Into the Woods

"Get out. Walk the dog, go for a run, go—something, just get out of the house."

My godmother insisted that the three of us (Yan Diego, my godsister Elizabeth and myself, that is) go outside and get some fresh air after being cooped up all day.

I wasn't entirely opposed; I'm just not known for being the greatest pal of nature.

"Ohmygosh Maman, can we take the bikes out please, pretty please?" Elizabeth begged. She's a bike enthusiast, just by the way.

"Yeah, sure, just get the hell out of the house," was her mother's reply, not looking up from the newspaper in her hands.

"Yan Diegooooooo!!! Come onnnnnnn, I'll teach you how to ride the unicycle!" Elizabeth promised as she hiked her socks up to her knees.

Internally groaning because I knew I'd make a fool out of myself, I followed both of them out into the driveway. I hadn't set foot on a bike since I was 13 and ever since, I'd developed a serious fear of anything that could possibly injure me. I know that sounds pretty ridiculous—you know, living your life in fear and all—but I couldn't help it. I think the last time I'd gotten a scratch from anything but being clumsy was a solid five years ago. But I couldn't seem like the lame party-pooper so...

"It's easy. You just put one foot here, and then the other foot over there, and just start pedaling!" Elizabeth encouraged me. Honestly, if I was going to make a fool outta myself, I'm glad it was in front of her. She's just too good for this world.

"Oh dear Lord," I muttered, holding my breath to avoid Yan Diego's sure-to-come insults.

I placed one foot on one pedal and then the other foot on the other (only after asking Elizabeth how the breaks worked about five million times) and before I knew it, my shaky legs were moving in circular motions—almost too quickly.

"HOW DO I STOP?!?!"

"Hahaaaaaaa!! Sucker!!" Of course this would be the first of many insults coming from my older brother.

"Just use the breaks! You're killing it, don't worry!" Elizabeth reassured me from a distance.

I frantically looked down at my handles, which were fixed with about six too many switchy-thingys and gears and buttons and I couldn't help thinking why on earth you'd need to have this many options.

I slammed on the breaks just as I got to the edge of a very steep hill, nearly falling over. My heart was pounding in my ears. We hadn't been outside for more than ten minutes.

"You got it! Just try not to stop so abruptly next time," Elizabeth granted me a warm smile, expertly parking her bike next to mine.

"Yeah, just don't be stupid next time," YD said matter-of-factly. I bit my tongue.

"How about we try this again, shall we?"

Gulping, I nodded my head, making sure to follow her very precise orders of holding the breaks as I went down the hill while allowing gravity to do the rest.

Just as I was starting to get the hang of it, Yan Diego zipped past me.

"Can you not? You're stressing me out," I yelled at him.

"You're always stressed out," he sneered, zooming by me in antagonizing zig-zags.

"Don't listen to him, you're doing really really well!" came Elizabeth's sure response before reminding me we could go as slowly as I needed.

It took me a couple of trial and errors to figure out the grass trails as opposed to the pavement we were previously on. I think it's about time I mention my godmother's family lives in the middle of the woods in Massachusetts.

After one particularly rough hill, I got thrown off my bike into some patches of clover.

As per usual, my brother zoomed ahead of us while Elizabeth stayed behind to make sure I was okay. It was almost frustrating, in a way. I'm an entire year older than her, she shouldn't have to be taking care of me.

She's a year younger yet she's smarter, stealthier, stronger, quirkier, and infinitely more capable than I. It was humiliating.

Maybe you should start going to the gym, Maya. You're really out of shape.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, let's keep going," I pulled out a tight smile before mounting my bike for the millionth time.

We'd been riding for a solid half hour now and I could already feel the sweat trickle down my back and collect into the bunched-up parts of my overalls. 

Now I remember why you hate sports.

I will admit, I felt a strong sense of accomplishment for having overcome all those rocks and roots and evading horse shit and dog-walkers. It was tough stuff, mind you.

For not having ridden in three years and jumping right into woodland bike trails, Elizabeth said I was doing fantastic and that she was proud of me, so there's that.

As it was nearing dusk, the mosquitos and flies and beetles and other winged creatures made their presence known by buzzing in front of my face every three seconds. Did I mention I'm not a nature person?

Then came my near-death experience. No, it wasn't as interesting as it sounds.

It was just another one of those stupid hills again and Yan Diego decided to park himself right at the bottom of the hill at the last second. Seeing as I was behind him and didn't want to crash, my instincts told me to swerve to the right—right into the swampy water.

It all happened so quickly, I can't exactly remember all the details. I just know one moment my hands were shaking and the next, I was pulling my laces out of the bike chain. Thankfully I didn't fall into the wet part, but instead got tangled in with a bunch of thorny branches. My heart pounded in my throat and my lips were dry as a board. My helmet clung to the sweat on my forehead and I was picking hair out of my mouth. I didn't have a single scratch.

You're not even hurt, Maya. Stop freaking out.

I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes but I didn't let them fall seeing as it was Elizabeth's idea to go biking and I didn't want her to feel bad. Besides, it would just give YD another opportunity to call me a baby.

"Hey, we all have bad crashes sometimes. It's all good," Elizabeth offered me a strong, tanned hand as she pulled me up from the dusty ground.

"Thanks," I mumbled, fingers still frantically shaking as they gripped the bike to pull it up.

And in less than a second, we were off again, stumbling through the woods like expert explorers. Or the other two did. The welt in my throat hadn't decreased and I had this bad feeling in my chest like I couldn't breathe. This was just what track season felt like, only worse.

"You sure you don't want me to stay?"

"Yeah, no, it's fine, you two go on ahead, I'll catch up in a bit," I promised Elizabeth, giving her a reassuring nod.

"Okay... Well thank you for trying, anyway! It really means a lot to me!" she shouted back as she pedaled off into the distance.

And then it hit me like a brick wall. All the anxiety I had felt during this entire time smothered into one big boulder. It just occurred to me I'd been off my meds for over a month now. And not intentionally.

Don't you dare fucking cry. Don't you dare. You're not a crybaby.

I suddenly realized I was all alone in the woods at night with zero sense of direction, a bike that was about twice my size, a sweaty helmet and a five trillion pound bag of anxiety.

Heaving sobs racked out of my body like too-tightly-contained oceans. I didn't want any passerby's to hear me so I kept silent, but my left hand latched onto my neck—the other gripping the handles of the bike—desperately trying to gasp for air.

You're overreacting. This is so pathetic.

Why was I freaking out? I'd only had a tiny crash scare, but no harm done, right? Why did it suddenly feel like the world was running out of oxygen and the trees only grew twenty feet taller?

I stared at my beat-up, red converse in order to focus on something. I couldn't remember where I'd read that but apparently focusing on small realities helps relieve disproportionate meltdowns.

My shoes were dusty now. As were the cuffs of my overalls.

Deciding I had better get a move on before I completely forgot where I was, I wiped the snot on my sleeve before grabbing hold of the handles once again.

I walked side by side with that bike, up rocky trails and down steep and bumpy hills. It'd been an hour since I'd seen the other two.

It occurred to me that I could die in these woods. I could just sit down and no one would ever find me if I didn't want them to. I couldn't tell you why such a thought was equally alarming and calming. I guess the whole humiliating ordeal made me beg for invisibility.

You're such a wuss. Get over it.

Mile after mile passed on and that bike wasn't getting any lighter. One man even stopped to ask me if my bike was broken. He had passed me on the trail three times already.

I finally came upon a sliver of land I recognized, and an old couple walking their dogs said hello to me.

"Hi, how are you?" I gave them a polite smile and a nod and just as swiftly was on my way.

It was the first time I'd heard my own voice out loud for almost two hours now.

"It's not fun to be lonely," I thought to myself as I carried the ever-growing burden of a bike up yet another hill.

It was nearly dinner time when I made it back to the road we were first on. Exhausted and very dizzy, I told myself there were only two hills left.

"But these ones are paved, so they're not as bad," I thought, knowing water would be at the top of those hills.

The house came into view and I walked in covered in sweat, mud, dust, and red welts from where the bike dug into my shins. I made it.

I couldn't think of anything better than taking an ice-cold shower and downing an entire gallon of water. I was also outrageously hungry and for some reason, I didn't have the slightest idea why.

I allowed ice water to wash over my face and trickle down onto my chest and legs. I suddenly wanted to cry all over again but I had no reason to. It was all over now. I was back home and comfortable and hydrated again and just a tiny bit sore, but that was no reason to cry, was it?

I guess that's what happens when you get off your meds for too long.

I was done with biking.

Low Lie the Fields of Athenry

To those of you wondering what exactly occurred on our heavenly trip to Ireland, I am here to rid you of that mystery. On our very last day, Mama Kerr asked us all to close our eyes and picture every last moment and jot whatever our sentiments were down into a notebook before we lost those memories forever.

I'm afraid I cannot say I managed to keep a journal for the London side of things simply because we were so darn busy the entire time. That's not to say we weren't busy in Ireland, because we were—it was just a different kind of busy. Nonetheless, I wanted to share my journal entries with you because I cannot express how unbelievably amazing the whole experience was for me.

That being said, it is a helluva long journal entry, so if you're planning on reading the entire thing, you may as well get a snack or something... We'll be here for a good while.

..........

My dearest Maya:

I write to you from Ireland on the 12th of June, 2016. You are about to get on a plane headed straight toward London, England and who knows what wonderful experiences you'll encounter there. For now, I want to write to you about the past week in hopes that you won't forget. The moment we boarded the coach bus from PAS, I knew we were in for a treat. The excitement hadn't hit me yet and I chose to nap on my own all the way to Logan.

Upon arrival, the usual banter ensued and after getting our boarding passes, immense panic swept over me because I realized my seat was the farthest away from the group. Papa Kerr fixed that for me, thankfully. In the meantime, I was developing a helluva fever to the point of tears and almost passing out. I am so grateful to Caellum and Conor and Claire and Mama and Papa Kerr for taking care of me while I felt like shit.

The flight was long and uncomfy but we made it through—yes, I got to sit next to CJS. Arriving and noticing the time switch was the strangest thing. Stepping out into the Dublin airport and seeing all the Gaelic written on signs was quite bizarre, but expected. I didn't feel entirely foreign and for some reason, the excitement/shock hadn't hit me yet.

That day, we waddled onto a bus (my fever was back) and we made our way to Trinity College. Our tourguide, Byrne, was an absolute babe but he was totally gay. I would have enjoyed the scenery and everything, including the Book of Kells a lot more if I had not been so ill. Nonetheless, we went off to eat at this little place and the food revitalized me a bit. (P.S: THE SODA BREAD WAS SO DAMN GOOD!) We entered a record store, listened to some funky music, walked through a silent writer's museum and made our way back to our awaiting castle.

Seeing her from a distance was truly breathtaking and I wish I could recapture that moment over and over again. Seeing all the cobwebs and suits of armor decorating the halls was so surreal. I felt like royalty. That night was a blur of hot and cold flashes, blaring music, pillow forts, snuggles, and mixed feelings. I was out before I knew it.

Day Two, we met Brian, our caterer, who cannot be described as anything other than dynamite. His explosive exclamations and delicious food woke up our bleary minds as we trudged through the Coach House. Okay, that bacon—beyond compare. I can still smell it now. Breakfast was loud and obnoxious and I was feeling more alive than I had the previous day. That day was meant for the walking tour and adventuring about Galway—a beautiful city, mind you. The day was sunny and beautiful. I got sunburnt that day. Who woulda thought? Lemme retrack real quick to the night before, though. On the way to the Castle, we had dinner at this tiny lil' plaza called—wait for it—Obama Mart. I kid you not. It was fucking hilarious. I got the best club sandwich I've ever tasted in my life at some rip-off Subway place and Caellum and Conor both became aware of and quickly addicted to this drink called Lucozade (—Get Gluced!) After that, we had a very hilarious and slightly delirious conversation about Michelle Obama and her obsession with sweet potatos (—Nuuuuuu Michelle!) I don't think I've laughed that hard in a very long time.

Back to Galway, our tourguide was the absolute best storyteller I've ever come across. He told us stories about Eugene Daily on the Titanic and the origin of the word Lynch and monkeys rescuing babies from fires. We ate lunch at this super cool tavern and Caellum bitched about Zoe for a while. We stopped by a little shop on the way back to the Castle that night and picked up some bits and bobs for snacks. On the bus, we decided it'd be a lovely idea to get Maya hyped on Gluc. So I did. And I went insane. I mean full on hyper, weird, crazy, screaming insane. It was very entertaining. So as we got back to the Castle ready to take showers, the guys thought it a lovely idea to lock themselves together in a bathroom for fifteen minutes talking about poop to prevent me from showering. Not five minutes after I get in the shower, Caellum is summoning me out for an "important meeting" which only turned out to be a gathering based on communally listening to the Cuil Theory. Worst eight minutes of my life. Later, we decided to play Catan, which was never finished and a lot more underwhelming than I wanted it to be. Everyone munched on Caellum and Conor's cheese minus myself because I thought it was tacky. I wasn't feelin' the people vibe and was extremely quiet and ready to cry myself to sleep. However, my lil' munchkin Emma turned my night around by letting us play with Play-Dough and eating chips with me and watching videos on my phone. Then, the Death Moth appeared. Emma thought it was a winged figure coming out of the shadows, so she screamed and then I screamed and we were a huge, loud, jittery mess. Eventually, we got Papa Kerr to get it out of the room so we could sleep in peace. And out we went—laughing is exhausting, anyway.

Day Three, or Thursday, was quite a long, fuckin' day. Think Cliffs of Moher and The Bhoirne in one day. Super fucking long. All I can distinctly remember is how much I seriously had to pee. Like, gee wiz, that was the most painful bus ride of my entire life. God bless Conor for being a good sport and helping me take my mind off it. I forget what we did for dinner, but I'm sure Brian whipped us up something fabulous. Later that night (as it would be our last night in the Castle before transferring to the Coach House), we thought it'd be a great idea to snuggle up in the Great Room surrounded by candlelight, telling ghost stories. It was freaky as fuck but honestly it may have been my favorite time so far on the trip. Mainly, it was Caellum reading off his phone, but his delivery really sold. Poor little Emma was spooked beyond belief and ended up crying a whole lot that night. I made her laugh, already half asleep, and apparently spent the next hour trying to calm her down. I was too tired to remember any of this, of course.

Day Four, or Friday, we had a wee bit of a sleep-in, thank God, but the ride to Cobh to see the Titanic exhibit took LITERALLY forever. Again, I had to hold my pee for far too long -_- The overall exhibit was pretty quick and underwhelming, although we got our own "tickets" and we were assigned real people. My name became Nellie O'Dwyer and Conor's was Martin Gallagher. I survived but he ended up dead, the poor thing. Soon after, Claire, Caellum, Sophia, Jimmy, Emma, Conor and myself decided to sprint up the steepest street I've ever come across in my life for some godforsaken reason. Turns out, us lucky seven got to visit a completely gorgeous, deserted church. It was massive with marble floors and stained glass and rose windows and tall columns. It was completely deserted apart from us and though none of us are strictly religious, I sorta felt like it was a very special, intimate moment we were all sharing. We proceeded to light candles upon our departure and left the place with a weird sort of glowy aura to us. Soon enough, it was time to get back for check-in. We made our way down some sketchy stairs—bumped into a cat on the way—and made a quick stop at Burger King cuz Emma had to pee. 

Our next stop would be Blarney Castle (which was absolutely gorgeous beyond compare, to say the least.) The mere size of the place was obscene and the grounds were just covered in trimmed grass and beautiful flora. Our very first experience with the castle was the dungeon caves. I kid you not—one of the coolest places I've probably ever been in my life. However, the entrances were tiny as fuck XD so everyone else was cussing me out while they struggled to wiggle through. Conor and I even managed to sneak a kiss down there after everybody else had left <3 We went on to explore some other caves before deciding to make the trek all the way up to the top of the ruins. An endless flight of steps and secret corridors and heaving breaths later, we finally made it to the top. Luckily, my fear of heights hadn't kicked in yet, so I was still just enjoying the view. I swear, you could see the whole world from up there. We were hurried along to kiss the Blarney stone which supposedly grants you the "Gift of Gab", which I already had, thank you very much. Besides, the whole ordeal involved being dangled upside down over who knows how many feet above ground, just to kiss some stone that could potentially give you Ebola. You never know. As we were making our way back down, Conor and I did a little more illegal smooching before heading downstairs and rejoining civilization. The rest of the evening entailed walking through a poison garden which harvested marijuana behind bars, just so you know. We were free to roam the grounds until, yet again, it was time to leave. Thank God we were on our way to food though cuz I was SO hungry at this point.

As promised, we went to Mortell's which was Brian's family restaurant. He fixed us up some burgers (which were to die for) in exchange for a swear jar/bucket/type thing. Basically, you had to pay everytime you added "like" or "um" to a sentence. I never had to pay a cent :) On our way out, though, we experienced a series of events. Firstly, Emmett won an armwrestling match against Brian's 20-year-old son. However, his hat later caught on fire, so I dunno what that says about him. And then, of course, another inside joke was birthed (—Oo, oo, oo, n*gga moon!) I don't even know how that happened, to be honest. The rest of the evening contained a series of laughter derived from the strangest things. I'm sure they made zero sense.

(The next few events are by no means in chronological order because my memory sucks and I didn't write the order of events down in time cuz I suck.)

OHMYGOD I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION THIS okay so. At some point during the week I actually cannot believe I forgot about this shame on me we had the greatest privilege to have professional TRAD musicians play for us in our cozy lil' castle :) For those of you who speak English, that just means we had 3 performers come to our castle to play traditional Irish folk music. I may or may not have shed many tears. I kid you not, all three of them were beyond talented and charming and lovely and I just wanted to wrap them up in a bow and take them home with me. I'm blanking on their names but each of them played with such passion... I just cannot remember ever seeing something as beautiful in my entire life. One of the last solos played, though, was a piece called "Nora" by the violinist, who used a looping pedal and some cool other toys to enhance his performance. My dearest friends, only those in the room can testify to the magic that occurred then and there. Before I knew it, tears ran in thick gobs down my cheeks and I hadn't noticed until a fat one landed on my arm. Claire and Sophia were about in the same state as I was, while everyone else just sat there—completely mesmerized.

Another lovely thing we got to experience was this charming little man by the name of Mike, decked out in full, traditional Irish attire. He was generous enough to come by the Coach House and tell us all stories—either general folklore and traditions, or even some of his own personal accounts. I'm not gonna lie, this man was just about the sweetest thing you've ever met. He told us about how Ireland was no big deal, how the Irish are proud of their heritage but their history has humbled them enough that they're not so exclusive about it; he told us about the Irish as a long line of alcoholics, of young girls destined to marry boys they'd never met; he sang us songs and told us never to lose our faith—for that faith is the only thing that's kept the Irish alive. Goodness gracious, I'm getting goosebumps just remembering this treasure of a person.

At some point or another, we were also able to make our way to Doolin to see the Folk Festival. In all honesty, I preferred the little coffeehouse performances a million times over the large, pub-like presentations. We sat among some others on the floor, and listened while this tragic beauty of a young man named Tiz McNamara gave a stunning performance. The poor guy has gone through one helluva stormy life, and yet he managed to perform the most intimate of songs to us—making us feel like we were a part of it, too. God, I just wanted to stand up and give him a hug. For some reason, I also distinctly remember sitting alone outside the little hub on a wooden bench, drenched in rain and surrounded by severely drunk Irishmen. The smell of cigarettes lingered in the air.

Towards the end of the week, we also got to experience the Banratty Castle, where (believe it or not) Caellum and Claire got named Lord and Lady for the evening. It was pretty cool. Basically, we attended the Madrigal Banquet, which essentially brings you back into medieval times and lets you eat all this really good food for dinner. Super duper fun. I'm sure C and Claire both had major inflated egos after the whole ordeal. This also has nothing to do with actual planned events, but at some point during my stay at the Coach House, I decided I super didn't wanna wear pants and so I ran back and forth down the upstairs hall, wearing nothing but a semi-long T-shirt. It was hella fun. You should try it sometime.

And thus terminated the beginning of our adventures. I don't think I was ever prepared to say goodbye.

..........

Special thanks to Declan, Brendan, Natalie, Brian and DENNIS for making our stay one we will never forget. I pray I get to go back someday. You were all such kind souls and we definitely didn't deserve you.

Hasta la proxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: You're welcome, Fonts.

P.P.S: If you're wondering what "Nora" sounded like, this was Eoghan's earlier version: Nora.

WOW

Omg guys you're not gonna believe this have you ever been so sad that you forgot it's even a negative emotion and you just start laughing cuz everything feels the same anyways and you can't differentiate feelings because the mothereffing numbness is eating away at your insides like holy jeez Louise guys I am impressed like omg omg I did not think it was possible to be this sad never ever but you know what guys I am this sad except I wouldn't know it if it weren't for the giant globs of tears smacking onto the front of my shirt and I mean no big deal but this is freaking hilarious I cannot believe one singular tiny teeny tiny lil person is capable of so much fucked up shit in the head like holy wow wowie wow wow did I mention that I am impressed because this self-induced concussion is not capable of making it stop like who woulda thought right because cracking your skull open should do the trick but  apparently it just gives you another reason to cry but who cares yo I'm hungry and that's all this is anyway once I eat something all this nonsense will wash away because I said so because I can control my emotions and I have complete and absolute power over them and nobody can tell me otherwise except ha ha joke's on you I just lied and that's not true I actually have zero control over 99% of the shit in my life right now and that feels absolutely fantastic like wow it is so glorious I cannot even describe it to you and on that note I'm going to go hibernate for as long as I can before someone remembers to wake me up.

Camping at its Best

Hi all. It's been a while since I've written one of these but after a long and thoughtful conversation with Fonts last night, I thought it was right about time for me to write something like this again :) Keep in mind that, as always, this story is based very loosely on a dream I had involving each of you, except this time (to make it a tad more interesting) I'm not using your real names! The fun part is guessing who's who ;)

However, so it's not overly complicated, I will tell you this story features C, Fonts, Gibb, Tom, Tiernan, Claire, Shelby, and myself.

..........

It all started when Alex brought up the idea one night after we'd scarfed down three pizzas in his living room.

"Holy shit, guys. You know what would be a great idea?" he went off excitedly.

"Enlighten us," Gabby offered, taking a sip of the Code Red in her hand.

"What if we all went camping together?" the brightness behind his eyes immediately gave away how excited he was about the whole idea.

"I don't know, dude... That's a death sentence waiting to happen..." Theo pointed out, scanning the room for everyone else's opinions.

"Cmon, think about it. We pile into Mel's van and drive out into the woods for a couple of days, build a campfire, cook some smores, go exploring... You know the drill. Who's down?" Alex insisted, folding up the last empty pizza box before throwing it away.

"Hold on a second, we are NOT driving my van into the woods, and even if we were, how in the hell would we all fit?" Melvin looked pointedly at Alex, folding his arms across his chest all the while.

"I mean, we could always shove Charlotte in the trunk,"

"Fuck off, Judah," I flipped him the bird, wiping the smug grin off his face as he shlumped further into the couch.

"Yeah, fuck off, Judah," Louise backed me up, although I think the message didn't quite deliver seeing as she winked and blew him a kiss at the same time.

"Hey, I'm with Alex, here. This could be stupidly fun if we let it," Sam finally intervened.

"I mean, yeah, it could be fun," Gabby chimed in, pulling her knees up to her chest from her seat on the ground.

"We're probably gonna end up hating each other but sure, what the hell," Theo approved.

Alex smiled even wider since people were beginning to cooperate.

"I'm in!" Louise tucked the hair behind her ear before resting her head on Jude's shoulder.

"If she's in, I'm in," was the latter's immediate response.

"Oh, shut up," I rolled my eyes at the two love birds before Alex kneeled down in front of me, grabbing my hands in his own.

What a fucking drama queen.

"Charlotte? Please, pretty please...?"

Knowing I'm not the biggest fan of Mother Nature, I sighed before reluctantly nodding my head yes.

That only left Melvin.

"Come on, Mel, live a little," Sam pleaded, eager to help his best friend with his dream plan.

We all looked to him, knowing he would give in eventually.

And he did.

So one hot and very sunny June morning, all eight of us piled into Melvin's van, as was foretold. 

..........

The drive only lasted about two hours but by the end of it, we were dying to get away from each other.

"Ahhhhh we're here!!!" Alex was the very first one out of the car, shutting the passenger's side door behind him.

"Does anyone else have to pee or is it just me?" Sam shuffled from one foot to another, grabbing his crotch.

"Ugh, Samuel, get a tree," Gabby made a look of disgust before flipping the trunk open.

I called dibs on the largest sleeping bag, much to Jude's chagrin. Served him right for his little comment the other day.

Theo took hold of the cooler while everyone else grabbed a sleeping bag and a backpack. And off we went in search of the perfect spot.

After a mere twenty minutes of hiking, we arrived at a little clearing.

"Guys, this place is perfect!" Louise jogged ahead of us, sliding the backpack off her shoulder and throwing her sleeping bag on the ground.

"Great, we'll crash here then. Any objections?" Melvin took the silence as a no, so the rest of us lugged our stuff over to Louise, following suit.

"Alright, goons, first thing's first—" Gabby started.

"I'm the realest."

I threw a thermos at Alex.

"Sorry..."

"Drown yourselves in bugspray," Gabby continued, looking expectantly at Theo, whom we'd all agreed would be in charge of bugspray.

He just looked back at us sheepishly, "Hey, I thought Jude was in charge of that,"

"You leave me out of this, Theodore," Judah pointed a finger at his accuser, ready to start a fight.

A burst of exasperation echoed through all of us.

"You've gotta be shitting me," Louise grumbled.

"YOU HAD ONE JOB!" Alex retorted.

"Welp, we're never inviting Theo to anything again," Sam stated matter-of-factly.

"Hey—!"

Just as they were about to attack each other, I rolled my eyes and unzipped my backpack.

"Chill, fam. I brought a backup," I announced, holding it out to them like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"This is why Charlotte's the favorite," Louise pulled me in a bone-crushing hug before snatching the repellant out of my hands.

There were murmurs of agreement as Off! passed down from one person to another.

"Yeah, you're welcome," I stuck my tongue out at Theo teasingly, knowing this was just karma for all the times he tried to annoy me in the past.

..........

It was just short of 1pm when someone's stomach growled.

"Hey, don't look at me, I'm the only one who had a real breakfast," Gabby defended, ready to challenge anyone who said otherwise.

"...sorry..." Alex mumbled self-consciously, placing his hands over his stomach.

"Well, I for one, could definitely go for some noms," Mel stalked over to the cooler and flipped open the lid.

"Who wants some Capri Sun?"

"OHMYGOD I DO!" I raced over to the cooler like it was my job, shoving Mel aside and rummaging for my favorite: Strawberry Kiwi.

Hey, I can't help it. That's some good shit.

"You never age a day, do you?" Judah smirked at me, making sure to poke me in the side.

I stuck my tongue out at him, which didn't really help my case.

It took roughly about ten minutes for everyone to be settled on top of their sleeping bag with a sandwich of some sort in one hand and some variation of Capri Sun, Mountain Dew, or water in the other.

"Not gonna lie, I'm very okay with all this right now," Melvin spoke up from behind a BLT.

"Told youuuuuu," Theo said, smirking from his grilled cheese.

"Hey, don't rub it in, asshole," Mel sneered, taking another bite out of the heavenly sandwich.

"I'm bored," I huffed, flopping over onto my backpack.

"Wow, way to kill the mood, kiddo," Gabby laughed, smacking me lightly over the head.

"What? I'm just saying, now that we've all stuffed our faces, I would really like to go do something," I explained.

"I'm with the child on this one," Judah quipped, crumbling up his tin foil before chucking it at me.

"Fine, then, who's up for frisbee?" Theo suggested.

"I'm down," Sam agreed.

"Yeah, word," said Alex.

"Sure, I'll play," Melvin chimed.

"Yeah, me too," Gabby joined the others.

"Ugh, you guys are boring. I'm going exploring. You're all welcome to join me," I muttered cockily, standing up and brushing myself off before I looked around to see if anyone would consent.

After an awkward five second pause, Louise sighed, slinging her arm around my shoulder.

"Sure, I'll go with you,"

I relaxed a little, suddenly relieved I wouldn't have to go alone.

That left Judah. And I sure as hell wasn't gonna third wheel so...

"Welp, have fun with frisbee. Bye guys!" I grabbed Louise by the hand and scampered off, not even giving Jude the chance to answer me.

I would imagine I left them all rather befuddled, but they're big kids. They can take care of themselves.

..........

"What the fuck is going on here?!"

Apparently, they cannot take care of themselves.

Louise and I had a lovely time exploring the woods, walking along a stream, and talking about everything under the sun. Meanwhile, what do we come back to?

Sam and Judah wrestling something out of a tree, Melvin and Alex beating an upturned cooler with a large stick, Theo attempting to salvage our strewn sleeping bags, and Gabby filming it all.

"We were playing frisbee and Jude chucked it into a tree and now the mom's angry and—" Sam rambled off hysterically.

"Hey, it's not my fault she's got four cubs..." Judah attempted to defend himself.

"Oh, shove a dick in it, Judy Bloom," Melvin howled, clearly still struggling with whatever was under the cooler.

"Gabby, how could you let this happen?!" I sputtered, rushing over to the rest of them, who clearly needed help.

"Hey, I'm not their babysitter; don't go blaming this on me!" she countered, shoving her phone in her front pocket.

"Fuckin' hell," Louise pulled her hair into a ponytail while walking over to Judah and Sam.

She gave Jude's arm an extra tug and out came the frisbee from the branch it was previously caught in.

Then she ambled over to Alex and Melvin, grabbing the stick out of Mel's hand and casting it aside before advising the boys to let the creature go.

Reluctantly, they flipped the cooler over, revealing a ring-tailed coon. 

The creature immediately scurried away with a deathly glare in her eyes, hissing back at us as if to say, "You motherfuckers."

"And that's how you take care of that," Louise dusted her hands off, a smug grin decorating her features.

"Oh yeah, sure, like it was that easy—You weren't even here before! You didn't see what she was capable of!" Theo shuddered at the thought.

I giggled at the ridiculousness of it all, helping Alex pick up the remains of our food that had toppled over with the cooler.

"What say you we get a fire going?" Sam proposed, hands resting on his hips, clearly tired from attempting to dislodge a frisbee a few moments ago.

"Yeah, it's getting late. If we're building a fire, we better start now," Mel pointed out.

All eyes turned to Gabby.

"Oh, come on, you'd think that after all our Satanic Thursday Gatherings you'd know how to do this already..." she grumbled, adjusting her boots before leading the way.

We all knew that she secretly loved being in charge of this part though. It was in her blood.

..........

A solid hour and a half later, it was nearing 7pm and we were all pretty exhausted from collecting firewood and stones and the like.

"There we go," Gabby concluded with a smile, wiping her hands on her jeans victoriously.

A decently-sized fire blazed and crackled before us. Now, only one thing was missing.

"I want smoresssssss!" I squealed, eager to start the dessert making.

"Hold your horses, sugar freak, we'll get there when we get there," laughed Mel, giving me an unwanted noogie.

"Yo, I'm with sugar freak. I want smoresssss!!!" Judah backed me up, continuing my chant for dessert. 

And so Gabby was put in charge of handing out marshmallows because we didn't trust anybody else with them.

"Hey! Stop poking me with your stick!"

"Wuss!"

"Idiot!"

"Smartmouth!"

"Cocksucker!"

"Jesus fuck, guys, put a lid on it, wouldya? There's a child in our presence," Louise made sure to give both Judah and Theo a hard smack on the arm.

"Hey, you're the one who just dropped an f-bomb..." Theo defended weakly, rubbing his now very sore arm.

"Yeah, and I'm not a child..." I whined.

"Fuck isn't a swear word. It's a verb. And of course you're not the child. Sam is," she countered conclusively.

"Heyyyy—!"

"Just accept it, man. Don't fight it," Alex placed a hand on his friend's shoulder sympathetically.

"Hahaaaa! Guys, look, my marshmallow's on fire!"

"I'm sorry, what—?'"

Everyone's eyes turned to me as I giggled and let the fire envelope my marshmallow, burning it to a crisp along with the stick.

As the flame reached closer and closer to my hand, I could tell the others became a bit unnerved.

"Cmon, Charlotte, what the hell are you doing? You're gonna burn yourself like that!" Alex was at my side in two seconds but I didn't let go yet.

Just as the flames reached less than a milimeter away from my fingers, I blew the fire out.

"Jesus, kid, what the fuck was that for?"Judah eyed the smoltering thing with something short of terror.

"Dramatic effect," I smiled, tossing the charred stick and marshmallow into the fire pit before retrieving another one.

"You know, she's loonier than she lets on..." I heard Sam whisper to Gabby who gave him a look that told him to leave it be.

At least Theo and Jude weren't playing Shish Kebob anymore.

..........

Rounding 9pm, the ghost stories began.

Now, usually I'm a fan. When I'm safe and sound at home, that is. When the stories involving forests have nothing to do with me. Now that we've gone camping, it's personal.

But of course, this was Jude's expertise, so alas, we let him.

I'll save you all the piss-inducing details, but I guess you can imagine they were maybe a tad 2 spooky 5 you.

I made sure to smush myself between Alex and Mel, Sam and Theo latched onto Gabby as if their lives depended on it, and that left Judah and Louise huddling in the opposite corner.

"How on earth am I supposed to go to sleep after that?!" I squeaked.

"Charlotte, darling, you know they're not real, right?" Gabby tried to reassure me from across the way, where Sam and Theo continued grabbing onto her for protection.

"Yeah, and even if they were real, there's eight of us. Nothing bad can happen in large groups," Louise rationalized.

"Tell that to the Holocaust..." Jude mumbled beside her, earning him a few half-hearted chuckles and a jab to the ribs.

"Okay, well, if we're getting up to see the sunrise, we better get to bed," Gabby stated, peeling Samuel and Theodore off her limbs before making her way to her sleeping bag.

"She's right, sleep is good sometimes," Mel reasoned, getting up from his spot beside me.

"Sleep is for the weak," Sam stammered, still shaking a bit from the concluding ghost story.

"Yeah, well, so are bags under your eyes, so get your ass to bed," Gabby snapped.

She gets cranky when she's tired.

..........

I could've sworn I'd heard a snap.

Our fire was out and the trees blocked all sight of the moon, so I was dealing with pitch black darkness.

There it was again. The snap. And then a rustle. And then a crack.

My heartbeat suddenly increasing about ten thousand beats per minute, I shook the first person I could reach.

"Psst! Hey, wake up!" I hissed, not wanting to be alone.

"Hmmmwhaaa?" spoke a groggy voice, whom I assumed belonged to Theo.

"I heard something," I whispered urgently.

I could hear him shuffling around in his sleeping back, turning to face me in the darkness.

"Charrrrlotte, go bacck tsleepm," he drolled, too useless for my sake.

"No, I'm serious! I know I heard something!" I pressed, shaking him more so he wouldn't fall back asleep.

And there it was again. I knew he heard it too, this time. We both tensed up.

"Shit, man, what is that?" Now I knew he was awake.

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know," I squeaked, trying my best not to be a sissy and start crying on the spot.

"Hey, dude, wake up," I heard Theo bump someone on the head.

I think it was Mel.

"Somemoree desserrtt in Orlandoo..." Yup. Definitely Mel.

"Mel, shut up, we heard something, wake up," Theo urged him, clearly as freaked out as I was.

And we heard it again. The rustling.

"See?! Didn't you hear that?!" I inquired, trying not to lose my shit.

"Fuck," was his only response.

Then I heard what I think was him unzipping his sleeping bag very carefully before grabbing something heavy and metallic. A flashlight.

"You guys stay here, I'll go check it out," he decided.

"Are you crazy?!" I nearly shrieked, "If there's a bear out there, you're gonna die!"

"Fine. Theo, you come with me. Charlotte, you stay here."

"Hey, that's not fair!"

After all, I wasn't gonna let my friends die on my watch. But they wouldn't leave unless I promised them I'd stay, so after I was sure they were a few steps ahead, I sprang right up and followed the sound of their footsteps.

I can be stealthy sometimes.

The scary noises from before were getting closer and I could tell the two in front of me were pretty spooked.

"Hey, man, if this is the end... Well, you're a pretty good guy," I heard Mel speak almost inaudibly.

"You too, dude, you too..." came Theo's voice.

The sounds were nearly in front of us now and I heard the two count to three under their breath.

"One..."

"Two..."

"Three!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

The next few seconds are kind of a blur of flashlights, screaming and heartattacks.

Mel shone the bright light directly onto a guilty/terrified Judah, who had cheese dust covering the rims of his mouth and his fingertips.

Mel screamed. And Theo screamed. And Judah screamed. So I screamed.

Then they all screamed because none of them had known I was there all along.

There was a lot of screaming.

This, of course, must've woken up the others, because there were a whole lotta footsteps and yelling that followed.

"What's going on? Is anyone hurt?!" Louise tried to make out the rest of our figures in the dark.

"No, your idiot boyfriend just gave us the scare of a lifetime," Melvin spoke bitterly, shoving said boy towards the others.

"What were you doing up anyway?" Theo asked, perplexed.

"I just, uh... got hungry?" he scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah, likely excuse," Mel's eyes wandered over to where I stood.

"And you, missy! I thought I told you to stay!" he shouted, not very pleased.

"Hey! You can't honestly expect me to leave my best friends to the hands of death, could you?!" I retorted, wrapping my sweater tighter around me as I just began to notice the cold.

"Guys, why don't we leave all this arguing for the morning, shall we?" Gabby reasoned, covering an oncoming yawn.

"Agreed," mumbled Sam, who still seemed to be half asleep.

So as the eight of us walked back to camp, I heard Mel and Theo trail off behind us.

"Hey... Did you really mean what you said back there...?" Theo's timid voice spoke up.

"Fuck no."

"Thought so."

And the two continued walking.

Needless to say, our little midnight excursion caused us to cut the trip short, seeing as half of us were too scared to spend another night in any proximity of the woods.

But that wasn't the last of our crazy adventures.

..........

Hey guys! If you made it all the way to the end, I commend you :) I'm not exactly pleased with the ending but that's okay. It was still a helluva lotta fun to write, I can promise you that ;)

Please let me know your thoughts and if you'd ever like for me to write something like this again!

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

The Daily Struggle

Hiya!!! This poem's written in a bit of a different... style, so to speak. Let's just say work today inspired this piece :)

..........

The Daily Struggle

by: Maya Wilson

I made friends with a wasp today.

There she was—flitting and buzzing about

In all her red and yellow glory...

Nah, I'm just kidding.

That motherfucker stung me, and she stung me good.

You could say I was squirming and writhing in agony or whatever,

but you'd be forgetting an entire half of the story.

You see, upon feeling the deadly thing's stinger,

I clocked that bitch right where it hurt

(Or basically all of her, if you wanna get technical.)

I guess I should've run away or something smart like that,

But you know me.

Cold-blooded ho. That's right.

My swing only seemed to piss her off more,

So she made a bee-line—or should I say "wasp-line"—

Towards me, ready to sting with her butt again.

Goddamn, not even Kim K's ass is glorified as much.

We circled around each other for a bit, each eager to strike

When the fuckin' thing attacked me a second time,

But you best believe I was ready.

I smacked that wasp with a flipflop and down it went.

Mission accomplished.

For those of you wondering whether all this really happened or not,

Of course it fucking didn't. And if you believed me even for a second,

You're a dumbass.

Carpe Diem.

..........

The lovely inspiration I find at work, oh it's just joyous...

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya