Too Much On My Mind

So I've kind of had a lot going on. To be honest, that sounds like a bullshit statement considering everyone's got a ton of stuff to deal with all the time. But that's how it is.

I don't even really know where to begin... I know I've made a few posts here and there throughout the summer but I haven't exactly kept you updated on anything recently. My bad.

I guess you could say this summer's been somewhat eventful. Mainly towards the beginning and the end—the middle was full of a whole lotta nothing. As some of you may or may not know, I spent the first two weeks of summer in Ireland and then in England pursuing a handful of awesome adventures. When I came back to RI, I stayed with Claire Bear for a bit before spending a blissful three days with CJS (we picked strawberries, if you must know.) Soon though, it was time to go home. And that was all right, I guess. I'm just not necessarily the biggest fan of home. Which is okay.

Then, like I said, I spent my days doing a whole lot of nothing, which involved binge watching Fresh Prince, That 70's Show, Stranger Things, Modern Family, and Gilmore Girls. 10/10 would recommend all of those shows. After that, my mom thought I needed something to put on a college application cuz apparently I couldn't tell them that I'd been fervently studying large amounts of cinematography, so to speak.

Instead, I got my first job. Or active, unpaid volunteering, I guess you could call it. Now, I'm not trying to sound like one of those snobby rich kids who've never worked a day in their lives and the second they do, it's hell. That's not what this is about. I actually happened to love my job. I spent almost a month teaching theatre games to young Haitian girls in the Dominican countryside. Granted, some days were long and hot and tiring and full of mosquitos, but other days were full of ceiling fans, strong repellent, hugs and smiles. I actually think I'm gonna be going back next year. The girls did grow on me.

After my last day of work, I hopped on a plane and made my way to fuckin' middle-of-nowhere Minnesota. I cannot tell you how lovely it is there. Quality people. Truly.

I wasn't just there for kicks, however. This would be the first stop of many throughout a whole week of college tours with my dad. It was long. Like really long. We drove 12 hours at a time when we needed to. The drive from Iowa to Ohio takes years, I'm telling you. Not only were we visiting, but I had scheduled tours, info sessions and interviews at each school. Talk about exhausting. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond privileged and happy I got to see some of the schools of my dreams, but it was still a hassle. Despite all that, I am really glad I got to spend all that time with Papi. He just gets me. He really, truly does.

He's just started grad school in NY, so we moved him into his apartment at the end of the week and I got to much on clementines and frozen burritos for a solid three days. After that, I got dropped off at my godmother's with YD while we waited for him to get settled into college (this was where the whole biking fiasco took place). Before I knew it, Conor got up wicked early to come pick me up.

There was a bit of stress surrounding the topic of where I would be staying, but it all technically worked out in the end. Besides, I was just happy to see my favorite person after a long three months :) Getting back to the Abbey though... Boy, was that an experience.

Not to sound morbid, but it was like walking over a dead corpse. Even though I was with Conor, the place was as empty as a graveyard. I knew none of my best friends would be there. They'd be off enjoying themselves at college. I'm the only one left. I'd been dreading this day since the moment I made friends with all of them during my freshman year. I knew one day I'd be the only one left. It's a really lonely thought, if you think about it.

Also, I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party here. I'm not. I'm just telling you what it feels like, so please spare me the "It will get better" spiel, no matter how good your intentions are. I know you're right. I know I'll make more friends soon. Right now it's just scary and it sucks. A lot. Sure, I have CJS and sure, I've got a couple underclassmen peeps but they don't compare to you guys, and no offense, Conor, love, but I can't exactly spend all year with my boyfriend. It doesn't exactly work that way, no matter how much I love you. I just wanna skip to the part where I'm not lonely and everything feels okay again.

Being on campus also brought up a lot of feelings I hadn't had to deal with until I got there. The recent death of our good friend Luc had felt nonexistent until now. Every single one of my friends got to attend his memorial service and they all told me about how rough but how beautiful it was. And no matter how many times they tell me I was there in spirit, it's honestly not the same. It's just not. I know I didn't know Luc as well as a lot of people. If anything, I feel like I don't even deserve to be sad because I can't even begin to comprehend the pain his closest friends and family are going through. But I get attached to people. It's just what I do. And I know he only had a legitimate conversation with me a handful of times but goddamn does it hurt to know his kindness and smiles and goofiness have just up and vanished from the earth. And I wasn't even a part of the goodbye. I didn't have anyone to lean on when it happened. I didn't have a memorial service for closure. I only got a week full of tragic Facebook posts and tearful Instagrams. That was it. It felt unfair.

But alas, life is unfair, so be it.

Despite the whirlpool of emotions I was going through, I still got to have a ton of fun with CJS. We watched a ton of movies like Sing Street, Bottle Rocket, Gone Girl, McFarland, and What's Eating Gilbert Grape (Also 10/10 would recommend.) We played Scrabble and went for walks and made smoothies and finally went out on our first official dinner date even though we've been together for almost a year and a half but it's fine I'm super not salty about it. I'm just kidding, babe ;) We also napped and chilled out on a hammock and attempted slacklining where I got a super badass cut on my thigh (which still stings, btw -_-). And we ate his favorite foods because his mom is just great and we went on long nighttime drives with ice cream and we went nighttime exploring down by the bay and watched a potential rescue mission occur. It was kind of super scary, to be honest. Anyhow, we got to do some pretty fun stuff and I am beyond grateful to his whole family for letting me stay, even if only for a while. Even though it was super fun, I'm still off my meds which means I've been a bit wired as of late and wires cause electrical damage which means I had quite a few meltdowns. And for that, I must thank Conor for all his infinite patience. Thank you thank you thank you I love you.

Today, we left at 6am so he could drop me off back at my godmother's. He has preseason so that's why I'm back here. It kind of sucks. Just a little bit. But I have to get some sort of motivation to start and finish Julius Caesar so...

Move in day is in basically a week and I am not mentally, emotionally or physically prepared for that yet. My dad is dropping me off and saying goodbye to him is never ever ever ever ever a good time. Too many tears involved. It gets messy. And again, the whole lonely empty hollow feeling. Not seeing my best friends is gonna highkey suck. A lot. Ugh. It's a lot to deal with in a very short amount of time. I'm just hoping I get used to it sooner than later.

Oh, also auditions for The Diary of Anne Frank are on Monday. I forget if I ever mentioned that that's gonna be our Fall Play... Either way, now you know. Not gonna lie, that is something I am very much looking forward to. I've begged Bray-Bray for years to give me a dramatic show. And now we've got one. God bless.

Let's see, let's see... What else?

Hmm.

Well.

College is stressful. It's fun and exciting as fuck but it's also stressful. I'm having a lot of self-doubt issues as of late but it's whatever.

Divorce and separation is super confusing. Especially when you're one of the older siblings. Especially when you're all still living under the same roof. It's just hard, that's all. They say it gets easier but I'm still waiting for that day to come.

I miss my dog, Suki. Like a lot.

I kind of can't wait for senior year. But I'm also scared outta my mind. The concept of being a senior is just crazy to me. It really is. I just remember being a freshman thinking that my time would never come. And yet here it is, served to me on a silver platter and I have no idea what the fuck to do with it. I guess no one really does.

I always sorta pictured seniors as having their shit together but now that I am one, I can see almost how much more frightened they are than the freshman. Sure, freshman have got to deal with a whole lotta new stuff being thrown their way and they're itty bitty babies but like... Seniors are just as, if not more scared because we literally have to spend the entire year counting down our lasts. After spending four years in a place, no matter how much you hate it, you grow attached. We're forced to forge our own path into the future even if we have no idea how to do it and that in itself is super exciting but also really really fucked. The system is just fucked.

Either way, I've got a lot ahead of me in the upcoming weeks. If I remember to write, I will. Please don't let me forget. You're the only escape I have.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: My half birthday is tomorrow. 6 more months til the grand One Seven.

Camping at its Best

Hi all. It's been a while since I've written one of these but after a long and thoughtful conversation with Fonts last night, I thought it was right about time for me to write something like this again :) Keep in mind that, as always, this story is based very loosely on a dream I had involving each of you, except this time (to make it a tad more interesting) I'm not using your real names! The fun part is guessing who's who ;)

However, so it's not overly complicated, I will tell you this story features C, Fonts, Gibb, Tom, Tiernan, Claire, Shelby, and myself.

..........

It all started when Alex brought up the idea one night after we'd scarfed down three pizzas in his living room.

"Holy shit, guys. You know what would be a great idea?" he went off excitedly.

"Enlighten us," Gabby offered, taking a sip of the Code Red in her hand.

"What if we all went camping together?" the brightness behind his eyes immediately gave away how excited he was about the whole idea.

"I don't know, dude... That's a death sentence waiting to happen..." Theo pointed out, scanning the room for everyone else's opinions.

"Cmon, think about it. We pile into Mel's van and drive out into the woods for a couple of days, build a campfire, cook some smores, go exploring... You know the drill. Who's down?" Alex insisted, folding up the last empty pizza box before throwing it away.

"Hold on a second, we are NOT driving my van into the woods, and even if we were, how in the hell would we all fit?" Melvin looked pointedly at Alex, folding his arms across his chest all the while.

"I mean, we could always shove Charlotte in the trunk,"

"Fuck off, Judah," I flipped him the bird, wiping the smug grin off his face as he shlumped further into the couch.

"Yeah, fuck off, Judah," Louise backed me up, although I think the message didn't quite deliver seeing as she winked and blew him a kiss at the same time.

"Hey, I'm with Alex, here. This could be stupidly fun if we let it," Sam finally intervened.

"I mean, yeah, it could be fun," Gabby chimed in, pulling her knees up to her chest from her seat on the ground.

"We're probably gonna end up hating each other but sure, what the hell," Theo approved.

Alex smiled even wider since people were beginning to cooperate.

"I'm in!" Louise tucked the hair behind her ear before resting her head on Jude's shoulder.

"If she's in, I'm in," was the latter's immediate response.

"Oh, shut up," I rolled my eyes at the two love birds before Alex kneeled down in front of me, grabbing my hands in his own.

What a fucking drama queen.

"Charlotte? Please, pretty please...?"

Knowing I'm not the biggest fan of Mother Nature, I sighed before reluctantly nodding my head yes.

That only left Melvin.

"Come on, Mel, live a little," Sam pleaded, eager to help his best friend with his dream plan.

We all looked to him, knowing he would give in eventually.

And he did.

So one hot and very sunny June morning, all eight of us piled into Melvin's van, as was foretold. 

..........

The drive only lasted about two hours but by the end of it, we were dying to get away from each other.

"Ahhhhh we're here!!!" Alex was the very first one out of the car, shutting the passenger's side door behind him.

"Does anyone else have to pee or is it just me?" Sam shuffled from one foot to another, grabbing his crotch.

"Ugh, Samuel, get a tree," Gabby made a look of disgust before flipping the trunk open.

I called dibs on the largest sleeping bag, much to Jude's chagrin. Served him right for his little comment the other day.

Theo took hold of the cooler while everyone else grabbed a sleeping bag and a backpack. And off we went in search of the perfect spot.

After a mere twenty minutes of hiking, we arrived at a little clearing.

"Guys, this place is perfect!" Louise jogged ahead of us, sliding the backpack off her shoulder and throwing her sleeping bag on the ground.

"Great, we'll crash here then. Any objections?" Melvin took the silence as a no, so the rest of us lugged our stuff over to Louise, following suit.

"Alright, goons, first thing's first—" Gabby started.

"I'm the realest."

I threw a thermos at Alex.

"Sorry..."

"Drown yourselves in bugspray," Gabby continued, looking expectantly at Theo, whom we'd all agreed would be in charge of bugspray.

He just looked back at us sheepishly, "Hey, I thought Jude was in charge of that,"

"You leave me out of this, Theodore," Judah pointed a finger at his accuser, ready to start a fight.

A burst of exasperation echoed through all of us.

"You've gotta be shitting me," Louise grumbled.

"YOU HAD ONE JOB!" Alex retorted.

"Welp, we're never inviting Theo to anything again," Sam stated matter-of-factly.

"Hey—!"

Just as they were about to attack each other, I rolled my eyes and unzipped my backpack.

"Chill, fam. I brought a backup," I announced, holding it out to them like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"This is why Charlotte's the favorite," Louise pulled me in a bone-crushing hug before snatching the repellant out of my hands.

There were murmurs of agreement as Off! passed down from one person to another.

"Yeah, you're welcome," I stuck my tongue out at Theo teasingly, knowing this was just karma for all the times he tried to annoy me in the past.

..........

It was just short of 1pm when someone's stomach growled.

"Hey, don't look at me, I'm the only one who had a real breakfast," Gabby defended, ready to challenge anyone who said otherwise.

"...sorry..." Alex mumbled self-consciously, placing his hands over his stomach.

"Well, I for one, could definitely go for some noms," Mel stalked over to the cooler and flipped open the lid.

"Who wants some Capri Sun?"

"OHMYGOD I DO!" I raced over to the cooler like it was my job, shoving Mel aside and rummaging for my favorite: Strawberry Kiwi.

Hey, I can't help it. That's some good shit.

"You never age a day, do you?" Judah smirked at me, making sure to poke me in the side.

I stuck my tongue out at him, which didn't really help my case.

It took roughly about ten minutes for everyone to be settled on top of their sleeping bag with a sandwich of some sort in one hand and some variation of Capri Sun, Mountain Dew, or water in the other.

"Not gonna lie, I'm very okay with all this right now," Melvin spoke up from behind a BLT.

"Told youuuuuu," Theo said, smirking from his grilled cheese.

"Hey, don't rub it in, asshole," Mel sneered, taking another bite out of the heavenly sandwich.

"I'm bored," I huffed, flopping over onto my backpack.

"Wow, way to kill the mood, kiddo," Gabby laughed, smacking me lightly over the head.

"What? I'm just saying, now that we've all stuffed our faces, I would really like to go do something," I explained.

"I'm with the child on this one," Judah quipped, crumbling up his tin foil before chucking it at me.

"Fine, then, who's up for frisbee?" Theo suggested.

"I'm down," Sam agreed.

"Yeah, word," said Alex.

"Sure, I'll play," Melvin chimed.

"Yeah, me too," Gabby joined the others.

"Ugh, you guys are boring. I'm going exploring. You're all welcome to join me," I muttered cockily, standing up and brushing myself off before I looked around to see if anyone would consent.

After an awkward five second pause, Louise sighed, slinging her arm around my shoulder.

"Sure, I'll go with you,"

I relaxed a little, suddenly relieved I wouldn't have to go alone.

That left Judah. And I sure as hell wasn't gonna third wheel so...

"Welp, have fun with frisbee. Bye guys!" I grabbed Louise by the hand and scampered off, not even giving Jude the chance to answer me.

I would imagine I left them all rather befuddled, but they're big kids. They can take care of themselves.

..........

"What the fuck is going on here?!"

Apparently, they cannot take care of themselves.

Louise and I had a lovely time exploring the woods, walking along a stream, and talking about everything under the sun. Meanwhile, what do we come back to?

Sam and Judah wrestling something out of a tree, Melvin and Alex beating an upturned cooler with a large stick, Theo attempting to salvage our strewn sleeping bags, and Gabby filming it all.

"We were playing frisbee and Jude chucked it into a tree and now the mom's angry and—" Sam rambled off hysterically.

"Hey, it's not my fault she's got four cubs..." Judah attempted to defend himself.

"Oh, shove a dick in it, Judy Bloom," Melvin howled, clearly still struggling with whatever was under the cooler.

"Gabby, how could you let this happen?!" I sputtered, rushing over to the rest of them, who clearly needed help.

"Hey, I'm not their babysitter; don't go blaming this on me!" she countered, shoving her phone in her front pocket.

"Fuckin' hell," Louise pulled her hair into a ponytail while walking over to Judah and Sam.

She gave Jude's arm an extra tug and out came the frisbee from the branch it was previously caught in.

Then she ambled over to Alex and Melvin, grabbing the stick out of Mel's hand and casting it aside before advising the boys to let the creature go.

Reluctantly, they flipped the cooler over, revealing a ring-tailed coon. 

The creature immediately scurried away with a deathly glare in her eyes, hissing back at us as if to say, "You motherfuckers."

"And that's how you take care of that," Louise dusted her hands off, a smug grin decorating her features.

"Oh yeah, sure, like it was that easy—You weren't even here before! You didn't see what she was capable of!" Theo shuddered at the thought.

I giggled at the ridiculousness of it all, helping Alex pick up the remains of our food that had toppled over with the cooler.

"What say you we get a fire going?" Sam proposed, hands resting on his hips, clearly tired from attempting to dislodge a frisbee a few moments ago.

"Yeah, it's getting late. If we're building a fire, we better start now," Mel pointed out.

All eyes turned to Gabby.

"Oh, come on, you'd think that after all our Satanic Thursday Gatherings you'd know how to do this already..." she grumbled, adjusting her boots before leading the way.

We all knew that she secretly loved being in charge of this part though. It was in her blood.

..........

A solid hour and a half later, it was nearing 7pm and we were all pretty exhausted from collecting firewood and stones and the like.

"There we go," Gabby concluded with a smile, wiping her hands on her jeans victoriously.

A decently-sized fire blazed and crackled before us. Now, only one thing was missing.

"I want smoresssssss!" I squealed, eager to start the dessert making.

"Hold your horses, sugar freak, we'll get there when we get there," laughed Mel, giving me an unwanted noogie.

"Yo, I'm with sugar freak. I want smoresssss!!!" Judah backed me up, continuing my chant for dessert. 

And so Gabby was put in charge of handing out marshmallows because we didn't trust anybody else with them.

"Hey! Stop poking me with your stick!"

"Wuss!"

"Idiot!"

"Smartmouth!"

"Cocksucker!"

"Jesus fuck, guys, put a lid on it, wouldya? There's a child in our presence," Louise made sure to give both Judah and Theo a hard smack on the arm.

"Hey, you're the one who just dropped an f-bomb..." Theo defended weakly, rubbing his now very sore arm.

"Yeah, and I'm not a child..." I whined.

"Fuck isn't a swear word. It's a verb. And of course you're not the child. Sam is," she countered conclusively.

"Heyyyy—!"

"Just accept it, man. Don't fight it," Alex placed a hand on his friend's shoulder sympathetically.

"Hahaaaa! Guys, look, my marshmallow's on fire!"

"I'm sorry, what—?'"

Everyone's eyes turned to me as I giggled and let the fire envelope my marshmallow, burning it to a crisp along with the stick.

As the flame reached closer and closer to my hand, I could tell the others became a bit unnerved.

"Cmon, Charlotte, what the hell are you doing? You're gonna burn yourself like that!" Alex was at my side in two seconds but I didn't let go yet.

Just as the flames reached less than a milimeter away from my fingers, I blew the fire out.

"Jesus, kid, what the fuck was that for?"Judah eyed the smoltering thing with something short of terror.

"Dramatic effect," I smiled, tossing the charred stick and marshmallow into the fire pit before retrieving another one.

"You know, she's loonier than she lets on..." I heard Sam whisper to Gabby who gave him a look that told him to leave it be.

At least Theo and Jude weren't playing Shish Kebob anymore.

..........

Rounding 9pm, the ghost stories began.

Now, usually I'm a fan. When I'm safe and sound at home, that is. When the stories involving forests have nothing to do with me. Now that we've gone camping, it's personal.

But of course, this was Jude's expertise, so alas, we let him.

I'll save you all the piss-inducing details, but I guess you can imagine they were maybe a tad 2 spooky 5 you.

I made sure to smush myself between Alex and Mel, Sam and Theo latched onto Gabby as if their lives depended on it, and that left Judah and Louise huddling in the opposite corner.

"How on earth am I supposed to go to sleep after that?!" I squeaked.

"Charlotte, darling, you know they're not real, right?" Gabby tried to reassure me from across the way, where Sam and Theo continued grabbing onto her for protection.

"Yeah, and even if they were real, there's eight of us. Nothing bad can happen in large groups," Louise rationalized.

"Tell that to the Holocaust..." Jude mumbled beside her, earning him a few half-hearted chuckles and a jab to the ribs.

"Okay, well, if we're getting up to see the sunrise, we better get to bed," Gabby stated, peeling Samuel and Theodore off her limbs before making her way to her sleeping bag.

"She's right, sleep is good sometimes," Mel reasoned, getting up from his spot beside me.

"Sleep is for the weak," Sam stammered, still shaking a bit from the concluding ghost story.

"Yeah, well, so are bags under your eyes, so get your ass to bed," Gabby snapped.

She gets cranky when she's tired.

..........

I could've sworn I'd heard a snap.

Our fire was out and the trees blocked all sight of the moon, so I was dealing with pitch black darkness.

There it was again. The snap. And then a rustle. And then a crack.

My heartbeat suddenly increasing about ten thousand beats per minute, I shook the first person I could reach.

"Psst! Hey, wake up!" I hissed, not wanting to be alone.

"Hmmmwhaaa?" spoke a groggy voice, whom I assumed belonged to Theo.

"I heard something," I whispered urgently.

I could hear him shuffling around in his sleeping back, turning to face me in the darkness.

"Charrrrlotte, go bacck tsleepm," he drolled, too useless for my sake.

"No, I'm serious! I know I heard something!" I pressed, shaking him more so he wouldn't fall back asleep.

And there it was again. I knew he heard it too, this time. We both tensed up.

"Shit, man, what is that?" Now I knew he was awake.

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know," I squeaked, trying my best not to be a sissy and start crying on the spot.

"Hey, dude, wake up," I heard Theo bump someone on the head.

I think it was Mel.

"Somemoree desserrtt in Orlandoo..." Yup. Definitely Mel.

"Mel, shut up, we heard something, wake up," Theo urged him, clearly as freaked out as I was.

And we heard it again. The rustling.

"See?! Didn't you hear that?!" I inquired, trying not to lose my shit.

"Fuck," was his only response.

Then I heard what I think was him unzipping his sleeping bag very carefully before grabbing something heavy and metallic. A flashlight.

"You guys stay here, I'll go check it out," he decided.

"Are you crazy?!" I nearly shrieked, "If there's a bear out there, you're gonna die!"

"Fine. Theo, you come with me. Charlotte, you stay here."

"Hey, that's not fair!"

After all, I wasn't gonna let my friends die on my watch. But they wouldn't leave unless I promised them I'd stay, so after I was sure they were a few steps ahead, I sprang right up and followed the sound of their footsteps.

I can be stealthy sometimes.

The scary noises from before were getting closer and I could tell the two in front of me were pretty spooked.

"Hey, man, if this is the end... Well, you're a pretty good guy," I heard Mel speak almost inaudibly.

"You too, dude, you too..." came Theo's voice.

The sounds were nearly in front of us now and I heard the two count to three under their breath.

"One..."

"Two..."

"Three!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

The next few seconds are kind of a blur of flashlights, screaming and heartattacks.

Mel shone the bright light directly onto a guilty/terrified Judah, who had cheese dust covering the rims of his mouth and his fingertips.

Mel screamed. And Theo screamed. And Judah screamed. So I screamed.

Then they all screamed because none of them had known I was there all along.

There was a lot of screaming.

This, of course, must've woken up the others, because there were a whole lotta footsteps and yelling that followed.

"What's going on? Is anyone hurt?!" Louise tried to make out the rest of our figures in the dark.

"No, your idiot boyfriend just gave us the scare of a lifetime," Melvin spoke bitterly, shoving said boy towards the others.

"What were you doing up anyway?" Theo asked, perplexed.

"I just, uh... got hungry?" he scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah, likely excuse," Mel's eyes wandered over to where I stood.

"And you, missy! I thought I told you to stay!" he shouted, not very pleased.

"Hey! You can't honestly expect me to leave my best friends to the hands of death, could you?!" I retorted, wrapping my sweater tighter around me as I just began to notice the cold.

"Guys, why don't we leave all this arguing for the morning, shall we?" Gabby reasoned, covering an oncoming yawn.

"Agreed," mumbled Sam, who still seemed to be half asleep.

So as the eight of us walked back to camp, I heard Mel and Theo trail off behind us.

"Hey... Did you really mean what you said back there...?" Theo's timid voice spoke up.

"Fuck no."

"Thought so."

And the two continued walking.

Needless to say, our little midnight excursion caused us to cut the trip short, seeing as half of us were too scared to spend another night in any proximity of the woods.

But that wasn't the last of our crazy adventures.

..........

Hey guys! If you made it all the way to the end, I commend you :) I'm not exactly pleased with the ending but that's okay. It was still a helluva lotta fun to write, I can promise you that ;)

Please let me know your thoughts and if you'd ever like for me to write something like this again!

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Busy Weekends

Hey folks.

I dunno about you but I had quite an eventful weekend.

Yesterday, I spent hours at CJS's house and watched Shawshank Redemption for the first time. Boy, was that life changing. (If you haven't seen it, PLEASE DO)

Later, the two of us met up with Claire Bear and C and a couple other people before piling on a red mini bus where Papa Kerr would drive us to UConn so we could watch the one and the only Straight No Chaser.

To sum up the performance, I'd say we were 80% amused and entertained and 20% uncomfortable. You gotta remember these guys were at their prime during their college a cappella days... They're all family men now. Yeah.

We endured a lot of dad humor last night.

HOWEVER, that does not take away from their brilliant talent and extreme enthusiasm to entertain, and entertain us they did.

According to a certain few people, I was loopy as hell on the ride back home and that led to some seriously hilarious and/or bizarre experiences.

You betcha I fell right asleep as soon as I got back.

Today was a bit less productive but I mean hey, sleep is productive too.

I went to go see Trinity Rep's production of To Kill A Mockingbird with MegMeg, Emmalene, Haidy, and Diane.

Goodness gracious, guys. I was already familiar with the story as we had to read it freshman year but holy shit were those actors talented.

The man and woman who played Atticus and Scout respectively wowed me the most by far. Firstly, the guy who played Atticus reminded me exactly of my college counselor. It was strange. Still, the guy could deliver a helluva speech and his monologues were chilling. I was absolutely in love with the talent of this man.

Secondly, despite being a fully grown woman, the lady who portrayed 7-year-old Scout was fabulous. She captured the complete essence of a child: her fidgetiness, rambunctiousness, enthusiasm, perplexity, and curiosity all lent a hand to her outstanding performance.

Anyway, I'm not here to write a play review, I just wanted to mention how awesome each one of the performers was and now that I've gotten that out of the way...

I have flipping ACTs on Saturday and I think I'm gonna die but HEY no big deal!

I have yet to rehearse my part in our spring play, Wild Oats, so that should be interesting when the time comes.

Claire brought me out the other day and I managed to get myself some sick prom shoes. Now, I just have to learn to walk in them...

Let's see, what else?

Hmm.

Well, I can't exactly think of anything else quite right now so I'll wrap it up here and try to get some work done.

I love you all!

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

What's Up?

Wow, I haven't posted since last year. That's quite a while.

Haha it's a joke, get it? Cuz it actually wasn't all that long ago... I'm so funny.

Anyway.

So far, The Addams Family is going swimmingly (we're almost done with Act I, thank God), EHX is sounding progressively better (we have a thing at URI tomorrow and I get to miss class woooo), SEMI IS TOMORROW AND I AM BEYOND EXCITED <3

Hmmmm let's see... Wellllllllll school is fine, I guess. It's still school.

Mid-January and it still hasn't snowed yet. Goddammit.

Break was lovely. I got to see the fam and I hung out with all my old college peeps and we had a grand old time. I miss free time.

In short, the next couple months will get crazy busy, I'm sure, but hopefully I get the chance to write sometime in between. I'm having a good time with my people and I hope everyone continues to keep their head up for the rest of winter term. It'll all be okay.

Here's to a great new year :)

Hasta la proxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: Happy early birthday Sitka <3 Stop getting so freaking old. Ew.

HAPPY MERRY NEW YEARS ALMOST

Well, first and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAEVE I LOVE YOU INFINITELY <3

It has been one hell of a year, let me tell you that. I could list all the things that I'm grateful for but I mean, y'all would get pretty tired of that XD So instead, I'm probably just gonna be boring and do the same thing I did last year, which is steal a bunch of questions off the internet and fill them in.

1) What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren about?

The greatest quinceañera of all time, that's what. What greater birthday spent than at Disney World with your very best friends?

2) If you had to describe your 2015 in 3 words, what would they be?
Challenging, exhilarating, magical.

3) What new things did you discover about yourself?

I'm way tougher than I thought I was. I also am capable of so much more than I think I am.

4) What single achievement are you most 

proud of?

Not gonna lie, I'm quite proud of many things I did this year, but choosing to say enough is enough and walking out of an abusive situation is by far the best decision I ever made this year.

5) What was the best news you received? 

Getting cast as Wednesday Addams was pretty spectacular, although finding out I got into All State might be a close second.

6) What was your favourite place that you visited in 2015?

Well this goes back to the best fifteenth birthday ever, Disney World with my people.

7) Which of your personal qualities turned out to be the most helpful this year?

Maintaining a bubbly, sunny attitude despite all the shit going on.

8) Who was your number one go-to person that you could always rely on?

There's no single person, but I guess I'd have to say mainly C and Claire got me through this year.

9) Which new skills did you learn?

Forgiveness, patience, and still working on stress relief.

10) What, or who, are you most thankful for?

All of my friends. Sincerely, I do not know what I would do without each and every one of you. And CJS, who never fails to make me smile.

11) If someone wrote a book about your life in 2015, what kind of genre would it be? A comedy, love story, drama, film noir or something else?

Yikes, that's tough... I mean, I guess you could say it started off as a drama and then morphed into a love story with its own moments of tragedy and comedy. A bit of everything, I suppose.

12) What was the most important lesson you learnt in 2015?

Be good to yourself. Always.

13) Which mental block(s) did you overcome?

Not entirely overcome, but simply realizing that I can't always make everyone happy.

14) What 5 people did you most enjoy spending time with?

That's really tough, but definitely Caellum, Claire, CJS, Hannah Banana, and Meagan.

15) What was your biggest break-through moment career-wise?

Well... Strictly speaking, I don't exactly have a career... XD If we're talking about my academic career, dear God, did I have a lot of "break-throughs" and by that I mean I discovered I can write a three paged paper in under thirty minutes, wake up at 3am and crank out forty pages of textbook reading and writing, among many other feats.

16) How did your relationship to your family evolve?

That's somewhat of a sticky question seeing as things are sorta all over the place right now... But being at boarding school definitely makes the heart grow fonder.

17) What book or movie affected your life in a profound way?

Definitely the movie The Little Prince, without a doubt. Also, Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven.

18) What was your favorite compliment that you received this year?

Well, having someone fall in love with me was one heck of a compliment... <3

19) What little things did you most enjoy during your day-to-day life?

Squirrels. Feeling clean. Fog. Crisp air. Smiles. Hugs. Snuggles. Feeling accomplished.

20) What cool things did you create this year?

I wrote some pretty kickass blog posts, I wanna say XD I also wrote some pretty interesting new poems I'm quite proud of.

21) What was your most common mental state this year (e.g. excited, curious, stressed)?

Umm, well I'm not very much of a static person. My moods are always changing and I never quite feel just one thing at a time, so I'd have to say it was a toss up between anxiety and excitement.

22) Was there anything you did for the very first time in your life this year?

I fell in love. I took medication for more than one thing. I came out to my parents and some of my friends. I finally said no.

23) What was your favourite moment spent with your friends?

Oh goodness, I am blessed to say there is not just a single moment I can pin down, simply because I have had way too many glorious moments with my people. Some of those being at Disney, others when my college peeps came back to surprise me, staying at Claire Bear's house, late night talks, among other things.

24) What major goal did you lay the foundations for?

Welllllll I mean I guess you could say I finally landed a lead...? I also continued to participate in as many musically inclined things as possible.

25) Which worries turned out to be completely unnecessary?

Thinking I would die come Junior year. Worrying whether someone really loved me or not. Grades are not everything. They're important, but not everything.

26) What experience would you love to do all over again?

Being surprised by my friends time and time again. Chilling with CJS on multiple occasions.

27) What was the best gift you received?

This is so hard to choooooseeeeee. Let's just stick with Christmas presents, yeah? First of all, I am beyond grateful to everyone for all the gifts I recieved, but good God, Shelby surprised me with a Simba pillow pet and I just about died.

28) How did your overall outlook on life evolve?

I wanna say it went from pessimistic to hopeful.

29) What was the biggest problem you solved?

My social life, kinda.

30) What was the funniest moment of your year, one that still makes it hard not to burst out laughing when you think about it?

Playing Cards Against Humanity with my fam, and just lots of little moments I cannot speak of involving my friends.

31) What purchase turned out to be the best decision ever?

MY OVERALLS. I FOUND THEM. FINALLY.

32) What one thing would you do differently and why?

I would learn to let go faster and hold onto the things that truly matter. I would probably also procrastinate less and remember to get my work done on time... haha... ha.

33) What do you deserve a pat on the back for?

I mean not to brag, but for being a pretty damn good friend, I think XD

34) What activities made you lose track of time?

Singing, tumblring, writing, listening to music, hanging with the peeps, calling CJS.

35) What did you think about more than anything else?

How freaking lucky I am to have so many beautiful creatures in my life.

36) What topics did you most enjoy learning about?

Ummm well, I mean in terms of school, English continues to be my favorite subject so... I guess just reading some pretty fantastic books and the like?

37) What new habits did you cultivate?

I've picked up on so many phrases and mannerisms from my friends, it's not even funny. Thanks a lot guys.

38) What advice would you give your early-2015 self if you could?

Listen, kid, this year's gonna be really rough. And I mean incredibly so. But you are gonna find that so many things will be worth it. Just hang in there and hold out for the light at the end of the tunnel, yeah? It'll come sooner than you expect it to.

39) Did any parts of your self or your life do a complete 180 this year?

Oh my, well, I guess you could say I finally grew a spine and declared that I had had enough of a certain situation, so that made me stronger I wanna say. I also took a risk and fell in love. That was pretty great.

40) What or who had the biggest positive impact on your life this year?

Okay, kill me for being the most cliche person ever, but CJS has been the greatest new addition to my life and even though it's taken quite a while to get comfortable with each other, I am so so so happy that I have him. No matter what happens in the future, I am thankful for the happiness you've given me.

41) What do you want the overarching theme for your 2016 to be?

Hope. Joy. Discovery.

42) What do you want to see, discover, explore?

IRELAND <3 <3 <3

43) Who do you want to spend more time with in 2016?

I mean, I really hope my graduating friends come visit me once they're gone, but I also hope to grow closer to my own grade come senior year.

44) What skills do you want to learn, improve or master?

To chill the fuck out and not be so hard on myself.

45) Which personal quality do you want to develop or strengthen?

Endurance, perseverance, positivity.

46) What do you want your everyday life to be like?

Continuing to find joy in the little things. To not let small inconveniences get in the way of my happiness.

47) Which habits do you want to change, cultivate or get rid of?
Get rid of my procrastination (HA! That'll be the day...) and try and be more positive, even with the little things. 

48) What do you want to achieve career-wise?

Damn, I just wanna pass Junior year with decent grades and not have the SAT kill me.

49) How do you want to remember the year 2016 when you look back on it 10/20/50 years from now?

Challenging, but nothing that I can't overcome without a little willpower and help from my friends and family.

50) What is your number one goal for 2016?

Let yourself be happy. Enjoy every moment. Don't let it go to waste. Forgive. Have fun. Move on.

..........

And that's somewhat of a vague-ish recap of my year! I love you all to infinity and banana. Without you guys, this year would've been absolute hell.

Hasta la próxima, 

Much love xoxo

Maya

20 Things That Make Me Human

For the sake of all you that probably wanna kill me for what time I'm posting this at, I promise I was asleep until now and woke up because I had an idea and I had to write it down and I could not stop. That's just the way these things work.

Anyway, I always like writing original thoughts down on paper first. It just feels right to me, I guess. That's the way I started out, so that's the way it's gonna end.

Eventually, I end up typing things into my computer just in case the original copy gets lost. I guess I'm telling you this now cuz my fingers are already cramping up and I'm elbow-deep in blue ink. Nonetheless, I thought it might be worth it to y'all what I spent the last hour writing.

...........

1. I know what it means to be loved.

She opens her eyes to fluorescent hospital lights, beeping machines and labored breathing. Someone has swaddled her in a blanket. The feeling is warm and soft. Faintly, she can see faces blurring in and out of focus. The faces are smiling at her.

2. I know what it means to be curious.

Her father holds her over the bushes, allowing her to peer at the blooming flowers. The colors are bold and vibrant. She takes her little fist and grabs the petals right off the stem with a squeal. The flower is dead now but she does not understand why.

3. I know what it means to be ignored.

She is four when they tell her it's a boy. He arrives late January and nobody seems to want to play outside. They all sit and coo and smile at the tiny thing. They tell her she's a big sister now. She thinks if this is what being big is, she wants nothing to do with it.

4. I know what it means to be anxious.

2007, they tell her she must move to a new country. They say it will be better there. They say it will be hot and sunny and she will make lots of new friends. She gets that funny feeling in her stomach that this will not be as easy as they make out. She begins to wonder if her new friends will like playing hide and seek.

5. I know what it means to be special.

Four days into second grade, the principal calls her parents. The principal says the course is much too easy for her—that she must be moved into third grade. She begins to think that being special sounds awfully scary.

6. I know what it means to be afraid.

She's nearly 8 years old but her wild imagination only seems to grow wilder. She swears there are witches by the windows and ogres under her bed. No matter how hard they try, they cannot convince the girl otherwise. So they put bars on her windows and tell her she is safe. She can't help but feel very trapped now.

7. I know what it means to be excited.

It is opening night and she cannot contain her squeals. She is about to perform in front of 1,500 people and she doesn't feel nervous at all. No, she's excited. She knows her lines and she knows her songs and she will blow them all away. This time, she will not be ignored.

8. I know what it means to be goofy.

She sits next to her brother, hoping he'd let her be a part of his video this time. Reluctantly, he agrees, and allows her to speak in strange voices at the camera, pulling her face into this and that. He cannot help but laugh at the girl before joining in himself. She misses when he used to laugh like that.

9. I know what it means to be distraught.

She picks up the phone on a Sunday morning. All she hears is death on the other side. She goes back to seventh grade on Monday morning. She says she is angry with the world. She says bad things should not happen to good people. They let her go to his funeral and she is the only child there. She cannot remember how many adults looked at her with a sort of pity in their eye. She remembers feeling alone that night.

10. I know what it means to be tired.

Three more deaths follow that year like a race against time. All she knows is her homework and her books and her writing. She's not sure who her real friends are anymore and she can't bring herself to speak to her family. She doesn't like the idea of causing them distress. She rarely eats and she hardly sleeps anymore and she is just oh-so-tired. She wants it all to end.

11. I know what it means to be rejected.

She looks pretty that night. Or as pretty as a twelve-year-old can be. She tells herself she's going to have fun no matter what, and she does. She's the first one out on the dancefloor and she loves the way her blue dress is twirling about. Soon enough, the only people left are couples and this one other boy sitting all alone. The camp counselor pairs the two together but the boy says no. She can't help but wonder if she just wasn't pretty enough that night.

12. I know what it means to be overjoyed.

It's six AM and her father insists she check her email. Bewildered and a bit grumpy, she obeys, only to scream at the words before her eyes: Congratulations! You made it! Tears start streaming down her face and she begins to ask if this is all real. Her father laughs and assures her that she really has been accepted into boarding school, that this really is going to happen. She beams throughout the rest of the day.

13. I know what it means to be lonely.

She's only three weeks into school when she wants to take her life. She's not sure why she feels this way but she believes it is the only way to escape the loneliness. She remembers feeling nothing at all. Simply numb.

14. I know what it means to be confused.

She knows she always found the human body fascinating. It's beautiful. Simple as that. What she doesn't understand is why she's only supposed to love one of them when they are both equally stunning. She tells her friends she falls in love with people—not genders. Personalities—not genitals. And she's okay with that.

15. I know what it means to be applauded.

She remembers how nervous she was to begin with. And this was not a crowd of 1,500 people. This was a small group of her best friends in the whole wide world. They clap and they whistle and they cheer and she remembers what it's like to be loved again.

16. I know what it means to be jealous.

She can feel her starting to pull him away. A couple hours a day turns into a couple days a week and soon enough she gives up on seeing him. After all, if this is what makes him happy, she cannot tell him no. She misses her best friend and she feels mad at herself for letting him go.

17. I know what it means to be hurt.

She struggles to breathe as the words start to sink in. She tells herself the words aren't true but it's not the words themselves that hurt, it's whose mouth they came from. She tells herself that this is the end—that she cannot go on like this, and so she lets go. Except this time, letting go hurts so much harder than holding on.

18. I know what it means to be passionate.

Her sanctuary is the Creative Writing classroom. In there, she finds her real voice through pencils and paper and a teacher who never fails to push her further. She sings words onto the page and watches them latch onto each other, slowly but surely creating a world all her own. And she is in love with the words and for the first time in forever, she is in love with herself.

19. I know what it means to be family.

She is sitting around a campfire. It's a Thursday night and it's almost 11 o'clock but it's summer, so no one seems to care. Her best friends are lighting marshmallows on fire and she watches as they blow the flames away. Their laughter melts into music and she zones in and out of their conversation. Someone wraps a blanket around her shoulders and smiles before plopping down next to her. They begin to sing their favorite song and it is only now that she realizes she is home.

20. I know what it means to be human.

I know what it's like to crave perfection but never achieve it. I know what it's like to stay awake for over 48 hours just because. I know what it's like to fail and to succeed. I know what it's like to cry, and to hurt, and laugh and smile. I know what it's like to have permanent ink stains on my fingertips because that's the only way I know how to feel. And feeling is the very best part about being human.

..........

I don't really think this counts as slam poetry but it wasn't straight up prose either, so sorry about that.

Also just FYI, I'm brain dead at the moment and should be sleeping in just a few seconds so if I'm not making any sense oh whale

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Drunken Snippets

Now, before any of you go crazy or something, let me just say all of the following events are by no means real and I 100% completely made them up according to a dream I had a while back. 

Don't question me as to why I had this dream. It's kind of a long story...

Nonetheless, I thought I'd write this for fun, so if you don't have anything nice to say, I'd rather you didn't say it at all.

..........

Fonts-23

Gibb-22

Tom-22

Maeve-22

Caellum-21

Claire-21

Maya-19

..........

8:32pm

"Tom!" I squealed, throwing aside my bag to launch myself at a friend I hadn't seen in all of two years.

Maeve rolled her eyes at my antics before shutting the door behind us.

"Maya!" the tall redhead laughed as I hugged the life outta him, "Long time, no see, huh?"

I smiled in response.

"Okay so let me get this straight. You show up to my apartment after I invite you over, and you say hi to the ginger before me?!"

Fonts threw me a glare that could cut through steel.

"Why, hello there to you too, Matthew," I laughed, throwing him a fleeting hug–much to his chagrin–before making my way over to the living room, where Gibb and Claire sat chatting away.

"Oh, hello dear!" Claire got up to greet me, though she wasn't as enthusiastic as the others 'cause she'd seen me the day before at Maeve's place.

Gibb got up next, pulling me into one of his famous bear hugs and I couldn't keep the stupid grin off my face because I hadn't seen this fool since my high school graduation.

"How're you doing, little one?" 

"I'm hardly little anymore, Michael. Please give me the respect I deserve," I stuck my tongue out at him to show that I was only half joking.

"Where's the tall one?" I asked, surveying my surroundings and finding that one of my best friends was missing.

"Probably raiding my pantry. The guy has needs..." Fonts explained, right as Caellum decided to walk in.

"Hey, kiddo!" his face lit up as he walked over to hug me with one arm, the other holding a giant bag of Doritos.

"Huh. You seem taller. I wonder why?" Caellum teased as I let go, causing everyone to look pointedly at my feet.

The others snickered.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny." I flipped him the bird as I kicked off my five inch heels, taking a seat on the couch.

"Now that's more like the Maya we know," Tom chuckled, taking a seat beside me.

"I tried to convince her not to wear 'em but the girl insisted," Maeve threw her hands up in the air as everyone else sat down.

After the initial shock of being reintroduced to my best friends after two years, and after everyone else had somewhat settled down (like that ever happens in our friend group), I asked the rest what the occasion was.

After all, this was the first time we'd all been together since I graduated high school.

The others looked at each other for a minute.

When no one seemed to answer me, Fonts took it upon himself to look at me from across the coffeetable and tell me what was really going on.

"We're getting you drunk."

I had to refrain from choking on my own saliva.

"Excuse me, what?"

I could already feel my whole body tense up. This was not gonna be good.

This is not gonna be good.

"Listen, kid, you're about to be a Junior in college and you still haven't gotten wasted yet! It's our responsibility to fix that." Fonts explained with a smirk.

"Come on, dude, you promiseddd," Gibb whined from the armrest on the love-seat opposite me.

My eyes nearly tripled in size.

"I what?! When the hell did I promise you that?" I stood up on impulse.

"Sophomore year of high school," Fonts stepped in, "You said you'd promise to get drunk with us if we met your criteria."

I cocked an eyebrow. None of this was ringing a bell.

"You said you'd get drunk only if you were with your best friends, in a safe environment, and when we weren't planning on going out anywhere. Take a look around, Maya. None of us plan to leave tonight," Fonts tried to assure me but something still didn't feel right.

"Guysssss, this is peer pressureeee," I couldn't help but whine, fidgeting with my hands from the nerves.

"Come on, Maya, even Claire is doing it!" C chimed in, trying his best to be persuasive.

"I'm sorry, but what is that supposed to mean?" Claire gave him a light smack to the arm, clearly insulted.

"You do whatever you want, dear, no one is gonna make you do anything," she said.

"Guys, I'm putting my foot down on this one," I shook my head as I was putting my heels back on, ready to walk out the door.

"Maya, I hate to break it to you, love, but you've got nowhere to go... I'm your ride and I'm also your designated crashing area as of this summer, so..." Maeve tried reasoning with me.

She had a point, and again I found myself stuck.

"Look at it this way," Fonts took my bag back from me, laying it on the table next to us, "You could either get drunk, and have a great time, or you could stay sober, and have to babysit every single one of us. Think about it."

There was an awkward silence as the rest waited for me to make up my mind.

One glance at those goons and all I said was, "What the hell, hand me a drink,"

"That's what I thought," Fonts patted me on the back with a smile on his face, leading me back to where my friends all sat cheering for me. 

"Atta girl, Maya," Caellum stuck out his tongue at me and I mimicked the action.

"This'll be fun, I promise," Tom patted the spot on the couch I previously occupied.

I rolled my eyes at how ridiculous the whole situation was.

Fonts disappeared for a while and reappeared with a whole cooler full of, well... whatever he supposed we were gonna drink that night.

I eyed that blue mini fridge like it was gonna be the death of me.

"Take it slow, though, kiddo, we don't want you poisoning yourself and then hafta rush you to the ER or something," Gibb joked, nudging me in the ribs as he passed me a beer.

I gave him a weak smile back.

Well this was gonna be interesting.

..........

9:46pm

I can't remember who thought it'd be a great idea to play drunk Twister, but whoever did clearly wanted to see us all suffer.

Right now, Tom was winning. I have no idea how, but he was. 

I was out, along with Claire and Fonts, who'd both tripped over some idiot's foot in the process.

"Left hand on green," I giggled, knowing this would be the end of Caellum's Twister career.

"You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me!" he grumbled, trying his best to reach between Gibb's legs and around Maeve's arm, but balance was not on his side, and he toppled over.

"Aaaand you're out!" Claire exclaimed from the other side of the room, where she lay sprawled across the entire couch.

Instead of being angry though, C just started laughing hysterically. The kind where your face turns red and tears leak out your eyes.

I couldn't help but join in because what can I say? Laughing is contagious. Especially when you're pretty buzzed.

I hadn't even finished half my beer yet and I was already feeling a bit too happy.

Once I started laughing, Gibb just couldn't contain it any longer and allowed himself an explosion of laughter, which caused him to topple over as well.

"I'm sorry, losers, but could you please evacuate the premises while we figure out who the real champion is?" Maeve tried on her best precocious voice as the other two continued their laughter off by the side. 

By now, all of us were in stitches, struck by this never-ending chain of giggles and guffaws.

Tom and Maeve were still on the battlefield, determined not to let this laughter distract them, though both were definitely holding in sputters of their own.

"Just spin the fucking wheel Maya!" Tom called, trying his absolute best not to smile because he knew all would be over if he did.

"Okay! Sheesh," I tried to hold in my own laughter, "Right foot on yellow," I got up and sat back down where Gibb and C had claimed the rug.

I watched the concentration on Tom's face before he realized his inevitable defeat. Apparently, if he was gonna go down, so was Maeve.

"Ahh! Tom!" she'd squealed when the other one bumped into her on purpose.

And so there ended up being a tie between the pile of giggles on the floor.

"BUT ONLY ONE CAN SURVIVE!" Fonts insisted, bringing a fist into the air as he got up and stood in front of all of us.

"Fonts, what're you, nuts? This isn't the Hunger Games!" Claire laughed, pulling her hair up into a bun as she sat up to join the rest of our circle.

"Well, somebody's gotta break the tie," C said.

"I pronounce a chugging competition!" our host proclaimed.

"No!" Maeve sounded disgusted.

"I would totally beat you,"

"Fuck off, Tom, don't underestimate my power," Maeve gave him a shove.

"Nah, whoever does the best interpretive dance of Seventeen!" Claire sent herself as well as Maeve and I into another fit of laughter while the guys just looked on in horror.

"Fuck no." was their immediate response.

"I should actually murder you for even bringing that up, but you're my friend so I'm trying my best to restrain myself," Fonts spoke in all seriousness.

"I GOT IT!" I allowed myself a breath after my giggling ceased.

I stood up and climbed onto the table, heels and all, willing myself to be serious so I could announce their ultimate challenge.

"A catwalk!"

"What? Like modeling?" Tom's face contorted into one of complete disbelief.

"Mhmm! Whoever performs the best catwalk–" the others looked at me bemusedly as I fumbled to pull off one of my shoes,  "in MY heels, breaks the tie!"

Tom's mouth was wide open and I could tell he was about to protest when Fonts interrupted.

"IT'S PERFECT!"

"But Fonts–"

"It's my house, therefore, you live under my rules, buddy," Fonts could not have felt more pleased with himself.

Maeve held a look of pure contempt. She was so gonna win this.

"But Maya's shoes are like... ten sizes too small for me," the grown man whined, not ready to accept his fate.

"Suck it up, O'Rourke, and show the judges what you got," Caellum winked at our ginger friend, glad he wasn't stuck in the same predicament.

"WAIT!" I exclaimed, scrambling off the table in one shoe to find my bag so I could play them some proper catwalk music.

"Alright, who's gonna go first?" Claire came and sat down next to me, pulling her knees up to her chest, eager to watch this showdown go down.

"I say Maya gets to choose since she came up with the idea," Gibb grinned at me, poking me in the side as I let out a squeal.

Feeling very entitled at the moment, I sat upright, pretending to think very carefully about this.

"Maeve should go first cuz she's less likely to break my shoes," I announced with a pleased smile across my face.

I tugged off my other shoe and handed it to her as the others began to laugh.

"Ready?" I couldn't help but smirk as my finger hovered over the play button.

Maeve took off imaginary sunglasses and spoke with an overly dramatic voice, "Baby, I was born ready,"

And so began the hair flips and hip swishes and the sexy eyes.

"And that was Maeve Harten, everybody!" I mock-announced.

I gave Tom a little intro as he struggled to get the tips of his toes into my shoes.

"Introducing, the flawless and the fab: Tom O'Rourke! Gimme some sass," I played the part of the obnoxious show host, trying not to laugh when Tom did things like wink at us.

The rest hooted and whistled at the six-foot-who-knows-what guy standing in front of us, giving us his best flips and swishes and sexy eyes.

"Work it, baby, work it!" Gibb took on the voice of some middle-aged woman, trying not to crack up himself.

After I was sure the poor guy had tired himself out, I stood up, taking my spot by his side and calling Maeve to stand next to me. I forgot how it felt to be this short again.

"I give you our two contestants. You both performed valiantly," I kept up the act, letting our friends have a little laugh as Tom and Maeve bowed.

"But I'm afraid this was not your calling, Tom. You've been defeated," I sighed with fake sympathy.

"Dammit," he pretended to sulk away as he sat down with the others.

"And that leaves Maeve, Queen of the Catwalk! Congratulations!" I shook her hand and then sat down by her feet, hopelessly giggling at the ordeal that had just unfolded.

She pretended to act emotional and began saying, "I'd like to thank my mother, and Maya's lucky shoes, and lastly, Tom, for being the loser so I could win," she wiped away at a fake tear while Tom merely rolled his eyes.

"Awesome choice, Maya," Claire granted me a high five, grinning wildly at the result of this.

"Better luck next time, huh, Tom?" Gibb teased.

Then Tom shoved a pillow in Gibb's face.

..........

10:28pm

I was sprawled across Maeve's lap when C and Gibb came out of the kitchen carrying cans of Monster. 

"Can I try?" I mumbled, seeing as my face was somewhat smothered in the couch.

"You've never had one before?" Tom looked over at me incredulously.

"Uh uh," 

"Dude, how the hell did you survive college without coffee or Mountain Dew or this?" C looked struck dumb.

"I didn't," I let out an airy laugh, sitting up so I could grab one of the cans.

"Maya, I'm not sure you're gonna like tha–"

"EW!" It took all of me not to spit it out right then and there.

"Told you," Claire sighed from her criss cross applesauce on the ground, which gave me an idea.

"Hey Fonts?"

"Sup?"

I giggled.

"Do you have any applesauce?"

"Uhh no, why?"

"Dammit."

"Maya...?"

"I'm hungryyyyyyyyy," I groaned, taking up more space on the couch, against Tom and Maeve's will.

"Maya... you ate... like... the whole bag of Doritos, how the hell are you still hungry?" Gibb started laughing at me which only got a pout and a stomach grumble in return. 

"I mean, we could order pizza," Fonts suggested.

"This late?" Claire spoke up from below.

"Yeah, man, Dominos always has my back," Fonts stated matter-of-factly, taking his phone out and speed dialing the place.

The pizza got there ten minutes late, so you better believe how hungry I was by then.

As soon as the bell rang, I sprang from my seat and dashed over to the door, only bumping into two tables, three people, and a chair on the way.

"That'll be–"

"Here, thanks!" I swiped the two pizzas from the guy, shoving forty dollars into his hand before slamming the door shut.

The poor dude left with a bit of a shock to the system but what can I say? I was beyond hungry.

Bringing the pizzas back to the other room, I'd already called dibs on four pepperoni slices. And there was nothing they could do about it.

..........

11:17pm

Somehow I'd finished off two beers and a shot of whiskey and was still alive. Barely. But still.

The guys had downed a lot more than that but for some reason were holding up much better than I.

Tom and C were entwined together on one of the couches laughing at who knows what.

I lay across the arm of the other couch, my feet resting in Claire's lap.

Suddenly, I was struck by hiccups.

This, of course, made the others snicker.

"Guysss *hic* shut upppp *hic*" I groaned, displeased with the lack of respect I was receiving.

"I think someone's had a bit too much," Fonts simply looked at me with a smug grin whereas I took up a defensive stance.

"Have *hic* n-nottt *hic*" except now my own hiccups were causing me to laugh, and so I was stuck in an onslaught of simultaneous laughing and hiccuping.

"Something is very wrong with you, child," Maeve laughed, trying her best not to end up in a hopeless laugh attack as I was in the moment.

Eyeing Gibb's forgotten beer bottle on the table, I was about to reach for it when it was swiped away from me.

"Whoa there, tiger, you don't need anymore of that," Gibb sent me a mixture between a sympathetic and an amused smile.

I huffed in defeat.

Suddenly, I had a thought.

"Guys," I couldn't help but giggle at myself, "*hic* what if..." my laughing wouldn't let me finish my sentences, "What if *hic* giraffes had human *hic* personalities and then they *hic* took over the *hic* earth?"

I was met with silence. Apparently my humor was not up to par, but at that point, nothing mattered to me. I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

"Maya, that's not even funny..." C couldn't help the smile that was creeping onto his face just from witnessing another of my laugh attacks.

"Oh dear, child..." Claire shook her head at me.

They let me go like this until I rolled off of the couch and onto the floor, clutching my very sore stomach.

"I'M GONNA PEEEEE!"

Tears were streaming down my face now and I could do nothing to help myself.

"Maya, I swear to God, if you piss on my floor, you're cleaning it up," was all Fonts could say, but he, too, was starting to laugh himself.

Feeling that it was actually going to happen, I surprised everyone by scrambling to my feet and making a beeline for the bathroom.

After I walked back in the room, I'd managed to somewhat calm down, only taking gasps of breath every few seconds.

I relocated to my spot on the couch, deciding to sit on Claire's lap.

She didn't really do much but groan under the unexpected weight.

Suddenly, I felt a pang of lovingness that I couldn't seem to shake off.

I turned around and took Claire's face in both my hands, pressing my forehead to hers.

She was definitely caught off guard but didn't push me away either, instead sat there with an amused grin, wondering what my next extraordinary act would be.

Looking her straight in the eyes I said, "Claire... you are *hic* a wwonderrful human beinggg," our noses were practically touching, "And evveryone should *hic* knnoww that," I added.

Before anyone else could figure out what I was doing, I got up and seemed to play some odd version of Duck, Duck, Goose, patting each person on the head and telling them how wonderful they are XD

And yet, no one felt the need to stop me.

I plopped myself in Tom's lap, catching him much by surprise and started messing with his hair.

"Tom," I started with an airy sigh, "you'reee a g-good personn. But orange doesn't s-suit youu,"

Everyone else just seemed to be watching me now. Their eyes went wide. Tom flew a hand to his chest in mock-hurt.

"Well, I told you I might go blonde–"

"No, that wouldn'tt work eitherr..." I yawned, unfolding myself so I now lay sprawled across Tom and C's legs.

They couldn't really do much about it, anyway. Again, everyone looked on to see what I would do next. After all, the whole point of this get together was to see each other and watch me get drunk for the first time.

Only a few moments of silence passed before I started singing to myself in Spanish, not quite aware of the six other faces looking at me, holding in giggles and snickers of their own.

They watched as I grew tired and more tired. The alcohol finally got away with lulling me to sleep. 

I can't remember much else.

Until I woke up.

..........

3:15am

I woke up with the absolute worst feeling in my stomach. 

Someone had moved me to the love-seat so more people could occupy the couch.

Claire, C and Tom were fast asleep but Maeve, Gibb and Fonts were still awake, chattering away.

Though I was practically a grown woman at nineteen years old, in that moment, I felt like I'd retreated to the body of a child.

Someone had also thrown a fleece over me.

Trying my best to kick it off, I realized how badly my head was pounding, too, so I couldn't help but let out a wail.

I've never been one to be good about discomfort or pain and it seemed my only resolution was crying, especially when I felt so disoriented.

Gibb was the first to hear me, and he walked over in as straight of a line as he could.

"Hey, what's wrong, kiddo?" he helped me get to a sitting position.

"I... I don't feel good," I confessed, feeling the tears start to sting my eyes and the bile start to pile up in my throat.

"Oh, jeez," he mumbled to himself before calling out, "Guys? Could you help me out here?"

Maeve and Fonts made their way over to me and Fonts did his best to crouch down.

"You okay, kid?" he asked seriously.

All I could do was shake my head before bringing one hand up to my mouth.

All their eyes went wide as if to say "Nope! Not here!"

And so the three of them took my arms and led me to the restroom, where I puked my guts out for what felt like an eternity.

At some point, Maeve left to go to bed, giving me feel better wishes.

I could tell both Fonts and Gibb were about to knock out but they were kind enough to stay with me until I was all taken care of.

"Here, finish the whole thing, okay?" Fonts handed me a water bottle and I nodded, taking sips at a time.

"Alright, you've had quite a night, let's get you back to bed, shall we?" Gibb offered his hand to help me off the ground before leading me back to where I was sleeping before.

"Hey, Fonts?" I called out, pulling the fleece over me.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry for... uh... well, all of that," I mumbled, suddenly feeling very embarrassed at what my friends had just witnessed.

Through the dark, I could see him roll his eyes at me before saying, "God, Maya, you and your unnecessary sorries... You don't need to apologize, okay? It happens to the best of us," and since he was smiling, I knew I truly had nothing to worry about.

"Okay, now go to sleep," Gibb ruffled my hair and I swatted his hand away with a giggle.

Before long, I found myself very much unconscious again.

The next morning, I could hardly remember what had happened the night before, but I had a strange feeling that I had to apologize to Tom...

..........

And there you go. I told myself I'd finish this in one go and BAM here it is so TAKE THAT PAST SELF!

Fonts, I know you told me to go to bed and I promise I will after I publish this so please don't be mad. 

I love you all and I hope none of you are offended by any of this... craziness XD

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S.: There were only so many things I could write because as you know, I have very limited knowledge about certain things...