWEVER. Seeing as I am currently living with the Wilson-Fishers, everything I get comes from them. And let's just say Tia Susan was feeling particularly generous one day and bought me some early Christmas gifts from Urban Outfitters and holy SHIT do I look good in them :)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Fonts, you've always been there for me, my dude. Seriously, I would not be here without you. Linnea, my darling, I could not be more thankful for you. The universe gave me the best roommate in the history of roommates. And Evan, dear friend, I miss you more than words can explain. You made college worth it. Tia Susan, you've been my guardian angel. And William, my dearest William, thank you. For what you do for me every single day. I cannot thank you enough. I love you all.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled?

This one might come as a shocker to y'all, but honestly, my parents. That's not to say I don't still love them with my whole heart or that they aren't wonderful people but they both fucked up royally this year. It's still taking me a while to put back the pieces.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Oh, are you talking about that college that I'm not even currently attending?

15. What did you get really, really excited about?

Getting into THE BEST  a cappella group EVER!!! (seriously tho, I miss y'owl more than you know)

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2017?

Vor í Vaglaskógi by Kaleo
Waving Through A Window by Ben Platt
Michael In The Bathroom by George Salazar
Don't Think Twice, It's Alright by The Night Owls
Moondance by The Night Owls
Slow Down Love by Louis the Child ft. Chelsea Cutler
Dead by Madison Beer
Lights Down Low by MAX ft. gnash
New Rules by Dua Lipa
Mi Gente by J Balvin ft. Willy William
Felices los 4 by Maluma
Súbeme la Radio by Enrique Iglesias
Chantaje by Shakira ft. Maluma
Lost by Frank Ocean
Mykonos by Fleet Foxes
Degas Park by Kevin Abstract
GOLD by Brockhampton
Slow Hands by Niall Horan
HUMBLE by Kendrick Lamar
Bad Liar by Selena Gomez
Like Real People Do by Hozier
DNA by Kendrick Lamar
Shoutout to my Ex by Little Mix
Rockabye by Clean Bandit
Mercy by Shawn Mendes
Crying in the Club by Camila Cabello
Love on the Brain by Rihanna
Oblivion by Bastille
You Don't Know Me by Jax Jones
Swish Swish by Katy Perry
River by Bishop Briggs
Bad at Love by Halsey
Blame it On Me by George Ezra
Wasted Youth by FLETCHER
Bacon by Nick Jonas
Sight of The Sun by fun
There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back by Shawn Mendes
Make Me (Cry) by Noah Cyrus
Bad Things by Camila Cabello
A Million Reasons by Lady Gaga
The Greatest by Sia
Bon Appétit by Katy Perry
Sign of the Times by Harry Styles
All The Pretty Girls by Kaleo
Despacito by Luis Fonsi ft Daddy Yankee
Andas En Mi Cabeza by Chino y Nacho
So Much Better by Laura Bell Bundy (Legally Blonde)
Shape of You by Ed Sheeran
Sunday Candy by Chance the Rapper
I Found by Amber Run
Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

(a) sadder. much, much sadder. but hopeful.
(b) about the same?? I dunno.
(c) far poorer. and not getting richer anytime soon.

18. What do you wish you had done more of?

I wish I could have laughed more. There are so many things to laugh and smile about.

19. What do you wish you had done less of?

Wallowing. I do too much wallowing. My friends can all testify.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Quietly in Vermont. Spent more than half the day napping.

21. Did you fall in love in 2017?

I thought you'd never ask :)

22. What was your favorite TV program?

So you see, Evan got me hooked on this thing called Narcos and we lowkey may have binged it and it was the best time of my life. Then, of course, once Stranger Things Season 2 came out, there was no turning back. Since that ended, I may or may not have binged all of Big Mouth in a day...? Don't judge me.

23. Do you hate someone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

His name rhymes with Tonald Drump. Although to be fair, I did already hate him this time last year, so...

24. What was the best book you read?

You have NO IDEA how long I've waited for this post so I could inform y'all :) Okay, so this summer, I ended up devouring books one by one and was a happy camper, yes indeed. Here's a collection of my top 5:

All The Bright Places by Jennifer Niven
We Were Liars by E. Lockhart
A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore
You Are Here by Thich Nhat Hanh
and of course, my beautiful Mami's book:
El Hierro Que Forjó a la Dama by Darys Estrella

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Probably Kaleo (thank you Evan and William!) If we're talking musicals, though, you MUST listen to the Dear Evan Hansen soundtrack. Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable.

26. What did you want and get?

A high school diploma. A college acceptance. Love.

27. What did you want and not get?

Mental stability. Yet again.

28. What was your favorite film of the year?

Beauty and the Beast
Spiderman: Homecoming
Gaga: Five Foot Two
The Florida Project
Loving Vincent
Wonder Woman
Gifted
Split

I have yet to see:
Coco
I, Tonya
Wonder
Ladybird
Dunkirk
My Friend Dahmer
The Greatest Showman

29. What is one thing that made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Daily "I love you"s from the one and only <3

30. How would you describe your fashion concept in 2017?

I literally hate this question so much cuz I never know how to answer it... I guess you could say I still rock the overalls. That and pajamas on a good day.

31. What kept you sane?

Not much, to be honest. I'm not even totally sure how I'm here right now.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Sooooooo I may have become a bit obsessed with Aaron Tveit and Ben Platt... I swear, it's only because they're talented, not because they're both drop-dead-fucking-gorgeous. Emma Watson once again makes the list, but what else is new?

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

There were too many to count this year, folks. Far too many. Plus, I was a bit preoccupied dealing with my own mental health so I kinda needed to steer clear of politics for a while.

34. Who do you miss?

Rosie. Linnea, Evan & the Owls <3 Oh, and my lil peanut, Suki.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017.

Taking time for yourself is ALWAYS an option. It does not make you a failure. It does not make you unworthy. It does not make you unloveable.

36. Quote a song lyrics that sums up your year:

"Hold, hold on, hold onto me,

'Cause I'm a little unsteady,

A little unsteady."

"Unsteady" by X Ambassadors

There you have it. Sending you all my best.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAEVE!!! I LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART!!!

My Friends and the Hundreds of Millions of Things That They Are

Hello loves. I was doing a bit of tumblring the other day when I happened upon something quite interesting and this, right here, my dears, is my attempt at recreating that.

Please don't take offense, just know that every one of these things is what makes me love you even more <3

..........

Claire: nineteen, goldilocks 'til the day she dies, red lipstick and waterproof mascara, films everything her friends do because my god she loves them, blogposts and dark chocolate, bandanas and shades on-the-go, band-T's and pointe shoes, eats trail mix by the pound, chipped nail polish, a smile that makes her eyes crease like sun-rays, car keys and sunscreen, loud music or no music, pancakes and OJ, proud Ravenclaw, Stitchers and T-swizzle, too much perfume and unabashed cackling, no one loves more fiercely than she.

Fonts: twenty-one, begins most sentences with a pun, beer cans and flip-flops, life of the party or first one to crash, bass amps and drunken texts, light hazing and hidden compliments, pocket poetry and solid ground, old music and sage advice, glazed eyes and wide smiles, thoughts that expand beyond the universe, engages in many a poke battle, polo shirts and Bermuda shorts, relentless, Bruce Springsteen and ping-pong, loud singing and wholesome memes, unafraid of dropping everything for the ones he loves.

Mike: twenty, prickly stubble and bone-crushing hugs, goofy smiles and 3/4 socks, dad glasses and drumsticks, honesty and lack of grace, undecipherable texts and American chop suey, the calm after the storm (but sometimes also the storm), Brother Bear and a desire to be needed, pinky promises and Buffalo pizza, impulsive and stupid and an absolute goon, Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, pats on the back and words of encouragement, protective to a fault, Dunkin' Donuts and tired eyes, will always forgive and welcome you back.

Caellum: nineteen, a mess of curls and a jumpy personality, drives too fast, plays too loud, calloused hands and muscle-T's, Shakespeare extraordinaire, color-changing eyes and itty bitty handwriting, microphones and videogames and headphones that don't fit, brooding in shadows and existentialist thoughts, miles of legs with nowhere to go, ice cream and sarcasm, tea leaves and liquor, unfinished poetry and skinny jeans, beanies and irony, weed and cologne, fingerless gloves and Sherlock quotes, Disney movies and warm blankets, loves too deeply, falls too quickly, a force to be reckoned with.

Amanda: seventeen, angels and demons, ukulele strings, snapbacks and leather jackets, bugspray and cigarettes, drunk texts and watchful eyes, rollercoasters and hand-holding, Lauren Jauregui and skin-tight jeans, a mix of perfume and cologne, sly smirks and ringed fingers, hair like a black cascade, sketches and journals and soul sealed shut, danger and risk but excitement, Netflix and whispers in the dark, wears confidence like a cape, literal child and puppy-lover, nightmares and after-cuddles, crucifixes and hockey sticks, sunflower seeds and tough love, a knowing spirit with a knowing heart.

Tom: twenty, wild red mane and height of a tree, high-pitched giggles and shiny guitars, head-banging while lip-synching your favorite songs, all real and there and present, brilliant at one-too-many things, guitar picks and tuners and cool toys, munchies for days, laughter that rattles your soul, eyes that live only in the right now, resident ginger and cheerer upper, John Mayer and unfinished lyrics, mac 'n cheese and Mountain Dew, heart of a lion and drive of a motor engine, never have I ever met a more generous soul.

Sophia: nineteen, basketball hoops and keyboards, laughter that can light up an entire room, no bullshit and no bounds, Adidas and crops tops, mono and cough drops, bouncy black curls and nose rings, jam sessions and inside jokes, ziplock bags filled with NyQuil, lights fireworks as she speaks, heart and soul and no holding back, voice like melted chocolate, secret sororities and med-school lingo, cocoa butter and lactose intolerance, late night chats under magical skies, airplane buddies and mutual hatred, the Angelica to my Eliza, lives every day like her last, consider yourself blessed to be her friend.

Lauryn: sixteen, loud jokes and snide remarks, tight braids and big doe-eyes, musicals and rap battles, pineapples and EpiPens, bra-flinger and tickling extraordinaire, 10/10 will fight you, fanfiction and One Direction, uneven tans and Mexican jokes, talent for making anything sexual, insults those she loves most, Jeff and memes and Capri Suns, an explosion that cannot be contained, hot sauce and banter and booty, stubborn and unflinching, will screenshot anything to blackmail you, butt grabs and raspberry chocolate, 1000% under-appreciated and the whole world needs to know what a wonder she is.

Kelila: seventeen, gentle eyes and flashing teeth, cherry allergies and Dr. Pepper, loudest at the table and quietest in her head, all purple and soft and aching, horses and ice-chewing and violas, converse and rainbows, poetry etched into the corners of notebooks, can always tell when something is wrong, sour gummies and insomnia and clumsiness, injuries and sweet tooths, loud sneezes and cold hands, indecisive, unpredictable, fuzzy and caring and warm, brilliant, hysterical and capable, small lil daisy waiting to bloom.

Riley: sixteen, vanilla and baby powder, mixtapes and distracks, laughs too loud and smiles too big, platonic kisses and baggy T-shirts, polar and extreme, selfies and finsta posts, gummy bears and no filters, hockey sticks and tight dresses, chokers and smiling eyes and too-honest remarks, strawberry blonde and extra butter, glitter eyeliner and softball gloves, a gaze like staring into a galaxy, voice trembling with vibrato, can't help how she feels, tries her damned hardest, all aboard the Angst Express, eyelashes that never stop growing, messy buns and leggings and a desire to be loved.

Megan: seventeen, tangled hair and hot chocolate, long lashes and turtlenecks, excited squeals from miles away, hidden hickeys and homemade nachos, marshmallow-soft hugs and dance parties, shopping buddy and fellow dickphobe, unable to say no, fleece sweatshirts and peppermint, big spoon and hums of approval, Better Spouse with freaky feet, Harry Potter and John Green, leg warmers and organized chaos, mismatched socks and wooly mittens, all of the beauty and all of the charm, will kiss you on the forehead and gift you chestnuts for good luck, basically the purest human I know.

Emma: fifteen, blue eyes like a crystal sea, unknowing of what she wants, eccentric vegetarian, Dutch braids and no grace, Play-Do and Snapchat filters, can't dance and can't be left alone, Mario Kart and fuzzy socks, blue veins and pink cheeks, will travel great distances to keep you fed, mind ablaze with a thousand thoughts per minute, juice boxes and MiniWheats, contagious laughter and made-up songs, one second she loves you and the next—watch out, avoids confrontation, Stitch and bracelets and pockets of sunshine, boybands and playfights and unconditional love, tends to view life through a catastrophic lens, sizzles and pops and just wants to be good enough, my precious child.

..........

So there you have it. Accurate or way off? You let me know ;)

Missing you all a bunch and a half!

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Attempted Distractions

Hey pals. I know it's been a while. I'm sorry.

I'll try and update you more later but I just needed to get myself writing again.

So. Here's the easy way out. Tumblr questionnaire it is.

..........

1. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Compared to most? Yeah, I'd like to think so. My dad and I are best buds. My mom and I... well, it's complicated but we love each other very much and I wouldn't change that for the world.

2. Who did you last say "I love you" to?

My mom <3

3. Do you regret anything?

Occasionally, I think about things too much and wish I had done something differently. Ultimately? Nah, I wouldn't take back any of it. I am who I am because of the mistakes I have made.

4. Are you insecure?

Well, hell, who isn't?!

5. What is your relationship status?

Single. Um... yeah. Not quite used to that yet.

6. How do you want to die?

Jeez, what are these questions??? In the least painful way possible, thank you very much.

7. What did you last eat?

Ice cream :)

8. Played any sports?

HA! You see, I did the soccer and the tennis and the swimming back in my day... None of those stayed very long. Neither did track. Track confirmed my hatred of all things sports. 'Nuff said.

9. Do you bite your nails?

Nonononono it freaks me out too much!

10. When was your last physical fight?

Uh, never?

11. Do you like someone?

I think the issue is I'm trying to stop liking this someone, and it's a very hard task, indeed.

12. Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Excuse me but have you ever gone to high school?

13. Do you hate anyone at the moment?

I could never.

14. Do you miss someone?

More than you know.

15. Have any pets?

My darling little peanut dog, Suki <3

16. How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

Pretty gross, to be honest.

17. Ever made out in a bathroom?

...yes.

18. Are you scared of spiders?

See, I'd like to say no. Because I don't mind when they're in their own habitat. However, step into my space and you'll wish you hadn't.

19. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

I think it'd be a cool concept. I wouldn't wanna change anything, though. Just go back to replay certain memories, I guess.

20. Where was the last place you snogged someone?

That someone's bedroom.

21. What are your plans for this weekend?

I can't think that far ahead. One day at a time, my dear, one day at a time.

22. Do you want to have kids? How many?

I do and I don't. I do because holy crap how cool would it be to have a lil mini me? But I don't because, you know, overpopulation and pain and things. If I did, I'd probably have one of my own and adopt the other.

23. Do you have any piercings? How many?

Only two, one on each ear.

24. What were your best subjects in school?

Well, it's no surprise to anyone that I did decently okay in English, so...

25. Do you miss anyone from your past?

So, so much.

26. What are you craving right now?

Physical affection.

27. Have you ever broken someone's heart?

God, I hope not but I'm afraid I have.

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Not that I know of.

29. Have you ever made your significant other cry?

Sadly, yes.

30.What's irritating you right now?

Fucking mosquito bites. Those need to go.

31. Does somebody love you?

I am beyond grateful to say yes. Many people do.

32. What is your favorite color?

PURPLE!!!

33. Do you have trust issues?

Um, maybe sometimes...

34. Who/what was your last dream about?

Vassar, believe it or not :)

35. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

A whole lotta strangers in the airport.

36. Do you give out second chances too easily?

Yes yes yes ohmygod yes.

37. Is it easier to forgive or forget?

It's easier to forget but goodness gracious don't ever do that.

38. Is this year the best year of your life?

I think that would be a solid no.

39. How old were you when you had your first kiss?

Fourteen years and seven months.

40. Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

Define "outside"...

41. Favorite food?

Arepitas. Look it up. Best food on the planet.

42. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

I think everything has the potential to formulate a purpose. So in a way, I guess, yeah.

43. What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Hmm... I think I was slathering on Aloe because FUCK MOSQUITOS.

44. Is cheating ever okay?

In a relationship? Nonononononononononono. In anything else? Eh, it's not great, but there are worse things.

45. Are you mean?

Goodness, I hope not.

46. How many people have you fist fought?

Zero.

47. Do you believe in true love?

What does that mean exactly?

48. Favorite weather?

Foggy, by far.

49. Do you like the snow?

I do, indeed :)

50. Do you want to get married?

I sure would like a companion, yes.

51. Is it cute when a girl/boy calls you baby?

I dunno, depends who it is, I guess.

52. What makes you happy?

My friends are a bunch of weirdos but God, do I love you guys.

53. Would you change your name?

I used to want to, but I dunno... I think Maya kinda suits me now.

54. Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

I would want that more than anything. But some things just can't be.

55. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

That ship has sailed, amigo.

56. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

I'd like to think so.

57. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

The lil bro, Javi.

58. Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Surprisingly, the lil bro, Javi.

59. Do you believe in soulmates?

I think "kindred spirits" is a better term.

60. Is there anyone you would die for?

Both my brothers, in a heartbeat. And quite a few others as well, though I couldn't fit them all here.

..........

There you have it. Slow, but it's something.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya