Not A Farewell

I don't seem to be getting any better at this "going to sleep early" thing. My apologies.

Anyway, I'm sat here at 3 in the morning, not able to get a wink of sleep. Probably due to many things, but only one of those things seems relevant to me.

My big brother's going to college. No, not my biological one; he's still got a year to go. I mean the dude who offered me his sweater (which was about ten times too big for me) when I was a mousy little freshman just so I could look in dress code for some stupid school video. In the end, I politely declined and ended up wearing the Tree Person's vest but anyway. This is for him.

..........

Dear Sitka,

Hopefully by the time you read this, you'll have already taken off. But in the meantime, I'm writing this while you're still not gone. Well... that's a relative term, seeing as technically I'm the one away from all of you but that's besides the point.

I'm writing this because... hmm. Well, I'm not quite sure how to answer. I'll let you decide that for yourself. Again, this whole letter thing is just gonna sorta be improv, if that's okay with you. Wait. Who am I kidding? I don't need your permission or approval. Sorry, man. Improv it is.

So you're headed to college. Damn, am I proud of you. No, I really mean that. Tomorrow (or today, if you wanna get technical) you're headed out to the next greatest adventure of your life. Sure, I didn't know you your entire Abbey career, but I am proud to have been a part of half of it. At least I had that.

Now, I'm promising myself I'm not gonna cry through the duration of this letter because that would be sending you sad vibes while you're reading this and I don't wanna fill you up with sadness right as you're about to head to the next freaking best part of your life. So. No tears, Maya, those aren't allowed. Not right now at least. Though I can't make any promises about when I get back to school and remember you're not there. That's gonna be tough. But for now I can just pretend.

I know I don't need to write you a letter or even try to explain to you how much you mean to me or how much you've done for me. I know I don't need to do that because if you're even a teensy bit smart, you'll already know that without me telling you. 

I've said this five trillion billion gazillion million times but I'm taking advantage of the fact that you are currently not awake (hopefully) and you can't automatically shush me so: thanks. For everything. You know exactly what for. And in case your brain has randomly decided to fog up, let me jog your memory.

Thank you for being a part of my real family. Like, my real, real family. Thanks for practically raising me my freshman year even though you didn't know what the hell you were doing or what you were getting yourself into. Thanks for being an absolute idiot and yet still having the decency to apologize. Thanks for literally every time you've gone out of your way just to make sure I was okay. 

God fucking dammit I promised these tears wouldn't come

Thank you for every time you tag me on an Instagram or Facebook post merely because you think I'll find it amusing or mildly insulting. I expect you to continue doing that even after you forget who I am. Thank you for showing me what the best hug in the world feels like. Thanks for not getting tired of hearing me talk and talk and talk or even if you do get tired of it, thanks for not complaining. Thank you for bugging me to make healthy decisions and to relax. Thanks for un-teaching me how to be a lady (I remember distinctly when you taught me how to slouch XD). Thank you for being patient with me. God, am I thankful for that. Because lord knows I'm not a patient person myself and I could never in a million years reciprocate that patience you had with me. Thanks for letting me call you wherever and whenever, no matter what the occasion. Thanks for telling me you love me just because. You have no idea how much I needed that. Thanks for never thinking I'm too weird or for judging me when that's all I can do to myself. Thanks for believing in me when no one else would. Thanks for putting up with me when I was gross, sick, stressed, bawling, hyperactive, depressed, overjoyed, paranoid, terrified, tired, and even when I had nothing to say at all. Back in the day when it'd take you a full two hours to get me to speak up. Jesus, I don't know how you could handle it. Thank you for enjoying my laugh and for telling me I'm special. Thanks for being possibly the greatest older brother and best friend I could ever ask for. 

Yeah, you've messed up a couple times. And who's to say you won't mess up again? You're a kid. You're human. That's what humans do. But I can promise you (like 99.999999999999%) that I will always find it in my heart to forgive you. Because you're family. And that's what families do. 

Now, before you go taking this as a Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card, I'm not saying go screw around and be an absolute idiot on purpose, but if anything were to happen, I'd most likely have your back ;) 

I came up with the nickname Sitka when I was thirteen years old. It was because of our shared love for Brother Bear. I remember telling you it was because you were not only like my guardian angel but you were my guide (and also I might've been going through a cast-your-friends-into-Disney-movies stage). I looked up to you for everything. I'd look to you when I didn't know which way else to go. 

I can now confidently say I've grown out of that guidance. And no, I'm not saying I'll never need your help again—God knows I'll still come back to you for pretty much anything—but what I'm trying to say is you've done your job. And you've done your job well. Now the only person you need to guide is yourself. Care about yourself for a change <3 

I can promise you, college will be filled will insane challenges, memories and opportunities. I want you to take advantage of every single one of them. Make bold decisions, allow yourself to fail, discover new things, grab onto new friends. Hold the old days close to your heart but please promise me to start your world anew. It's so much more exciting that way :)

And also remember, we'll still be here when you get back.

I guess to conclude with my title, just know that this is not a goodbye. It's just a see you later. Kaykay?

I love you to infinity and banana and if I could insert a purple heart onto my blog, I'd do that right about now.

Your insanely awesome possum cherry blossom sister,

Koda xoxo

P.S: You also get a virtual see-ya-later hug. —(^-^)—

Yeah, I agree, it looks sorta creepy, but it's the best I could do. 

20 Things That Make Me Human

For the sake of all you that probably wanna kill me for what time I'm posting this at, I promise I was asleep until now and woke up because I had an idea and I had to write it down and I could not stop. That's just the way these things work.

Anyway, I always like writing original thoughts down on paper first. It just feels right to me, I guess. That's the way I started out, so that's the way it's gonna end.

Eventually, I end up typing things into my computer just in case the original copy gets lost. I guess I'm telling you this now cuz my fingers are already cramping up and I'm elbow-deep in blue ink. Nonetheless, I thought it might be worth it to y'all what I spent the last hour writing.

...........

1. I know what it means to be loved.

She opens her eyes to fluorescent hospital lights, beeping machines and labored breathing. Someone has swaddled her in a blanket. The feeling is warm and soft. Faintly, she can see faces blurring in and out of focus. The faces are smiling at her.

2. I know what it means to be curious.

Her father holds her over the bushes, allowing her to peer at the blooming flowers. The colors are bold and vibrant. She takes her little fist and grabs the petals right off the stem with a squeal. The flower is dead now but she does not understand why.

3. I know what it means to be ignored.

She is four when they tell her it's a boy. He arrives late January and nobody seems to want to play outside. They all sit and coo and smile at the tiny thing. They tell her she's a big sister now. She thinks if this is what being big is, she wants nothing to do with it.

4. I know what it means to be anxious.

2007, they tell her she must move to a new country. They say it will be better there. They say it will be hot and sunny and she will make lots of new friends. She gets that funny feeling in her stomach that this will not be as easy as they make out. She begins to wonder if her new friends will like playing hide and seek.

5. I know what it means to be special.

Four days into second grade, the principal calls her parents. The principal says the course is much too easy for her—that she must be moved into third grade. She begins to think that being special sounds awfully scary.

6. I know what it means to be afraid.

She's nearly 8 years old but her wild imagination only seems to grow wilder. She swears there are witches by the windows and ogres under her bed. No matter how hard they try, they cannot convince the girl otherwise. So they put bars on her windows and tell her she is safe. She can't help but feel very trapped now.

7. I know what it means to be excited.

It is opening night and she cannot contain her squeals. She is about to perform in front of 1,500 people and she doesn't feel nervous at all. No, she's excited. She knows her lines and she knows her songs and she will blow them all away. This time, she will not be ignored.

8. I know what it means to be goofy.

She sits next to her brother, hoping he'd let her be a part of his video this time. Reluctantly, he agrees, and allows her to speak in strange voices at the camera, pulling her face into this and that. He cannot help but laugh at the girl before joining in himself. She misses when he used to laugh like that.

9. I know what it means to be distraught.

She picks up the phone on a Sunday morning. All she hears is death on the other side. She goes back to seventh grade on Monday morning. She says she is angry with the world. She says bad things should not happen to good people. They let her go to his funeral and she is the only child there. She cannot remember how many adults looked at her with a sort of pity in their eye. She remembers feeling alone that night.

10. I know what it means to be tired.

Three more deaths follow that year like a race against time. All she knows is her homework and her books and her writing. She's not sure who her real friends are anymore and she can't bring herself to speak to her family. She doesn't like the idea of causing them distress. She rarely eats and she hardly sleeps anymore and she is just oh-so-tired. She wants it all to end.

11. I know what it means to be rejected.

She looks pretty that night. Or as pretty as a twelve-year-old can be. She tells herself she's going to have fun no matter what, and she does. She's the first one out on the dancefloor and she loves the way her blue dress is twirling about. Soon enough, the only people left are couples and this one other boy sitting all alone. The camp counselor pairs the two together but the boy says no. She can't help but wonder if she just wasn't pretty enough that night.

12. I know what it means to be overjoyed.

It's six AM and her father insists she check her email. Bewildered and a bit grumpy, she obeys, only to scream at the words before her eyes: Congratulations! You made it! Tears start streaming down her face and she begins to ask if this is all real. Her father laughs and assures her that she really has been accepted into boarding school, that this really is going to happen. She beams throughout the rest of the day.

13. I know what it means to be lonely.

She's only three weeks into school when she wants to take her life. She's not sure why she feels this way but she believes it is the only way to escape the loneliness. She remembers feeling nothing at all. Simply numb.

14. I know what it means to be confused.

She knows she always found the human body fascinating. It's beautiful. Simple as that. What she doesn't understand is why she's only supposed to love one of them when they are both equally stunning. She tells her friends she falls in love with people—not genders. Personalities—not genitals. And she's okay with that.

15. I know what it means to be applauded.

She remembers how nervous she was to begin with. And this was not a crowd of 1,500 people. This was a small group of her best friends in the whole wide world. They clap and they whistle and they cheer and she remembers what it's like to be loved again.

16. I know what it means to be jealous.

She can feel her starting to pull him away. A couple hours a day turns into a couple days a week and soon enough she gives up on seeing him. After all, if this is what makes him happy, she cannot tell him no. She misses her best friend and she feels mad at herself for letting him go.

17. I know what it means to be hurt.

She struggles to breathe as the words start to sink in. She tells herself the words aren't true but it's not the words themselves that hurt, it's whose mouth they came from. She tells herself that this is the end—that she cannot go on like this, and so she lets go. Except this time, letting go hurts so much harder than holding on.

18. I know what it means to be passionate.

Her sanctuary is the Creative Writing classroom. In there, she finds her real voice through pencils and paper and a teacher who never fails to push her further. She sings words onto the page and watches them latch onto each other, slowly but surely creating a world all her own. And she is in love with the words and for the first time in forever, she is in love with herself.

19. I know what it means to be family.

She is sitting around a campfire. It's a Thursday night and it's almost 11 o'clock but it's summer, so no one seems to care. Her best friends are lighting marshmallows on fire and she watches as they blow the flames away. Their laughter melts into music and she zones in and out of their conversation. Someone wraps a blanket around her shoulders and smiles before plopping down next to her. They begin to sing their favorite song and it is only now that she realizes she is home.

20. I know what it means to be human.

I know what it's like to crave perfection but never achieve it. I know what it's like to stay awake for over 48 hours just because. I know what it's like to fail and to succeed. I know what it's like to cry, and to hurt, and laugh and smile. I know what it's like to have permanent ink stains on my fingertips because that's the only way I know how to feel. And feeling is the very best part about being human.

..........

I don't really think this counts as slam poetry but it wasn't straight up prose either, so sorry about that.

Also just FYI, I'm brain dead at the moment and should be sleeping in just a few seconds so if I'm not making any sense oh whale

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Spontaneous Thank-You Note

I'm not really sure what came over me to write about this but I might as well do it before the impulse wears off.

I just wanted to take a moment to say how much I appreciate a certain friend of mine who goes by the name of Fonts.

I dunno, maybe it's the fact that he promised to send me snapchats of the sunrise and actually did it, or the fact that he's pulled a dad move every night the past week and told me to go to bed at a decent time, or the fact that he just gives seriously deep life advice that blows my mind.

Sorry to get all cheesy on you dude, but I've just been thinking a lot lately about how stinkin' lucky I am to have you around, and by around, I mean the fact that you own a phone you can text me with XD

I find it funny that the year you were actually around, I was much too afraid to seriously befriend you. Don't ask why cuz I honestly couldn't answer that haha And yet the year you left us and went to college, we somehow managed to get closer. Funny how that works.

Anyway, I guess this was just a sort of shout out to you, man, for making my life infinitely richer and immensely happier. Thanks for telling me to go to bed, and for being a pain in the ass, and for bugging me to no end, and for telling me how proud of me you are, and for singing on the other line 'til I stopped hyperventilating, and for making me get to class late, and for using me as an armrest, and for going along with my poke wars (the real life ones, not FB), and for making me unafraid of the dark, and for telling me when I'm being irrational, and for actually thinking I'm sometimes funny, and for occasionally letting me win the argument.

You're pretty awesome, I will admit.

"The sun sets and it also rises, tomorrow is a new day full of outstanding adventure and opportunity, it is always darkest before the dawn, but it's only 12:20 so it's really not even that dark... Enjoy it while it lasts, savor it and respect it. Trust me, darkness is not the lacking of light, it's the presence of darkness, and it can work wonders."
-Matthew Fonts

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Nicknames

In case you're wondering, I'm currently sitting criss cross applesauce, barefoot, clad in a shirt I've owned since I was ten years old, glasses on, retainers in, hair up in a bun, and blasting Panic! At The Disco. Not that any of you were wondering... but hey, now you know XD

Just a few hours ago, Fonts was trying to convince me to write about food but unfortunately I'm not a skilled food critic, so sorry to disappoint.

Instead, I'm going to write about a much less interesting topic: all the names I can remember ever being given to me.

Now, I'm just gonna give y'all a heads up, if any of you EVER uses one of the... less than decent names, I will personally make sure none of you gets their Christmas present.

Yes, I am fully aware that it's August.

Brace yourselves.

..........

• Maya
• Maya Isabel
• Isabel
• Bells
• Bella
• Miss Maya
• Maya Papaya
• Meh
• Señorita
• Darisita
• Mayita
• Mashita
• La Estrellita
• Palomita
• La peca
• Guapa
• Monita
• Chiquitina
• Princesa
• Nena
• Beba
• Little one
• Baby sis
• Little cub
• Izzy
• Skittles
• KitKat
• Thumper
• Semilla
• M
• Dork
• Goober
• Goob
• Goof
• Bugger
• Booger
• Dingus
• Goofball
• Tadpole
• Minion
• Nerd
• Burger Queen
• Fool
• Turd
• E.T.
• Four-eyes
• Oscar the Grouch
• Anita la Huerfanita
• Dude
• Bro
• Man
• Scout
• Miss Know-It-All
• Mona
• Alice in Wonderland
• Dorito
• Beautiful Mosquito-Butterfly
• Hobo
• Menor
• Domestic
• Hermione Granger
• Smurf
• Sandra D.
• Hobbit
• Hermit
• Skunk
• Shrimp
• Chimp
• Cruella DeVil
• Gordie
• Sleeping Beauty
• Hamster
• Little Woman
• Caterpillar
• Bubbles
• Monkey
• Twitchy
• Tiny Tim
• Short stuff
• Strawberry Poptart
• Penguin Child
• Young Anne Hathaway
• Boo
• Kitty-cat
• Mike Wazowski
• Dora the Explorer
• Ladybug
• The Artful Dodger
• Nemo
• Piglet
• Roo
• Lilo
• Sunshine
• Clifford the Big Red Dog
• Pixie
• Fairy
• Bud
• Buddy
• Rachel Berry
• Mini Me
• Angelina Ballerina
• Simba
• Mouse
• Minnie Mouse
• Queen of the Bees
• Pygmy Puff
• The Tornado
• Tiny human
• Small one
• Nessie/Lochness Monster
• Cosette
• Cindy Lou Who
• Tiger
• Firefly
• Aya
• Mujer
• Flaca
• Phineas
• Vieja
• Loca
• Gringa
• Pippi Longstocking
• Woman
• Miss Mary Mack
• Loud Mouth
• Princess and the Pea
• Mariah Carey
• Snow White
• Fresita
• Strawberry Shortcake
• Shorty
• Watson
• Fruity Patootie
• Crazy
• Blanquita 
• Rubia
• Ruby
• Grinch
• Little Red Riding Hood
• Peep
• Elf
• Dwarf
• The Little Engine That Could
• Su Majestad
• Matilda
• Heffalump
• Midget
• Moño bueno
• Bug
• Little Mermaid
• Tinkerbell
• Honey bunny
• Chilindrina
• Lovebug
• Kid
• Kiddo
• Child
• Smallish Bear
• Koda
• One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater

..........

In case you didn't notice, insults and Disney seem to be running themes.

Now, I'm not saying I get called ALL of these things on a regular basis, 'cause to be honest, that'd be quite sad XD

A select few of these are what people call me day to day (thank God), but I thought I'd mention all the things I have been called just for shiggles.

Hope y'all enjoyed.

Yes, I'm aware most if not all of these names will be used against me.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Drunken Snippets

Now, before any of you go crazy or something, let me just say all of the following events are by no means real and I 100% completely made them up according to a dream I had a while back. 

Don't question me as to why I had this dream. It's kind of a long story...

Nonetheless, I thought I'd write this for fun, so if you don't have anything nice to say, I'd rather you didn't say it at all.

..........

Fonts-23

Gibb-22

Tom-22

Maeve-22

Caellum-21

Claire-21

Maya-19

..........

8:32pm

"Tom!" I squealed, throwing aside my bag to launch myself at a friend I hadn't seen in all of two years.

Maeve rolled her eyes at my antics before shutting the door behind us.

"Maya!" the tall redhead laughed as I hugged the life outta him, "Long time, no see, huh?"

I smiled in response.

"Okay so let me get this straight. You show up to my apartment after I invite you over, and you say hi to the ginger before me?!"

Fonts threw me a glare that could cut through steel.

"Why, hello there to you too, Matthew," I laughed, throwing him a fleeting hug–much to his chagrin–before making my way over to the living room, where Gibb and Claire sat chatting away.

"Oh, hello dear!" Claire got up to greet me, though she wasn't as enthusiastic as the others 'cause she'd seen me the day before at Maeve's place.

