Turning Tables

Fair warning: This entire post is covered in sap. Read at your own risk :-/

Growing up, you always thought of your older siblings as your sworn protectors—those fiercely heroic assholes who would do anything to keep you from harm. Or I mean, that's how I saw it anyway.

Of course, it's usually nothing like that. Fuck no, older siblings nine times outta ten are the ones to rat you out, to go out of their way to terrorize you and their greatest pleasure derives from your misery. Yan Diego was probably the #1 enemy throughout my childhood. But he was also my best friend. Things just worked out that way.

As young kids, we were inseparable. Mind you, I made sure to do everything exactly the way he did. I idolized him, much as it pains me to say it. And then he became a teenager and developed that repulsive thing we call teenaged angst. At that point, I'm pretty sure he no longer wanted anything to do with me, as one does. We had a rocky few years, indeed.

But something happened after the divorce. Or during, I guess. We couldn't turn to our parents for comfort anymore—we only had each other. Javier was too young. He had no clue what was going on. So YD and I sought each other out anytime our parents were acting unreasonable (which believe me, was more often than not.) That all started somewhere around three years ago, and ever since then we've maintained a pretty good run. I'm honestly so glad things turned out that way. I couldn't have gotten through it without him.

Anyway, much as Yan Diego lives for roasting me, he's always been there when it mattered. Like when me and my mom got into one of our most heated arguments to date, or when I'd woken up screaming from a sickening night terror, or when some boyfriend screwed me over in some way or another, or even all those years ago when I tried to end it all. He was always there. Yeah, not all of his help or advice worked every time but he sure damn tried. And it mattered a hell of a lot to me.

What no one ever really tells you is how much he needs you too.

Hell, he'll probably kill me for writing this post anyway...

YD's not really one to take things seriously most of the time. But when he does, he means it from the depths of his soul. We were having one of those rare heart to hearts earlier last year, I was helping him through some stuff and he actually called me his best friend. He can deny it all he wants but he's a fucking softie and he knows it. Like I said, he'll shit on me 24/7 but at the end of the day, he'll make sure I know I'm loved. I could never ask for anything more.

I was inspired to write this post based on a semi-hilarious thing that happened tonight. There I was, watching Riverdale and minding my own business when YD called me up all the way from Italy.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Maya, I am so high."

"Lol good for you dude."

"No, I'm like SO high."

He proceeded to ramble on about all his paranoid thoughts, stopping himself mid-sentence every other second, voicing all his concerns and extreme confusion. At times, I could hear his voice crack or his breath speed up.

"Take a sec to breathe, my dude."

"I'm trying but I can't."

I proceeded to scroll through my ever-growing photo gallery, searching for just the thing: a GIF of a geometrical shape, shrinking and expanding at a steady pace.

"Here, I'm gonna text you this thing and I want you to match your breathing to it. Can you do that?"

I sat there for a few moments as he opened it up and started breathing along with it. Bad highs are easier to get through when you've got somebody with you.

"Maya, I'm scared."

"I know you are but you're okay. Everything's fine and this'll be over soon," I reminded him.

We stayed on the phone for over an hour. I tried to make him laugh and then there'd be times where he'd shush me even when I wasn't saying anything. Or he'd be his old weird self and talk in funny voices only to freak himself out afterwards. Eventually, I got him to get sleepy and asked if he'd be alright going to bed now. He said yes, thanking me for being a good sister and telling me that he loved and missed me lots.

Granted, this time he may have been wickedly crossed but he still called me because he needed me. And I could've told him to go fuck himself and continued to watch Riverdale in peace for all I cared but I figured, "This dude has been there for me practically always, he deserves the same. Especially when it's 2am in Italy and the guy is high off his rockers." XD

I guess this was all just a long-winded way of saying your older siblings/mentors/senpais need your help too once in a while. Don't take them for granted.

Keep on keeping on, fam.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya