Dearest Rosie

I miss you every single day.

I just wanted to share the dream I had about you last night. It's weird, after you were gone, I dreamt about you every night but within the past few months you sorta drifted away... And I was afraid I'd lost you for good.

But last night you popped back into my dreams and I just can't explain it... This time was different. It was like you were really, truly there. I dunno. It's sorta hard to explain.

I was back at some hybrid version of the Abbey and Vassar mixed together. The whole dorm experience thing, I guess. And I remember seeing people from both high school and college living in the same space and they all knew each other. Weird how dreams are able to manipulate reality that way...

I remember being slightly aggravated because all the showers were taken and the light switches in the bathroom were being flickery. I remember complaining to someone about needing to call maintenance to fix the light. But as soon as they walked out the door and I turned my head, the room transformed.

It was no longer a bathroom, but some sort of dingy study room. Empty except for you, Rosie.

You just sat there by a round table, as if waiting for me. And suddenly the flickering lights came to a stop and settled on a warm glow. I looked at you and looked at you and my heart caught in my throat.

"Rosie?"

You had your red hair tied back in one of those messy buns and were wearing your Oxford letterman jacket along with your black skinny jeans and beat up combat boots. You were there. For real this time.

You gave me a gentle smile before pulling me into a hug. I couldn't breathe. I could feel your arms around me, I mean really feel them. Solid flesh and bone and just... I could feel your heartbeat.

You had a heartbeat, Rosie.

And you were so warm, like I could feel the all the blood within you. You pulled away to look at me with those blue eyes but all I could think about was how much I wanted to hug you again.

"Hey, Maya."

I could feel my chest start to tighten and my eyes start to water.

"Are you real?" I blurted, voice cracking.

You looked at me with this sort of sad smile.

"Yes, I'm real. But I can't stay long,"

Immediately, I started to panic, thoughts racing, trying to figure out some way to keep you here with me.

Instead, you pulled out a chair for me and invited me to sit down. Without breaking your gaze, I sat.

I was afraid you'd disappear if I looked away.

"You're doing really well," you said.

You gave my knee a pat.

"Hardly... I just dropped outta school, Rosie. That doesn't sound like 'well' to me."

"But you're managing. That's good," you said, and I could feel my eyes start to glaze over with a new wave of tears.

"Why can't you stay?"

"I can't."

"What can I do to make you stay?" I pleaded, reaching for the hem of your jacket.

"Maya... I'm already gone. I just stopped by to check on you, that's all," your smile kinda dropped a little bit and I knew you were sad about it too.

I could feel the tears flowing out my eyes in streams but I couldn't stop.

"Rosie, I miss you. Can't you stay a while?" I wiped at my nose, hoping you'd give in.

"I'm sorry, kiddo. I've gotta go," you gave my hand a squeeze before standing up.

"Go where?" I stood up, alarmed.

"Away for a little while."

"But will I ever see you again?"

I wanted to reach out to you, to touch you, to feel your heartbeat one more time.

"Maybe someday. Promise me you'll take care of yourself?"

You gave me one of those rare stern looks of yours.

"I—okay."

I stood up to give you a hug once again, but this one was more fleeting, more urgent.

I squeezed you and watched my tears drop onto your letterman jacket. I felt your heartbeat.

I turned around to push in my chair before saying, "I love you," but you were already gone.

I miss you, Rosie.

I love you.

I do.

-Maya xo