Fortune Cookies Update

Tonight was the infamous Chinese food night at the Abbey.

I reached for the first Fortune Cookie I set my eye on.

"Love is around the corner."

Damn. What did I tell you guys? The Cookie is always relevant. And this time, it's damn good :)

Carry on.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: A lot can happen in the span of twelve hours...

Fortune Cookies

For me, Fortune Cookies have always meant so much more than just a laugh at the table from adding "in bed" to the end of each sentence.

I know the whole Fortune Cookie thing is overrated and hokey and everything but before you jump to conclusions, just hear me out.

I've always had a thing about them.

Generally when ordering Chinese, they'd always be the last things left, untouched, at the bottom of a paper brown bag. More often than not, I'd leave them there, not really thinking twice about what secret message lay inside of them. But for some reason, over the years, I found that every time I cracked open one of those darned silly things, it's as if they knew my exact situation and knew exactly what words would hit home the most.

Before you go on to contradict me about how fortune cookies are made specifically to address really general situations in order to appeal to everyone, I have never picked one up that's ever been wrong.

In recent time, they've done nothing but echo what my heart had been telling me but what my brain refused to accept. And for that, I am incredibly grateful.

Call me superstitious, but I'm one of those people who sorta looks for signs from the universe before making any drastic decisions or realizations.

As long as four months ago, the one I picked up was "Accept something that you cannot change, and you will feel better."

I've been living by that one as truthfully as I could ever since then.

In the last two days, the ones I got were "Make decisions from the heart and use your head to make it work out." and more relevant still, "Let hatred turn into friendship because of your existence."

So you see, those little leaflets mean more to me than they probably should, but we all need something to believe in, and let's just say I believe in Fortune Cookies and good friends.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Stray Thoughts

I've found that I'm the kind of person who will listen to the same songs over and over and over until I've drilled them so far into my skull that I no longer like listening to them--I only like recalling them and attaching them to a certain memory that will make me smile fondly and then carry on.

..........

My new medication has caused a surprising amount of nosebleeds to occur in the past few weeks. My nose hurts. It feels cracked. So does my spine. Probably from sleeping on airplanes and benches so much.

..........

I realized how bad of an actress I am today. And before you say anything, no--I am not trying to throw myself a pity party. Auditions for the Spring Play were today. We're doing Ken Ludwig's Midsummer Jersey which is a play off of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream and Jersey Shore. A lovely clash of colors, in case you were wondering. Having never heard a Jersey accent before in my entire life, I was slightly freaking out about whether we were meant to do accents or not. I opted not to--too afraid to make a fool out of myself. Then I got mad at myself. 

To be a truly good actor or actress, one is either comfortable enough in themselves to be able to make a fool out of themselves and not care (that's what 90% of theatre is, anyway) or they are comfortable enough in playing people other than themselves that they can hardly tell the difference. Today I realized that I am neither.

I'm certainly not confident in myself physically, romantically, intellectually, or even socially. I know for a fact that most people aren't--even those who play it off like they are--but I can't even muster up the courage to pretend.

I was disappointed today.

..........

Over break I read Mitch Albom's The FIve People You Meet In Heaven. I highly recommend it. Quick read. Great lesson.

..........

It's only the first day back from break and I think my hand is already breaking out in hives from anxiety. What else could it be, heat rash? I highly doubt it.

..........

I'm trying very, very super hard to be better. At everything. School. Acting. Singing. Writing. Being a friend. Being a sister. Being a daughter. Being kind. Being courageous. Being faithful. Being supportive. Being caring. Protecting myself. Protecting others. Being stronger. I'm trying. I am.

..........

Things around here have been sorta outta whack for a number of reasons but for now, I'm gonna blame it all on auditions even though it kinda has nothing to do with that.

..........

I looked out the window in the car on my way back to the Abbey and looked at the sky. I mean really looked at it. And God, the colors were so beautiful. I swear, it's like someone loved water coloring so much they decided to splatter the sky.

..........

I've only had two full meals in the past 48 hours and I hate myself for it. Not entirely my fault, though.

..........

I'm homesick already. I miss everyone here, but I wanna go back. I miss my bed.

..........

I have high hopes for this term and yet I'm terrified beyond my mind. So many things are up in the air right now and I just have to kinda frolic along like nobody's business.

..........

I've been trying to get around to doing meditation. Good for the soul, I guess.

..........

I just realized the song I said I'd finish by now isn't finished.

..........

Everyone's talking about prom already and it makes me feel like I'm swimming ten feet under.

..........

I don't know what my plans are for Easter break, which is next weekend by the way, and that sort of scares me.

..........

I learned that being isolated for a certain period of time does things to you. Like love people more.

..........

I really love hugs. I don't really know how to explain how much. The best ones are the ones that come out of nowhere--the ones that surprise you and the ones you didn't expect. Those are the best. Make you feel important.

..........

My heart goes out to all who are having a rough time right now. Whether it's the teensiest little thing or something colossal weighing on their shoulders. I'm sorry. I wish I could help. I love you.

..........

Last time I was at the Abbey, it was buried in snow. Now it's not. And that's weird.

..........

The longer I look at my face in the mirror when I brush my teeth, the more I look like a hamster.

..........

Max is back. Thank the Lord.

..........

I wish I knew the answers to everything. I wish there was some secret wisdom that made everything better.

..........

My most faithful companion has been dear old Mr. Bunny. We've been a great team. 13 years and counting.

..........

Home smells like heat. Rain. Old Spice. Chanel perfume. Food in the kitchen. Colgate. Dirty dogs. Laundry detergent. Chlorine. Spilled mango juice. Avocados. 

It looks like dirty socks. Messy rooms. A cramped kitchen without an island. A bathroom with pink curtains. A multicolored lamp. Legos. A broken X Box. Stuffed animals. Forgotten books. Paper. Cold floors. Sweaty pajamas. CD's from the 70's.

It feels like hugs. Forehead kisses. Squishy flip flops. Hot showers. Mosquito bites. Keyboards. Pencils and paper. Dish soap. Paper napkins. Plastic cups. Ice cubes. Wooden doors. Beach towels. Cotton underwear. Bathing suits. Haircuts. Warm palms.

It sounds like blenders. High heel clicks. Bare feet scraping the ground. Venders in the streets. Phone calls. Alarm clocks. A bicycle I never learned how to ride. 

..........

No one is an island.

..........

I forgot to pack most of my underwear.

..........

I'm trying to be who I want to be and who I know I can be if I try hard enough. It's a work in progress.

..........

I'm not trying to make everything sound depressing. My break was amazing, I'll have you know. There will probably be another post about it sometime soon.

Thank you for listening.

Much love, now and forever xoxo

Maya

Berklee 2015

This is long overdue. I know. Sue me.

Nonetheless, I thought I'd fill you in on the mandatory Berklee post.

Yes, this was a whileeeee ago, meaning January 31st, but I think I still have the right to write about it :) I will admit, seeing as it was so long ago, some of the details are quite foggy and I might not be able to go into as much detail as I normally would (lucky for you guys haha).

If any of you are looking for a better relay of that wonderful day's events, click here.

Saturday, January 31st came quicker than any of us could have anticipated.

After months and months and months of endless rehearsals, and a week's worth of tireless run-throughs, EHX felt more confident and yet more nervous than they'd ever been before. We'd learned to dance our hearts out with Mais Que Nada, leave our heart on the stage with Run To You, and picture the flawless Tito with Señor Blues. Bright and early, we were ready to roll.

I sat with T on the way there, who managed to show me the entire soundtrack for Broadway's Catch Me If You Can (it's safe to say he had me humming every song on the list...)

The rest of the crew was scattered about the back of the bus as per usual. Tradition is tradition, after all. I managed to snag T's hat, play numerous rounds of Heads Up, take sneaky pictures of sleeping crew members and fall into at least three laugh attacks before we arrived to our very lovely destination.

I'd like to say I helped by supervising (everyone else seemed perfectly under control carrying things, so why not?).

We made it to our usual wait spot and unloaded all our baggage. Papa Kerr gave us the run through and handed us programs for the rest of the day before Emma and Claire, our faithful fangirls, proceeded to take off their sweatshirts and show us their clever roadie T-shirts: fluorescent pink tank tops with the words "EHX ROAD CREW" in iron print. Let me just say you two rocked those outfits ;)

I have to say, I can't remember much of the events that happened before our performance. It was all a foggy blur of scenery and food and meeting people and loud sounds that resembled music but not quite and coffee and Tom and The Chileans and uniforms but most of all: nerves. I couldn't focus on anything for the next few hours, now and then cursing the fact that we had a later slot.

And then it was go time.

I was picking at my dress and wiping the sweat off my hands when the first chords of Mais echoed through the room. Scanning the cramped area, I remembered to force a smile on my face, trying to erase the nerves. I spotted my godmother in the audience, which was exciting, although there were no signs of my brother, YD, or his girlfriend, Hannah. They promised they'd be there and I knew they were running late so I hoped they'd make it for at least one of the songs. My solo came up and of course my voice had to crack, but I mean, it happens. I focused on Claire and Tom, who sat front row. Thank you guys for letting me forget everything and just enjoy myself.

Next came Run. I swear, you could've heard a pin drop. Mr. Bentley was fantastic accompaniment (obviously) although of course we did miss Rosie, who couldn't be with us due to an injured wrist. I have to admit, Run was my favorite of the three. Performing it with you all was a real privilege and I hope someday I can get that same feeling again, the same unity and emotion. We put our hearts on our sleeves with that one. I could tell from the tears in people's eyes ;)

And last but not least, Señor Blues. T and I had a great time teasing each other through the song and I could tell C was enjoying pretending to talk about himself... XD Only joking...maybe ;)

We welcomed the applause and listened to what the judges had to say (all wonderful things, thank goodness!) Sophia won the Judges Choice second year in a row, of course, and we burst out of those doors feeling grander than ever. I felt like flying.

That was the best we had ever performed our set. And I was and am so very very proud of every single one of you guys. Even our roadies, who made the experience all the better ;)

After unloading our stuff again, we left to go nom. That was when YD and Hannah finally decided to show up. Hannah felt really bad for missing the performance; YD, not so much... haha So they hung around for a bit before leaving to go have dinner and we all said goodbye.

The Award Ceremony creeped up on us pretty quickly and I knew without a doubt that the nerves were back. Time couldn't have ticked any slower as we waited for our category, V2 to be called. I was probably breaking Gibb's hand more and more by the second (sorry about that...).

Honorable Mention was called. Not us.

The lady in charge of announcing the winners was taking as long as she possibly could to announce third place.

I saw her lips form and "E" and immediately went into denial. It's like my mind would refuse to believe that Enharmonix had, in fact, won third place. It took asking four different people (despite the screaming cheers of the rest of EHX seated behind me) who had won for me to understand that we had actually made it.

We made it. We actually did it this time.

After months and months and months we were able to say that we'd really left it all out there and we did everything we possibly could have to make it an unforgettable performance. Thank you guys, From the bottom of my heart.

I couldn't stop shaking or squealing or laughing or crying and I don't even remember the other places being announced because I was so caught up in my own excitement. Sue me for being absolutely ecstatic.

I only remember frolicking, yes frolicking, down the hall, down the escalator, across the room to go give Papa Kerr the biggest hug of all time.

T'was an amazing moment, to say the least :)

On the way back, we made our usual trip to Murder King, and celebrated by jamming at the top of our lungs. At least I did. It's safe to say I completely and quite literally lost my voice on that trip back haha! There were the usual ones, Bohemian Rhapsody, We Are Young, and Uptown Funk (which I will forever associate with the legendary Enharmonix) but then we decided to go down memory lane and belt High School Musical and Jonas Brothers songs... I do not regret a single thing.

All I have to say is that was a pretty spectacular day and I was so lucky to spend it with all of you <3 I could not have asked for a greater group of people to be with on such a special occasion :)

I love you all so very, very much. Keep rockin'. Stay classy.

Hasta la proxima!

Much love xoxo

Maya

Hiya Goobers

I'm supposed to be studying for Geometry right now, but my brain is in denial so I decided to get my mind off of things for a while.

Currently, my earbuds are blasting Beyonce's Love on Top. I think the first time Fonts ever spoke to me was while he heard me singing it in the stairwell. Oh, memories... :)

Anywho, big things are in store for the next few weeks.

First and foremost, exams have been the actual death of me. I managed to cry only three times (that's a record compared to the usual five hundred). My last exam is tomorrow so yayyyyyyy!

Second of all, part of the crew has some big plans for the next week or so... :) Those of you who actually know me know what I'm talking about haha. It's gonna be amazinggggg!!!

Third of all, more exciting news that I've probably already shoved down your throats for months in advance: IT'S MY MOTHERFLIPPING BIRTHDAY ON FRIDAY HOLY FUCK

I am so super excited in case you haven't noticed :)

I promise I'll try and write as much as I can over break because it'll be the first extended period of free time I'll have had in a while haha

Speaking of which, by the time I go home, it will have been six months since I was last there. I am so ready to go back.

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and my teachers and school (occasionally :P) but I just really need to go home for a while. I miss it.

I miss my very purple room. I miss my dog. God, I miss Suki. I miss my little munchkin of a brother, Javi. I miss Mami and Papi. I miss home cooked meals. I miss going to the movies. I miss my KEEP OUT sign. I miss the heat. I miss the geckos and lizards and ants and birds and stray cats and butterflies and hurricane season. I miss the smell of rain in the morning and the AC in my room. I miss lady bugs and palm trees. I miss mango and pineapple and guava and passion fruit. I miss avocado sandwiches and merengue and paella and bachata and salsa and neighbors that will party till 4am. I miss Take Out Thursday and doing the dishes. I miss going on Youtube sprees with YD. I miss sleeping in and not caring. I miss my bed. I miss eating food on our marble floor. I miss washing the dirt off my feet after playing barefoot soccer outside. I miss hearing the street venders sing their songs. I miss grocery shopping with my dad. I miss dulce de leche. I miss Abuelo's batidas. I miss opening my fridge and not caring what I eat. I miss experimenting in the kitchen. I miss reggueton and dancing. I miss the art. I miss the music. I miss the language. It's definitely time to go home.

I love you all so so much and to those of you I don't see, I'll miss you :(

I hope you all have a lovely, fantabulous break, guys.

Hasta la proxima!

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: To anyone who's been super helpful in the last couple of days, THANK YOU.

The Violets

So, Mrs. B had her Creative Writing classes write a short story for their final exam. Naturally, I pushed it 'till the last minute, meaning I cranked this out in the late hours of last night. I had Sawyer read it over before I sent it in because I was afraid my brain had turned to mush and couldn't tell good from bad. I was skeptical when it came to posting this, but then I thought "Why the hell not?" So here goes.

..........

The Violets

“Come on, man, you’re gonna be late,”

Adam sighed, leaning against his beat-up Jeep while running an exasperated hand through his curls. Noah always took five hours getting dressed in the morning.

“I’m coming, jeez,” the boy flung open their front door, “Bye Mom!”

He didn’t wait for her to respond before he slung an unzipped backpack over his shoulder as he ran to the car. “Get in, loser, unless you plan on flunking out of high school for tardiness,” Adam raised an eyebrow at his younger brother, urging him to hop in the car already. Sighing in annoyance, Noah obeyed, giving Adam the evil eye when he sat behind the wheel.

“Hey, don’t give me that,” Adam laughed, thumping his brother upside the head, “I’m just looking out for you, bro,”

“Yeah, yeah,” Noah suppressed a smile, swatting Adam’s hand away when he attempted to ruffle his hair. Rolling his eyes, Adam started up the car before taking his usual route to Jefferson High. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Noah took to fumbling with a rumpled piece of paper in his hands.

“So,” the younger one took out a packet of Skittles, popping one in his mouth, “How’s the project going?”

“Oh and since when do you care so much about my boring college projects?” Adam looked on at the road with a smirk. Noah shrugged, shrinking into his seat a little more. There was a red light up ahead, and Adam took this opportunity to snag the paper from Noah’s hands, only to have him yell in protest. Unfolding it far above his head, Adam spoke teasingly, “What do we have here? ...Ohh, who’s Jessica?”

“Adam, you dickhead, give that back!” Noah took off his seatbelt in vain, the wrinkled piece of paper far out of reach. Adam continued driving with one hand, the scrawled letter still in the other, “Sit back down and maybe I will,” In his urgency, Noah let the Skittles pour all over the car floor, “Dammit!”

Red-faced and grumbling, he put his seatbelt back on before crossing his arms over his chest and glaring expectantly up at his older brother. “Give it.”

Quickly scanning the boy, Adam chucked the paper back at his brother, trying not to laugh at his humiliation. “So,” he continued, “Who’s this Jessica chick?”

“None of your damn business,” Noah muttered, pulling the hoodie over his head whilst he tucked away the letter into his back pocket. “Oh, come on, man, give me something,” Adam prodded, letting his eyes wander from the road to his little brother.

He stayed silent for a few seconds before speaking up, “She’s in my History class and she’s really smart.” Noah didn’t look up to see Adam’s response.

“So you’re into nerds?”

“Piss off,” Noah turned his back to Adam, resting his head on the glass while trying to ignore the hooting laughter.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, man, I’m not laughing at you, I just think it’s funny… Is that why you asked me about my project?” Adam reeled in a chuckle, sensing that this was probably a big deal to the kid.

Noah gave the slightest nod, letting the curls fall into his emerald eyes.

“Dude, don’t talk about stuff you know nothing about… You don’t need college level knowledge to impress some sophomore girl, okay?” Adam spoke more sincerely this time, pulling into the school parking lot. Noah unbuckled himself. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

Adam threw him a punch to the arm as he grabbed for his book bag. “Hey, you’re pretty smart on your own, bud, and if she doesn’t see that, then she’s a stuck up priss, all right?” He offered the boy a smile and got the slightest hint of one back.

Adam watched the kid jog up the steps, shaking his head at how quickly he’d grown. When Noah finally disappeared from sight, Adam let his eyes wander to the Skittles still on the ground. “Dammit, Noah, now I’m gonna have to clean this up by myself,”

Adam was already in class when he felt his phone buzz.

Gonna get flowers. She likes violets. C u in a bit. –Noah

Smiling to himself, he tucked his phone away, not really caring what his Math professor had to say.

Adam always got out of class at five.

“Hey, Adam, wanna come hang with us for a while?” his best friend Sam asked as they pooled out of the Academic building. “Nah, man, I gotta go pick lover boy up from the flower shop,” Adam smirked, pulling a beanie over his head. “Whatever you say, dude,” Sam threw him a salute before heading the other way.

Adam jogged to his car quicker than usual so as not to let the gradually increasing rain soak through his flannel shirt.

“Fuck,”

            The engine wouldn’t start and he knew Noah was already waiting on him. “Come on, baby, please,” Adam spoke to his six-year-old Jeep, trying as best he could to get it to start, to no avail.

            “Screw it, I’m calling a cab,” he said to himself, knowing his mom would probably kill him when he got home. Just as he was about to dial, an unknown number showed up on the screen. “Hello?”

            “Is this Adam Foster?

            “Yes, who’s this?” he spoke tentatively.

            “This is Rita from Northbell Hospital. Adam, your brother’s been stabbed.”

            The rain was pouring down harder now, but he couldn’t hear it. “Mr. Foster, I need you to stay with me, please,” the lady demanded. She asked for a number, an address, and some other stuff he couldn’t remember. The beanie was falling off his head now but he didn’t even notice. He found himself saying he would be there soon in unfamiliar monotone.

            He called the cab but didn’t remember it getting there. He walked into his mom but didn’t remember greeting her. “Where is he?” he found his voice scraping the bottom of his register.

            “Mr. Foster, you can’t see him right—”

            “Where is my goddamn baby brother?”

            “Adam,” his mother grabbed him by the arm, tearfully, “Adam, honey, they’re seeing him now. We’re going to have to wait.” 
             Those were the longest two hours of his life, Adam decided. The fluorescent lights had long since given him a headache and the stainless, white walls were making him sick to his stomach.

            “Foster?”

            Adam had never stood up any faster than when he heard that name.

            “Only one at a time,”

            His heart sank, letting his mother go in first. He knew she needed it more than he did, but it was cutting it pretty close. Another fifteen minutes went by before he was allowed to enter. He did everything he possibly could to block out the crimson bandage wrapped around his paling brother’s waist.

            “Adam?” came his almost inaudible voice.

            “Hey, Noah,” Adam forced his voice not to crack, “How’re you feeling, bud?”

There was silence, and then he spoke: “I feel fine.”

Goddammit, Noah… It was becoming harder and harder for Adam to keep himself together, especially when his brother was proving himself to be so much braver than Adam already knew he was. Taking a seat by the beeping machine at his bedside, Adam found himself grabbing hold of Noah’s smaller hand. He’d always been small for his age.

“Of course you feel fine,” Adam mumbled under his breath, allowing a small smile to make its way to his lips. Noah simply looked on at him through piercing green eyes, the only feature they shared besides their curls. Again, there was silence. Adam’s eyes trailed back to the bloodied bandage swallowing his little brother.

“Noah, I am so, so sorry,” he couldn’t bear to stare back any longer.

“I let this happen. It’s my fault,” he kept thinking.

“I should’ve been there sooner like I promised, I was running late again and I wasn’t supposed to and I’m so, so sorry, Noah, I am, I—”

“Dude, it’s cool. We’re good,” the younger boy stopped him with a weak squeeze of the hand before he could say anything else. Then he smiled.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

They let the silence take over again.

“Hey Adam?”

“Hmm?”

“If I don’t get out in time, will you go get more violets and get them to Jessica for me?”

There was a subtle hint of confidence in the way he asked the question, something that gave Adam a good feeling about this girl.

“Sure thing, kiddo,” Adam squeezed his hand.

Things were going to be all right.

..........

There you have it, folks. I still think my brain turned to mush, so forgive the sappiness (I originally had killed Noah off, but I had a three page limit). 

Hasta la próxima! 

Much love xoxo

Maya