WOW

Omg guys you're not gonna believe this have you ever been so sad that you forgot it's even a negative emotion and you just start laughing cuz everything feels the same anyways and you can't differentiate feelings because the mothereffing numbness is eating away at your insides like holy jeez Louise guys I am impressed like omg omg I did not think it was possible to be this sad never ever but you know what guys I am this sad except I wouldn't know it if it weren't for the giant globs of tears smacking onto the front of my shirt and I mean no big deal but this is freaking hilarious I cannot believe one singular tiny teeny tiny lil person is capable of so much fucked up shit in the head like holy wow wowie wow wow did I mention that I am impressed because this self-induced concussion is not capable of making it stop like who woulda thought right because cracking your skull open should do the trick but  apparently it just gives you another reason to cry but who cares yo I'm hungry and that's all this is anyway once I eat something all this nonsense will wash away because I said so because I can control my emotions and I have complete and absolute power over them and nobody can tell me otherwise except ha ha joke's on you I just lied and that's not true I actually have zero control over 99% of the shit in my life right now and that feels absolutely fantastic like wow it is so glorious I cannot even describe it to you and on that note I'm going to go hibernate for as long as I can before someone remembers to wake me up.

Camping at its Best

Hi all. It's been a while since I've written one of these but after a long and thoughtful conversation with Fonts last night, I thought it was right about time for me to write something like this again :) Keep in mind that, as always, this story is based very loosely on a dream I had involving each of you, except this time (to make it a tad more interesting) I'm not using your real names! The fun part is guessing who's who ;)

However, so it's not overly complicated, I will tell you this story features C, Fonts, Gibb, Tom, Tiernan, Claire, Shelby, and myself.

..........

It all started when Alex brought up the idea one night after we'd scarfed down three pizzas in his living room.

"Holy shit, guys. You know what would be a great idea?" he went off excitedly.

"Enlighten us," Gabby offered, taking a sip of the Code Red in her hand.

"What if we all went camping together?" the brightness behind his eyes immediately gave away how excited he was about the whole idea.

"I don't know, dude... That's a death sentence waiting to happen..." Theo pointed out, scanning the room for everyone else's opinions.

"Cmon, think about it. We pile into Mel's van and drive out into the woods for a couple of days, build a campfire, cook some smores, go exploring... You know the drill. Who's down?" Alex insisted, folding up the last empty pizza box before throwing it away.

"Hold on a second, we are NOT driving my van into the woods, and even if we were, how in the hell would we all fit?" Melvin looked pointedly at Alex, folding his arms across his chest all the while.

"I mean, we could always shove Charlotte in the trunk,"

"Fuck off, Judah," I flipped him the bird, wiping the smug grin off his face as he shlumped further into the couch.

"Yeah, fuck off, Judah," Louise backed me up, although I think the message didn't quite deliver seeing as she winked and blew him a kiss at the same time.

"Hey, I'm with Alex, here. This could be stupidly fun if we let it," Sam finally intervened.

"I mean, yeah, it could be fun," Gabby chimed in, pulling her knees up to her chest from her seat on the ground.

"We're probably gonna end up hating each other but sure, what the hell," Theo approved.

Alex smiled even wider since people were beginning to cooperate.

"I'm in!" Louise tucked the hair behind her ear before resting her head on Jude's shoulder.

"If she's in, I'm in," was the latter's immediate response.

"Oh, shut up," I rolled my eyes at the two love birds before Alex kneeled down in front of me, grabbing my hands in his own.

What a fucking drama queen.

"Charlotte? Please, pretty please...?"

Knowing I'm not the biggest fan of Mother Nature, I sighed before reluctantly nodding my head yes.

That only left Melvin.

"Come on, Mel, live a little," Sam pleaded, eager to help his best friend with his dream plan.

We all looked to him, knowing he would give in eventually.

And he did.

So one hot and very sunny June morning, all eight of us piled into Melvin's van, as was foretold. 

..........

The drive only lasted about two hours but by the end of it, we were dying to get away from each other.

"Ahhhhh we're here!!!" Alex was the very first one out of the car, shutting the passenger's side door behind him.

"Does anyone else have to pee or is it just me?" Sam shuffled from one foot to another, grabbing his crotch.

"Ugh, Samuel, get a tree," Gabby made a look of disgust before flipping the trunk open.

I called dibs on the largest sleeping bag, much to Jude's chagrin. Served him right for his little comment the other day.

Theo took hold of the cooler while everyone else grabbed a sleeping bag and a backpack. And off we went in search of the perfect spot.

After a mere twenty minutes of hiking, we arrived at a little clearing.

"Guys, this place is perfect!" Louise jogged ahead of us, sliding the backpack off her shoulder and throwing her sleeping bag on the ground.

"Great, we'll crash here then. Any objections?" Melvin took the silence as a no, so the rest of us lugged our stuff over to Louise, following suit.

"Alright, goons, first thing's first—" Gabby started.

"I'm the realest."

I threw a thermos at Alex.

"Sorry..."

"Drown yourselves in bugspray," Gabby continued, looking expectantly at Theo, whom we'd all agreed would be in charge of bugspray.

He just looked back at us sheepishly, "Hey, I thought Jude was in charge of that,"

"You leave me out of this, Theodore," Judah pointed a finger at his accuser, ready to start a fight.

A burst of exasperation echoed through all of us.

"You've gotta be shitting me," Louise grumbled.

"YOU HAD ONE JOB!" Alex retorted.

"Welp, we're never inviting Theo to anything again," Sam stated matter-of-factly.

"Hey—!"

Just as they were about to attack each other, I rolled my eyes and unzipped my backpack.

"Chill, fam. I brought a backup," I announced, holding it out to them like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"This is why Charlotte's the favorite," Louise pulled me in a bone-crushing hug before snatching the repellant out of my hands.

There were murmurs of agreement as Off! passed down from one person to another.

"Yeah, you're welcome," I stuck my tongue out at Theo teasingly, knowing this was just karma for all the times he tried to annoy me in the past.

..........

It was just short of 1pm when someone's stomach growled.

"Hey, don't look at me, I'm the only one who had a real breakfast," Gabby defended, ready to challenge anyone who said otherwise.

"...sorry..." Alex mumbled self-consciously, placing his hands over his stomach.

"Well, I for one, could definitely go for some noms," Mel stalked over to the cooler and flipped open the lid.

"Who wants some Capri Sun?"

"OHMYGOD I DO!" I raced over to the cooler like it was my job, shoving Mel aside and rummaging for my favorite: Strawberry Kiwi.

Hey, I can't help it. That's some good shit.

"You never age a day, do you?" Judah smirked at me, making sure to poke me in the side.

I stuck my tongue out at him, which didn't really help my case.

It took roughly about ten minutes for everyone to be settled on top of their sleeping bag with a sandwich of some sort in one hand and some variation of Capri Sun, Mountain Dew, or water in the other.

"Not gonna lie, I'm very okay with all this right now," Melvin spoke up from behind a BLT.

"Told youuuuuu," Theo said, smirking from his grilled cheese.

"Hey, don't rub it in, asshole," Mel sneered, taking another bite out of the heavenly sandwich.

"I'm bored," I huffed, flopping over onto my backpack.

"Wow, way to kill the mood, kiddo," Gabby laughed, smacking me lightly over the head.

"What? I'm just saying, now that we've all stuffed our faces, I would really like to go do something," I explained.

"I'm with the child on this one," Judah quipped, crumbling up his tin foil before chucking it at me.

"Fine, then, who's up for frisbee?" Theo suggested.

"I'm down," Sam agreed.

"Yeah, word," said Alex.

"Sure, I'll play," Melvin chimed.

"Yeah, me too," Gabby joined the others.

"Ugh, you guys are boring. I'm going exploring. You're all welcome to join me," I muttered cockily, standing up and brushing myself off before I looked around to see if anyone would consent.

After an awkward five second pause, Louise sighed, slinging her arm around my shoulder.

"Sure, I'll go with you,"

I relaxed a little, suddenly relieved I wouldn't have to go alone.

That left Judah. And I sure as hell wasn't gonna third wheel so...

"Welp, have fun with frisbee. Bye guys!" I grabbed Louise by the hand and scampered off, not even giving Jude the chance to answer me.

I would imagine I left them all rather befuddled, but they're big kids. They can take care of themselves.

..........

"What the fuck is going on here?!"

Apparently, they cannot take care of themselves.

Louise and I had a lovely time exploring the woods, walking along a stream, and talking about everything under the sun. Meanwhile, what do we come back to?

Sam and Judah wrestling something out of a tree, Melvin and Alex beating an upturned cooler with a large stick, Theo attempting to salvage our strewn sleeping bags, and Gabby filming it all.

"We were playing frisbee and Jude chucked it into a tree and now the mom's angry and—" Sam rambled off hysterically.

"Hey, it's not my fault she's got four cubs..." Judah attempted to defend himself.

"Oh, shove a dick in it, Judy Bloom," Melvin howled, clearly still struggling with whatever was under the cooler.

"Gabby, how could you let this happen?!" I sputtered, rushing over to the rest of them, who clearly needed help.

"Hey, I'm not their babysitter; don't go blaming this on me!" she countered, shoving her phone in her front pocket.

"Fuckin' hell," Louise pulled her hair into a ponytail while walking over to Judah and Sam.

She gave Jude's arm an extra tug and out came the frisbee from the branch it was previously caught in.

Then she ambled over to Alex and Melvin, grabbing the stick out of Mel's hand and casting it aside before advising the boys to let the creature go.

Reluctantly, they flipped the cooler over, revealing a ring-tailed coon. 

The creature immediately scurried away with a deathly glare in her eyes, hissing back at us as if to say, "You motherfuckers."

"And that's how you take care of that," Louise dusted her hands off, a smug grin decorating her features.

"Oh yeah, sure, like it was that easy—You weren't even here before! You didn't see what she was capable of!" Theo shuddered at the thought.

I giggled at the ridiculousness of it all, helping Alex pick up the remains of our food that had toppled over with the cooler.

"What say you we get a fire going?" Sam proposed, hands resting on his hips, clearly tired from attempting to dislodge a frisbee a few moments ago.

"Yeah, it's getting late. If we're building a fire, we better start now," Mel pointed out.

All eyes turned to Gabby.

"Oh, come on, you'd think that after all our Satanic Thursday Gatherings you'd know how to do this already..." she grumbled, adjusting her boots before leading the way.

We all knew that she secretly loved being in charge of this part though. It was in her blood.

..........

A solid hour and a half later, it was nearing 7pm and we were all pretty exhausted from collecting firewood and stones and the like.

"There we go," Gabby concluded with a smile, wiping her hands on her jeans victoriously.

A decently-sized fire blazed and crackled before us. Now, only one thing was missing.

"I want smoresssssss!" I squealed, eager to start the dessert making.

"Hold your horses, sugar freak, we'll get there when we get there," laughed Mel, giving me an unwanted noogie.

"Yo, I'm with sugar freak. I want smoresssss!!!" Judah backed me up, continuing my chant for dessert. 

And so Gabby was put in charge of handing out marshmallows because we didn't trust anybody else with them.

"Hey! Stop poking me with your stick!"

"Wuss!"

"Idiot!"

"Smartmouth!"

"Cocksucker!"

"Jesus fuck, guys, put a lid on it, wouldya? There's a child in our presence," Louise made sure to give both Judah and Theo a hard smack on the arm.

"Hey, you're the one who just dropped an f-bomb..." Theo defended weakly, rubbing his now very sore arm.

"Yeah, and I'm not a child..." I whined.

"Fuck isn't a swear word. It's a verb. And of course you're not the child. Sam is," she countered conclusively.

"Heyyyy—!"

"Just accept it, man. Don't fight it," Alex placed a hand on his friend's shoulder sympathetically.

"Hahaaaa! Guys, look, my marshmallow's on fire!"

"I'm sorry, what—?'"

Everyone's eyes turned to me as I giggled and let the fire envelope my marshmallow, burning it to a crisp along with the stick.

As the flame reached closer and closer to my hand, I could tell the others became a bit unnerved.

"Cmon, Charlotte, what the hell are you doing? You're gonna burn yourself like that!" Alex was at my side in two seconds but I didn't let go yet.

Just as the flames reached less than a milimeter away from my fingers, I blew the fire out.

"Jesus, kid, what the fuck was that for?"Judah eyed the smoltering thing with something short of terror.

"Dramatic effect," I smiled, tossing the charred stick and marshmallow into the fire pit before retrieving another one.

"You know, she's loonier than she lets on..." I heard Sam whisper to Gabby who gave him a look that told him to leave it be.

At least Theo and Jude weren't playing Shish Kebob anymore.

..........

Rounding 9pm, the ghost stories began.

Now, usually I'm a fan. When I'm safe and sound at home, that is. When the stories involving forests have nothing to do with me. Now that we've gone camping, it's personal.

But of course, this was Jude's expertise, so alas, we let him.

I'll save you all the piss-inducing details, but I guess you can imagine they were maybe a tad 2 spooky 5 you.

I made sure to smush myself between Alex and Mel, Sam and Theo latched onto Gabby as if their lives depended on it, and that left Judah and Louise huddling in the opposite corner.

"How on earth am I supposed to go to sleep after that?!" I squeaked.

"Charlotte, darling, you know they're not real, right?" Gabby tried to reassure me from across the way, where Sam and Theo continued grabbing onto her for protection.

"Yeah, and even if they were real, there's eight of us. Nothing bad can happen in large groups," Louise rationalized.

"Tell that to the Holocaust..." Jude mumbled beside her, earning him a few half-hearted chuckles and a jab to the ribs.

"Okay, well, if we're getting up to see the sunrise, we better get to bed," Gabby stated, peeling Samuel and Theodore off her limbs before making her way to her sleeping bag.

"She's right, sleep is good sometimes," Mel reasoned, getting up from his spot beside me.

"Sleep is for the weak," Sam stammered, still shaking a bit from the concluding ghost story.

"Yeah, well, so are bags under your eyes, so get your ass to bed," Gabby snapped.

She gets cranky when she's tired.

..........

I could've sworn I'd heard a snap.

Our fire was out and the trees blocked all sight of the moon, so I was dealing with pitch black darkness.

There it was again. The snap. And then a rustle. And then a crack.

My heartbeat suddenly increasing about ten thousand beats per minute, I shook the first person I could reach.

"Psst! Hey, wake up!" I hissed, not wanting to be alone.

"Hmmmwhaaa?" spoke a groggy voice, whom I assumed belonged to Theo.

"I heard something," I whispered urgently.

I could hear him shuffling around in his sleeping back, turning to face me in the darkness.

"Charrrrlotte, go bacck tsleepm," he drolled, too useless for my sake.

"No, I'm serious! I know I heard something!" I pressed, shaking him more so he wouldn't fall back asleep.

And there it was again. I knew he heard it too, this time. We both tensed up.

"Shit, man, what is that?" Now I knew he was awake.

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know," I squeaked, trying my best not to be a sissy and start crying on the spot.

"Hey, dude, wake up," I heard Theo bump someone on the head.

I think it was Mel.

"Somemoree desserrtt in Orlandoo..." Yup. Definitely Mel.

"Mel, shut up, we heard something, wake up," Theo urged him, clearly as freaked out as I was.

And we heard it again. The rustling.

"See?! Didn't you hear that?!" I inquired, trying not to lose my shit.

"Fuck," was his only response.

Then I heard what I think was him unzipping his sleeping bag very carefully before grabbing something heavy and metallic. A flashlight.

"You guys stay here, I'll go check it out," he decided.

"Are you crazy?!" I nearly shrieked, "If there's a bear out there, you're gonna die!"

"Fine. Theo, you come with me. Charlotte, you stay here."

"Hey, that's not fair!"

After all, I wasn't gonna let my friends die on my watch. But they wouldn't leave unless I promised them I'd stay, so after I was sure they were a few steps ahead, I sprang right up and followed the sound of their footsteps.

I can be stealthy sometimes.

The scary noises from before were getting closer and I could tell the two in front of me were pretty spooked.

"Hey, man, if this is the end... Well, you're a pretty good guy," I heard Mel speak almost inaudibly.

"You too, dude, you too..." came Theo's voice.

The sounds were nearly in front of us now and I heard the two count to three under their breath.

"One..."

"Two..."

"Three!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

The next few seconds are kind of a blur of flashlights, screaming and heartattacks.

Mel shone the bright light directly onto a guilty/terrified Judah, who had cheese dust covering the rims of his mouth and his fingertips.

Mel screamed. And Theo screamed. And Judah screamed. So I screamed.

Then they all screamed because none of them had known I was there all along.

There was a lot of screaming.

This, of course, must've woken up the others, because there were a whole lotta footsteps and yelling that followed.

"What's going on? Is anyone hurt?!" Louise tried to make out the rest of our figures in the dark.

"No, your idiot boyfriend just gave us the scare of a lifetime," Melvin spoke bitterly, shoving said boy towards the others.

"What were you doing up anyway?" Theo asked, perplexed.

"I just, uh... got hungry?" he scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah, likely excuse," Mel's eyes wandered over to where I stood.

"And you, missy! I thought I told you to stay!" he shouted, not very pleased.

"Hey! You can't honestly expect me to leave my best friends to the hands of death, could you?!" I retorted, wrapping my sweater tighter around me as I just began to notice the cold.

"Guys, why don't we leave all this arguing for the morning, shall we?" Gabby reasoned, covering an oncoming yawn.

"Agreed," mumbled Sam, who still seemed to be half asleep.

So as the eight of us walked back to camp, I heard Mel and Theo trail off behind us.

"Hey... Did you really mean what you said back there...?" Theo's timid voice spoke up.

"Fuck no."

"Thought so."

And the two continued walking.

Needless to say, our little midnight excursion caused us to cut the trip short, seeing as half of us were too scared to spend another night in any proximity of the woods.

But that wasn't the last of our crazy adventures.

..........

Hey guys! If you made it all the way to the end, I commend you :) I'm not exactly pleased with the ending but that's okay. It was still a helluva lotta fun to write, I can promise you that ;)

Please let me know your thoughts and if you'd ever like for me to write something like this again!

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

The Daily Struggle

Hiya!!! This poem's written in a bit of a different... style, so to speak. Let's just say work today inspired this piece :)

..........

The Daily Struggle

by: Maya Wilson

I made friends with a wasp today.

There she was—flitting and buzzing about

In all her red and yellow glory...

Nah, I'm just kidding.

That motherfucker stung me, and she stung me good.

You could say I was squirming and writhing in agony or whatever,

but you'd be forgetting an entire half of the story.

You see, upon feeling the deadly thing's stinger,

I clocked that bitch right where it hurt

(Or basically all of her, if you wanna get technical.)

I guess I should've run away or something smart like that,

But you know me.

Cold-blooded ho. That's right.

My swing only seemed to piss her off more,

So she made a bee-line—or should I say "wasp-line"—

Towards me, ready to sting with her butt again.

Goddamn, not even Kim K's ass is glorified as much.

We circled around each other for a bit, each eager to strike

When the fuckin' thing attacked me a second time,

But you best believe I was ready.

I smacked that wasp with a flipflop and down it went.

Mission accomplished.

For those of you wondering whether all this really happened or not,

Of course it fucking didn't. And if you believed me even for a second,

You're a dumbass.

Carpe Diem.

..........

The lovely inspiration I find at work, oh it's just joyous...

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Little Girl in Magenta

Surprise surprise, this new job of mine gives me a lot of free time so I've had time to write more than I usually do. Again, this poem is based on a little someone I met yesterday who made my heart smile :)

..........

Little Girl in Magenta

by: Maya Wilson

There I stood, off to the side,

Minding my own business

When I felt a pair of eyes

Looking right at me.

Slightly alarmed, I shuffled back,

Allowed a gentle smile and found

A little girl, no older than six.

She was dear, she was,

Too young for judgement, too young for reserve.

The girl wore a little frilled shirt. Magenta.

It suited her well.

Only after an attempt to say hello did I learn

The little girl was mute.

She stared at me through big, brown eyes,

And a tiny, brown hand peeked out at her side and

Waved at me.

She made some sort of silent giggle,

Letting her beaded braids jingle back and forth.

I smiled at her all the while, happy to know

Laughter is still contagious.

When I finally left, I made sure to

Wave back.

..........

And there you have it. I never got the chance to learn the cutie's name but I'm sure I'll see her around in the next couple of weeks. She was absolutely charming.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

First Day's Work

Inspired by my very first official day of "work."

..........

First Day's Work

by: Maya Wilson

Stranger danger. Toyota.

Pink blouse. Awkward silence.

Cool music. Panorama.

Motorbikes. Dirt roads.

Creepy stares. Toothy grins.

Introductions. Desk chair.

Bathroom. More stares.

Soccer tournament. Car.

Second stranger danger. Tony.

Ubers. Tomatos. Eggplant.

Medical unit. Ray Bans.

Lay's Potato Chips. Spoons.

Lots of spoons. Babygirl named

Rain. Needles. Shots. Medicine.

Water. Plastic cups. Styrofoam.

Gross. Stacking. Lines. Babies.

French. Fights. Creole. Car rides.

Hard-to-pronounce names.

Sleepy. Bumps. Pain. Salami.

Peanuts. Juice box. Rain storm.

Poetry. Theatre. Ideas. Baby boy.

Soaking wet. Jorgie. Mosquitos.

Malnutrition. Pink computers. Hot water.

Sunglasses. Yellow banana shirt. Braids.

Screaming. Mute girl. Crushes. Bruises.

Butterflies. Naked Barbie dolls. Kites.

Thick thighs. Torn nails. Childish laughter.

Olga. Green eyes. Shut doors. Packing up.

Relief. Goodbyes. See you laters.

Pickup truck.

..........

Y'all must be thinking "What the hell kind of a random list of words am I seeing here?" and I don't blame you for that. Looking at it now, all these words out of context don't seem to have any meaning, but I can assure you, they do. And that's how my first day at work went. I am beyond exhausted.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Midnight Blues

Hiya fellow surfers of the interwebs. Fancy seeing you here on such a fine... early morning... I guess?

Who am I kidding? Y'all are hopefully all sound asleep by now and thank goodness for that because you humans need your beauty sleep.

Not that you need any more gorgeousness than you already have, but you know what I mean. Just take the damn advice and roll with it.

See, I wish I could tell you all I've woken up in the middle of the night with some epic epiphany that I desperately had to share with you or that I've been up for hours deciphering life's complexities or something useful like that, but to tell the honest truth, all I've been doing is watch movie trailers on YouTube and look at the Top 10 Best Auditions for America's Got Talent or some show of that ilk. My dear friends, let me tell you I am consistently amazed at how many brilliantly talented, undiscovered artists there are out there. It's scary.

Anyhow, I got to thinking (which 50% of the time is never a good thing). I realized how long it's been since I've been able to accomplish something or perform something I'm super proud of. It may just be my theatre geekiness or my intrigue for the limelight or who knows, but my point is I fucking miss being able to stand in front of a crowd and being able to absolutely blow them away. I miss the sheer thrill of it all. How raw a performance can be if permitted. How an orchestra just elevates the adrenaline. How toe-tapping and knee-jitters are completely inevitable. I miss being so vulnerable yet so prepared—nervous, yet unafraid.

Goddamn, I miss being proud of something. Lately, I've found myself chickening out of a lot of things and maybe that's just the psychological rollercoaster that goes down once you're thrown into the deathly grip of the college process. The whole "What if" mentality gets old real fast, but bad habits die hard, and goodness me, my "What if" syndrome is out of control.

What if my grades aren't good enough? What if I'm not smart enough? What if I'm not ethnic enough? What if I'm not courageous enough? What if I'm not talented enough? What if I'm not "their type"? What if I disappoint? What if I let someone down? What if I'm not wealthy enough? What if I'm too boring? Too young? Too fake? Too immature? What if I make the wrong impression? What if they're better than me? What if I suck? What if I sound completely uneducated? What if I'm ignorant? What if I don't make friends? What if my anxiety flares up? What if I have a panic attack? What if all my friends reject me? What if my old friends forget me? What if what if what if what if I stop breathing? What if what if what if I don't know what to say? I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know

And that's just a small sample of what swims around in my brain most of the day, but usually just late at night. Either way, as much as I kinda dread having to face school and people again, I'm sort of excited to get started with a couple of things, like EHX for instance. It'll be weird because none of my old peeps will be there don't cry don't cry don't cry but nonetheless, I'm sure it'll still be a new and exciting experience. I'm also anticipating/dreading the announcement of the Fall Play because sheesh, it could either be flippin amazing or something pulled outta the hell hole like Wild Oats.

I'm already keeping my fingers crossed for a few surprise visits from the ol' grads because it would mean a heck of a lot to me and plus, surprises of that kind are super awesome and I miss you *hint hint*

I'm also going on a whole bunch of college visits soon and again, it's all sorta one big blur of super duper exciting and holy shit I'm gonna puke. No lie. But most of the schools I'm looking at have fabtastic theater programs and good Lord am I ready to have a real drama program (no offense to the Abbey and all its wonderful players.)

I feel like I've just been rambling here mainly because I feel a wee bit lonely and hormones are a bitch and agh who knows?

OO WAIT BEFORE I FORGET I JUST SAW THE NEW GHOSTBUSTERS AND IT WAS FANTASTIC SO PLEASE GO WATCH IT WHILE IT'S STILL IN THEATERS BECAUSE THOSE WOMEN KICK ASS AND IT IS SO IMPORTANT FOR GIRLS TO HAVE BADASS ROLE MODELS AND IN ORDER FOR THAT TO HAPPEN THE MEDIA HAS TO CATCH WIND OF GOOD REVIEWS SO PLEASE GO GO GO GO WATCH IT

(also, I happen to have a super mega crush on Kate McKinnon who plays Jillian Holtzmann and one may say I've fallen deeply in love with her nerdiness, dorkiness, and badassery *insert heart eyes here*)

I've also had a recent obsession with the musical Waitress because basically, Sara Bareilles is a genius and that's about all I can say about that.

I should probably wrap this up somehow... Oh whale, people. Go watch some good movies, dance to good music, eat some good fruit, and drink enough water. Take care of yourselves please and thank you. Maya would appreciate it <3

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Wishful Thinking

Hey guys.

Sorry if I left you unnerved with the last post... I wasn't really feeling the world at the time. It's a continuous struggle but I promise I'm working on it.

Anyway, lately I've been SUPER busy, and by busy I mean I meant to write this post last week but I haven't been able to because school and other things and aghhhh

My apologies.

Wild Oats came and went. It was one hell of a show. Take that as you will.

I gave my APUSH paper in and my heart felt about a thousand pounds lighter.

..........

Aaaaaaaannnnnnddddd that was all written a solid month and a half ago. Again, my deepest apologies.

Things have been flowing pretty quickly around here lately. I don't even know if that's a good or a bad thing, to be honest.

Graduation passed and I didn't shed a single tear, oddly enough. The bro's graduation passed and I didn't feel any drastic change in emotion either.

Then I stayed at CJS's house the night before we left for Ireland and that was a blast.

Ireland and England were both incredible but I'll probably leave that for a later post.

I only ever cried after our plane landed back in Boston after the two weeks. CJS can testify. I left his shoulder lookin pretty gross in a mixture of snot and tears. God bless his kind and patient soul.

It's kinda frustrating because honestly, if I had written this post just a couple weeks earlier, I probably would've written about very different things... That being said, my overlying emotion remains the same as it did a couple weeks ago: extreme flipflopiness and hoping that somehow, everything will turn out okay.

I guess you could say it's sorta worked out so far. I mean, here I am, very much alive and still writing (even though it's been five million years and I apologize about that.) Either way, the last few weeks, however uneventful, have been kind of a whirr of emotion and emotionlessness.

I'm probably not making any sense and for that, I apologize. It's just been kinda odd.

I don't even know what I'm saying.

Ugh.

I guess I'm trying to say that I miss you all and every time I'm reminded that I won't be able to see your smiling, goofy faces when I return to school, I dissolve into a puddle of tears and then the frantic thoughts of you possibly forgetting me just take over everything else and it gets really hard to think and then it gets hard to breathe but I'm getting way ahead of myself.

Pull it together, woman.

On top of that, matters with my parents have been confusing and overwhelming and just a straight up mess, if you ask me. We're fine. I mean, we're not, but we're managing.

Let's see... What else deserves an update?

Oh! Well, I am still recovering from the surgery I had on Tuesday and that's a strugglebus and a half :P For those of you who know and who've been super supportive, I cannot thank you enough for what lovely distractions you've been. For those of you who don't, some questions are better left unanswered. Trust me on this one.

I guess you could also say I'm officially transitioning into senior territory, what with college tours and interviews and whatnot. It's weird; it's somewhat exhilarating and impossibly terrifying at the same time. I'm just hoping for the best.

Along with that, I was majorly disappointed lately because of reasons and that led to lots and lots and LOTS of self doubt, so I just wanted to take a moment to thank all of you who gave me a frank chat about it and turned my head around for me. You know who you are. I love you <3

OOOOO ALSO I SAW THE MOVIE Me Before You AND IT REDUCED ME TO LITERAL TEARS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET, GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO WATCH THAT BEAUTIFUL CREATION OF CINEMATOGRAPHY I AM OBSESSED

I don't know what just came over me, my deepest apologies.

But seriously. Go watch it. That wasn't a suggestion.

Oh, and also Finding Dory. I've been waiting for that movie for the better half of my life and though I was a teeny tiny bit let down, one cannot deny its complete adorability. Baby Dory is officially the cutest fucking thing I've ever laid eyes on.

I'm trying to write more. Honestly, I am. I'll try and post more often if I can, I'm just hoping I don't get too wrapped up in my head...

Everything will be okay. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be all right.

Right?

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: My brothers and I have been binge watching Fresh Prince and That 70's Show and Arrested Development and I have never been more proud of being a couch potato.