Gibb got up next, pulling me into one of his famous bear hugs and I couldn't keep the stupid grin off my face because I hadn't seen this fool since my high school graduation.

"How're you doing, little one?" 

"I'm hardly little anymore, Michael. Please give me the respect I deserve," I stuck my tongue out at him to show that I was only half joking.

"Where's the tall one?" I asked, surveying my surroundings and finding that one of my best friends was missing.

"Probably raiding my pantry. The guy has needs..." Fonts explained, right as Caellum decided to walk in.

"Hey, kiddo!" his face lit up as he walked over to hug me with one arm, the other holding a giant bag of Doritos.

"Huh. You seem taller. I wonder why?" Caellum teased as I let go, causing everyone to look pointedly at my feet.

The others snickered.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny." I flipped him the bird as I kicked off my five inch heels, taking a seat on the couch.

"Now that's more like the Maya we know," Tom chuckled, taking a seat beside me.

"I tried to convince her not to wear 'em but the girl insisted," Maeve threw her hands up in the air as everyone else sat down.

After the initial shock of being reintroduced to my best friends after two years, and after everyone else had somewhat settled down (like that ever happens in our friend group), I asked the rest what the occasion was.

After all, this was the first time we'd all been together since I graduated high school.

The others looked at each other for a minute.

When no one seemed to answer me, Fonts took it upon himself to look at me from across the coffeetable and tell me what was really going on.

"We're getting you drunk."

I had to refrain from choking on my own saliva.

"Excuse me, what?"

I could already feel my whole body tense up. This was not gonna be good.

This is not gonna be good.

"Listen, kid, you're about to be a Junior in college and you still haven't gotten wasted yet! It's our responsibility to fix that." Fonts explained with a smirk.

"Come on, dude, you promiseddd," Gibb whined from the armrest on the love-seat opposite me.

My eyes nearly tripled in size.

"I what?! When the hell did I promise you that?" I stood up on impulse.

"Sophomore year of high school," Fonts stepped in, "You said you'd promise to get drunk with us if we met your criteria."

I cocked an eyebrow. None of this was ringing a bell.

"You said you'd get drunk only if you were with your best friends, in a safe environment, and when we weren't planning on going out anywhere. Take a look around, Maya. None of us plan to leave tonight," Fonts tried to assure me but something still didn't feel right.

"Guysssss, this is peer pressureeee," I couldn't help but whine, fidgeting with my hands from the nerves.

"Come on, Maya, even Claire is doing it!" C chimed in, trying his best to be persuasive.

"I'm sorry, but what is that supposed to mean?" Claire gave him a light smack to the arm, clearly insulted.

"You do whatever you want, dear, no one is gonna make you do anything," she said.

"Guys, I'm putting my foot down on this one," I shook my head as I was putting my heels back on, ready to walk out the door.

"Maya, I hate to break it to you, love, but you've got nowhere to go... I'm your ride and I'm also your designated crashing area as of this summer, so..." Maeve tried reasoning with me.

She had a point, and again I found myself stuck.

"Look at it this way," Fonts took my bag back from me, laying it on the table next to us, "You could either get drunk, and have a great time, or you could stay sober, and have to babysit every single one of us. Think about it."

There was an awkward silence as the rest waited for me to make up my mind.

One glance at those goons and all I said was, "What the hell, hand me a drink,"

"That's what I thought," Fonts patted me on the back with a smile on his face, leading me back to where my friends all sat cheering for me. 

"Atta girl, Maya," Caellum stuck out his tongue at me and I mimicked the action.

"This'll be fun, I promise," Tom patted the spot on the couch I previously occupied.

I rolled my eyes at how ridiculous the whole situation was.

Fonts disappeared for a while and reappeared with a whole cooler full of, well... whatever he supposed we were gonna drink that night.

I eyed that blue mini fridge like it was gonna be the death of me.

"Take it slow, though, kiddo, we don't want you poisoning yourself and then hafta rush you to the ER or something," Gibb joked, nudging me in the ribs as he passed me a beer.

I gave him a weak smile back.

Well this was gonna be interesting.

..........

9:46pm

I can't remember who thought it'd be a great idea to play drunk Twister, but whoever did clearly wanted to see us all suffer.

Right now, Tom was winning. I have no idea how, but he was. 

I was out, along with Claire and Fonts, who'd both tripped over some idiot's foot in the process.

"Left hand on green," I giggled, knowing this would be the end of Caellum's Twister career.

"You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me!" he grumbled, trying his best to reach between Gibb's legs and around Maeve's arm, but balance was not on his side, and he toppled over.

"Aaaand you're out!" Claire exclaimed from the other side of the room, where she lay sprawled across the entire couch.

Instead of being angry though, C just started laughing hysterically. The kind where your face turns red and tears leak out your eyes.

I couldn't help but join in because what can I say? Laughing is contagious. Especially when you're pretty buzzed.

I hadn't even finished half my beer yet and I was already feeling a bit too happy.

Once I started laughing, Gibb just couldn't contain it any longer and allowed himself an explosion of laughter, which caused him to topple over as well.

"I'm sorry, losers, but could you please evacuate the premises while we figure out who the real champion is?" Maeve tried on her best precocious voice as the other two continued their laughter off by the side. 

By now, all of us were in stitches, struck by this never-ending chain of giggles and guffaws.

Tom and Maeve were still on the battlefield, determined not to let this laughter distract them, though both were definitely holding in sputters of their own.

"Just spin the fucking wheel Maya!" Tom called, trying his absolute best not to smile because he knew all would be over if he did.

"Okay! Sheesh," I tried to hold in my own laughter, "Right foot on yellow," I got up and sat back down where Gibb and C had claimed the rug.

I watched the concentration on Tom's face before he realized his inevitable defeat. Apparently, if he was gonna go down, so was Maeve.

"Ahh! Tom!" she'd squealed when the other one bumped into her on purpose.

And so there ended up being a tie between the pile of giggles on the floor.

"BUT ONLY ONE CAN SURVIVE!" Fonts insisted, bringing a fist into the air as he got up and stood in front of all of us.

"Fonts, what're you, nuts? This isn't the Hunger Games!" Claire laughed, pulling her hair up into a bun as she sat up to join the rest of our circle.

"Well, somebody's gotta break the tie," C said.

"I pronounce a chugging competition!" our host proclaimed.

"No!" Maeve sounded disgusted.

"I would totally beat you,"

"Fuck off, Tom, don't underestimate my power," Maeve gave him a shove.

"Nah, whoever does the best interpretive dance of Seventeen!" Claire sent herself as well as Maeve and I into another fit of laughter while the guys just looked on in horror.

"Fuck no." was their immediate response.

"I should actually murder you for even bringing that up, but you're my friend so I'm trying my best to restrain myself," Fonts spoke in all seriousness.

"I GOT IT!" I allowed myself a breath after my giggling ceased.

I stood up and climbed onto the table, heels and all, willing myself to be serious so I could announce their ultimate challenge.

"A catwalk!"

"What? Like modeling?" Tom's face contorted into one of complete disbelief.

"Mhmm! Whoever performs the best catwalk–" the others looked at me bemusedly as I fumbled to pull off one of my shoes,  "in MY heels, breaks the tie!"

Tom's mouth was wide open and I could tell he was about to protest when Fonts interrupted.

"IT'S PERFECT!"

"But Fonts–"

"It's my house, therefore, you live under my rules, buddy," Fonts could not have felt more pleased with himself.

Maeve held a look of pure contempt. She was so gonna win this.

"But Maya's shoes are like... ten sizes too small for me," the grown man whined, not ready to accept his fate.

"Suck it up, O'Rourke, and show the judges what you got," Caellum winked at our ginger friend, glad he wasn't stuck in the same predicament.

"WAIT!" I exclaimed, scrambling off the table in one shoe to find my bag so I could play them some proper catwalk music.

"Alright, who's gonna go first?" Claire came and sat down next to me, pulling her knees up to her chest, eager to watch this showdown go down.

"I say Maya gets to choose since she came up with the idea," Gibb grinned at me, poking me in the side as I let out a squeal.

Feeling very entitled at the moment, I sat upright, pretending to think very carefully about this.

"Maeve should go first cuz she's less likely to break my shoes," I announced with a pleased smile across my face.

I tugged off my other shoe and handed it to her as the others began to laugh.

"Ready?" I couldn't help but smirk as my finger hovered over the play button.

Maeve took off imaginary sunglasses and spoke with an overly dramatic voice, "Baby, I was born ready,"

And so began the hair flips and hip swishes and the sexy eyes.

"And that was Maeve Harten, everybody!" I mock-announced.

I gave Tom a little intro as he struggled to get the tips of his toes into my shoes.

"Introducing, the flawless and the fab: Tom O'Rourke! Gimme some sass," I played the part of the obnoxious show host, trying not to laugh when Tom did things like wink at us.

The rest hooted and whistled at the six-foot-who-knows-what guy standing in front of us, giving us his best flips and swishes and sexy eyes.

"Work it, baby, work it!" Gibb took on the voice of some middle-aged woman, trying not to crack up himself.

After I was sure the poor guy had tired himself out, I stood up, taking my spot by his side and calling Maeve to stand next to me. I forgot how it felt to be this short again.

"I give you our two contestants. You both performed valiantly," I kept up the act, letting our friends have a little laugh as Tom and Maeve bowed.

"But I'm afraid this was not your calling, Tom. You've been defeated," I sighed with fake sympathy.

"Dammit," he pretended to sulk away as he sat down with the others.

"And that leaves Maeve, Queen of the Catwalk! Congratulations!" I shook her hand and then sat down by her feet, hopelessly giggling at the ordeal that had just unfolded.

She pretended to act emotional and began saying, "I'd like to thank my mother, and Maya's lucky shoes, and lastly, Tom, for being the loser so I could win," she wiped away at a fake tear while Tom merely rolled his eyes.

"Awesome choice, Maya," Claire granted me a high five, grinning wildly at the result of this.

"Better luck next time, huh, Tom?" Gibb teased.

Then Tom shoved a pillow in Gibb's face.

..........

10:28pm

I was sprawled across Maeve's lap when C and Gibb came out of the kitchen carrying cans of Monster. 

"Can I try?" I mumbled, seeing as my face was somewhat smothered in the couch.

"You've never had one before?" Tom looked over at me incredulously.

"Uh uh," 

"Dude, how the hell did you survive college without coffee or Mountain Dew or this?" C looked struck dumb.

"I didn't," I let out an airy laugh, sitting up so I could grab one of the cans.

"Maya, I'm not sure you're gonna like tha–"

"EW!" It took all of me not to spit it out right then and there.

"Told you," Claire sighed from her criss cross applesauce on the ground, which gave me an idea.

"Hey Fonts?"

"Sup?"

I giggled.

"Do you have any applesauce?"

"Uhh no, why?"

"Dammit."

"Maya...?"

"I'm hungryyyyyyyyy," I groaned, taking up more space on the couch, against Tom and Maeve's will.

"Maya... you ate... like... the whole bag of Doritos, how the hell are you still hungry?" Gibb started laughing at me which only got a pout and a stomach grumble in return. 

"I mean, we could order pizza," Fonts suggested.

"This late?" Claire spoke up from below.

"Yeah, man, Dominos always has my back," Fonts stated matter-of-factly, taking his phone out and speed dialing the place.

The pizza got there ten minutes late, so you better believe how hungry I was by then.

As soon as the bell rang, I sprang from my seat and dashed over to the door, only bumping into two tables, three people, and a chair on the way.

"That'll be–"

"Here, thanks!" I swiped the two pizzas from the guy, shoving forty dollars into his hand before slamming the door shut.

The poor dude left with a bit of a shock to the system but what can I say? I was beyond hungry.

Bringing the pizzas back to the other room, I'd already called dibs on four pepperoni slices. And there was nothing they could do about it.

..........

11:17pm

Somehow I'd finished off two beers and a shot of whiskey and was still alive. Barely. But still.

The guys had downed a lot more than that but for some reason were holding up much better than I.

Tom and C were entwined together on one of the couches laughing at who knows what.

I lay across the arm of the other couch, my feet resting in Claire's lap.

Suddenly, I was struck by hiccups.

This, of course, made the others snicker.

"Guysss *hic* shut upppp *hic*" I groaned, displeased with the lack of respect I was receiving.

"I think someone's had a bit too much," Fonts simply looked at me with a smug grin whereas I took up a defensive stance.

"Have *hic* n-nottt *hic*" except now my own hiccups were causing me to laugh, and so I was stuck in an onslaught of simultaneous laughing and hiccuping.

"Something is very wrong with you, child," Maeve laughed, trying her best not to end up in a hopeless laugh attack as I was in the moment.

Eyeing Gibb's forgotten beer bottle on the table, I was about to reach for it when it was swiped away from me.

"Whoa there, tiger, you don't need anymore of that," Gibb sent me a mixture between a sympathetic and an amused smile.

I huffed in defeat.

Suddenly, I had a thought.

"Guys," I couldn't help but giggle at myself, "*hic* what if..." my laughing wouldn't let me finish my sentences, "What if *hic* giraffes had human *hic* personalities and then they *hic* took over the *hic* earth?"

I was met with silence. Apparently my humor was not up to par, but at that point, nothing mattered to me. I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

"Maya, that's not even funny..." C couldn't help the smile that was creeping onto his face just from witnessing another of my laugh attacks.

"Oh dear, child..." Claire shook her head at me.

They let me go like this until I rolled off of the couch and onto the floor, clutching my very sore stomach.

"I'M GONNA PEEEEE!"

Tears were streaming down my face now and I could do nothing to help myself.

"Maya, I swear to God, if you piss on my floor, you're cleaning it up," was all Fonts could say, but he, too, was starting to laugh himself.

Feeling that it was actually going to happen, I surprised everyone by scrambling to my feet and making a beeline for the bathroom.

After I walked back in the room, I'd managed to somewhat calm down, only taking gasps of breath every few seconds.

I relocated to my spot on the couch, deciding to sit on Claire's lap.

She didn't really do much but groan under the unexpected weight.

Suddenly, I felt a pang of lovingness that I couldn't seem to shake off.

I turned around and took Claire's face in both my hands, pressing my forehead to hers.

She was definitely caught off guard but didn't push me away either, instead sat there with an amused grin, wondering what my next extraordinary act would be.

Looking her straight in the eyes I said, "Claire... you are *hic* a wwonderrful human beinggg," our noses were practically touching, "And evveryone should *hic* knnoww that," I added.

Before anyone else could figure out what I was doing, I got up and seemed to play some odd version of Duck, Duck, Goose, patting each person on the head and telling them how wonderful they are XD

And yet, no one felt the need to stop me.

I plopped myself in Tom's lap, catching him much by surprise and started messing with his hair.

"Tom," I started with an airy sigh, "you'reee a g-good personn. But orange doesn't s-suit youu,"

Everyone else just seemed to be watching me now. Their eyes went wide. Tom flew a hand to his chest in mock-hurt.

"Well, I told you I might go blonde–"

"No, that wouldn'tt work eitherr..." I yawned, unfolding myself so I now lay sprawled across Tom and C's legs.

They couldn't really do much about it, anyway. Again, everyone looked on to see what I would do next. After all, the whole point of this get together was to see each other and watch me get drunk for the first time.

Only a few moments of silence passed before I started singing to myself in Spanish, not quite aware of the six other faces looking at me, holding in giggles and snickers of their own.

They watched as I grew tired and more tired. The alcohol finally got away with lulling me to sleep. 

I can't remember much else.

Until I woke up.

..........

3:15am

I woke up with the absolute worst feeling in my stomach. 

Someone had moved me to the love-seat so more people could occupy the couch.

Claire, C and Tom were fast asleep but Maeve, Gibb and Fonts were still awake, chattering away.

Though I was practically a grown woman at nineteen years old, in that moment, I felt like I'd retreated to the body of a child.

Someone had also thrown a fleece over me.

Trying my best to kick it off, I realized how badly my head was pounding, too, so I couldn't help but let out a wail.

I've never been one to be good about discomfort or pain and it seemed my only resolution was crying, especially when I felt so disoriented.

Gibb was the first to hear me, and he walked over in as straight of a line as he could.

"Hey, what's wrong, kiddo?" he helped me get to a sitting position.

"I... I don't feel good," I confessed, feeling the tears start to sting my eyes and the bile start to pile up in my throat.

"Oh, jeez," he mumbled to himself before calling out, "Guys? Could you help me out here?"

Maeve and Fonts made their way over to me and Fonts did his best to crouch down.

"You okay, kid?" he asked seriously.

All I could do was shake my head before bringing one hand up to my mouth.

All their eyes went wide as if to say "Nope! Not here!"

And so the three of them took my arms and led me to the restroom, where I puked my guts out for what felt like an eternity.

At some point, Maeve left to go to bed, giving me feel better wishes.

I could tell both Fonts and Gibb were about to knock out but they were kind enough to stay with me until I was all taken care of.

"Here, finish the whole thing, okay?" Fonts handed me a water bottle and I nodded, taking sips at a time.

"Alright, you've had quite a night, let's get you back to bed, shall we?" Gibb offered his hand to help me off the ground before leading me back to where I was sleeping before.

"Hey, Fonts?" I called out, pulling the fleece over me.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry for... uh... well, all of that," I mumbled, suddenly feeling very embarrassed at what my friends had just witnessed.

Through the dark, I could see him roll his eyes at me before saying, "God, Maya, you and your unnecessary sorries... You don't need to apologize, okay? It happens to the best of us," and since he was smiling, I knew I truly had nothing to worry about.

"Okay, now go to sleep," Gibb ruffled my hair and I swatted his hand away with a giggle.

Before long, I found myself very much unconscious again.

The next morning, I could hardly remember what had happened the night before, but I had a strange feeling that I had to apologize to Tom...

..........

And there you go. I told myself I'd finish this in one go and BAM here it is so TAKE THAT PAST SELF!

Fonts, I know you told me to go to bed and I promise I will after I publish this so please don't be mad. 

I love you all and I hope none of you are offended by any of this... craziness XD

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S.: There were only so many things I could write because as you know, I have very limited knowledge about certain things...

Best Vacation Ever

No, I'm not talking about summer. Summer's been..... ehhhhh.

I'm talking about a post that's long overdue and I always meant to write about it but I never came to it, apparently.

For those of you that are still lost, I'm talking about Disney.

Quinceañera+Best Friends+Disney World+Spring Break= Best Time Of My Life :D

..........

Once upon a time, on the fifth of March, ten children from the Abbey finished their exams and boarded a plane to the happiest place on Earth: Disney World. Their names were Lilly, Lauryn, Maya, Claire, Sean, Caellum, James, Mike, Ellie, and Sophia. Along with them came a lovely little family by the name of Kerr. 

On said plane, Caellum, Claire and Maya decided to sit together, while Mike, Ellie and Sophia sat together, and Lilly , Lauryn and Sean took the next row. James Briand sat all by his little self and did not mind one bit.

Needless to say, Claire and Maya quickly fell asleep across one seriously unfortunate Caellum. The plane ride was lovely (thanks to our human pillow). After a fair amount of dicking around, the crew jumped onto a bus and squealed in their seats (at least I did) 'til their hotel, All Star Music, came into view. All eleven children (this included the tiniest Kerr, Emma) scuttled to find some dinner before making their way over to their cozy hotel rooms. 

It was only a matter of time before everyone realized it was midnight, therefore, it was now Maya's fifteenth birthday.

..........

Day One

Okay, I'm switching back to first person now XD

This was the start of the greatest day of my life. 

Papa Kerr asked everyone to come out of their rooms and into the hallway (they were all right next to each other, anyway) and we were all thinking--at least I was thinking--that it was meant to be just a normal check-in meeting. Instead, I was met with all of my favorite people singing Happy Birthday to me in their pajamas. I couldn't keep from bringing my hands up to my face, afraid I was going to cry. I turned to my left and there was Claire, filming this precious moment and I couldn't thank her--or anybody else--enough. I was met with hugs, and smiles, and lovely birthday wishes. But then it was time for bed. There was no doubt it was gonna be a great day.

Breakfast was... eventful to say the least. I was branded a wand and tiara (courtesy of Mama Kerr) and I definitely felt like a princess the rest of the day :) We boarded the bus that was headed to Animal Kingdom, where a whole pile of strangers sang Happy Birthday to me, again, causing me to turn bright red. The bus lady sounded like Roz from Monsters Inc. It was kinda scary.

Upon arriving at Animal Kingdom, the crew took hold of Everest, my all-time worst fear since I'd last been to Disney five years prior. 

We went on it twice. 

Lots of screaming prevailed. I still have no clue how I didn't manage to break Caellum's hand.

Next, we went on Dinosaur. Twice. (We're not gonna make it! We're not gonna make it!) Claire sure struggled with that one... XD :*

Then on our way to It's Tough To Be A Bug, we heard it. That's right.

The Circle of Life started to play in the background, and that could only mean one thing.

Caellum and Mike took it upon themselves to hoist me up into the sky like some newborn divinity and Claire decided to document it XD Just normal, everyday things.

It was just after this that I received my glorious Birthday Pin from Papa Kerr <3 Thus commenced the many congratulations and such from strangers and the like ^_^

We all decided to go on the safari and on our way out, we bumped into one of the most lovely people I have ever met. His name was Hetisani and he was a young man from South Africa in his twenties. He started to talk to us about following our dreams and humanity and Nelson Mandela. "I am because you are, and you are because I am," he had said. We are all people because of each other. And that was the most valuable lesson I learned on this trip.

After our ten minutes of enlightenment, we headed off on our own to get something  to eat, only to meet up again to watch the glorious performance of The Lion King (basically my favorite Disney movie ever) <3 

Then we decided to ride the River Rapids--my favorite ride ever--and being the Catholic school students that we are, we sang the Pater Noster all the way up the slope XD Other people must've thought we were crazing for chanting Latin prayers at the top of our lungs, but we didn't mind :)

By then it'd gotten late, and we were now soaked in water, so we thought it best to go back to the hotel and freshen up before heading out again to see Cirque du Soleil's La Nouba.

Now, for some godforsaken reason, Claire and I thought it'd be a marvelous idea to go swimming even though it was super freaking cold (it'd only been one day and we were already acclimatized haha). It only took me a second to notice she didn't have her Magic Band on her (like our room key, but a bracelet). I didn't really think much of it until we got back to the room and I was met with streamers and balloons and decorations all over with a banner over the bed saying "Happy Birthday". I fell for their surprises. Again. The wonderful Mrs. Kerr put it together and I couldn't have been more happy :) (props to Claire for almost ruining the surprise XD I still love you)

It was almost time for us to head out, so we did ourselves up real nice and made sure to take lots of pictures before making our way to the bus that would take us to Downtown Disney. While walking to Cirque's tent, we passed by various talented street performers, all of whom played some of our favorite jams: Wagon Wheel, Hallelujah, No Scrubs, I Want It That Way, among others :)

Cirque was unbelievably overwhelming in every sense of the word. It was beautiful, and big, and bold, and daring, and impossible to put into any more words than that. All I can say is the filmed version is nothing like it is in person.

I was so tuckered out by the end of their performance that poor Mike had to serve as my pillow on the bus ride home (or hotel, whichever). No words were needed to say it was the best birthday ever.

..........

Day Two

Then commenced one of the longest days of our lives.

We got up earlier than usual to go back to Downtown Disney in order to have an up close, backstage tour of Cirque du Soleil. It was super impressive. We all learned how to use Diabolo's. Sean was surprisingly good at it.

We came back to the hotel to rest and prepare for the super long day ahead of us. That's right. Disney's magic hours in Magic Kingdom is definitely an experience. Go with your best friends. You'll have fun.

We jumped from ride to ride, hardly ever stopping to catch a breath. Pirates of the Caribbean, Splash Mountain (fuck you Briar Rabbit), Thunder Mountain, Space Mountain, Carousel of Progress (There's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow), Stitch's Great Escape, Peter Pan (the ride is roughly 30 seconds and we waited over two hours in line), Winnie the Pooh, Buzz Light Year, Haunted Mansion, It's a Small World (with the guy waving furiously at us over the headboard), and then the Tea Cup Party. 

Gosh, that was one of the trippiest experiences I've ever been in. Let's just say, fitting two grown male teenagers, and two grown female teenagers into one tiny tea cup was a bit more than cramped. Nonetheless, Caellum, Mike, Claire and I all managed to spin, and spin, and spin, and spin, 'til we couldn't walk straight anymore. 

After that, most of the night was a blur. I was growing sleepier by the hour and couldn't remember the rest of our excursions. All I know is that C gave me several piggyback rides that night, and I managed to fall asleep on top of Mike more than once.

The last thing I remember is fireworks. 

And then I draw a blank.

..........

Day Three

The next day, we were all bound for the wonderful world of Epcot. 

First of all, C and I were unintentionally twinning. It was kinda cool.

C, Claire and I wandered off to Canada, where we watched Martin Short give me vertigo on a Circle-Vision 360º screen. It was an experience.

Later, after we found the others, we went on Mission to Mars, which wasn't nearly as traumatizing as I remembered it (I was Pilot. Every time.). After we ate, we went on Spaceship Earth, and I tagged along with C. The stargazing view at the end is my absolute favorite. It's truly breathtaking. 

Then we headed over to drink different Coke products from around the world. The Beverly was the most revolting thing I'd ever tasted in my life. C, I despise you for liking it.

Eventually, we wandered over to Test Track to make some sick cars (Gotta go zoom!). It was SO fun. Then we went on a kiddie Nemo ride called Seas. Coming out of it, Caellum decided to make me want to hate him more, so he spewed the longest on-going pun I've ever heard in my life. Despite my laugh attack, I was not happy -_- We got ice cream before heading back to our hotel (it'd been a pretty hot day and we were tired out). It appears, I had two more laugh attacks though (a side-effect of my fatigue), one at dinner and another at the pool. 

Laughing is exhausting, lemme tell you that.

Before I knew it, I was sound asleep.

..........

Day Four

This was to be the last magical day for all the other chill'uns  (excluding CC, MnM, meaning Caellum, Claire, Maya and Mike).

We were to spend the day at Hollywood Studios. It was sweltering hot.

James spent most of the day hopping over fences and doing the exact opposite of anything a sign said. But that's unimportant.

First was the Great Movie Ride. Apparently we were already hungry, so we decided to get food at Pizza Planet (yeah Toy Story!). The truly wonderful thing about this idea–the eating, I mean–is that we were going to do it right before getting on the Tower of Terror. What a splendid idea, right? Needless to say, I'm claustrophobic, get really bad motion sickness, am afraid of the dark and afraid of heights, so of course I decided to get on the Tower of Motherfucking Terror. 

And of course I had a panic attack. Lucky for me, I was already strapped into my chair and the elevator doors had already shut, so there was absolutely no possible way for me to get out. Poor Caellum had to deal with me sobbing throughout the entire thing (except later I found out he just thought I was laughing -_-). Again, I'm pretty sure I was close to breaking his hand. 

Anyway, after it was finally over, I ran out of there like there was no tomorrow, and didn't go on the next ride 'til Mike and Sophia managed to calm me down. We decided to go see the Muppet Show for a change, in which I fell asleep for the full thirty minutes. Not my fault. I was recovering from a traumatic experience XD

Next, we decided we should rev back up to the power rides, so we went on the Rockin' Roller Coaster (gotta go zoooooooooommmm!!!). It was AWESOME to say the least :) Then we went to the car stunt show which was mainly boring and predictable in my opinion. Poor Lilly got a headache afterwards so we took care of her a while before heading off to Star Tours, in which our two best idiots geeked out hardcore. Of course Caellum was chosen as the rebel spy. Of course.

After much geeking out, we were onto the next one, in other words, the Indiana Jones performance, which was cool as ever. That night, we all went to watch Fantasmic and the fireworks were insane. 

So I guess it was safe to say we'd had a long day but it still wasn't over yet. When we got back to the hotel for dinner, we were struck by the employees in the cafeteria dancing the cupid shuffle. And so the obvious thing was to join them. Great fun, that was :)

Unfortunately, it was time for us to say goodbye to all the others, seeing as they'd all be leaving for home the next morning.

And so concluded our last scheduled day.

..........

Day 5 etc...

The next morning, we moved out of our hotel rooms and made our way over to Mike's place :) That day we were all a bit tired of theme parks so we spent the day by the pool and watched movies. Well, everyone else did. I may or may not have fallen asleep on top of poor Mike again, but yaknow, he should be used to that by now XD 

The next few days taught me many things.

Firstly, that sharing a bathroom with six teenagers, specifically *ehem* the boys *ehem*, is more challenging than taking the SATs (by the way, I did not break the shower curtains -_-). 

Secondly, that tucking Emma Riley Kerr into bed is 1,000% impossible.

Thirdly, that apparently I take up lots of space in bed. I refuse to believe that.

Fourth of all, Miss Costa's food is heavenly.

Fifth of all, I didn't fail Chem (we found out our Winter grades while we were there).

It was also a time of lots of firsts. Which included living in the same house as my best friends, sharing a bed with my best friends (again I do not take up that much space Caellum XD) and having my record longest laugh attack ever (roughly one hour and ten minutes). I'm pretty sure I got rock-hard abs that day, not gonna lie. I also managed to watch the first twenty minutes of Star Wars before falling asleep. That would be another record.

Anyway, it was extremely hard not to cry when it was finally time to leave. The entire ride to the airport, I was clutching Jay's hand as if my life depended on it. I was not ready to say goodbye or be done with the best vacation of my life. 

Despite the fact that I was gonna see these guys in less than two weeks, I was gonna miss them so much.

Because we're family.

..........

I really feel like this trip brought us all closer, in more ways than one XD

In all honesty, I know I've mentioned this plenty of times already, but this was truly the best experience I ever had with you guys. And I'd give anything to be back there with you all now (including the ones who didn't get to go). I miss this so freaking much it hurts. I miss hauling each other out of bed in the mornings. I miss getting on people's nerves. I miss screaming on rides and giggling like a child at butterflies that passed by, because that is the magic of Disney.

Disney was able to bring us all back to a time where nothing but ice cream and sprinkles mattered, to a time where fantasy was our only reality, to a time where (excuse my cliche) dreams really did come true. 

I'd give anything to be back in that land of newness with you. 

..........

And if you've made it this far, I congratulate you. This was indeed a long post.

To everyone who went out of their way to make that trip special–thank you. So so very much.

I love you.

Here's to hoping we get to go on another wondrous adventure together!

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S.: And remember kids:

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow

Shining at the end of every day

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow

And tomorrow's just a dream away

Now ignore me as I sing this to myself for the next six months of my life.