..........
I don't know why he made us do it.
Besides, it's not like he even had the right—he just got here. New subs never know what the fuck they're doing.
Detention's never been a joyride but it sure as hell was never this bad.
One Friday after school he just decided to do it, though. I don't know why we didn't just run away.
All four of us piled into the back of his pickup while he drove us out of the lot, then out of the neighborhood, and then out of the town.
The other three didn't seem to give a shit about what was goin' on.
Jason stretched an arm out the side of the truck, spitting up gobs of saliva and watching them splash on the road as we zipped past.
Amy kept her head down, knees pulled up to her chest while she picked at her arms incessantly.
Becca toyed with the chain around her neck and sucked the crucifix into her mouth. She's an atheist.
Me?
I tugged the beanie over my eyes and decided I might as well take a nap while I'm at it.
'cept the road got bumpier and I could tell we weren't nowhere near Cortland anymore.
Just fields. For miles and miles.
He pulled up to the side of the road.
"All right, dirtbags, get outta the car," Mr. Lawlor said matter-of-factly, like it wasn't weird that he just pulled up in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere and asked four teenagers to hop outta his truck.
"Lawlor, what the hell we doin' here?" Jason spat at the ground and folded his arms across his chest.
Jason's a real manly guy. You know, real tall, beefy, linebacker... That sort.
His brother served in the army. Hadn't seen him for two years.
"I'll tell ya what we're doin' here," Mr. Lawlor began.
The girls hopped off the pickup and Becca leaned against a tire, the crucifix still in her mouth.
Amy stared at the ground.
"You four are gonna do as I say, ya hear?" he took up this weird authoritative voice, one none of us had heard before.
I watched Becca tense up out the corner of my eye.
"Elliot!"
I turned my head to face him.
"Tell me what you see," Mr. Lawlor said.
My eyes widened at the rope in his hands. My words caught in my throat.
"I-uh..." I blinked, "Rope, sir?"
"That's right, son, now show me your hands,"
I could sense the others around me and I wondered if they all expected me to bolt.
Listen, I'm no track star, never was, never will be. And it was gettin' dark out and I had no idea where I was and...
"Good man," Mr. Lawlor wrapped a tight cord around my wrists, binding them in front of me.
"You kid, c'mere," he was talking to Amy.
I could tell she was shakin' real bad but wasn't making any moves to run away.
Neither were Becca or Jason.
You see, whatever happened out here couldn't be worse than what was waitin' for us back home.
Mr. Lawlor took the end of my rope and looped it around her wrists, binding us together like cattle down a line.
Amy started picking at her hands.
"Mr. Figg, hands please,"
Jason didn't comply at first but he figured what the hell? He owed us that much.
"And lastly, pretty girl, I'm gonna need your hands,"
"What for? I don't do handjobs," Becca didn't bat an eyelash.
Amy stifled a laugh.
"I'm afraid that won't be happenin' today, Miss Hansen," and with that, Mr. Lawlor grabbed both her wrists and pulled the cord, far tighter this time.
"'Scuse the precaution, kids, I just can't have none of you runnin' away, you see..."
"Lawlor, tell us what the fuck we're doin' tied up in the middle of nowhere," Jason was getting impatient and you could tell by the way he grew about a foot while speaking.
"Jason, I don't care for your language right about now." his tone was unbearably condescending.
"Yeah? Well I don't care for your shit right about now! So if you could kindly tell us what the hell is goin' on, we would highly appreciate it," Jason was making Amy nervous.
I could feel her whole body shakin' right next to me.
"All right, since you asked so politely, I'll start with Miss Hansen over here," Mr. Lawlor put both hands on Becca's shoulders and ushered her away from us, out into the fields and far away.
"Get your fuckin' hands off me!" we heard her screech at him, but I don't think it did much difference.
It was so dark now, we couldn't hardly see each other's faces.
"Shit, guys, what's he gonna do to her? We need to get the hell outta here!" it was the first time I ever saw Jason panic.
Amy started tuggin' at the cord that bound us together.
"It's no use tryna run away, we're still connected to her," I said, nodding towards the yards and yards of rope between our connected knots.
Jason tried wriggling out of his cord but it didn't matter.
We weren't gettin' outta here, the rope was too tight.
Then we heard it.
A shriek more piercing than anythin' I'd ever heard before, like it was splitting the air around us.
Amy's eyes widened in fear and I tried to think of something, anything that could make her feel better.
But then it came again, louder and followed by broken words and hackin' sobs.
"DON'T—GODDAMMIT—KILL ME! JESUS CHRIST—KILL ME!—PLEASE!"
Becca sounded like she was choking on somethin' and for a second I thought it might be her crucifix.
The irony in that would just be...
"Holy shit, man, we gotta do somethin'!" Jason was looking at me pleadingly now.
Amy looked to be absorbed in her own world, 'cept the skin round her nails was bleedin'.
"What do you mean?! We interfere, we're both dead!"
"Elliot, get your head outta your ass and help me think of somethin'!" Jason looked as if he were about to cry.
I shut my eyes real tight and tried to channel Lin.
Lin was my big sis. She was great at everythin'. Smart, beautiful, talented. You know.
Only one night she and her boyfriend got drunk and he tried to drive her back to our place, but...
Well, you get the idea.
I opened my eyes and turned my head to follow Amy's gaze.
He was back.
Without Becca.
The fields were quieter now.
My eyes scanned his body for blood but I didn't see any.
Did he just...? Did he choke her to death...?
God, that must be a bad way to go.
"Jason? The fields are waitin' for you," Mr. Lawlor had some sort of sickly grin plastered on his face and I wanted nothin' more than to clob it off.
Jason's eyes met mine for a split second before I saw him visibly tense up and make his way over to our sub, a stiffness in his gait.
I gave him a small nod and held my breath 'til I couldn't see him anymore.
"Ohmygod,"
I turned my head and there's Amy, trickles of blood trailing down her fingertips and splattering in neat drops on the ground.
"Fuck, Amy! Stop that!" I tried to pick her hands apart but the way I was tied up, I just couldn't.
"Ohmygod" she kept whispering to herself and I could see the tears pooling in her eyes.
She picked more intensely at her hands and before I could scold her again, we heard Jason.
It wasn't as pained as Becca's scream, it was more of an... angry yell?
I shut my eyes again and tried not to think too hard about it.
"Fuck fuck fuck! I can't let him take me... I-I need to get outta here, I need to... I need," Amy's eyes were glazed over and her chest seemed to be moving up and down a bit too fast.
"Hey, Amy, you gotta relax, kid," I tried to coax her, "It'll be easier for you that way,"
"No no no no no! You don't—you don't understand, I... My Ma! Elliot, without me, where's Ma gonna get her shit, I—"
"Shit? Amy, what shit? What're you on about?" I couldn't understand her.
I'd known Amy since kindergarten but we'd never so much as had a five minute conversation together.
"Her drugs, for God's sake! My Ma's an addict, I thought everyone knew!" she looked at me with pure anger in her eyes and that's when we heard Jason's screams again.
"I HATE YOU!—I—I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING!—FUCKIN' H-HELL, I—FUCK YOU!"
What Jason said threw us both off for a bit.
I dunno, it just sounded a bit... personal? To be screamin' it at Mr. Lawlor, at least.
Gave him everything?
"I hope it's fast,"
I looked at Amy and saw her eyes shut tight. I figured I'd follow suit.
The last of Jason's screams blew away in the wind as Amy and I waited for our turn.
And then he was back.
"You're next, darlin'. You'll thank me later, Miss Evans, I promise," Mr. Lawlor winked at Amy and she struggled on for as long as I could see her.
The dark took over after that.
How in the hell did I end up here?
Fuck it, I shoulda listened to Lin when I had the chance.
"Stop smart-mouthin' the teachers, you hear?"
"I know, Lin, I know, they just—they're so dumb sometimes!"
"Suck it up, kiddo, that's life. Now quit the sass and stay outta detention!"
She was always tellin' me to do the right thing, you know?
After the crash, I—our dad, well... Lin was my dad's favorite. Everybody knew that.
After she... Well, my dad started goin' out a lot and comin' back home at three, four in the morning, and...
He didn't like me very much. I tried to stay outta his way but... Anyway.
"I TRIED, GODDAMMIT!—I TRIED, AND YOU—JUST LISTEN TO ME!"
Amy sounded like her throat was being torn to shreds.
I felt sorry that I never paid her attention much. She was real beautiful when you really looked at her.
"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST?–GOD, WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME?!"
What?
Did she and Mr. Lawlor have a...?
No, but she couldn't have. Mr. Lawlor only started subbing a month ago, that's too soon, that—
Then she screamed again. This shrill, hot fire of a sound, like the ground was vibratin' underneath you or somethin' was clawing at your chest.
I wanted her to stop. I wanted it all to stop.
Why didn't he just kill us on the spot? Isn't that what he wanted?
I thought back to Becca and Jason.
Becca and I used to be good friends, you know... Back in middle school.
Her father was a preacher and she'd been to church every Sunday since she was a baby.
'cept somewhere along the line, I dunno, we just kinda... stopped being friends, I guess?
Then the rumors started about her father pimpin' her out to his friends and, well...
No wonder she stopped believin' in God.
Jason and I, though... We never really saw each other 'cept for detention.
His brother used to go to our school. Jamie, he... Jamie never went to college, you know.
Jamie went straight into the army. He was real popular in school.
Jason, though... I guess he was always just in Jamie's shadow. Somethin' like that, I suppose.
I heard his Ma's real tough on him. I heard she threw him outta the house once.
"Elliot Moss, looks like you're my last one."
I shook off the last of my wanderin' thoughts and looked up.
I took a deep breath before following him.
Mr. Lawlor placed a hand on my shoulder that made my skin crawl.
"Look, sir, whatever you're plannin' to do, just... Just make it quick, alright?" I held my breath and waited for something.
I sensed that we were far, far out in the field somewhere. I couldn't make out the pickup anymore.
"Nonsense, Mr. Moss, I'd just like to ask you a few questions," he looked at me as if he were harmless.
What kind of sick bastard was he?
I nodded, wanting to get it over with.
"Your mother, she's passed on, hasn't she?"
I tensed up. It wasn't a question.
"How did you—?"
"I'm a teacher, Elliot. We've got access to all your records," he said it as if it were obvious.
I fought the urge to puke.
"Now, I take it your mother was a nice woman, Elliot. What can you tell me about your father?"
I wanted to punch this guy in the throat.
"You have no right to—!"
"Your father, Elliot, what has your father done to you?" he raised his voice at me and it took everything in me not to shrink away.
"My father hasn't done anything to me," I lied between gritted teeth.
"Then tell me why you're shaking right now, tell me!" Mr. Lawlor grew three times his size and I swear I couldn't see the end of him.
"I'm not—I—Fuck you!" I clenched my fists through the ropes and swallowed the lump in my throat.
"You had a sister, didn't you? Real bright, wasn't she?" he circled around me and I felt my chest tighten.
"Don't you talk about Lin—" I started but he cut me off.
"Lin, was it? She could've been anythin' she wanted. Your father wanted her to go to medical school, didn't he?"
I wanted nothing more than to impale this bastard with scathing knives.
"What? How did—?"
"The files, Elliot! The files! Now, focus!" his voice rang in my ears like a chainsaw.
"When she died, he wanted you to be just like her, didn't he?"
"I—"
"Didn't he?!"
"YES! FOR FUCK'S SAKE—YES!" I gasped and swallowed a sob.
"When she died, do you think he resented you?" I hated the way Mr. Lawlor had burrowed inside my brain.
I couldn't even tell where his voice was comin' from anymore.
"I—no, he—"
"His only daughter's dead and he's stuck with you! Now, Elliot, tell me, did you pay for it?!" he grabbed me by the collar.
"LET GO OF ME, YOU BASTARD! LET GO!" I screamed, knowing no one would hear me.
Mr. Lawlor swung his arm back, ready to punch and I lost all sense of who I was.
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! IT'S—IT'S NOT MY FAULT!—I'M SORRY, DAD, I'M SORRY!"
"Fuckin' scream, Elliot, I want you to scream for it," Mr. Lawlor placed a hand on my shoulder.
I let out the wildest yell I think I'd ever made in my life and crumbled to the ground in a heap.
I couldn't see anymore.
"That's good, kid, that's good..."
The rest is a blur.
So. Yeah. I wasn't quite sure how to end it since I wanted you guys to kinda come up with your own conclusions...
Sorry if that was a load of bullshit I just made you read. Anyway. Let me know your thoughts and such. It'd be much appreciated.
Hasta la próxima,
Much love xoxo
Maya
The other three didn't seem to give a shit about what was goin' on.
Jason stretched an arm out the side of the truck, spitting up gobs of saliva and watching them splash on the road as we zipped past.
Amy kept her head down, knees pulled up to her chest while she picked at her arms incessantly.
Becca toyed with the chain around her neck and sucked the crucifix into her mouth. She's an atheist.
Me?
I tugged the beanie over my eyes and decided I might as well take a nap while I'm at it.
'cept the road got bumpier and I could tell we weren't nowhere near Cortland anymore.
Just fields. For miles and miles.
He pulled up to the side of the road.
"All right, dirtbags, get outta the car," Mr. Lawlor said matter-of-factly, like it wasn't weird that he just pulled up in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere and asked four teenagers to hop outta his truck.
"Lawlor, what the hell we doin' here?" Jason spat at the ground and folded his arms across his chest.
Jason's a real manly guy. You know, real tall, beefy, linebacker... That sort.
His brother served in the army. Hadn't seen him for two years.
"I'll tell ya what we're doin' here," Mr. Lawlor began.
The girls hopped off the pickup and Becca leaned against a tire, the crucifix still in her mouth.
Amy stared at the ground.
"You four are gonna do as I say, ya hear?" he took up this weird authoritative voice, one none of us had heard before.
I watched Becca tense up out the corner of my eye.
"Elliot!"
I turned my head to face him.
"Tell me what you see," Mr. Lawlor said.
My eyes widened at the rope in his hands. My words caught in my throat.
"I-uh..." I blinked, "Rope, sir?"
"That's right, son, now show me your hands,"
I could sense the others around me and I wondered if they all expected me to bolt.
Listen, I'm no track star, never was, never will be. And it was gettin' dark out and I had no idea where I was and...
"Good man," Mr. Lawlor wrapped a tight cord around my wrists, binding them in front of me.
"You kid, c'mere," he was talking to Amy.
I could tell she was shakin' real bad but wasn't making any moves to run away.
Neither were Becca or Jason.
You see, whatever happened out here couldn't be worse than what was waitin' for us back home.
Mr. Lawlor took the end of my rope and looped it around her wrists, binding us together like cattle down a line.
Amy started picking at her hands.
"Mr. Figg, hands please,"
Jason didn't comply at first but he figured what the hell? He owed us that much.
"And lastly, pretty girl, I'm gonna need your hands,"
"What for? I don't do handjobs," Becca didn't bat an eyelash.
Amy stifled a laugh.
"I'm afraid that won't be happenin' today, Miss Hansen," and with that, Mr. Lawlor grabbed both her wrists and pulled the cord, far tighter this time.
"'Scuse the precaution, kids, I just can't have none of you runnin' away, you see..."
"Lawlor, tell us what the fuck we're doin' tied up in the middle of nowhere," Jason was getting impatient and you could tell by the way he grew about a foot while speaking.
"Jason, I don't care for your language right about now." his tone was unbearably condescending.
"Yeah? Well I don't care for your shit right about now! So if you could kindly tell us what the hell is goin' on, we would highly appreciate it," Jason was making Amy nervous.
I could feel her whole body shakin' right next to me.
"All right, since you asked so politely, I'll start with Miss Hansen over here," Mr. Lawlor put both hands on Becca's shoulders and ushered her away from us, out into the fields and far away.
"Get your fuckin' hands off me!" we heard her screech at him, but I don't think it did much difference.
It was so dark now, we couldn't hardly see each other's faces.
"Shit, guys, what's he gonna do to her? We need to get the hell outta here!" it was the first time I ever saw Jason panic.
Amy started tuggin' at the cord that bound us together.
"It's no use tryna run away, we're still connected to her," I said, nodding towards the yards and yards of rope between our connected knots.
Jason tried wriggling out of his cord but it didn't matter.
We weren't gettin' outta here, the rope was too tight.
Then we heard it.
A shriek more piercing than anythin' I'd ever heard before, like it was splitting the air around us.
Amy's eyes widened in fear and I tried to think of something, anything that could make her feel better.
But then it came again, louder and followed by broken words and hackin' sobs.
"DON'T—GODDAMMIT—KILL ME! JESUS CHRIST—KILL ME!—PLEASE!"
Becca sounded like she was choking on somethin' and for a second I thought it might be her crucifix.
The irony in that would just be...
"Holy shit, man, we gotta do somethin'!" Jason was looking at me pleadingly now.
Amy looked to be absorbed in her own world, 'cept the skin round her nails was bleedin'.
"What do you mean?! We interfere, we're both dead!"
"Elliot, get your head outta your ass and help me think of somethin'!" Jason looked as if he were about to cry.
I shut my eyes real tight and tried to channel Lin.
Lin was my big sis. She was great at everythin'. Smart, beautiful, talented. You know.
Only one night she and her boyfriend got drunk and he tried to drive her back to our place, but...
Well, you get the idea.
I opened my eyes and turned my head to follow Amy's gaze.
He was back.
Without Becca.
The fields were quieter now.
My eyes scanned his body for blood but I didn't see any.
Did he just...? Did he choke her to death...?
God, that must be a bad way to go.
"Jason? The fields are waitin' for you," Mr. Lawlor had some sort of sickly grin plastered on his face and I wanted nothin' more than to clob it off.
Jason's eyes met mine for a split second before I saw him visibly tense up and make his way over to our sub, a stiffness in his gait.
I gave him a small nod and held my breath 'til I couldn't see him anymore.
"Ohmygod,"
I turned my head and there's Amy, trickles of blood trailing down her fingertips and splattering in neat drops on the ground.
"Fuck, Amy! Stop that!" I tried to pick her hands apart but the way I was tied up, I just couldn't.
"Ohmygod" she kept whispering to herself and I could see the tears pooling in her eyes.
She picked more intensely at her hands and before I could scold her again, we heard Jason.
It wasn't as pained as Becca's scream, it was more of an... angry yell?
I shut my eyes again and tried not to think too hard about it.
"Fuck fuck fuck! I can't let him take me... I-I need to get outta here, I need to... I need," Amy's eyes were glazed over and her chest seemed to be moving up and down a bit too fast.
"Hey, Amy, you gotta relax, kid," I tried to coax her, "It'll be easier for you that way,"
"No no no no no! You don't—you don't understand, I... My Ma! Elliot, without me, where's Ma gonna get her shit, I—"
"Shit? Amy, what shit? What're you on about?" I couldn't understand her.
I'd known Amy since kindergarten but we'd never so much as had a five minute conversation together.
"Her drugs, for God's sake! My Ma's an addict, I thought everyone knew!" she looked at me with pure anger in her eyes and that's when we heard Jason's screams again.
"I HATE YOU!—I—I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING!—FUCKIN' H-HELL, I—FUCK YOU!"
What Jason said threw us both off for a bit.
I dunno, it just sounded a bit... personal? To be screamin' it at Mr. Lawlor, at least.
Gave him everything?
"I hope it's fast,"
I looked at Amy and saw her eyes shut tight. I figured I'd follow suit.
The last of Jason's screams blew away in the wind as Amy and I waited for our turn.
And then he was back.
"You're next, darlin'. You'll thank me later, Miss Evans, I promise," Mr. Lawlor winked at Amy and she struggled on for as long as I could see her.
The dark took over after that.
How in the hell did I end up here?
Fuck it, I shoulda listened to Lin when I had the chance.
"Stop smart-mouthin' the teachers, you hear?"
"I know, Lin, I know, they just—they're so dumb sometimes!"
"Suck it up, kiddo, that's life. Now quit the sass and stay outta detention!"
She was always tellin' me to do the right thing, you know?
After the crash, I—our dad, well... Lin was my dad's favorite. Everybody knew that.
After she... Well, my dad started goin' out a lot and comin' back home at three, four in the morning, and...
He didn't like me very much. I tried to stay outta his way but... Anyway.
"I TRIED, GODDAMMIT!—I TRIED, AND YOU—JUST LISTEN TO ME!"
Amy sounded like her throat was being torn to shreds.
I felt sorry that I never paid her attention much. She was real beautiful when you really looked at her.
"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST?–GOD, WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME?!"
What?
Did she and Mr. Lawlor have a...?
