Little Girl in Magenta

Surprise surprise, this new job of mine gives me a lot of free time so I've had time to write more than I usually do. Again, this poem is based on a little someone I met yesterday who made my heart smile :)

..........

Little Girl in Magenta

by: Maya Wilson

There I stood, off to the side,

Minding my own business

When I felt a pair of eyes

Looking right at me.

Slightly alarmed, I shuffled back,

Allowed a gentle smile and found

A little girl, no older than six.

She was dear, she was,

Too young for judgement, too young for reserve.

The girl wore a little frilled shirt. Magenta.

It suited her well.

Only after an attempt to say hello did I learn

The little girl was mute.

She stared at me through big, brown eyes,

And a tiny, brown hand peeked out at her side and

Waved at me.

She made some sort of silent giggle,

Letting her beaded braids jingle back and forth.

I smiled at her all the while, happy to know

Laughter is still contagious.

When I finally left, I made sure to

Wave back.

..........

And there you have it. I never got the chance to learn the cutie's name but I'm sure I'll see her around in the next couple of weeks. She was absolutely charming.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

First Day's Work

Inspired by my very first official day of "work."

..........

First Day's Work

by: Maya Wilson

Stranger danger. Toyota.

Pink blouse. Awkward silence.

Cool music. Panorama.

Motorbikes. Dirt roads.

Creepy stares. Toothy grins.

Introductions. Desk chair.

Bathroom. More stares.

Soccer tournament. Car.

Second stranger danger. Tony.

Ubers. Tomatos. Eggplant.

Medical unit. Ray Bans.

Lay's Potato Chips. Spoons.

Lots of spoons. Babygirl named

Rain. Needles. Shots. Medicine.

Water. Plastic cups. Styrofoam.

Gross. Stacking. Lines. Babies.

French. Fights. Creole. Car rides.

Hard-to-pronounce names.

Sleepy. Bumps. Pain. Salami.

Peanuts. Juice box. Rain storm.

Poetry. Theatre. Ideas. Baby boy.

Soaking wet. Jorgie. Mosquitos.

Malnutrition. Pink computers. Hot water.

Sunglasses. Yellow banana shirt. Braids.

Screaming. Mute girl. Crushes. Bruises.

Butterflies. Naked Barbie dolls. Kites.

Thick thighs. Torn nails. Childish laughter.

Olga. Green eyes. Shut doors. Packing up.

Relief. Goodbyes. See you laters.

Pickup truck.

..........

Y'all must be thinking "What the hell kind of a random list of words am I seeing here?" and I don't blame you for that. Looking at it now, all these words out of context don't seem to have any meaning, but I can assure you, they do. And that's how my first day at work went. I am beyond exhausted.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Midnight Blues

Hiya fellow surfers of the interwebs. Fancy seeing you here on such a fine... early morning... I guess?

Who am I kidding? Y'all are hopefully all sound asleep by now and thank goodness for that because you humans need your beauty sleep.

Not that you need any more gorgeousness than you already have, but you know what I mean. Just take the damn advice and roll with it.

See, I wish I could tell you all I've woken up in the middle of the night with some epic epiphany that I desperately had to share with you or that I've been up for hours deciphering life's complexities or something useful like that, but to tell the honest truth, all I've been doing is watch movie trailers on YouTube and look at the Top 10 Best Auditions for America's Got Talent or some show of that ilk. My dear friends, let me tell you I am consistently amazed at how many brilliantly talented, undiscovered artists there are out there. It's scary.

Anyhow, I got to thinking (which 50% of the time is never a good thing). I realized how long it's been since I've been able to accomplish something or perform something I'm super proud of. It may just be my theatre geekiness or my intrigue for the limelight or who knows, but my point is I fucking miss being able to stand in front of a crowd and being able to absolutely blow them away. I miss the sheer thrill of it all. How raw a performance can be if permitted. How an orchestra just elevates the adrenaline. How toe-tapping and knee-jitters are completely inevitable. I miss being so vulnerable yet so prepared—nervous, yet unafraid.

Goddamn, I miss being proud of something. Lately, I've found myself chickening out of a lot of things and maybe that's just the psychological rollercoaster that goes down once you're thrown into the deathly grip of the college process. The whole "What if" mentality gets old real fast, but bad habits die hard, and goodness me, my "What if" syndrome is out of control.

What if my grades aren't good enough? What if I'm not smart enough? What if I'm not ethnic enough? What if I'm not courageous enough? What if I'm not talented enough? What if I'm not "their type"? What if I disappoint? What if I let someone down? What if I'm not wealthy enough? What if I'm too boring? Too young? Too fake? Too immature? What if I make the wrong impression? What if they're better than me? What if I suck? What if I sound completely uneducated? What if I'm ignorant? What if I don't make friends? What if my anxiety flares up? What if I have a panic attack? What if all my friends reject me? What if my old friends forget me? What if what if what if what if I stop breathing? What if what if what if I don't know what to say? I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know

And that's just a small sample of what swims around in my brain most of the day, but usually just late at night. Either way, as much as I kinda dread having to face school and people again, I'm sort of excited to get started with a couple of things, like EHX for instance. It'll be weird because none of my old peeps will be there don't cry don't cry don't cry but nonetheless, I'm sure it'll still be a new and exciting experience. I'm also anticipating/dreading the announcement of the Fall Play because sheesh, it could either be flippin amazing or something pulled outta the hell hole like Wild Oats.

I'm already keeping my fingers crossed for a few surprise visits from the ol' grads because it would mean a heck of a lot to me and plus, surprises of that kind are super awesome and I miss you *hint hint*

I'm also going on a whole bunch of college visits soon and again, it's all sorta one big blur of super duper exciting and holy shit I'm gonna puke. No lie. But most of the schools I'm looking at have fabtastic theater programs and good Lord am I ready to have a real drama program (no offense to the Abbey and all its wonderful players.)

I feel like I've just been rambling here mainly because I feel a wee bit lonely and hormones are a bitch and agh who knows?

OO WAIT BEFORE I FORGET I JUST SAW THE NEW GHOSTBUSTERS AND IT WAS FANTASTIC SO PLEASE GO WATCH IT WHILE IT'S STILL IN THEATERS BECAUSE THOSE WOMEN KICK ASS AND IT IS SO IMPORTANT FOR GIRLS TO HAVE BADASS ROLE MODELS AND IN ORDER FOR THAT TO HAPPEN THE MEDIA HAS TO CATCH WIND OF GOOD REVIEWS SO PLEASE GO GO GO GO WATCH IT

(also, I happen to have a super mega crush on Kate McKinnon who plays Jillian Holtzmann and one may say I've fallen deeply in love with her nerdiness, dorkiness, and badassery *insert heart eyes here*)

I've also had a recent obsession with the musical Waitress because basically, Sara Bareilles is a genius and that's about all I can say about that.

I should probably wrap this up somehow... Oh whale, people. Go watch some good movies, dance to good music, eat some good fruit, and drink enough water. Take care of yourselves please and thank you. Maya would appreciate it <3

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Wishful Thinking

Hey guys.

Sorry if I left you unnerved with the last post... I wasn't really feeling the world at the time. It's a continuous struggle but I promise I'm working on it.

Anyway, lately I've been SUPER busy, and by busy I mean I meant to write this post last week but I haven't been able to because school and other things and aghhhh

My apologies.

Wild Oats came and went. It was one hell of a show. Take that as you will.

I gave my APUSH paper in and my heart felt about a thousand pounds lighter.

..........

Aaaaaaaannnnnnddddd that was all written a solid month and a half ago. Again, my deepest apologies.

Things have been flowing pretty quickly around here lately. I don't even know if that's a good or a bad thing, to be honest.

Graduation passed and I didn't shed a single tear, oddly enough. The bro's graduation passed and I didn't feel any drastic change in emotion either.

Then I stayed at CJS's house the night before we left for Ireland and that was a blast.

Ireland and England were both incredible but I'll probably leave that for a later post.

I only ever cried after our plane landed back in Boston after the two weeks. CJS can testify. I left his shoulder lookin pretty gross in a mixture of snot and tears. God bless his kind and patient soul.

It's kinda frustrating because honestly, if I had written this post just a couple weeks earlier, I probably would've written about very different things... That being said, my overlying emotion remains the same as it did a couple weeks ago: extreme flipflopiness and hoping that somehow, everything will turn out okay.

I guess you could say it's sorta worked out so far. I mean, here I am, very much alive and still writing (even though it's been five million years and I apologize about that.) Either way, the last few weeks, however uneventful, have been kind of a whirr of emotion and emotionlessness.

I'm probably not making any sense and for that, I apologize. It's just been kinda odd.

I don't even know what I'm saying.

Ugh.

I guess I'm trying to say that I miss you all and every time I'm reminded that I won't be able to see your smiling, goofy faces when I return to school, I dissolve into a puddle of tears and then the frantic thoughts of you possibly forgetting me just take over everything else and it gets really hard to think and then it gets hard to breathe but I'm getting way ahead of myself.

Pull it together, woman.

On top of that, matters with my parents have been confusing and overwhelming and just a straight up mess, if you ask me. We're fine. I mean, we're not, but we're managing.

Let's see... What else deserves an update?

Oh! Well, I am still recovering from the surgery I had on Tuesday and that's a strugglebus and a half :P For those of you who know and who've been super supportive, I cannot thank you enough for what lovely distractions you've been. For those of you who don't, some questions are better left unanswered. Trust me on this one.

I guess you could also say I'm officially transitioning into senior territory, what with college tours and interviews and whatnot. It's weird; it's somewhat exhilarating and impossibly terrifying at the same time. I'm just hoping for the best.

Along with that, I was majorly disappointed lately because of reasons and that led to lots and lots and LOTS of self doubt, so I just wanted to take a moment to thank all of you who gave me a frank chat about it and turned my head around for me. You know who you are. I love you <3

OOOOO ALSO I SAW THE MOVIE Me Before You AND IT REDUCED ME TO LITERAL TEARS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET, GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO WATCH THAT BEAUTIFUL CREATION OF CINEMATOGRAPHY I AM OBSESSED

I don't know what just came over me, my deepest apologies.

But seriously. Go watch it. That wasn't a suggestion.

Oh, and also Finding Dory. I've been waiting for that movie for the better half of my life and though I was a teeny tiny bit let down, one cannot deny its complete adorability. Baby Dory is officially the cutest fucking thing I've ever laid eyes on.

I'm trying to write more. Honestly, I am. I'll try and post more often if I can, I'm just hoping I don't get too wrapped up in my head...

Everything will be okay. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be all right.

Right?

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: My brothers and I have been binge watching Fresh Prince and That 70's Show and Arrested Development and I have never been more proud of being a couch potato.