Dearest friends:
Some of you may or may not know that yesterday concluded the Abbey Players' fourth and final performance of The Diary of Anne Frank. I wish I could express all my thoughts and feelings into words but I'm afraid no matter what I write, it just will not do us justice.
Our first performance was in front of a very polite group of middle-schoolers and while it felt more like a practice run, it felt good to have the show on its feet. I watched as my newbie thespian friends shook with nerves and held their hands before they climbed onstage. It made me proud, to say the least.
Our second and perhaps most rambunctious crowd came Friday night, when we performed for the entirety of our school, all 400+ students and faculty, alike. It was also filmed that night—which is always a good thing and a bad thing. The crowd is definitely livelier, but that also means some of our lines get cut off or we don't get the proper response on a scene and it just sorta sucks sometimes. However, overall, I can proudly state there was not a dry eye in the house by the end of it.
It amazed me how little faith some people had in our show, whereas I'd been behind it from day one. I was the one who pushed for a drama, and miraculously, Bragan listened. It wasn't until that night that some of my own castmates started to believe in us, too.
We got wonderful reviews, to say the least. Our newcomers received a wave of compliments and our veterans got the usual nod of respect. I dunno. My favorite part has always been the bows. I like clapping and cheering for my friends. I'm always proud of them and all the hard work they do.
Caellum came to surprise me on Friday, too, and I will admit, seeing him felt like a gulp of fresh air. Things felt normal again.
Saturday night rolled around and Conor was out at a soccer game, Caellum was off seeing Claire Bear's show (which was incredible, btw), and my parents were busy elsewhere. I know they would have made it if they could have, but circumstances didn't allow for it, which is okay.
Saturday night felt miles more depressing, though. Maybe the lack of adolescent energy in the audience caused for a more somber tone, but either way, I found myself shedding real tears onstage that night. Not only that, but it seemed like every single other person in the cast had some sort of family member there to support them. I might just be needy, but I felt completely and utterly alone.
The weight of the show and the importance of sharing the story hit me full force. I cried myself to sleep that night.
Sunday, I just felt off. It was the final performance and Papi and YD were coming to see me and I could not wait to see them. But I dunno, something felt wrong. The play kept feeling like a weight at the back of my throat and the second I opened my mouth, I knew only screeching sobs would come out. Conor had to deal with me firsthand that morning before he left for Comic Con. He left me with his Guatemalan Worry Doll, though, so it's okay.
Maybe it was all the depressing music I was listening to or the fact that I had exams coming up or that I hadn't spent real time with my old friends in forever and I just felt so overwhelmingly sad. So much so that I curled into the center of my floor, hugging myself and crying til my throat felt raw. I ended up calling Papi before I had to roll up to my final performance.
Little did I know, Claire Bear would be there to surprise me. It felt good to see my big sister again.
I gave it my all. I focused on my part and pretended like it was the very first time and I focused on telling the story, this absolutely remarkable story of sorrow and despair, but also light and hope. Anne Frank was truly wise beyond her years.
I would have loved to meet her.
This play has taken me on such a rollercoaster ride of emotions, starting even at audition day. We just took apart the set today and I didn't cry during our heartfelt goodbye speeches but now I'm listening to the soundtrack we used throughout each of our scenes and I'm currently sitting in a puddle of my own tears and I never thought a play could mean so much to me and I didn't think a cast would ever get this close and I just
I love them all, I truly do.
I want to hug the world. It's just so sad.
I'm so proud of my cast. They poured their hearts out. I miss them already.
I can't make coherent sentences anymore I apologize.
I don't think I'll be editing this post, so I'm sorry for all the errors. I just needed to get it out there.
The world is so sad and I wish I could make everything better. I want to be good. I just want to be good. I want to love and be loved. I want so badly to just
Ah fuck. Where did all these tears come from
I need the world to learn to love again when did that go away? why did it ever go away? why can't we bring it back?
There's so much blood and hatred and destruction
I just want it all to go away
I just want it all to go
I want it to go
All of it
I want to help. I need to help. Help me help.
I wish I could teach people to love because it's so wonderful it really truly is.
Because there's music and there's art and there's stories and I think people forget.
Hope. Create. Discover. Heal.
Never forget.
Hasta la próxima,
Much love xoxo
Maya
P.S: This post started off as one thing and ended up another. I apologize.
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