No, but she couldn't have. Mr. Lawlor only started subbing a month ago, that's too soon, that—
Then she screamed again. This shrill, hot fire of a sound, like the ground was vibratin' underneath you or somethin' was clawing at your chest.
I wanted her to stop. I wanted it all to stop.
Why didn't he just kill us on the spot? Isn't that what he wanted?
I thought back to Becca and Jason.
Becca and I used to be good friends, you know... Back in middle school.
Her father was a preacher and she'd been to church every Sunday since she was a baby.
'cept somewhere along the line, I dunno, we just kinda... stopped being friends, I guess?
Then the rumors started about her father pimpin' her out to his friends and, well...
No wonder she stopped believin' in God.
Jason and I, though... We never really saw each other 'cept for detention.
His brother used to go to our school. Jamie, he... Jamie never went to college, you know.
Jamie went straight into the army. He was real popular in school.
Jason, though... I guess he was always just in Jamie's shadow. Somethin' like that, I suppose.
I heard his Ma's real tough on him. I heard she threw him outta the house once.
"Elliot Moss, looks like you're my last one."
I shook off the last of my wanderin' thoughts and looked up.
I took a deep breath before following him.
Mr. Lawlor placed a hand on my shoulder that made my skin crawl.
"Look, sir, whatever you're plannin' to do, just... Just make it quick, alright?" I held my breath and waited for something.
I sensed that we were far, far out in the field somewhere. I couldn't make out the pickup anymore.
"Nonsense, Mr. Moss, I'd just like to ask you a few questions," he looked at me as if he were harmless.
What kind of sick bastard was he?
I nodded, wanting to get it over with.
"Your mother, she's passed on, hasn't she?"
I tensed up. It wasn't a question.
"How did you—?"
"I'm a teacher, Elliot. We've got access to all your records," he said it as if it were obvious.
I fought the urge to puke.
"Now, I take it your mother was a nice woman, Elliot. What can you tell me about your father?"
I wanted to punch this guy in the throat.
"You have no right to—!"
"Your father, Elliot, what has your father done to you?" he raised his voice at me and it took everything in me not to shrink away.
"My father hasn't done anything to me," I lied between gritted teeth.
"Then tell me why you're shaking right now, tell me!" Mr. Lawlor grew three times his size and I swear I couldn't see the end of him.
"I'm not—I—Fuck you!" I clenched my fists through the ropes and swallowed the lump in my throat.
"You had a sister, didn't you? Real bright, wasn't she?" he circled around me and I felt my chest tighten.
"Don't you talk about Lin—" I started but he cut me off.
"Lin, was it? She could've been anythin' she wanted. Your father wanted her to go to medical school, didn't he?"
I wanted nothing more than to impale this bastard with scathing knives.
"What? How did—?"
"The files, Elliot! The files! Now, focus!" his voice rang in my ears like a chainsaw.
"When she died, he wanted you to be just like her, didn't he?"
"I—"
"Didn't he?!"
"YES! FOR FUCK'S SAKE—YES!" I gasped and swallowed a sob.
"When she died, do you think he resented you?" I hated the way Mr. Lawlor had burrowed inside my brain.
I couldn't even tell where his voice was comin' from anymore.
"I—no, he—"
"His only daughter's dead and he's stuck with you! Now, Elliot, tell me, did you pay for it?!" he grabbed me by the collar.
"LET GO OF ME, YOU BASTARD! LET GO!" I screamed, knowing no one would hear me.
Mr. Lawlor swung his arm back, ready to punch and I lost all sense of who I was.
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! IT'S—IT'S NOT MY FAULT!—I'M SORRY, DAD, I'M SORRY!"
"Fuckin' scream, Elliot, I want you to scream for it," Mr. Lawlor placed a hand on my shoulder.
I let out the wildest yell I think I'd ever made in my life and crumbled to the ground in a heap.
I couldn't see anymore.
"That's good, kid, that's good..."
The rest is a blur.
..........
So. Yeah. I wasn't quite sure how to end it since I wanted you guys to kinda come up with your own conclusions...
Sorry if that was a load of bullshit I just made you read. Anyway. Let me know your thoughts and such. It'd be much appreciated.
Hasta la próxima,
Much love xoxo
Maya
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