Anyway, I'm sat here at 3 in the morning, not able to get a wink of sleep. Probably due to many things, but only one of those things seems relevant to me.
My big brother's going to college. No, not my biological one; he's still got a year to go. I mean the dude who offered me his sweater (which was about ten times too big for me) when I was a mousy little freshman just so I could look in dress code for some stupid school video. In the end, I politely declined and ended up wearing the Tree Person's vest but anyway. This is for him.
..........
Dear Sitka,
Hopefully by the time you read this, you'll have already taken off. But in the meantime, I'm writing this while you're still not gone. Well... that's a relative term, seeing as technically I'm the one away from all of you but that's besides the point.
I'm writing this because... hmm. Well, I'm not quite sure how to answer. I'll let you decide that for yourself. Again, this whole letter thing is just gonna sorta be improv, if that's okay with you. Wait. Who am I kidding? I don't need your permission or approval. Sorry, man. Improv it is.
So you're headed to college. Damn, am I proud of you. No, I really mean that. Tomorrow (or today, if you wanna get technical) you're headed out to the next greatest adventure of your life. Sure, I didn't know you your entire Abbey career, but I am proud to have been a part of half of it. At least I had that.
Now, I'm promising myself I'm not gonna cry through the duration of this letter because that would be sending you sad vibes while you're reading this and I don't wanna fill you up with sadness right as you're about to head to the next freaking best part of your life. So. No tears, Maya, those aren't allowed. Not right now at least. Though I can't make any promises about when I get back to school and remember you're not there. That's gonna be tough. But for now I can just pretend.
I know I don't need to write you a letter or even try to explain to you how much you mean to me or how much you've done for me. I know I don't need to do that because if you're even a teensy bit smart, you'll already know that without me telling you.
I've said this five trillion billion gazillion million times but I'm taking advantage of the fact that you are currently not awake (hopefully) and you can't automatically shush me so: thanks. For everything. You know exactly what for. And in case your brain has randomly decided to fog up, let me jog your memory.
Thank you for being a part of my real family. Like, my real, real family. Thanks for practically raising me my freshman year even though you didn't know what the hell you were doing or what you were getting yourself into. Thanks for being an absolute idiot and yet still having the decency to apologize. Thanks for literally every time you've gone out of your way just to make sure I was okay.
Thank you for every time you tag me on an Instagram or Facebook post merely because you think I'll find it amusing or mildly insulting. I expect you to continue doing that even after you forget who I am. Thank you for showing me what the best hug in the world feels like. Thanks for not getting tired of hearing me talk and talk and talk or even if you do get tired of it, thanks for not complaining. Thank you for bugging me to make healthy decisions and to relax. Thanks for un-teaching me how to be a lady (I remember distinctly when you taught me how to slouch XD). Thank you for being patient with me. God, am I thankful for that. Because lord knows I'm not a patient person myself and I could never in a million years reciprocate that patience you had with me. Thanks for letting me call you wherever and whenever, no matter what the occasion. Thanks for telling me you love me just because. You have no idea how much I needed that. Thanks for never thinking I'm too weird or for judging me when that's all I can do to myself. Thanks for believing in me when no one else would. Thanks for putting up with me when I was gross, sick, stressed, bawling, hyperactive, depressed, overjoyed, paranoid, terrified, tired, and even when I had nothing to say at all. Back in the day when it'd take you a full two hours to get me to speak up. Jesus, I don't know how you could handle it. Thank you for enjoying my laugh and for telling me I'm special. Thanks for being possibly the greatest older brother and best friend I could ever ask for.
Yeah, you've messed up a couple times. And who's to say you won't mess up again? You're a kid. You're human. That's what humans do. But I can promise you (like 99.999999999999%) that I will always find it in my heart to forgive you. Because you're family. And that's what families do.
Now, before you go taking this as a Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card, I'm not saying go screw around and be an absolute idiot on purpose, but if anything were to happen, I'd most likely have your back ;)
I came up with the nickname Sitka when I was thirteen years old. It was because of our shared love for Brother Bear. I remember telling you it was because you were not only like my guardian angel but you were my guide (and also I might've been going through a cast-your-friends-into-Disney-movies stage). I looked up to you for everything. I'd look to you when I didn't know which way else to go.
I can now confidently say I've grown out of that guidance. And no, I'm not saying I'll never need your help again—God knows I'll still come back to you for pretty much anything—but what I'm trying to say is you've done your job. And you've done your job well. Now the only person you need to guide is yourself. Care about yourself for a change <3
I can promise you, college will be filled will insane challenges, memories and opportunities. I want you to take advantage of every single one of them. Make bold decisions, allow yourself to fail, discover new things, grab onto new friends. Hold the old days close to your heart but please promise me to start your world anew. It's so much more exciting that way :)
And also remember, we'll still be here when you get back.
I guess to conclude with my title, just know that this is not a goodbye. It's just a see you later. Kaykay?
I love you to infinity and banana and if I could insert a purple heart onto my blog, I'd do that right about now.
Your insanely awesome possum cherry blossom sister,
Koda xoxo
P.S: You also get a virtual see-ya-later hug. —(^-^)—
Yeah, I agree, it looks sorta creepy, but it's the best I could do.
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