My Friends and the Hundreds of Millions of Things That They Are

Hello loves. I was doing a bit of tumblring the other day when I happened upon something quite interesting and this, right here, my dears, is my attempt at recreating that.

Please don't take offense, just know that every one of these things is what makes me love you even more <3

..........

Claire: nineteen, goldilocks 'til the day she dies, red lipstick and waterproof mascara, films everything her friends do because my god she loves them, blogposts and dark chocolate, bandanas and shades on-the-go, band-T's and pointe shoes, eats trail mix by the pound, chipped nail polish, a smile that makes her eyes crease like sun-rays, car keys and sunscreen, loud music or no music, pancakes and OJ, proud Ravenclaw, Stitchers and T-swizzle, too much perfume and unabashed cackling, no one loves more fiercely than she.

Fonts: twenty-one, begins most sentences with a pun, beer cans and flip-flops, life of the party or first one to crash, bass amps and drunken texts, light hazing and hidden compliments, pocket poetry and solid ground, old music and sage advice, glazed eyes and wide smiles, thoughts that expand beyond the universe, engages in many a poke battle, polo shirts and Bermuda shorts, relentless, Bruce Springsteen and ping-pong, loud singing and wholesome memes, unafraid of dropping everything for the ones he loves.

Mike: twenty, prickly stubble and bone-crushing hugs, goofy smiles and 3/4 socks, dad glasses and drumsticks, honesty and lack of grace, undecipherable texts and American chop suey, the calm after the storm (but sometimes also the storm), Brother Bear and a desire to be needed, pinky promises and Buffalo pizza, impulsive and stupid and an absolute goon, Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, pats on the back and words of encouragement, protective to a fault, Dunkin' Donuts and tired eyes, will always forgive and welcome you back.

Caellum: nineteen, a mess of curls and a jumpy personality, drives too fast, plays too loud, calloused hands and muscle-T's, Shakespeare extraordinaire, color-changing eyes and itty bitty handwriting, microphones and videogames and headphones that don't fit, brooding in shadows and existentialist thoughts, miles of legs with nowhere to go, ice cream and sarcasm, tea leaves and liquor, unfinished poetry and skinny jeans, beanies and irony, weed and cologne, fingerless gloves and Sherlock quotes, Disney movies and warm blankets, loves too deeply, falls too quickly, a force to be reckoned with.

Amanda: seventeen, angels and demons, ukulele strings, snapbacks and leather jackets, bugspray and cigarettes, drunk texts and watchful eyes, rollercoasters and hand-holding, Lauren Jauregui and skin-tight jeans, a mix of perfume and cologne, sly smirks and ringed fingers, hair like a black cascade, sketches and journals and soul sealed shut, danger and risk but excitement, Netflix and whispers in the dark, wears confidence like a cape, literal child and puppy-lover, nightmares and after-cuddles, crucifixes and hockey sticks, sunflower seeds and tough love, a knowing spirit with a knowing heart.

Tom: twenty, wild red mane and height of a tree, high-pitched giggles and shiny guitars, head-banging while lip-synching your favorite songs, all real and there and present, brilliant at one-too-many things, guitar picks and tuners and cool toys, munchies for days, laughter that rattles your soul, eyes that live only in the right now, resident ginger and cheerer upper, John Mayer and unfinished lyrics, mac 'n cheese and Mountain Dew, heart of a lion and drive of a motor engine, never have I ever met a more generous soul.

Sophia: nineteen, basketball hoops and keyboards, laughter that can light up an entire room, no bullshit and no bounds, Adidas and crops tops, mono and cough drops, bouncy black curls and nose rings, jam sessions and inside jokes, ziplock bags filled with NyQuil, lights fireworks as she speaks, heart and soul and no holding back, voice like melted chocolate, secret sororities and med-school lingo, cocoa butter and lactose intolerance, late night chats under magical skies, airplane buddies and mutual hatred, the Angelica to my Eliza, lives every day like her last, consider yourself blessed to be her friend.

Lauryn: sixteen, loud jokes and snide remarks, tight braids and big doe-eyes, musicals and rap battles, pineapples and EpiPens, bra-flinger and tickling extraordinaire, 10/10 will fight you, fanfiction and One Direction, uneven tans and Mexican jokes, talent for making anything sexual, insults those she loves most, Jeff and memes and Capri Suns, an explosion that cannot be contained, hot sauce and banter and booty, stubborn and unflinching, will screenshot anything to blackmail you, butt grabs and raspberry chocolate, 1000% under-appreciated and the whole world needs to know what a wonder she is.

Kelila: seventeen, gentle eyes and flashing teeth, cherry allergies and Dr. Pepper, loudest at the table and quietest in her head, all purple and soft and aching, horses and ice-chewing and violas, converse and rainbows, poetry etched into the corners of notebooks, can always tell when something is wrong, sour gummies and insomnia and clumsiness, injuries and sweet tooths, loud sneezes and cold hands, indecisive, unpredictable, fuzzy and caring and warm, brilliant, hysterical and capable, small lil daisy waiting to bloom.

Riley: sixteen, vanilla and baby powder, mixtapes and distracks, laughs too loud and smiles too big, platonic kisses and baggy T-shirts, polar and extreme, selfies and finsta posts, gummy bears and no filters, hockey sticks and tight dresses, chokers and smiling eyes and too-honest remarks, strawberry blonde and extra butter, glitter eyeliner and softball gloves, a gaze like staring into a galaxy, voice trembling with vibrato, can't help how she feels, tries her damned hardest, all aboard the Angst Express, eyelashes that never stop growing, messy buns and leggings and a desire to be loved.

Megan: seventeen, tangled hair and hot chocolate, long lashes and turtlenecks, excited squeals from miles away, hidden hickeys and homemade nachos, marshmallow-soft hugs and dance parties, shopping buddy and fellow dickphobe, unable to say no, fleece sweatshirts and peppermint, big spoon and hums of approval, Better Spouse with freaky feet, Harry Potter and John Green, leg warmers and organized chaos, mismatched socks and wooly mittens, all of the beauty and all of the charm, will kiss you on the forehead and gift you chestnuts for good luck, basically the purest human I know.

Emma: fifteen, blue eyes like a crystal sea, unknowing of what she wants, eccentric vegetarian, Dutch braids and no grace, Play-Do and Snapchat filters, can't dance and can't be left alone, Mario Kart and fuzzy socks, blue veins and pink cheeks, will travel great distances to keep you fed, mind ablaze with a thousand thoughts per minute, juice boxes and MiniWheats, contagious laughter and made-up songs, one second she loves you and the next—watch out, avoids confrontation, Stitch and bracelets and pockets of sunshine, boybands and playfights and unconditional love, tends to view life through a catastrophic lens, sizzles and pops and just wants to be good enough, my precious child.

..........

So there you have it. Accurate or way off? You let me know ;)

Missing you all a bunch and a half!

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

All the Important Words

The thing about writing important words is at first, no matter what, they're gonna sound like crap. And for a while now, I've been sitting here thinking of important words and the various forms they could be rearranged so they sound like something real but I guess sometimes the important stuff is just gonna sound like crap anyway. Am I making any sense? Oh, bother.

I guess my point is I'm sat here on my bed in a Vassar V-neck and it's 86 degrees outside and I've got second degree burns on my arms and legs from river rafting and I've been up for a consecutive twelve hours trying to finish a book and my owl glasses are on and my face is a mess but I pulled myself together enough so I could sit here and try to write important words.

See, I just finished reading Jennifer Niven's All the Bright Places and without spoiling anything, I can tell you that novel takes you on one heck of a ride. I speak as a teenager. I speak as a seventeen-year-old girl who knows what it's like to love someone so very much and lose them anyhow. I speak as someone who has been there, on every single side of the equation. Listen, recent events in my own life may have allowed for this book to dig a deeper hole in my heart than perhaps it may have if everything had been all right.

My parents are recently divorced.

My very good friend took her own life.

I split with my longterm boy/best friend.

The dark is creeping its way back in and my country is on the brink of revolution.

And yet I am grateful. You see, if anything, All the Bright Places has made me feel more Awake than ever. If you ever read the book (which I highly recommend you do), you'll know what that means. It's just... It's filled with important words—things that need to be said. About adolescence, about mental illness, about friendships, relationships, people, life. We're all just people trying to understand one another and sometimes we think we speak the same language when really, we should be paying more attention to our dialect.

I don't know if that made sense.

In any case, I was in the kitchen a couple of minutes ago, sleep deprived and eating a shitty apple, when suddenly I wanted nothing more than to shout all the important words—loud enough for all the important people to hear.

I love you. More than anything.

Don't leave me.

Please.

I wanted to beg but then the important people would have been alarmed and thought I'd gone insane.

But maybe I am.

Maybe we're all insane and we're all just trying to get by as quickly and quietly and unnoticed as possible?

I'm hungry again. The apple was spoiled, anyway.

I look up at the mirror on my wall and I quite literally feel as though I've aged in the past twelve hours. I can't begin to explain... Just... Like it's just finally there was someone in the world who knew. She knew, and she grabbed the important words and arranged them perfectly and wrote them down and now they're out in the world.

Sue me for having a marshmallow heart, it came with the package.

I need to get my mind off this book, off the fatigue, off the feverish sunburn, so I open my closet and rummage for nail polish.

Only I just remembered I'm shit at painting nails.

My arms look puffy. I think they're swollen from the burn.

I sometimes think my thoughts are much like an angry sunburn: light and near unnoticeable at first, but building in color, building in rage as time goes on; painful and red and stubborn and unflinching when pulled; stinging and burning and seething when touched.

I stand up and feel the skin pull taut around my knees, like rubbery leather. Those for sure will leave an ugly tan.

I wish I could make all these thoughts more cohesive. I'm not really sure which direction I'm going in anymore.

But none of us do.

It's all a mystery and who knows, maybe that's the best part.

I tried to take a nap but all I could think of were Luc and Rosie.

And then all the people who were taken too soon.

What if Matt hadn't fallen asleep and what if Genji had worn a seatbelt and what if Ben hadn't been drinking that night and what if Luc had warned someone and what if someone had just known about Rosie, what if...?

I miss them all so much it hurts.

I dreamt of Rosie and of Luc and just pictured myself hugging them and apologizing over and over and over, tears streaming down my face and they just looked down at me and smiled and patted my head and didn't say a word.

But they were right there. Right in front of me and I couldn't do a damn thing to save them now.

It just didn't seem real. None of it seems real. It's been months and months and none of it seems real.

I suspect it's the sort of pain one doesn't ever really get over, just learns to cope with.

To all my important people:

Know that you are loved. You are so loved and like it or not, you are a part of every single person you've met. You have changed them and become a part of their story and goodness gracious, they would not be where they are today if it weren't for you.

Know that you are needed. I need you. Holy fuck, do I need you. Don't you dare leave me. Not anytime soon.

Know that time will heal. I sound like a right hypocrite because I'm guilty of tricking myself into believing none of it will ever be okay again. But that's simply not true. You've got to believe that someday, you will be okay again. Things will be okay again. And if it's not okay, it's not the end.

I suspect my train of thought has dragged you all over the place by now. I'm sorry.

My mind is a messy place, but you already knew that.

I'm hungry. I should probably go do something about that.

Take care of yourselves, please. Treat yourself like you would a small child.

I love you.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

The Field

Hello fellow readers. I dunno why the idea for this story has been swimming around in my head for a while but I kinda needed to get it written down before it drove me crazy. I dunno if it will make much sense to anyone or if it will even be enjoyable to read but alas, here you go.

..........

I don't know why he made us do it.

Besides, it's not like he even had the right—he just got here. New subs never know what the fuck they're doing.

Detention's never been a joyride but it sure as hell was never this bad.

One Friday after school he just decided to do it, though. I don't know why we didn't just run away. 

All four of us piled into the back of his pickup while he drove us out of the lot, then out of the neighborhood, and then out of the town.

The other three didn't seem to give a shit about what was goin' on.

Jason stretched an arm out the side of the truck, spitting up gobs of saliva and watching them splash on the road as we zipped past.

Amy kept her head down, knees pulled up to her chest while she picked at her arms incessantly.

Becca toyed with the chain around her neck and sucked the crucifix into her mouth. She's an atheist.

Me?

I tugged the beanie over my eyes and decided I might as well take a nap while I'm at it.

'cept the road got bumpier and I could tell we weren't nowhere near Cortland anymore.

Just fields. For miles and miles.

He pulled up to the side of the road.

"All right, dirtbags, get outta the car," Mr. Lawlor said matter-of-factly, like it wasn't weird that he just pulled up in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere and asked four teenagers to hop outta his truck.

"Lawlor, what the hell we doin' here?" Jason spat at the ground and folded his arms across his chest.

Jason's a real manly guy. You know, real tall, beefy, linebacker... That sort.

His brother served in the army. Hadn't seen him for two years.

"I'll tell ya what we're doin' here," Mr. Lawlor began.

The girls hopped off the pickup and Becca leaned against a tire, the crucifix still in her mouth.

Amy stared at the ground.

"You four are gonna do as I say, ya hear?" he took up this weird authoritative voice, one none of us had heard before.

I watched Becca tense up out the corner of my eye.

"Elliot!"

I turned my head to face him.

"Tell me what you see," Mr. Lawlor said.

My eyes widened at the rope in his hands. My words caught in my throat.

"I-uh..." I blinked, "Rope, sir?"

"That's right, son, now show me your hands,"

I could sense the others around me and I wondered if they all expected me to bolt.

Listen, I'm no track star, never was, never will be. And it was gettin' dark out and I had no idea where I was and...

"Good man," Mr. Lawlor wrapped a tight cord around my wrists, binding them in front of me.

"You kid, c'mere," he was talking to Amy.

I could tell she was shakin' real bad but wasn't making any moves to run away.

Neither were Becca or Jason.

You see, whatever happened out here couldn't be worse than what was waitin' for us back home.

Mr. Lawlor took the end of my rope and looped it around her wrists, binding us together like cattle down a line.

Amy started picking at her hands.

"Mr. Figg, hands please,"

Jason didn't comply at first but he figured what the hell? He owed us that much.

"And lastly, pretty girl, I'm gonna need your hands,"

"What for? I don't do handjobs," Becca didn't bat an eyelash.

Amy stifled a laugh.

"I'm afraid that won't be happenin' today, Miss Hansen," and with that, Mr. Lawlor grabbed both her wrists and pulled the cord, far tighter this time.

"'Scuse the precaution, kids, I just can't have none of you runnin' away, you see..."

"Lawlor, tell us what the fuck we're doin' tied up in the middle of nowhere," Jason was getting impatient and you could tell by the way he grew about a foot while speaking.

"Jason, I don't care for your language right about now." his tone was unbearably condescending.

"Yeah? Well I don't care for your shit right about now! So if you could kindly tell us what the hell is goin' on, we would highly appreciate it," Jason was making Amy nervous.

I could feel her whole body shakin' right next to me.

"All right, since you asked so politely, I'll start with Miss Hansen over here," Mr. Lawlor put both hands on Becca's shoulders and ushered her away from us, out into the fields and far away.

"Get your fuckin' hands off me!" we heard her screech at him, but I don't think it did much difference.

It was so dark now, we couldn't hardly see each other's faces.

"Shit, guys, what's he gonna do to her? We need to get the hell outta here!" it was the first time I ever saw Jason panic.

Amy started tuggin' at the cord that bound us together.

"It's no use tryna run away, we're still connected to her," I said, nodding towards the yards and yards of rope between our connected knots.

Jason tried wriggling out of his cord but it didn't matter.

We weren't gettin' outta here, the rope was too tight.

Then we heard it.

A shriek more piercing than anythin' I'd ever heard before, like it was splitting the air around us.

Amy's eyes widened in fear and I tried to think of something, anything that could make her feel better.

But then it came again, louder and followed by broken words and hackin' sobs.

"DON'T—GODDAMMIT—KILL ME! JESUS CHRIST—KILL ME!—PLEASE!"

Becca sounded like she was choking on somethin' and for a second I thought it might be her crucifix.

The irony in that would just be...

"Holy shit, man, we gotta do somethin'!" Jason was looking at me pleadingly now.

Amy looked to be absorbed in her own world, 'cept the skin round her nails was bleedin'.

"What do you mean?! We interfere, we're both dead!"

"Elliot, get your head outta your ass and help me think of somethin'!" Jason looked as if he were about to cry.

I shut my eyes real tight and tried to channel Lin.

Lin was my big sis. She was great at everythin'. Smart, beautiful, talented. You know.

Only one night she and her boyfriend got drunk and he tried to drive her back to our place, but...

Well, you get the idea.

I opened my eyes and turned my head to follow Amy's gaze.

He was back.

Without Becca.

The fields were quieter now.

My eyes scanned his body for blood but I didn't see any.

Did he just...? Did he choke her to death...?

God, that must be a bad way to go.

"Jason? The fields are waitin' for you," Mr. Lawlor had some sort of sickly grin plastered on his face and I wanted nothin' more than to clob it off.

Jason's eyes met mine for a split second before I saw him visibly tense up and make his way over to our sub, a stiffness in his gait.

I gave him a small nod and held my breath 'til I couldn't see him anymore.

"Ohmygod,"

I turned my head and there's Amy, trickles of blood trailing down her fingertips and splattering in neat drops on the ground.

"Fuck, Amy! Stop that!" I tried to pick her hands apart but the way I was tied up, I just couldn't.

"Ohmygod" she kept whispering to herself and I could see the tears pooling in her eyes.

She picked more intensely at her hands and before I could scold her again, we heard Jason.

It wasn't as pained as Becca's scream, it was more of an... angry yell?

I shut my eyes again and tried not to think too hard about it.

"Fuck fuck fuck! I can't let him take me... I-I need to get outta here, I need to... I need," Amy's eyes were glazed over and her chest seemed to be moving up and down a bit too fast.

"Hey, Amy, you gotta relax, kid," I tried to coax her, "It'll be easier for you that way,"

"No no no no no! You don't—you don't understand, I... My Ma! Elliot, without me, where's Ma gonna get her shit, I—"

"Shit? Amy, what shit? What're you on about?" I couldn't understand her.

I'd known Amy since kindergarten but we'd never so much as had a five minute conversation together.

"Her drugs, for God's sake! My Ma's an addict, I thought everyone knew!" she looked at me with pure anger in her eyes and that's when we heard Jason's screams again.

"I HATE YOU!—I—I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING!—FUCKIN' H-HELL, I—FUCK YOU!"

What Jason said threw us both off for a bit.

I dunno, it just sounded a bit... personal? To be screamin' it at Mr. Lawlor, at least.

Gave him everything?

"I hope it's fast,"

I looked at Amy and saw her eyes shut tight. I figured I'd follow suit.

The last of Jason's screams blew away in the wind as Amy and I waited for our turn.

And then he was back.

"You're next, darlin'. You'll thank me later, Miss Evans, I promise," Mr. Lawlor winked at Amy and she struggled on for as long as I could see her.

The dark took over after that.

How in the hell did I end up here?

Fuck it, I shoulda listened to Lin when I had the chance.

"Stop smart-mouthin' the teachers, you hear?"

"I know, Lin, I know, they just—they're so dumb sometimes!"

"Suck it up, kiddo, that's life. Now quit the sass and stay outta detention!"

She was always tellin' me to do the right thing, you know?

After the crash, I—our dad, well... Lin was my dad's favorite. Everybody knew that.

After she... Well, my dad started goin' out a lot and comin' back home at three, four in the morning, and...

He didn't like me very much. I tried to stay outta his way but... Anyway.

"I TRIED, GODDAMMIT!—I TRIED, AND YOU—JUST LISTEN TO ME!"

Amy sounded like her throat was being torn to shreds.

I felt sorry that I never paid her attention much. She was real beautiful when you really looked at her.

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST?–GOD, WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME?!"

What?

Did she and Mr. Lawlor have a...?

No, but she couldn't have. Mr. Lawlor only started subbing a month ago, that's too soon, that—

Then she screamed again. This shrill, hot fire of a sound, like the ground was vibratin' underneath you or somethin' was clawing at your chest.

I wanted her to stop. I wanted it all to stop.

Why didn't he just kill us on the spot? Isn't that what he wanted?

I thought back to Becca and Jason.

Becca and I used to be good friends, you know... Back in middle school.

Her father was a preacher and she'd been to church every Sunday since she was a baby.

'cept somewhere along the line, I dunno, we just kinda... stopped being friends, I guess?

Then the rumors started about her father pimpin' her out to his friends and, well...

No wonder she stopped believin' in God.

Jason and I, though... We never really saw each other 'cept for detention.

His brother used to go to our school. Jamie, he... Jamie never went to college, you know.

Jamie went straight into the army. He was real popular in school.

Jason, though... I guess he was always just in Jamie's shadow. Somethin' like that, I suppose.

I heard his Ma's real tough on him. I heard she threw him outta the house once.

"Elliot Moss, looks like you're my last one."

I shook off the last of my wanderin' thoughts and looked up.

I took a deep breath before following him.

Mr. Lawlor placed a hand on my shoulder that made my skin crawl.

"Look, sir, whatever you're plannin' to do, just... Just make it quick, alright?" I held my breath and waited for something.

I sensed that we were far, far out in the field somewhere. I couldn't make out the pickup anymore.

"Nonsense, Mr. Moss, I'd just like to ask you a few questions," he looked at me as if he were harmless.

What kind of sick bastard was he?

I nodded, wanting to get it over with.

"Your mother, she's passed on, hasn't she?"

I tensed up. It wasn't a question.

"How did you—?"

"I'm a teacher, Elliot. We've got access to all your records," he said it as if it were obvious.

I fought the urge to puke.

"Now, I take it your mother was a nice woman, Elliot. What can you tell me about your father?"

I wanted to punch this guy in the throat.

"You have no right to—!"

"Your father, Elliot, what has your father done to you?" he raised his voice at me and it took everything in me not to shrink away.

"My father hasn't done anything to me," I lied between gritted teeth.

"Then tell me why you're shaking right now, tell me!" Mr. Lawlor grew three times his size and I swear I couldn't see the end of him.

"I'm not—I—Fuck you!" I clenched my fists through the ropes and swallowed the lump in my throat.

"You had a sister, didn't you? Real bright, wasn't she?" he circled around me and I felt my chest tighten.

"Don't you talk about Lin—" I started but he cut me off.

"Lin, was it? She could've been anythin' she wanted. Your father wanted her to go to medical school, didn't he?"

I wanted nothing more than to impale this bastard with scathing knives.

"What? How did—?"

"The files, Elliot! The files! Now, focus!" his voice rang in my ears like a chainsaw.

"When she died, he wanted you to be just like her, didn't he?"

"I—"

"Didn't he?!"

"YES! FOR FUCK'S SAKE—YES!" I gasped and swallowed a sob.

"When she died, do you think he resented you?" I hated the way Mr. Lawlor had burrowed inside my brain.

I couldn't even tell where his voice was comin' from anymore.

"I—no, he—"

"His only daughter's dead and he's stuck with you! Now, Elliot, tell me, did you pay for it?!" he grabbed me by the collar.

"LET GO OF ME, YOU BASTARD! LET GO!" I screamed, knowing no one would hear me.

Mr. Lawlor swung his arm back, ready to punch and I lost all sense of who I was.

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! IT'S—IT'S NOT MY FAULT!—I'M SORRY, DAD, I'M SORRY!"

"Fuckin' scream, Elliot, I want you to scream for it," Mr. Lawlor placed a hand on my shoulder.

I let out the wildest yell I think I'd ever made in my life and crumbled to the ground in a heap.

I couldn't see anymore.

"That's good, kid, that's good..."

The rest is a blur.

..........

So. Yeah. I wasn't quite sure how to end it since I wanted you guys to kinda come up with your own conclusions...

Sorry if that was a load of bullshit I just made you read. Anyway. Let me know your thoughts and such. It'd be much appreciated.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Attempted Distractions

Hey pals. I know it's been a while. I'm sorry.

I'll try and update you more later but I just needed to get myself writing again.

So. Here's the easy way out. Tumblr questionnaire it is.

..........

1. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Compared to most? Yeah, I'd like to think so. My dad and I are best buds. My mom and I... well, it's complicated but we love each other very much and I wouldn't change that for the world.

2. Who did you last say "I love you" to?

My mom <3

3. Do you regret anything?

Occasionally, I think about things too much and wish I had done something differently. Ultimately? Nah, I wouldn't take back any of it. I am who I am because of the mistakes I have made.

4. Are you insecure?

Well, hell, who isn't?!

5. What is your relationship status?

Single. Um... yeah. Not quite used to that yet.

6. How do you want to die?

Jeez, what are these questions??? In the least painful way possible, thank you very much.

7. What did you last eat?

Ice cream :)

8. Played any sports?

HA! You see, I did the soccer and the tennis and the swimming back in my day... None of those stayed very long. Neither did track. Track confirmed my hatred of all things sports. 'Nuff said.

9. Do you bite your nails?

Nonononono it freaks me out too much!

10. When was your last physical fight?

Uh, never?

11. Do you like someone?

I think the issue is I'm trying to stop liking this someone, and it's a very hard task, indeed.

12. Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Excuse me but have you ever gone to high school?

13. Do you hate anyone at the moment?

I could never.

14. Do you miss someone?

More than you know.

15. Have any pets?

My darling little peanut dog, Suki <3

16. How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

Pretty gross, to be honest.

17. Ever made out in a bathroom?

...yes.

18. Are you scared of spiders?

See, I'd like to say no. Because I don't mind when they're in their own habitat. However, step into my space and you'll wish you hadn't.

19. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

I think it'd be a cool concept. I wouldn't wanna change anything, though. Just go back to replay certain memories, I guess.

20. Where was the last place you snogged someone?

That someone's bedroom.

21. What are your plans for this weekend?

I can't think that far ahead. One day at a time, my dear, one day at a time.

22. Do you want to have kids? How many?

I do and I don't. I do because holy crap how cool would it be to have a lil mini me? But I don't because, you know, overpopulation and pain and things. If I did, I'd probably have one of my own and adopt the other.

23. Do you have any piercings? How many?

Only two, one on each ear.

24. What were your best subjects in school?

Well, it's no surprise to anyone that I did decently okay in English, so...

25. Do you miss anyone from your past?

So, so much.

26. What are you craving right now?

Physical affection.

27. Have you ever broken someone's heart?

God, I hope not but I'm afraid I have.

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Not that I know of.

29. Have you ever made your significant other cry?

Sadly, yes.

30.What's irritating you right now?

Fucking mosquito bites. Those need to go.

31. Does somebody love you?

I am beyond grateful to say yes. Many people do.

32. What is your favorite color?

PURPLE!!!

33. Do you have trust issues?

Um, maybe sometimes...

34. Who/what was your last dream about?

Vassar, believe it or not :)

35. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

A whole lotta strangers in the airport.

36. Do you give out second chances too easily?

Yes yes yes ohmygod yes.

37. Is it easier to forgive or forget?

It's easier to forget but goodness gracious don't ever do that.

38. Is this year the best year of your life?

I think that would be a solid no.

39. How old were you when you had your first kiss?

Fourteen years and seven months.

40. Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

Define "outside"...

41. Favorite food?

Arepitas. Look it up. Best food on the planet.

42. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

I think everything has the potential to formulate a purpose. So in a way, I guess, yeah.

43. What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Hmm... I think I was slathering on Aloe because FUCK MOSQUITOS.

44. Is cheating ever okay?

In a relationship? Nonononononononononono. In anything else? Eh, it's not great, but there are worse things.

45. Are you mean?

Goodness, I hope not.

46. How many people have you fist fought?

Zero.

47. Do you believe in true love?

What does that mean exactly?

48. Favorite weather?

Foggy, by far.

49. Do you like the snow?

I do, indeed :)

50. Do you want to get married?

I sure would like a companion, yes.

51. Is it cute when a girl/boy calls you baby?

I dunno, depends who it is, I guess.

52. What makes you happy?

My friends are a bunch of weirdos but God, do I love you guys.

53. Would you change your name?

I used to want to, but I dunno... I think Maya kinda suits me now.

54. Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

I would want that more than anything. But some things just can't be.

55. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

That ship has sailed, amigo.

56. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

I'd like to think so.

57. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

The lil bro, Javi.

58. Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Surprisingly, the lil bro, Javi.

59. Do you believe in soulmates?

I think "kindred spirits" is a better term.

60. Is there anyone you would die for?

Both my brothers, in a heartbeat. And quite a few others as well, though I couldn't fit them all here.

..........

There you have it. Slow, but it's something.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya