Another Year Over

Hello lovelies! So I'm gonna be my ol' lazy self and conjure up the same questions I did a mere two years ago. Nonetheless, here's 2016 in a nutshell.

1. What did you do in 2016 that you'd never done before?

Hmm. Well, I visited some foreign countries with some of my best pals. Y'all know what I'm talking about ;) Ummmm my romantic endeavors developed a bit more, I guess? Let's see... I also applied for college, yippeeee (please kill me). And I went back to the Abbey knowing none of my best buds would be there when I got back :)

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Well, let's just say I tried my darndest. But 2016 was a hell of a year, folks, and not necessarily in a good way... I'm honestly just hoping 2017 doesn't kill me.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Okay, straight up, EVERYONE I KNOW is having babies. Right and left, I see posts of newborns and baby onesies and pacifiers and holy shit guys we're getting old.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My poor, poor Luc. I know we weren't exactly close but what I'd give to see him smile one more time. My heart also broke with the loss of two very good pups, Lola and Lucy. You were so good. My heart goes out to all those who suffered a loss <3

5. What countries did you visit?

I WENT TO THE COUNTRY OF WHISKEY AND LOVE (Legally Blonde peeps will understand my reference) and I also got to visit lovely bubbly England. Honestly, I could go on and on and on about that trip but I'll spare you the details.

6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?

Jesus, Maya, be KIND to yourself for once. 

7. What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

January 17th. Semi with CJS <3
February 7th. Berklee 2k16.
February 22nd. The Addam's Family.
March 21st. All State.
March 22nd. First real kiss with my first real boyfriend.
May 8th. Junior Prom with CJS <3
May 29th. My nearest and dearest graduate from the Abbey.
June 4th. The big bro's graduation.
June 6th. Off to Ireland, muthafuckas.
June 17th. Warner Bros Studios calls for many tears.
June 26th. Hardest goodbye I've ever had to do.
June 28th. Cut off my locks.
July 12th. Surgery from hell.
August 9th. We'll always remember you, Lucas.
August 22nd. Visit homedog at Trinity Church.
September 13th. First day of Senior Year.
November 8th. The day my whole world fell apart.
November 11th. The Diary of Anne Frank changes lives.
December 14th. The bro turns a total of two decades old.
December 30th. I apply to college.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Okay, so you might laugh, but honestly surviving Junior Year at the Abbey was a feat within itself. All those who've been through it will understand. I never thought it'd be possible to get through APUSH, but here I am, alive (barely). Oh! And probably applying for college in the span of two days.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I somehow just keep beating myself up. I seriously need to stop that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Whale, let's see. There was that time I had a knot in my shoulder the size of Ecuador that lasted a total of three months. There was also that time I got surgery. Oh and all those panic attacks I got for no damn reason. But hey, what can you do.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

OHMYGOSH so I have become a gift giving GURU!!! I'm particularly proud of the Christmas presents I bought people this year, which unfortunately folks, must not be revealed, cuz some of them I haven't given yet :) However, I am EXTREMELY pleased with CJS's gifts and if you know him well, you'll understand why they were perfect: a mug that says "Go away. I'm reading." and a pair of socks with different kinds of cheese drawn all over them. I am quite pleased with that choice.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Okay, not to sound like a cheesy loser, but goodness gracious, Conor has been my rock. Through it all, he's been there and he's listened and he's hugged me when I couldn't handle the world or when I was just being hormonal and I miss him so freaking much it hurts.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled?

Um. Our president elect. But that's no big deal. It doesn't affect me. Whatsoever.

*smiles while stabbing self in a cave*

14. Where did most of your money go?

Are you fucking kidding me? With college tuition coming up, that shit is staying SAVED.

15. What did you get really, really excited about?

MY TRIP TO EUROPE WITH THE PEEPS!!! That alone would suffice, but no. Papa Kerr had to bring us to my favorite place in the entire world and that place was Warner Brothers Studios where I watched my dreams come true.

16. What song will always remind you of 2016?

You've got to be kidding me.

Let It Go by James Bay
Someone New by Hozier
Ex's and Oh's by Elle King
Adventure of a Lifetime by Coldplay
Irresistible by Fall Out Boy
LA Devotee by Panic! At The Disco
Victorious by Panic! At The Disco
Send My Love (To Your New Lover) by Adele
Hold Back The River by James Bay
Into You by Ariana Grande
Cheap Thrills by Sia
Love Me by The 1975
One Dance by Drake
Ophelia by The Lumineers
Heathens by Twenty One Pilots
Can't Stop The Feeling by Justin Timberlake
Pity Party by Melanie Martinez
She Used To Be Mine by Sara Bareilles
The Sound by The 1975
Don't Let Me Down by The Chainsmokers
Red Dress by MAGIC!
I Took A Pill In Ibiza by Mike Posner
This Is What You Came For by Rihanna
Ride by Twenty One Pilots
Omen by Sam Smith
Sweatpants by Childish Gambino
Got My Mind Set On You by George Harrison
Sugar by Robin Schulz
Move To The Ocean by Brick + Mortar
Renegades by X Ambassadors
Home by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
Hair by Little Mix
Close by Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo
Shiksa Goddess by Jeremy Jordan (The Last Five Years)
Better When I'm Dancin' by Meghan Trainor
America's Sweetheart by Elle King
Woah Woah Woah by WATSKY!
What The Heck I Gotta Do by Lin-Manuel Miranda
Now and Later by Sage The Gemini
This Girl by Kungs vs Cookin' On 3 Burners
Someday by The Strokes
Diggy by Spencer Ludwig
2 Heads by Coleman Hell
Omigod You Guys by The Legally Blonde Cast
How Far I'll Go by Auli'i Carvalho
Cake By The Ocean by DNCE
i hate u, i love u by gnash ft. Olivia O'Brien
The Hills by The Weeknd
Here by Alessia Cara
Hasta El Amanecer by Nicky Jam
Steady As You Go by Tiz McNamara
La Bicicleta by Carlos Vives ft. Shakira
Mess Is Mine by Vance Joy
Chivalry Is Dead by Trevor Wesley
This Town by Niall Horan
That's My Girl by Fifth Harmony
Bad Things by Machine Gun Kelly ft Camila Cabello
Too Good by Drake ft Rihanna
Juju On That Beat by Zay Hilfigerrr and Zayion McCall
Electric Feel by MGMT
I Believe by Spring Awakening Cast
Starboy by The Weeknd
24K Magic by Bruno Mars
I Don't Wanna Live Forever by ZAYN ft Taylor Swift
Side To Side by Ariana Grande ft Nicki Minaj
Closer by The Chainsmokers ft Halsey

Just to name a few. Have fun listening to that playlist... ;)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

(a) Maybe not happier, but definitely more at peace
(b) I mean... when was the last time I've been in shape?
(c) Richer in life experiences, to put it that way

18. What do you wish you had done more of?

Appreciate the time you have left. It's slips away before you know it. Also, you need to learn how to breathe.

19. What do you wish you had done less of?

Kid, let things go. Troubles pass. Life goes on. People still love you.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

With the fambam in Vermont :) :) :)

21. Did you fall in love in 2016?

Absofruitly. Although, technically I was already in love with him...?

22. What was your favorite TV program?

STRANGER THINGS ALL THE WAY. I FREAKING LOVE THOSE CHILLUNS LIKE MY OWN.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I never thought I could hate so many people in positions of power at once. But I now realize it is entirely possible.

24. What was the best book you read?

The Catholic Mass for Dummies :)

Jk jk, my Schola buddies will understand.

Lamb by Christopher Moore. Courtesy of the bae himself <3 It is a MUST read.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Possibly James Bay? OH and The 1975 (THANK YOU CAELLUM AND SHELBY).

If we're talking musical theatre tho, please go listen to the Waitress soundtrack as well as The Last Five Years soundtrack (Thanks T). Holy shit, they're gold. And maybe while you're at it, go check out Legally Blonde ;)

26. What did you want and get?

Romantic success. A way less stressful schedule for senior year. The musical lead.

27. What did you want and not get?

Certainty. Sanity. Serenity.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Ohmygod there were so MANY:

Ghostbusters
Suicide Squad
The Legend of Tarzan
The Secret Life of Pets
Me Before You
Zootopia
Deadpool
Sing Street
The Jungle Book
Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them
Moana
Collateral Beauty

29. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Hmm. Well being a senior doesn't hurt.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?

Uhhhh well, it depends on the day??? Somedays, I look awesome blossom fabulous fantastic. Others... not so much. Let's say my go-to are my overalls and beat-up red converse. Take that as you will.

31. What kept you sane?

Honestly, Zoella never failed to make me smile. CJS, you too, love. My snuggle sessions with Amanda and Riley and Megan helped a lot of bad days, so thank you for those too. Oh, and Prozac. Yay drugs.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Okay so I never realized how fucking attracted I was to Kate McKinnon until Ghostbusters. Oh, and Jeremy Jordan is a GOD. I don't think I ever won't be in love with Scarlett Johansson. Oh oH OH how I've fallen in love with Jessie Mueller and Laura Bell-Bundy. They are both so incredibly talented and I just want to be them. Also I'd love to be/do Margot Robbie. But it's fine. Emma Watson goes without saying.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

There were too many to count but I'm gonna say November 8th really broke my heart and many others.

34. Who did you miss?

My parents. My college peeps. Suki </3

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016.

It's okay not to have all the answers. It's okay to want attention. It's okay to need loving. It's okay to want to be cradled and held and cared for when the whole world is out of whack. Some things happen for the best. Things sort themselves out. Love unconditionally. Love with your whole being. They'll thank you eventually.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love,
Sometimes two homes are better than one.
Some things you can't tell your sister 'cuz she's still too young,
Yeah you'll understand
When you love someone."

"When You Love Someone" by James TW

There ya go, folks.

I love you all. See ya on the other side :)

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya 

Suicide Call

I apologize for the alarming title. I can assure you—I am okay, my people are okay, things are okay. Please don't freak out.

I only wanted to share with you all a little thingy I wrote. Whether you know it or not, I  partake in Bray-Bray's Drama Workshop class which constitutes of eight students: a total of seven freshmen... plus me. It's interesting to say the least. I mean, hey—at least we don't have exams!

Anyway, our latest assignment was to write our very own two-person scene based on a current issue plaguing society. The kiddos went about declaring their issue one by one. Some opted for bullying, one kid mentioned domestic abuse, another brought up rape, one girl called out infertility, you name it... At the time we were studying the musical Rent (written by the late yet glorious Jonathan Larson) and discussed how it fed off a viral issue of its time: AIDS. Anyhow, I'm getting sidetracked here... I ended up choosing the topic of teen suicide for a variety of reasons.

It just really hit close to home. As an aspiring writer, I knew this was something I could write about and write about well. Not just because conjuring troubled characters comes easily to me, but because I've been on both ends of the situation. I know how the story goes, and it's never a pretty one. I have to say that I am quite proud of this piece, no matter how sad, so please don't take it as all tragedy. Please, please take this as a warning sign or even as the universe telling you to go find help. Just... please know that you are loved. You are so loved. I love you. I truly do.

That being said, it's my responsibility to warn you that the following scene may contain triggering content. You know your limits. If you don't think it wise to continue reading, please don't. It's important to take care of yourself first <3

..........

(Sam, a seventeen-year-old senior in high school sprawls out under her bed in her room. Tears decorate her features. She’s been crying for quite some time. She fiddles with an orange pill bottle in one hand. Her room is a disaster—dirty laundry strewn everywhere, forgotten homework, overturned picture frames, bedding on the floor. The alarm clock on her bedside table reads 10:43pm. Sam wipes her nose on her arm and hesitates before scrambling out from under her bed, collecting her red rotary phone. She dives back under the bed, looking like a small, frightened child.)

(The phone rings twice before lights go up on the opposite side of the stage. CJ, a slightly nerdy yet sweet young man picks up the blue rotary phone from his bedside table and sits criss-cross on top of his navy blue sheets. He wears a superhero sweatshirt, dark jeans and red converse. His room is tidy—everything in its place. Posters from various indie bands decorate his walls. He has yet to recognize Sam’s fatal mistake.)

CJ: Hello?

Sam: (sniffles) …Hey.

CJ: Sam? Is that you?

Sam: (unintelligibly) Mhmm. (pause) Ceej… I did sumthin’ bad…

CJ: (suspicious) Sam? What are you on about? What do you mean something bad? What happened? Are you okay?

(Sam starts to cry and whimper into the phone)

CJ: (alarmed) Sammy, what’s going on?

Sam: (mumbled, incoherent speech) I want it ta go ‘way, Ceejayy… All of it, I just *hic* I can’t do this any *hic* more!

(Spotlights center on each. All else is dimmed out. Both teens rake their hands through their hair fervently, in distress.)

CJ: Sammy, c’mon talk to me. It’s just me. You’re all right. Talk to me, please.

Sam: (quietly) …I (pause) I kept thuh stash.

CJ: Stash? What stash?

(Sam whimpers and realization dawns on CJ. He sits on the edge of his bed.)

CJ: Oh my fucking God, Sam, you promised you would throw those out!

Sam: (hysterical) I wanted to, Ceej! I wanted to, but the voices—they wouldn’t stop! And… And I had to do something! They just—they kept coming ba *hic* ck.

CJ: (serious and solemn) Sam, did you open them?

(Sam remains silent, staring at the pill bottle in her hands.)

CJ: (more agitated) Sam, how many did you have?

Sam: (weakly) I… I only had four…

CJ: (Gets up and kicks a wall) Goddammit, Sam! Any more and you’d be dead right now!

Sam: But that’s the whole p-point! I dunno how to feel anymore, I… (racking sobs heave through her body) My heart, Ceej, my heart! It hurts, it hurts so b-bad and I just—Ceejay I don’t wanna d-die, I just don’t wanna hurt anymore… I…

(Sam is speaking deliriously at this point and CJ realizes he needs to keep calm. He sighs and sits back down on his bed.)

CJ: (softly) It’s okay, Sam.

(Silence except for Sam’s staggered breathing.)

Sam: Maybe I should just do it.

CJ: What?

Sam: (more calm and collected, but emotionally spent) It wouldn’t matter anyway… Graduation’s in three months and I got rejected from all seven schools, Ceej. Nobody fucking wants me. Not one damn college wants me. My GPA’s in the dump, the only extracurricular I got is photography; I’m useless at sports… There’s no way I’m spending all of next year as a babysitter and my mom’s threatening to take my camera away, Ceej—my camera!

CJ: (He runs his hand through his hair, not knowing what to say) Sam, you gotta believe me, it’ll get better.

(Sam scoffs and shuts her eyes tightly. She starts bumping her head on the frame of her bed, softly at first but increasing the intensity as CJ speaks.)

CJ: Listen, you could… You could always come live here? My parents don’t mind you at all. Besides, they’ve known you since you were nine, it’s not like you’re some stranger, yaknow? C’mon, there are ways out of this, Sammy; it doesn’t all have to go to shit.

Sam: (Eyes still shut, tears leak out onto her face.) How d’you know that it won’t?

CJ: (pause) …Well, I don’t. But you’ve gotta believe me on this one, Sammy. Can you do that for me?

(He clenches and unclenches a fist over his jeans nervously, waiting for a response.)

Sam: (eyeing the pill bottle once again) Hey, Ceej?

CJ: Yeah?

Sam: If I die, will you write my eulogy?

CJ: (as if talking to a small animal) No, Sam, because you’re staying right here with me. Okay?

Sam: But what if?

CJ: (sighs, trying to please her) Of course.

(Sam slowly crawls back out from under her bed, finally sitting on top of her bed. She lies down with the phone next to her pillow. Oddly, she seems a lot calmer than she was before. CJ takes this as a good thing.)

Sam: Ceejay, tell me a story.

CJ: A story? Oh, um… Okay. (clears his throat) Well, once there was this kid named Clementine.

Sam: (slightly teasing) That’s a dumb name.

CJ: (smiling) Shut up, it’s my story. You see, Clementine didn’t have a lotta friends so his mom forced him to go to summer camp. He was really scared he wasn’t gonna be able to make friends and that the whole thing was gonna be a disaster.

(Sam listens while slowly uncapping the lid to the pill bottle.)

CJ: But on the very first day, a girl with a ladybug backpack came up to him and asked him if he knew any good jokes. Clementine said no, so the girl told him one of her own. She then introduced herself as Samantha.

Sam: Jeez, you’re really bad at naming your characters.

CJ: (indignantly) Are you gonna let me finish or not? (pause) Okay. So. Clementine and Samantha proceeded to create a new handshake and declared each other best friends.

(Sam spills the contents of the bottle into the palm of her hand. Tears well in her eyes. She pops a singular pill into her mouth.)

Sam: (chuckles, trying to seem at ease.) Hey, that handshake was sick. I wish I remembered how it went…

CJ: Well, I happen to remember it perfectly. I could show it to you next time I head north, okay?

Sam: (That strikes a chord in her. She speaks through tight lips.) Mhmm.

(Sam pops another pill.)

CJ: (laughs) Good. Now, where was I? …Ah, yes! The infamous handshake! Ohmygod, remember when we tried to do it over a mud puddle? And then you tripped me and I fell in? I couldn’t get those stains out for weeks!...

(Sam is sobbing in silence at this point. She stares at her hand before dumping the rest of the contents into her mouth. She pulls her knees up to her chest and fumbles with her alligator socks, once again wiping her nose on her arm.)

(Lights fade on both. Spotlight on the alarm clock. Now reads 12:07am. Lights come back up only on CJ. CJ has discarded his sweatshirt and is babbling happily into the phone when he realizes he’s been the only one speaking for a while.)

CJ: Hey, Sam, you still there? (pause) Sammy?

(Lights go up on Sam. She’s cocooned in one corner of her bed. She doesn’t appear to be breathing. The red rotary phone is hanging by a cord on the floor.)

(Blackout. Sounds of sirens in the distance.)

The End

..........

I love you I love you I love you

Hasta la proxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Holiday Refresher

Hello darlings. Forgive the long wait. Things have been crazy hectic but I promise you I have my reasons. I thought you all deserved an update on my shenanigans so here it is!

Let's see, let's see... Well. I left you off at Thanksgiving, yes?

Alrighty. It turns out that I auditioned for All State for the second year in a row on the first day of vacation aaaaaaaaaaaaand I GOT IN! Which was honestly a surprise to me seeing as I absolutely recked my audition (and not in the good way...) and ON TOP OF THAT they do this little thing called ranking for each vocal part (I'm a soprano) and last year I got ranked #17 in the state. But for some reason I HAVE YET TO UNDERSTAND, this year I got ranked #6 in the ENTIRE STATE OF RHODE ISLAND.

So. That happened. You can tell I'm obviously not excited about it whatsoever :)

I'm also gonna be in the Treble Choir (all female) this year and I'm definitely looking forward to that. It'll be... interesting, seeing as last year I was in the mixed choir.

ANYWHO. I spent an absolutely LOVELY vacation in Vermont with my nearest and dearest <3 I got them to watch Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them and oh my lord, I'm just gonna stop right there cuz otherwise I'm just gonna keep going and going and going about that beautiful piece of art.

Since I had to return early with YD and my dorm wasn't open yet, I had to stay the night at RISD with the bro and his roommate, Nevin. Not gonna lie, I was a tad skeptical at first because scary college dorm with scary artsy college kids but OHMYGOD IT WAS SO FREAKING FUN. It was honestly like a big kid sleepover and we ended up talking 'til 2am. It was far more enjoyable than my stricter dorm life back at school. I am beyond ready for college.

Next big thing, let's see... Ah, well, the first day back always marks the first day of auditions for the Winter Musical and this year it happens to be... *drumroll please*...

Legally Blonde.

I know.

Wild.

Smidgen lighter than Anne Frank.

At first, none of us were particularly excited about the prospect of having to only look at pink for the next three months, let alone have to act like valley girl sorority sisters 24/7, but I will tell you the idea grew on us. We were definitely in need of a change.

The audition process was perhaps the longest the Abbey's ever had. Two days of auditions but on the second day, we stayed for a total of five hours. Five entire hours. It was rough to say the least.

AND it might've been the longest time Bray-Bray decided to let us wait before he put up the cast list. Wasn't until 12:42pm that I received that email. You can imagine how I slept the night before.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that I will be playing the next Elle Woods, and yes, I will be dyeing my hair blonde.

But that's a whole other matter of discussion.

Rehearsals have been quite long and fatiguing but that much is expected.

What else am I missing? Hmm. Well the past two weeks have been a tad stressful for a number of reasons but I don't think I'll go into that. Besides, I only have four more days of school before holiday break, so things are looking up for me.

Oh! I spent a total of five hours yesterday working with Emmalene and a few others on holiday cards for homeless veterans. If anything, I felt like I was definitely contributing some kind of good in the world. Granted, my artistic skills are extremely rusty so some of them I'm afraid ended up looking like Kindergartner's work. HOWEVER, the ones I actually spent hours doing looked a lot more lovely and I do not consider my time at all wasted. I would be happy to do it again sometime :)

TOMORROW IS MY DORM'S XMAS PARTY AND WE'RE DOING SECRET SANTA AND I'M SO EXCITED AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and I'm also lowkey excited to give my friends their Christmas gifts because holy shit I'm so good at that.

I have three tests between now and Thursday. Pray for me so I don't die.

Ummmmmmmm.

OHMYGOD SO IT SNOWED LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT ACTUALLY STUCK TO THE GROUND AND EVERYTHING LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL AND PRISTINE AND IT WAS OFFICIALLY A WINTER WONDERLAND AND NOBODY WILL TELL ME ANY DIFFERENT.

not even the rain that washed it away this morning.

I'm really looking forward to this holiday because God knows we all need it.

I think that's about all I can remember, folks.

Best of luck to all of you taking exams and writing stressful papers and auditioning and performing and the like. I believe in you all. You can do it!!!

For some odd reason, I've been feeling a lotta feels lately and I kinda feel like spreading the love so my apologies if I'm coming off a bit strong. Not like that's ever stopped me before.

I love you I love you I love you

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Turkey Day List #2

(Just so y'all know, I meant to post this two entire days ago but I'm a lil shit so I didn't)

HIYA MY LOVES <3

On such a lovely bubbly day, I'd like to give my infinite thanks to all the individuals I'm blessed to have in my life. Hold onto your socks cuz this might take a while...

Mami: I know we don't always understand each other but I cannot thank you enough for trying. I love you so so so much and that will never ever change.

Papi: I can't wait to binge watch Gilmore Girls with you over Christmas break :) Thank you for always reminding me to be kind to myself. Please take your own advice once in a while, yeah? I love you to infinity and beyond. I'm sending you hugs.

YD: You're an asshole. But you travel with me and you occasionally try and make sure that I'm okay. Thanks for coming to most of my shows and stuff. It's somewhat appreciated :P I love you and stuff, I guess. *proceeds to push you into a river*

Javi: Please don't get any taller. I'll miss using you as an arm rest cuz currently you're the only person shorter than me, so... I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you in almost two months but please know I love you so so so much and your big sister will always be here to kick the crap out of anyone who dares get in your way.

Suki: You little chicken nugget, you. I miss you more than your tiny brain could ever comprehend.

Future Puppy: Baby, I cannot wait to pick you out and hold you and cuddle you and love you and care for you and goodness gracious, I want you now. Conor says I should name you Genji or Luna. We'll see how that goes ;)

Wilsons/Estrellas/Fishers: You guys give me so much life. You're a wacky group of misfits and I am so honored to be related to you all.

Kerrs: You guys are the real MVPs. Thank you for all that you do for me.

Doires: I can't wait to be back in my room again :3 After all, I am the better daughter (jk jk Claire, please don't kill me, you know I love you).

Brennans: I don't see you enough. I sincerely hope you stay in our lives for a very long time.

Pri: Mujer, ojala pudiera llevarte a UNI conmigo. De verdad que quisiera. Pero ni modo, solo Dios sabe donde quedaremos y espero que nunca te vayas tan lejos. Te necesito <3

CJS: You crazy human, you. You make all my days infinitely more bearable and you make me laugh harder than anyone I know. You've seen me at my worst and at my best. You've kissed me while I was snot-ridden and while I had about five pounds of stage makeup on. You've hugged me in the snow and in the rain. You've held my hand regardless of the season and I am beyond grateful for all the joy and light you bring to my life. I miss our random road trips and walks through the woods and movie marathons and impromptu dinner dates. It's been a fantastic almost two years. I love you, I really do.

Fonts: I know you're not one for sappy words and all that but I think you know how much you mean to me. You're an absolute nuisance but I love you just the same. Please come home soon <3

Claire: Oh, Claire bear, it's been rough with you gone. I know I've been managing and things are mostly okay but if I could have it my way, I'd still have you here with me, jamming to Hamilton in the car and taking long trips to Stop 'n' Shop. If I could, I'd freeze Claire and Maya Week 2k15 and loop it til the end of time. I'd have us sitting on your couch, watching the Tony Awards and singing Frozen songs at the top of our lungs. I'd have us making pancakes and eating popcorn and scrolling through Tumblr while looking at pretty people. If I could, we'd be snuggled up watching Disney movies with hot cocoa or otherwise booking it to the beach with a speaker and five tons of Capri Sun. I miss you so much but I know you're having a blast at college. Please don't you ever forget about me. I'd be lost without you.

Mike: Gosh, where has the time gone? I feel like just yesterday you were helping me out with my problems but oh, how the tables have turned XD I love you, dude. You do some dumb shit. But I still love you. And I'll support you no matter what. I am always here. Even when I'm holding a grudge. I am always here.

Caellum: It wouldn't kill ya to answer a text once in a blue moon, asshole :P Nah, but in all seriousness I understand how life gets. It's messy and uncoordinated and annoying and exhausting and you have your priorities and I completely understand. That being said, I believe in you. I know things gets shitty sometimes, but goddamn do I believe in you. Please don't you ever forget that.

Shelby: Just because we don't always have the time to talk as much as we used to doesn't mean I'm not always thinking of you. I am so blessed to have you in my life because you are such a lovely, wonderful, caring soul and I would not have it any other way. You give me incentive to get up every morning and I still find it so hard to believe that I've only seen you in person a handful of times, yet I feel like I've known you my entire life. I don't mean to sound redundant but it's true. I cannot picture my life without you and I seriously hope I continue to be a part of your life for a very, very long time. Here's to the next time I get to koala you.

Tiernan: Come back to the East Coast, bitch <3

Sophia: If you decided to start a cult, I'd join it. Like, no lie, you are a Goddess in my eyes. I look up to you so much (no pressure) and every time I second guess myself, I imagine you cheering me on. You just ooze encouragement and good vibes and I think we all need more of that in our lives. Please don't forget about me when we get older. You mean too much to me. You inspire me now and forever.

Maeve: I know we don't talk as much anymore, but trust me, I don't think of you any less. I'm constantly stalking your Insta and Snapchat for pics of Luna and Scout because, well... that's self-explanatory. I miss you so much and I cannot wait to hang out and snuggle you because you may give some of the best snuggles on this planet. I love you!!!

Emma: My gorgeous little sister, I am SO glad I got to be there to witness your first year of high school. Having you in my drama class is beyond fun and no offense to everyone else but you're my favorite <3 It's been such a privilege to watch you grow up and I hope I get to stick around in your life long enough to witness the rest. Keep doing you, boo.

Scotty P: Oh, Scott, I could not live without your hugs. Thanks for providing an endless supply and for being a diva and for introducing me to Boris and Simon and for being my new Claire and for driving us to Dunkin' and Chipotle even though you hate us :) Much love, bro.

Megan: WIFE!!! I live for our communal naps and for your glorious hugs. Thank you for going shopping with me and making sure I'm never lonely. You know I have your back and I know you have mine. If I'm ever sad, I just think of you and you make me smile. You best believe I'm gonna Facetime you whenever I can while I'm at college. Get ready cuz it's gonna be lit.

Amanda: You're weird as fuck but thank you for giving me cuddles and for loving me unconditionally and for introducing me to Riley. Kudos for that ;) Oh! And for all the Fifth Harmony spam. And for sending me pics of boobs when I'm sad. BISEXUALS REPRESENT.

Riley: MY BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY thank you for existing. Every time I see you, you make my day instantly better. Thank you for being my big little sister (and practically my mom sometimes). You make my heart smile. BISEXUALS REPRESENT.

Emmalene: It's been four years and I still consider you my magical fairy godmother. It started with just makeup but it's grown into more than that—having you in classes and activities with me over the years has made me addicted to your contagious laugh and always seeking out your hugs and smiles. You are one extraordinary cookie and I am so proud to have you as my friend. Keep dazzling the world with your brilliance ;)

Hannah Banana: BAE!!! As always, I miss my favorite roomie more than ever because my single gets lonely sometimes but I know you always have my back. Your sass gives me life. Thank you for enduring all the Precal with me. I don't know what I'd do without you.

Lucia: Honestly, I have a HUGE friend crush on you, is that bad?

Amber: Tbh, you're like really mean to me sometimes but I don't mind because I know your evil soul can't help it :) I seriously wish we were in the same dorm just so I could see your beautiful face everyday but alas, we can't always get what we want. I better be in your senior page :3

Alasdaire: Okay, real talk, you may be one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever laid eyes on. And that's coming from my super gay side. That being said, you are so sweet to me, sometimes I feel like I don't even deserve your kindness. I could not survive Euro without you, so thank you.

Grace B: I said it freshman year and I stand by it now, you have to be one of the most entertaining people I have ever met. Your constant IDGAF syndrome makes life feel more okay. I could listen to your nerdy biology talks for hours and anyone who dares underestimate your intelligence is a dildo. Please don't ever change.

MegMeg: Thank you for being so kind and for enduring all of Bray Bray's crazy with me. No one will understand the pain like you and me do. Besides, we're kinda the same person, aren't we? XD

Mark: It was an honor acting beside you this fall. You made a lovely husband <3

Young Thuggin': Addison, the day something normal comes out of your mouth will be the day the world turns upside down. Please continue enjoying your communist pizza til the end of time.

Sozanski: You little adorable piece of nerd UGH. As annoying as your know-it-all tendencies may be sometimes, I think we all appreciate the fact that you're literally a walking Encyclopedia. You've grown a lot in the past year but please know I consider you my lil baby child, okay?

Annie: You are kind of bizarre but I couldn't have asked for a better daughter (sorry Amanda). Continue doing your little adorable fairy thing. It suits you.

Marcel: As hard as you try, I'm never gonna date you but I appreciate your determination. Also, watching you try to make Conor jealous is kinda hilarious...

Mr. McCarthy: You seriously do not give a shit, do you? I don't think I could ever ask for a better advisor. Thank you for being a real homie.

Mrs. Bonin: Please don't hate me for not doing my last assignment :) I still love you.

Dr. Bonin: I AM BEGGING YOU PLEASE MAKE SURE I GET INTO COLLEGE PLEASEEE

Ms. Smith: As always, thanks for letting me date your son :) That being said, it's so much fun when we gang up on him (even tho he hates it) and thank you SO much for your infinite generosity. Btw, you're an excellent cook!

Eddie Redmayne: You are SUCH A DUCKING CINNAMON ROLL I COULD EAT YOU UP.

J.K. Rowling: Someday, I hope to be just like you.

Zoe Sugg and Tyler Oakley: As always, thank you for bringing levity to dire situations.

Cinnamon: You precious little kitty cat, I adore you.

Bernie Sanders: It should've been you <3

Mis angeles: No me abandonen, por favor.

Dios mio: Dame fuerza. Dame esperanza. Te necesito, Señor. Dame fe.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Turkey Day List #1

(I am actually the worst. I meant to post this two days ago, my bad.)

I could not be here today if it were not for:

Music: You get me through everything. You let me breathe.

Theatre: The way you tell stories is what keeps this world alive.

Poetry: Thank you for speaking the language of love better than I ever could.

Many thanks to:

Fairy lights: You somehow make everything more magical.

Prozac: For keeping all my screws in place.

Tissues: You've been awfully handy this year.

Books: For letting me escape.

The expression "Yikes on Bikes": You're my new favorite thing.

The Interwebs: You're terrifyingly powerful. I hope people choose you for good over evil.

Water: You're pretty swell. I hope you never disappear. You make everything clean again.

Soft blankets: Somehow, you make the world feel okay.

Pad Thai: I will never understand why you're so good.

Stranger Things: For getting me absolutely addicted to you and all of your talented little people humans.

Anne Frank's Diary: For documenting very real experiences that still apply today and letting us share those stories.

Candles: Well, for one, you smell good. Like, incredibly so. Two, you just make things cooler. 'Nuff said.

Fluffy socks: For keeping my feet warm :)

Showers: I pretend like I don't sing when I take showers... but I totally do.

The Wing: All the countless hours I've sung and laughed and cried down there... I can never repay you.

Snow: EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH COOLER WHEN YOU'RE AROUND. no pun intended


College: You're the only thing providing light at the end of the tunnel. Please just let me feel good enough.

Fantastic Beasts: I haven't been as excited about something in years. Thank you.

Sunsets: For proving that some things can still be inexplicably beautiful.

Tumblr: When the Abbey blocked you, I cried.

Haircuts: It's so easy to reinvent yourself. Thank you for feeling so liberating.

Snapchat: For capturing some of my fondest and most disturbing moments.

AP English: Hands down, one of the coolest classes I've ever taken.

My single: You know what's up.

Netflix: I need to spend less time on you. Whoops.

Strawberries: You're the fuckin' best and nobody can tell me otherwise.

The Pile: Tbh, half my wardrobe comes from you, so... #perksofbeingbroke

Conor's sweatshirt: I'm not entirely sure when I'm gonna give you back.

CJS's Yogibo: You've seen some shit. Thanks for still being super comfy :)

Graduation: You're all that's keeping me going.

Fireplaces: For keeping us cozy and without hypothermia.

Broadway: I will get there someday.

The multiverse: We may never understand you but thanks for, you know, not obliterating us to pieces.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Frankly, I Could Not Be More Proud

Dearest friends:

Some of you may or may not know that yesterday concluded the Abbey Players' fourth and final performance of The Diary of Anne Frank. I wish I could express all my thoughts and feelings into words but I'm afraid no matter what I write, it just will not do us justice.

Our first performance was in front of a very polite group of middle-schoolers and while it felt more like a practice run, it felt good to have the show on its feet. I watched as my newbie thespian friends shook with nerves and held their hands before they climbed onstage. It made me proud, to say the least.

Our second and perhaps most rambunctious crowd came Friday night, when we performed for the entirety of our school, all 400+ students and faculty, alike. It was also filmed that night—which is always a good thing and a bad thing. The crowd is definitely livelier, but that also means some of our lines get cut off or we don't get the proper response on a scene and it just sorta sucks sometimes. However, overall, I can proudly state there was not a dry eye in the house by the end of it.

It amazed me how little faith some people had in our show, whereas I'd been behind it from day one. I was the one who pushed for a drama, and miraculously, Bragan listened. It wasn't until that night that some of my own castmates started to believe in us, too.

We got wonderful reviews, to say the least. Our newcomers received a wave of compliments and our veterans got the usual nod of respect. I dunno. My favorite part has always been the bows. I like clapping and cheering for my friends. I'm always proud of them and all the hard work they do.

Caellum came to surprise me on Friday, too, and I will admit, seeing him felt like a gulp of fresh air. Things felt normal again.

Saturday night rolled around and Conor was out at a soccer game, Caellum was off seeing Claire Bear's show (which was incredible, btw), and my parents were busy elsewhere. I know they would have made it if they could have, but circumstances didn't allow for it, which is okay.

Saturday night felt miles more depressing, though. Maybe the lack of adolescent energy in the audience caused for a more somber tone, but either way, I found myself shedding real tears onstage that night. Not only that, but it seemed like every single other person in the cast had some sort of family member there to support them. I might just be needy, but I felt completely and utterly alone.

The weight of the show and the importance of sharing the story hit me full force. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Sunday, I just felt off. It was the final performance and Papi and YD were coming to see me and I could not wait to see them. But I dunno, something felt wrong. The play kept feeling like a weight at the back of my throat and the second I opened my mouth, I knew only screeching sobs would come out. Conor had to deal with me firsthand that morning before he left for Comic Con. He left me with his Guatemalan Worry Doll, though, so it's okay.

Maybe it was all the depressing music I was listening to or the fact that I had exams coming up or that I hadn't spent real time with my old friends in forever and I just felt so overwhelmingly sad. So much so that I curled into the center of my floor, hugging myself and crying til my throat felt raw. I ended up calling Papi before I had to roll up to my final performance.

Little did I know, Claire Bear would be there to surprise me. It felt good to see my big sister again.

I gave it my all. I focused on my part and pretended like it was the very first time and I focused on telling the story, this absolutely remarkable story of sorrow and despair, but also light and hope. Anne Frank was truly wise beyond her years.

I would have loved to meet her.

This play has taken me on such a rollercoaster ride of emotions, starting even at audition day. We just took apart the set today and I didn't cry during our heartfelt goodbye speeches but now I'm listening to the soundtrack we used throughout each of our scenes and I'm currently sitting in a puddle of my own tears and I never thought a play could mean so much to me and I didn't think a cast would ever get this close and I just

I love them all, I truly do.

I want to hug the world. It's just so sad.

I'm so proud of my cast. They poured their hearts out. I miss them already.

I can't make coherent sentences anymore I apologize.

I don't think I'll be editing this post, so I'm sorry for all the errors. I just needed to get it out there.

The world is so sad and I wish I could make everything better. I want to be good. I just want to be good. I want to love and be loved. I want so badly to just

Ah fuck. Where did all these tears come from

I need the world to learn to love again when did that go away? why did it ever go away? why can't we bring it back?

There's so much blood and hatred and destruction

I just want it all to go away

I just want it all to go

I want it to go

All of it

I want to help. I need to help. Help me help.

I wish I could teach people to love because it's so wonderful it really truly is.

Because there's music and there's art and there's stories and I think people forget.

Hope. Create. Discover. Heal.

Never forget.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: This post started off as one thing and ended up another. I apologize.