HAPPY MERRY NEW YEARS ALMOST

Well, first and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAEVE I LOVE YOU INFINITELY <3

It has been one hell of a year, let me tell you that. I could list all the things that I'm grateful for but I mean, y'all would get pretty tired of that XD So instead, I'm probably just gonna be boring and do the same thing I did last year, which is steal a bunch of questions off the internet and fill them in.

1) What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren about?

The greatest quinceañera of all time, that's what. What greater birthday spent than at Disney World with your very best friends?

2) If you had to describe your 2015 in 3 words, what would they be?
Challenging, exhilarating, magical.

3) What new things did you discover about yourself?

I'm way tougher than I thought I was. I also am capable of so much more than I think I am.

4) What single achievement are you most 

proud of?

Not gonna lie, I'm quite proud of many things I did this year, but choosing to say enough is enough and walking out of an abusive situation is by far the best decision I ever made this year.

5) What was the best news you received? 

Getting cast as Wednesday Addams was pretty spectacular, although finding out I got into All State might be a close second.

6) What was your favourite place that you visited in 2015?

Well this goes back to the best fifteenth birthday ever, Disney World with my people.

7) Which of your personal qualities turned out to be the most helpful this year?

Maintaining a bubbly, sunny attitude despite all the shit going on.

8) Who was your number one go-to person that you could always rely on?

There's no single person, but I guess I'd have to say mainly C and Claire got me through this year.

9) Which new skills did you learn?

Forgiveness, patience, and still working on stress relief.

10) What, or who, are you most thankful for?

All of my friends. Sincerely, I do not know what I would do without each and every one of you. And CJS, who never fails to make me smile.

11) If someone wrote a book about your life in 2015, what kind of genre would it be? A comedy, love story, drama, film noir or something else?

Yikes, that's tough... I mean, I guess you could say it started off as a drama and then morphed into a love story with its own moments of tragedy and comedy. A bit of everything, I suppose.

12) What was the most important lesson you learnt in 2015?

Be good to yourself. Always.

13) Which mental block(s) did you overcome?

Not entirely overcome, but simply realizing that I can't always make everyone happy.

14) What 5 people did you most enjoy spending time with?

That's really tough, but definitely Caellum, Claire, CJS, Hannah Banana, and Meagan.

15) What was your biggest break-through moment career-wise?

Well... Strictly speaking, I don't exactly have a career... XD If we're talking about my academic career, dear God, did I have a lot of "break-throughs" and by that I mean I discovered I can write a three paged paper in under thirty minutes, wake up at 3am and crank out forty pages of textbook reading and writing, among many other feats.

16) How did your relationship to your family evolve?

That's somewhat of a sticky question seeing as things are sorta all over the place right now... But being at boarding school definitely makes the heart grow fonder.

17) What book or movie affected your life in a profound way?

Definitely the movie The Little Prince, without a doubt. Also, Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven.

18) What was your favorite compliment that you received this year?

Well, having someone fall in love with me was one heck of a compliment... <3

19) What little things did you most enjoy during your day-to-day life?

Squirrels. Feeling clean. Fog. Crisp air. Smiles. Hugs. Snuggles. Feeling accomplished.

20) What cool things did you create this year?

I wrote some pretty kickass blog posts, I wanna say XD I also wrote some pretty interesting new poems I'm quite proud of.

21) What was your most common mental state this year (e.g. excited, curious, stressed)?

Umm, well I'm not very much of a static person. My moods are always changing and I never quite feel just one thing at a time, so I'd have to say it was a toss up between anxiety and excitement.

22) Was there anything you did for the very first time in your life this year?

I fell in love. I took medication for more than one thing. I came out to my parents and some of my friends. I finally said no.

23) What was your favourite moment spent with your friends?

Oh goodness, I am blessed to say there is not just a single moment I can pin down, simply because I have had way too many glorious moments with my people. Some of those being at Disney, others when my college peeps came back to surprise me, staying at Claire Bear's house, late night talks, among other things.

24) What major goal did you lay the foundations for?

Welllllll I mean I guess you could say I finally landed a lead...? I also continued to participate in as many musically inclined things as possible.

25) Which worries turned out to be completely unnecessary?

Thinking I would die come Junior year. Worrying whether someone really loved me or not. Grades are not everything. They're important, but not everything.

26) What experience would you love to do all over again?

Being surprised by my friends time and time again. Chilling with CJS on multiple occasions.

27) What was the best gift you received?

This is so hard to choooooseeeeee. Let's just stick with Christmas presents, yeah? First of all, I am beyond grateful to everyone for all the gifts I recieved, but good God, Shelby surprised me with a Simba pillow pet and I just about died.

28) How did your overall outlook on life evolve?

I wanna say it went from pessimistic to hopeful.

29) What was the biggest problem you solved?

My social life, kinda.

30) What was the funniest moment of your year, one that still makes it hard not to burst out laughing when you think about it?

Playing Cards Against Humanity with my fam, and just lots of little moments I cannot speak of involving my friends.

31) What purchase turned out to be the best decision ever?

MY OVERALLS. I FOUND THEM. FINALLY.

32) What one thing would you do differently and why?

I would learn to let go faster and hold onto the things that truly matter. I would probably also procrastinate less and remember to get my work done on time... haha... ha.

33) What do you deserve a pat on the back for?

I mean not to brag, but for being a pretty damn good friend, I think XD

34) What activities made you lose track of time?

Singing, tumblring, writing, listening to music, hanging with the peeps, calling CJS.

35) What did you think about more than anything else?

How freaking lucky I am to have so many beautiful creatures in my life.

36) What topics did you most enjoy learning about?

Ummm well, I mean in terms of school, English continues to be my favorite subject so... I guess just reading some pretty fantastic books and the like?

37) What new habits did you cultivate?

I've picked up on so many phrases and mannerisms from my friends, it's not even funny. Thanks a lot guys.

38) What advice would you give your early-2015 self if you could?

Listen, kid, this year's gonna be really rough. And I mean incredibly so. But you are gonna find that so many things will be worth it. Just hang in there and hold out for the light at the end of the tunnel, yeah? It'll come sooner than you expect it to.

39) Did any parts of your self or your life do a complete 180 this year?

Oh my, well, I guess you could say I finally grew a spine and declared that I had had enough of a certain situation, so that made me stronger I wanna say. I also took a risk and fell in love. That was pretty great.

40) What or who had the biggest positive impact on your life this year?

Okay, kill me for being the most cliche person ever, but CJS has been the greatest new addition to my life and even though it's taken quite a while to get comfortable with each other, I am so so so happy that I have him. No matter what happens in the future, I am thankful for the happiness you've given me.

41) What do you want the overarching theme for your 2016 to be?

Hope. Joy. Discovery.

42) What do you want to see, discover, explore?

IRELAND <3 <3 <3

43) Who do you want to spend more time with in 2016?

I mean, I really hope my graduating friends come visit me once they're gone, but I also hope to grow closer to my own grade come senior year.

44) What skills do you want to learn, improve or master?

To chill the fuck out and not be so hard on myself.

45) Which personal quality do you want to develop or strengthen?

Endurance, perseverance, positivity.

46) What do you want your everyday life to be like?

Continuing to find joy in the little things. To not let small inconveniences get in the way of my happiness.

47) Which habits do you want to change, cultivate or get rid of?
Get rid of my procrastination (HA! That'll be the day...) and try and be more positive, even with the little things. 

48) What do you want to achieve career-wise?

Damn, I just wanna pass Junior year with decent grades and not have the SAT kill me.

49) How do you want to remember the year 2016 when you look back on it 10/20/50 years from now?

Challenging, but nothing that I can't overcome without a little willpower and help from my friends and family.

50) What is your number one goal for 2016?

Let yourself be happy. Enjoy every moment. Don't let it go to waste. Forgive. Have fun. Move on.

..........

And that's somewhat of a vague-ish recap of my year! I love you all to infinity and banana. Without you guys, this year would've been absolute hell.

Hasta la próxima, 

Much love xoxo

Maya

Lazy Afternoons

Hey my lovelies.

I hope you've all had a safe holiday wherever you are <3

I know I haven't written in a while, mainly due to being super busy and spending actual quality time with people, but no matter. I've decided to do somewhat of a lazy post just because.

Enjoy another list of random facts about me :)

..........

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that show up.

Going Down For Real by Flo Rida

He Lives In You (from The Lion King Soundtrack)

Drops of Jupiter by Train

Slaves by Crywolf

Here's to Never Growing Up by Avril Lavigne

Born This Way by Lady Gaga

wow that was quite a selection.

2. If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Oh lord, I'll get back to you on that.

3. Grab the nearest book to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

"...the bread they sold was so fresh that its warm smell filled the store..."

4. What do you think about most?

I love daydreaming about the future, believe it or not. I also love reliving my favorite memories.

5. What does your latest text message from someone else say?

"I'm gonna use it for an Instagram caption one of these days"
-Shelby <3

6. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

That's somewhat of a complicated question...haha... I usually sleep with clothes on, but in the heat, clothing is minimal.

7. What's your strangest talent?

Uhhhhh I can fold my tongue like a clover, I guess...?

8. Girls... (finish the sentence) Boys... (finish the sentence).

Girls are beautiful. Boys are beautiful.

9. Ever had a poem or song written about you?

I think I've had poems written about me before, but I'm not sure if anyone ever went as far as to write a song...

10. When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Most likely last week in Claire's kitchen XD

11. Do you have any strange phobias?

I kinda get panicky with phone calls... Unless we're extremely close.

12. Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

I'm sure I've done the whole chopstick up the nose thing to make my brothers laugh when I was younger.

13. What's your religion?

I'm Christian, technically raised Catholic but I don't really affiliate myself with all the church's beliefs. I guess you could say I just believe in the power of love, miracles, and forgiveness.

14. If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Most likely roaming around with my best friends, causing trouble :) Juuust kidding, we'd probably just be making bad puns and laughing at each other.

15. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

I used to find comfort behind the camera but as of late, I find myself loving being in front of it.

16. Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Dear God, are you trying to watch me suffer? Top three though are probably: Panic! At The Disco, Fall Out Boy, and The Beatles.

17. What was the last lie you told?

What the actual deadline for something was or something... I dunno...

18. Do you believe in karma?

I believe that if you put good into the world, it will find its way back to you.

19. What does your screen name mean?

(These questions came from tumblr so I'm assuming that's what they're talking about) My tumblr url is marloeburns and that's the name of the main character of a book I was writing two years ago.

20. What is your greatest weakness; greatest strength?

I have a hard time saying no or confronting people... I'd like to say I'm pretty great at making people smile though :)

21. Who is your celebrity crush?

Oh my Thomas Brodie-Sangster is just *heart eyes*

22. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Not that I can recall, but I want to really badly.

23. How do you vent your anger?

Ideally I'll vent to a friend (y'all are lovely humans for putting up with me) or otherwise I'll just listen to angry music and write a lot until the feeling has passed.

24. Do you have a collection of anything?

My family collects Pixar movies :)

25. Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting?

Well, I sorta established my phobia of phone calls but honestly I prefer them to video chatting because at least I don't have to worry about what I look like XD

26. Are you happy with the person you've become?

I'd like to think so :)

27. What's a sound you hate? A sound you love?

Oh goodness, there are so many sounds I find unappealing haha But if I had to choose a select few, it would be people chewing with their mouth open, scratching on chalkboards, and nail files. I absolutely love the sound of laughter <3

28. What's your biggest "what if"?

What if I'm not good enough?

29. Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I don't think so... Is believing in spirits the same thing? And who knows, there're probably tons of creatures in the universe we don't know about.

30. Stick your right arm out: what do you touch first? Do the same with your left.

A pillow. Another pillow.

31. Smell the air. What do you smell?

Strawberry yogurt and dish soap.

32. What's the worst place you've ever been to?

The hotel I stayed at the night I took the SSAT. It was next to a prison and a brothel to say the least.

33. Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

I mean, I haven't visited the West Coast very often... so I guess I'll have to choose East?

34. Most attractive singer of the opposite gender?

Ummmmmmmm too many people are pretty to look at.

35. To you, what is the meaning of life?

Cliche as it is, I think the ultimate goal is to be happy. To enjoy the little things in life and hopefully spread that happiness to others.

36. Define: Art.

An expression of the soul.

37. Do you believe in luck?

Indefinitely.

38. What's the weather like right now?

Cloudy and kinda muggy. Mostly humid.

39. What time is it?

4:19pm.

40. Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Ha... ha... I don't drive yet.

41. What was the last book you read?

This is Where it Ends by Marieke Nijkamp

42. Do you like the smell of gasoline?

It makes me queasy.

43. Do you have any nicknames?

Oh lord, well I have an entire post on nicknames here. But in case you don't wanna read that mammoth of a list, my main nicknames are Maya Papaya or My-My.

44. What was the last movie you saw?

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back

45. What's the worst injury you've ever had?

Someone once tried to make me do a split without actually being able to do a split... It wasn't a good time.

46. Have you ever caught a butterfly?

I believe so, but I was extremely gentle, I promise.

47. Do you have any obsessions right now?

Scented candles and stuffed animals XD

48. What's your ?

?

49. Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Middle school was a fun time. Note the sarcasm.

50. Do you believe in magic?

I believe we're as magical as we believe ourselves to be.

51. Do you tend to hold grudges against people who've done you wrong?

I do occasionally, but not for very long, I don't think.

52. What is your astrological sign?

Pisces :)

53. Do you save your money or spend it?

What money? XD

54. What's the last thing you purchased?

CJS's Christmas present <3

55. Love or lust?

I'd say it's healthy to have a bit of both ;)

56. In a relationship?

Yessir.

57. Are you a virgin?

Damn, you are not shy at all with these questions... Yes.

58. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No, I'm not that cool.

59. Where were you yesterday?

Barnes & Noble!

60. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

My shirt...?

61. Are you wearing socks right now?

Nope.

62. What's your favorite animal?

DOLPHINS <3

63. What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

I'm not sure if this means like or LIKE like... I'm just gonna assume people in general. Just being genuinely friendly seems to work :)

64. Where is your best friend?

Oh probably somewhere in New England.

65. What is your heritage?

Dominican American and proud of it.

66. What were you doing last night at 12AM?

I'm pretty sure I was talking to CJS.

67. What do you think is Satan's last name?

I dunno, Kardashian probably.

68. Are you the kind of friend you would want as a friend?

Are you kidding? I'm like the snuggliest person I know, heck yes!

69. You are walking down the street on the way to work. There is a dog drowning on the side of the street. Your boss has told you that if you are late one more time, you're getting fired. What do you do?

First of all, I would never make a habit of being late. Therefore, I would not have the problem of being fired for being late. So saving the drowning dog would not be an issue. Problem Solved.

70. You are at the doctor's and she tells you you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) After letting it sink in, I'd most likely tell my family and my closest friends.
b) Make them count I guess. Do everything I want to do.
c) Yes, very. But I'd like to think I'd find my peace with it before time was up.

71. You can only have one of these things: trust or love?

Love. Definitely.

72. What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Recent obsession: Cake By The Ocean by DNCE <3

73. What are the last four digits of your cell?

If I matter to you, you would already have my number.

74. In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

It's incredibly important to learn how to be independent. Of course being there for each other is great, but not having to depend on the other person comes first. That, honesty, and communication I'd say are equally important.

75. How can I win your heart?

Sorry, it's already taken...

76. Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Yikes, well, from experience, I'd probably have to say yes, although it does come with a price.

77. What is the single best decision you've made in your life so far?

Leaving home for boarding school.

78. What's your shoe size?

6 or 6.5ish?

79. What would you want written on your gravestone?

I don't want a gravestone, I want a tree.

80. What is your favorite word?

Chucherías.

81. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart.

Conor.

82. What is a saying you say a lot?

Awesome possum :)

83. What's the last song you listened to?

Grow Old With Me by Tom Odell.

84. What's your favorite color?

We've been over this. Purple all the way.

85. What is your current desktop picture?

It's a picture of me and the bros <3

86. If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Well that's not very nice.

87. What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

What do you dream about?

88. You wake up in the middle of the night. You hear a noise. Oh no! You're surrounded by MUMMIES!! They're not really doing anything, they're just kinda standing around. Quick, what do you do?

I'd ask if they were tired and then offer them the bed.

89. You eat radioactive vegetables and you get a superpower. What is it?

Shape-shifting. Acting dream=accomplished.

90. You can relive any half-hour of your life. What moment would you choose?

Probably any jam session with my crew. They make me happy beyond belief.

91. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What would it be?

Too many to choose from, but besides, they've made me who I am today.

92. You have the opportunity to sleep with any music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Um, considering they're all like waaaaay older than me... None........?

93. You just got a free plane ticket. You have to leave right now. Where do you go?

Roma.

94. Do you have any relatives currently in jail?

Not that I know of?

95. Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Once Upon a Time, little Maya was hyper prone to motion sickness... I'll let you guess the rest.

96. Ever been on a plane?

I'm an international student at a boarding school. Yes.

97. If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Why don't you learn to love each other?

98. Give me your top 5 favorite blogs on tumblr.

spicy-vagina-tacos
urban-nightmares
southernsummer
not-your-typical-juliet
parttimewallflower

..........

Ta daaaaa another meaningless post to waste your time <3 

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Turkey Day List #2

Onto the much more extensive part of things I'm grateful for: the magnificent people in my life. I promise I tried to keep it short and sweet, but I mean hey, here you go.

Mami: You have always been my #1 fan. You've sacrificed so much just to make us happy and you work so, so incredibly hard. You've redefined the word "woman" for me and taught me that I am just as good as anyone else. You taught me humility and pride; love and caution; fun and responsibility. You may be an inch shorter than me but you sure as heck are the most badass person I know. Te quiero de aquí hasta la luna <3

Papi: Where do I even begin? You just get me. You get me more than anyone else on this planet. We share the same spirit and that allows us to bond over music and theatre and writing and art and poetry and feelings and experiences and you believe in me more than I believe in myself. You've always been there for hugs and kisses and food and dad jokes and I cannot express how much I miss you already now that we're on opposite hemispheres, but Cambodia will do you good. Please continue too seek the beauty in everything. You're really good at that.

Yan Diego: Goddamn, you are a pain in the ass. And yet I still find myself missing you every day we're apart. You were my first companion and role model (not so much anymore XD) but even though we've both grown, I still look up to you occasionally, believe it or not. Thanks for not letting me travel alone 'cuz you know it freaks me out. Even with all the insults, you still make me laugh more than anyone else I know, so thanks for making me pee myself in public, I guess. Here's to many more years of mischievous rivalry and unconditional support. You're allright.

Javier: I'd never call you this to your face, seeing as you're turning eleven in January, but you're my little munchkin. Sure, you're a pest, as all little brothers are, but you're my pest, and you are most definitely the sweetest one out there. You're gonna break lots of hearts, that's for sure. Please don't ever let anyone tell you who to be, okay, bud? You wanna dance? You dance. You wanna sing? You sing. You wanna be the most kickass, multitalented kid in the world? Go right on ahead. Don't let anyone stop you. I continue to be so proud of you each and every day and I am beyond honored to call you my baby brother.

Suki: You're not actually a person, but you might as well be. I adore you, my little peanut rat. You've got a heart of pure gold. It probably weighs more than the rest of you. Missing you endlessly.

Abuelo: You are my hero <3

The Fam: Y'all are the loudest and touchiest group of people I know. Much love.

Madrina y Padrino: No se imaginan lo duro que sería todo esto sin ustedes. Los quiero un montón.

Pri: Vieja, tu y yo llevamos siglos. Se que casi nunca nos vemos pero tu sabes que te quiero y que te apoyo ahora y siempre <3 Vas a llegar super lejos, de eso estoy segura.

CJS: Goodness, all I can say is you're my best friend. I can't go a minute thinking about you without smiling. I am so, so lucky to have someone like you love someone like me. You put up with all my crazy and don't mind one bit. You make me feel beautiful and giddy and special and exciting and intelligent, even when I don't feel it myself. Thank you for staying up at all hours of the night just to talk to me, and for reminding me to chill when I'm winding myself up, and for going out of your way to make sure you see me at least once a day, and for your hugs and your jokes and for teaching me something new everyday. Thank you for always putting a smile on my face and for being a dork and for making me so so so happy. I love you so much.

Claire: Oh Claire Bear, what can I even say that you don't already know? You're my big sister. You know that and everyone else knows that. We keep each other grounded and we make sure to brighten up the other's day when we can. You've given me a home away from home and have become a part of my ever-growing support network and you have absolutely no idea how much that means to me. Thank you for taking me shopping and jams in the car and buying me food and coming to my shows. Thanks for the lazy Saturdays just chillin' in my bed, tumblring and geeking about Hamilton, among other things. You're honestly the loveliest and anyone who has ever had the pleasure to make your acquaintance should be greatly honored. Also, thank you for eating my candy for me so I don't get fat <3 Greatly appreciated.

Caellum: I am so thankful for this past year; it's allowed us to grow as friends and I honestly could not have managed fall term without your constant support. We get each other on so many levels; there're hardly enough words to express it. You've always been there. You've always been patient with me. You've never pushed me away even when I got annoying as heck. We've been through a lot together, believe it or not. Your puns and hugs and company are enough. Thank you thank you thank you. I love you dearly.

Shelby: YOU ARE MY FAVORITE! Words cannot express how glad I am to have gotten to know you in such a short amount of time. Your daily messages make my day and never cease to make me smile. Thanks for not thinking I'm an old lady for using Pinterest and thank you for sending me a letter all the way from Texas. I cannot wait to finally meet you so we can chill and have lots of fun :) You're always reminding me of this but this time I'm reminding you: please never forget how talented and capable you are. We're allowed to make mistakes. We're allowed to have bad days. It doesn't make us any less brilliant. You're going to change a lot of lives, trust me <3

Gibb: Sitka, you already know how much you mean to me. No use in writing paragraphs about our history ('cuz I've already done that before XD). Instead, I just wanted to say thanks for still picking up the phone regardless of what time it is and for not pushing me away. I love you to infinity and banana.

Maeve: My beautiful, talented, courageous Maeve. You're obviously kicking ass at school (just as I knew you would) and even though we don't necessarily talk as much anymore, I know you're still there if I ever need you. That's how you know who your real friends are—you can go days and weeks and occasionally months without speaking to them, and yet when you pick back up, it's just where you left off, as if no time had passed at all. That's what it feels like with you. Thanks for letting me come to you with awkward, childish questions and for being my mom and for reminding me of what I'm capable of. You're absolutely fantastic. We need to chill sometime.

Max: Oh my dearest Maximiliana, you are the only thing I look forward to at the end of the day. Those five minutes talking to you before housemeeting mean so much more than you know, especially when I'm crumbling with stress. You converted me to the dyed hair cult and I guess there's no turning back now. Thanks for the sass and for letting me bitch to you about people and/or things. Your perpetual badassery is an inspiration to all, let me tell you. Winter term I gotta actually hang out with you, okay? It must be done.

Tom: Eff you and your talent and smiles and hugs. You're actually the best, Tom. Don't let my lack of words throw you off, like you are actually the greatest. Please visit soon <3

Sophia: You are a goddess. It'd take a fool not to see that. You continue to inspire me every day through your talent, hard work and dedication. Thank you for being the greatest blessing EHX has ever had. I am blessed to have you in my life and I am so glad you let me be a part of yours. Please don't forget about me when you're rich and famous and have like 60 Grammys in your basement.

Tiernan: It still shocks me how you're on the complete opposite side of the country for most of the year and yet you still wow me with your sage advice. I miss your cuddles and your teasing more than anything. Please please pleaseeeee come back when you can, yeah?

Fonts: You know how the story goes. You're my rock and all. The end.

Hannah Banana Banderbob: Bae, you are my one and only. Don't tell anyone but you are by far my favorite roommate. I adore your sugar highs just as much as you despise them and your constant studiousness and determination inspires me to be my best self everyday. Your puppy chow and pumpkin bread are to die for. Thank you for telling me when I look like trash and for putting up with my meltdowns and my craziness and every time I squeal about Conor and/or food. I sure lucked out with you, boo #TheFruits <3

Amber: You crazy, soulless Asian. I love you with all my heart. Thanks for putting up with all the shit I give you and for not kicking me out of your room in the middle of study hall when I get obnoxious and distracting XD We hate the same things and we both swear more than others give us credit for. What a solid bond we have. Please continue to slay as you do. Te quiero.

Scott: You, sir, make my life immensely more entertaining, that's for sure. Your hugs and ridiculous jokes and your sass continuously make my day and the fact that you are now a part of EHX makes me wanna squeal every time I think about it. Please don't ever leave me alone 'cuz a life without Scott Powell seems kinda depressing to be honest.

Alasdaire: Babe, you are insane. The fact that Benet's walls are so thin lets me eavesdrop on your ridiculous conversations with my favorite Asian (I'd hardly call it eavesdropping though since y'all are always screaming at each other). Either way, thanks for making me feel smart and for being a more-than-decent lab partner for Bio. Couldn't have done it without you.

Meagan K: MegMeg, how you make me smile. Your patience with me is unbelievable and you stuck with me while we endured the horrors of BrayBray and rehearsal. That alone deserves an award. You are so talented at what you do, please don't let anyone dictate your dreams, okay? Go get 'em, ese.

Emma Kerr: I still refuse to believe that you're taller than me. I also refuse to believe that you are any older than eleven. You, kiddo, are growing more talented and more beautiful every day and I am so proud of you, okay? Never forget that.

Emmalene: For some reason I keep referring to you as my fairy godmother. Thanks for always making me feel like a princess.

Nayte: From Bonin's freshman Lit squad, to Geometry with Ruda, to Algebra with Mr. C and Bonin's Junior Lit. You've always stood by me and endured it all. Go team.

Elise Banderob: Lowkey my favorite freshman. Thanks for letting us in on all the amateur drama and being our eyes on the inside XD

Jay Gibb: My dude, your hugs are life. Thanks for letting me embarrass you in front of your freshman friends xo

Ellie D: Thanks for hating the same people as I do and for being a super chill prefect. Oh! And for putting baby powder in our beds. That was heaven.

Kevin Jiang: Your passive agressiveness and sass alone could kill. You keep doing you, gurl.

David Oh: I still have to beat you up. Don't worry, I'll take it easy on you <3

Brandt: We need to catch up. I haven't seen you in centuries.

She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named: Thanks for giving all of PAS a common enemy.

Haidy: You are the craziest Korean I know. God bless you child.

Jerry and Liam: You guys are definitely my favorite new additions to EHX.

James Briand: You're gonna go far, my friend. Keep doing what you do.

Megan M: You're the cutest and I love you to bits.

Matt Johnson: Your high fives are the greatest.

Will Kim: Can we get Will in here? Of course we can.

Anne from Stillman: Thanks for always asking how my day is going and for stealing me cookies when no one's watching and for wishing me happy holidays every time I leave. Your work does not go unappreciated.

Mr. McCarthy: The fact that you can call me nothing but Mia-Maya-Moya every single time you see me is impressive. You're a pretty fab advisor if I do say so myself. Thanks for using your kids as slave labor to make us food.

Dr. Davidge: You know what's up.

Bragan: Man, do you get on my nerves but you sure manage to pull off a great show.

Marilyn: I've lucked out in terms of costumes. You've managed to make me look decent in 5/6 shows so far. I'd say that's a good run.

Mrs. Smith: The fact that you don't hate me still amazes me, to be honest. Oh, and thank you for letting me date your son :)

Mrs. Bonin: You believe in my shine. Please don't let the brilliance fizzle out.

All State Judges: Holy crap thank you for choosing me.

Tyler Oakley and Zoe Sugg: How you make me laugh and smile.

Catbug: You're my friend now. We're having soft tacos later.

CryWolf: Your voice and lyrics follow me into my dreams, sometimes.

Ed Sheeran: Thanks for listening to me weep and stuff.

Johnny Depp: I swear, you're a human shape-shifter.

Emma Watson: You flawless woman, you.

Brennan's: Thank you for adopting Yan Diego into your family. Hannah means the world to him.

Doires: Oh my, my, my... The fact that you have an entire room in your house that I claim as mine must say something, right? You guys have been incredibly generous to me and my family and for that I am immensely grateful.

Mama and Papa Kerr: I think you both already know how thankful I am for y'all, but I'm gonna go ahead and say it anyway. You are my parents away from home and the fact that I get to see you throughout the day makes life at the Abbey a lot easier to bear. Thank you for adopting me and for your constant love and support. I love you guys.

My Angels in the Sky: Please continue to watch over me.

God: Thank you for listening to my prayers.

I am so blessed.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Turkey Day List #1

Thanks Claire for letting me steal your idea without your permission <3

Nonetheless, here are a few of the many things I am grateful for this year:

Singing: I could not go a day without you.

Poetry: For putting my thoughts and feelings into words without even asking.

Movies: For beckoning me over (even when I should be doing homework) and wrapping me up in your stories, good or bad.

Disney: For reminding me of the child that lives on inside all of us.

Hair Dye: For ridding me of my goody-two-shoes-ness.

Meds: For making my life a hell of a lot easier.

Ice Cream: For being a constant source of joy in my life. Especially on Mondays and Fridays.

My Cat Onesie: For keeping me warm and cuddly.

Mr. Bunny: For sticking around all these years and not minding when you end up on the floor.

My Crazy Dreams: For reminding me of why I want to become a writer and for making really good stories at dinner.

Music: For bringing me sanity when I have none.

Technology: For allowing me to stay in touch with my nearest and dearest.

My Red Converse: For making me feel like a cool kid since day 1, freshman year.

Sitka's Green Bracelet: For reminding me that you'll always be my big brother.

Post its: Without you, I might as well forget my head.

Hamlet: For being my most recent discovery of pure genius.

Pinterest: For keeping track of my future wedding plans XD

Tumblr: For wasting most of my time but keeping me inspired everyday.

Berklee: For the excitement, suspense, and the drive that makes us pull through.

PAS: For accepting me and letting me find some of the most amazing people I've ever met in my entire life.

The Stairwell: For holding some of my dearest memories.

Room E: For listening to me cry of heartache and squeal with joy.

Auditorium: For letting me feel like a star over and over again.

Kerr Basement: What a fantastic little cave you are.

Claire's House: For being my safe haven away from school.

Twin's House: For hosting the most legendary game of Sardines the world has ever known.

Custom House: Even though I never visit you, I know you're always there <3

Late night walks around campus: For bringing me down to earth and reminding me that I am still human.

Abbey Drama: For letting me skip sports. It does not go unappreciated.

Claire & Maya Week 2015: For the endless adventures and excursions that would not have been possible otherwise.

Sun, Wind, Moon, Sky: You never cease to amaze me.

This Blog: For making me feel a part of something bigger that might perhaps be worth it in the end.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Tuesday Evenings

Tuesday Evenings

Maya Wilson

She sat down by the stone wall,

Feet dangling off into nothingness.

She felt his presence beside her and

Smiled.

He shot her a lopsided grin which forced her

To laugh. It wasn't bad.

A few moments of silence were followed by a

Stream of giggles she couldn't turn off.

This made him laugh and that made her

Happy.

It was dark out, but she could still see

His eyes

And the stars and the planes in the sky.

They found themselves looking up,

Otherwise stealing glances at each other

And it was nice. It was good.

Somehow, her head found its way to his shoulder

And what she'd give to stay like that for just a while longer.

It was peaceful. It was good.

The air was brisk and the wind nipped at her nose but

The warmth she felt there, sitting next to him, was worth it.

Sometimes, all she could hear was his breathing and

Her own heartbeat but

Somehow that was enough.

All was well.

Things would be okay.

Exceptional

Good isn't good enough.

It never has been.

Not for me.

You'd think that after nearly sixteen years on this earth I'd understand the whole concept of "humans aren't perfect". Clearly, my brain has an entirely different opinion—that others are allowed to be imperfect; that others are allowed to make mistakes, but not me. Somehow, out of all seven billion humans on this planet, my mind decided that I am the only one that needs to appeal to a different standard. A higher standard.

Does that make me sound like an arrogant, pretentious bastard? Hell yeah, it probably does. But my point here isn't to be polite or be cautious with my words. Screw it, I'm just gonna let my thoughts do the typing from now on.

I try really hard. And before you cut me off here, I mean I try really, really fucking hard to do well. To be good, that is. At everything.

It took me a few years to accept the fact that I wasn't always gonna be the best. Again, I must sound like I think I'm King of the World or Head Bitch or something but that's really not what I mean.

Growing up, I was the angel child. Perfect, sweet little Maya. Could never hurt a fly. Couldn't do a wrong thing in the world. I went to bed on time and ate most of my vegetables and wiped my feet on the mat before going inside and never broke any promises and cleaned my room and finished all my homework and most of all, I kept my parents happy. I was the child all parents wish they could brag about. I got good grades, I was friendly to other kids, I always said please and thank you, I made eye contact, I smiled and nodded, I was relatively talented, I checked all the boxes that spelt "perfect".

Despite these things, I was always a little bit off, a little too eccentric, a little too different. I found out that I felt things more than others. I wasn't sure why.

Pre-K, I remember the teacher telling me it wasn't nice to bump into that kid during snack time. In reality, it had just been an accident, but the teacher had misunderstood and thought I'd shoved myself into Yasmine. I could've sworn I hadn't. Tears sprang to my eyes at the thought of being chastised and at the thought of hurting someone else. You did bad, Maya. You did bad.

So Ms. Karen put me in a time-out and I cried my entire way through the ten minutes. I remember saying sorry over and over and over, that "No, Ms. Karen, you don't understand—I'm really, really sorry, and I won't ever do it again!" She kept saying she understood, that it was okay, that I didn't need to apologize anymore but she really didn't understand. I was apologizing for being bad, yes, but I was also apologizing for failing to be perfect. I was what... five? Almost over a decade ago.

Yet the same things apply now.

For a consecutive six years, I got the highest GPA in my grade. I was used to receiving honor roll and certificates and diplomas and medals. I'd hear other students talk about how their parents were going to buy them a new phone if they got a 80 on their Social Studies test. I didn't even own a phone.

See, the thing is everyone acted like Maya getting 99s in every class was normal, like it was easy. Not trying to victimize myself here but just how easy did they think the pressure I put on myself was? It certainly didn't come from my parents. They were always the "get good grades but don't stress, just do your best" type. My brain thought that was bullshit. Whatever voice I had inside my head screamed that everyone would be disappointed if I didn't succeed. And eventually I started to believe it. So I worked my ass off and stressed about the impossible and the irrational.

I always concluded that in the end, no matter what I did, people would hate me.

I'm not sure why that was always end game for me, but it was. That's the only thing I was always 100% set on, no matter how wrong I was.

I think my parents got a bit too used to my success because sometimes they'd walk in on me hyperventilating over sheet music and wonder what was wrong.

"Maya, why on earth are you stressed about this song? You've sung it a hundred times!"

But it's not fucking perfect yet. I have to get it right. I need to. I need to. I need to.

It probably didn't help that I was in about a thousand extracurriculars because again, I felt the need to accomplish as much as possible and keep people on my good side and maintain a flawless reputation, bla bla bla. But I kept smiling and laughing at people's dumb jokes and handing out empty compliments until I turned into the most tasteless, impartial and bland human on earth. I had entirely forgotten who I was. I knew damn well who I wanted to be. Unfortunately that goal will forever be realistically unattainable. Oh well.

I had physically become the scum of the earth. A liar. A poser. A fake.

Or at least that's what the voice inside my head told me. Whether it's true or not is another matter entirely.

At some point when I was fairly young, I discovered that I was talented. Not like my brother, no—I couldn't draw. Or perhaps, maybe I could, but everyone was always so intent on calling Yan Diego the artist that I gave up before I had even started.

So I decided to be talented in something else.

I wasn't coordinated enough to play a sport, so that was out of the question.

I did ballet for a while and I was pretty good at that.

I liked to read but I didn't consider reading a real talent.

With reading came writing but I thought that people would get bored from looking at words for too long, so I refrained from showing anyone my work.

Then I found out I could sing. And that was pretty cool.

Then I found out other people could sing, too. So I decided I had to be better than them. I had to be special.

No, I had to be exceptional.

I was (am) so afraid that I wouldn't be remembered, or worse—remembered for being the absolute worst human on earth.

I wanted so badly for some part of me to stick out. I wanted to be beautiful. I wanted to be clever, I wanted to be smart. I wanted to be good.

I wanted to be fucking exceptional, you see, but I didn't quite realize yet that there would always be someone far better, and always be someone far worse.

But no, I had to be at the top. Grades, friends, family. I had to be on top. I had to be in control. I had to control things. I had to be able to get a say, to have a choice, a voice—

Then I became best friends with someone truly exceptional. She was beauty. She was smarts. She was wit. She was talent.

To this day, we are still good friends. But she was always exceptional. And that hurt.

The thing is it shouldn't. Why the fuck should I care? I should be happy for her, goddammit. Not bitter about what I can't be. Yet she was always better, better, better.

Two things happened at once: my inflated ego (or so it seemed) had reduced itself to the size of a pea, and at the same time, I demanded that much more from myself.

Maya get with the program. Shoulders back. Head high. Louder voice. Wider smile.

Fuck it. That was me for so long. It was always me against her, except she didn't really know about the competition. She just did things and they were right.

Somewhere along the way to highschool I snapped. Exceptional was just too fucking hard. So why was I still pursuing it? Why was this so important to me?

Oh right. Parents. Happy. Good grades=good college=good job=success=financial stability.

I somehow felt and still feel responsible for their happiness. Not just theirs. Everyone's.

That's why I wanted to be perfect.

Not for me.

Okay maybe a little for me.

But I wanted to be good for others. I wanted approval. I wanted to be great. I wanted people to love me.

I wanted to be kind. I wanted to be needed. God, I wanted to be needed. I didn't wanna feel useless.

The voice inside my head made me feel useless.

You ruin everything. You're no good. You're not enough.

You're not enough.

You're not enough.

I just want to be enough.

Do you love me?

Can I love you?

Is that okay?

Are you sure?

But I'm not who you think I am, I'm really not.

You shouldn't have me love you. You shouldn't love me.

Come back please.

No wait.

Please come back.

Love me love me love me love me love me please.

I'm trying.

..........

And so goes the rest of the conversations I have in my head.

In short, to whom it may concern, I am a lot better now than the picture I painted here. Granted, I have my moments, but for the most part I don't really care about being exceptional anymore. Not really.

I wasn't really writing this for any reason in particular other than needing to go on a rant by myself with no interruptions. The page doesn't interrupt. Thanks page.

Might as well post my feelings to the internet because that's always a fantastic idea, right?

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

1898

1898

Maya Wilson

"It's on the third shelf," he said,

So I looked and found nothing but

An old copy of a Webster dictionary.

The year was 1908.

I couldn't recall anything special happening then

But then again, what if I was missing something?

"It's on the third shelf," he said,

And his eyes were so sure of it.

They doubted nothing and something

In them said: believe me.

I searched again but only found a postcard.

1898. Brooklyn. She says she loves you.

So there was a woman but who was she

And why did he care so much?

"It's on the third shelf," he said.

Now there was a tiny little box

Engraved: Angel.

I almost didn't dare open it but his

Eyes were so sure and his words so pure

That I snapped off the lid and

Let the most precious stone I've ever seen

Fall to the ground with a thud.

Her name was Denise.

Grandaddy said he'd marry her one day

But the next, she ran away and left

Nothing but the scent of her hair.

Peaches and sugar.

"It's on the third shelf," he said,

And again, it was good ol' Webster,

This time with a bookmark.

The word was love.

"Hold to it, my boy; you'll never know it 'til it leaves ya," he said.

Then Grandaddy stood up and went.

Well Worth The Pain

Hi.

It's been a while.

I have several posts that were meant to be published before this one but I'm afraid this particular one couldn't wait.

..........

Empathy... It's a horrifyingly beautiful thing. I'd like to believe most relatively "sane" people on this earth possess at least an ounce of it. This could be considered the human standard or minimum decency level.

I happen to possess about five tons of it. And sometimes, that can be the hardest thing in the world.

Forgive me as I go off on a tangent here, but I don't think I could ever explain how much hurt I feel when another is in pain. Instinctually, I care about everything that moves or breathes or lives or simply is. I develop a protectiveness over them all—hoping, in vain, that I can shelter each and every one of them from that which causes them pain.

I don't tend to talk about it unless we're super close but I've played my fair share of battles against depression and anxiety. I can proudly say I've come a long way compared to where I used to be. So yes, I am genuinely proud of myself.

Good job, Maya.

I am in a happier place than I used to be.

But, that does not mean that the darkest corners of my brain have ceased to exist. No, they're still very much alive but I rarely stumble across them anymore. Most of the occupied area of my mind shines with uncontainable light, generally blinding anyone who dares enter it. My point being, I hold far too much happy inside of me that it confuses some people XD That being said, those who do have the pleasure, if not "interesting experience" of meeting my mind, are often delighted by the brightness there. I like to think I'm full of sunshine and squirrels and ice cream and happy thoughts.

Still, there are times when stress or sadness or anger get the better of me, and so I retreat back to the dark, secluded corners of my brain. I haven't dusted up there in a long while so for the most part, it just makes me sneeze.

Hah. I made a joke. See, 'cuz you sneeze when you feel sick and being up in the attic of my brain makes me feel sick, get it?

I'm not really sure how to describe it to you.

It feels cold. Sort of like the wind felt outside today. The kind where you wish you had on gloves and a hat or wish that you'd brought an extra coat. You sit there on the floor—by yourself—and you begin to wonder if you really are alone and whether these dust bunnies and cobwebs just keep appearing or whether you keep putting them there? After a few minutes, you think you're starting to feel peaceful, even though you're alone, except your eyes aren't accustomed to the dark yet—not in the least—but you don't want to be sitting on the ground anymore so you get up and explore. It doesn't take you long to realize you've come to the front of a door. You're not sure how it got there and you're not sure where it will take you but curiosity takes the better of you, so you push it open. You've now entered somewhere more quiet—more peaceful—yet this place drowns in darkness you've never even dreamed of. Your eyes can't perceive any depth whatsoever so you reach out your hands to feel out the walls. You're in a maze. You turn left; there's no exit. You turn right a couple times; there's no exit.You're in there for what feels like hours and by now you wish you hadn't strayed from the original door. You hear the dull sound of something slamming shut. Slowly, but growing in intensity, the slamming is nearing you. It's chasing you. It's dark, the walls are closing in, the slamming is muffling your shouts. You can't get out. You can't get out. You can't get out. Your chest heaves gulps of air in and out and in and out but it's only getting darker and now screams have joined the slamming but you can't tell if they're someone else's or your own. Your chest is on fire but you gotta keep breathing to survive. The sounds become deafening and before the worst is over you open your eyes and you're back in your little dark corner full of dust bunnies and moth balls and you wonder if you ever even moved from that spot in the first place?

I'm sorry if I got a bit sidetracked there.

Back to my point: empathy. It's a bitch. A beautiful bitch, but a bitch nonetheless.

I've never had any children and I don't plan on it for a long while but I'd imagine empathy/protectiveness is 90% of what a mother—a parent—feels. It's like you want to shelter that someone from anything that could ever possibly go wrong. And if anything does go wrong, it's like you're experiencing the pain yourself. You want to wrap them up in a hug and never let them go. You want to shower them in kisses and tell them that they are loved. So so so loved. You want to tell them that they are not alone, that they are never alone and should never have to feel alone. You want to tell them that they are beautiful, and special, and clever, and loved. You want them to see themselves the way you see them: as a ray of sunshine or a shooting star or the moon or a sweater on a rainy day. You want them to feel so fucking happy and you want to sew up all the holes in their despair. You never want them to feel hopeless.

And so yes, I may have an excess of empathy, but no matter how much it drains me at times, I like to think I'm exceptionally lucky.

Not many human beings (that I know of) care so deeply for matters that don't even directly concern them. How lucky I am to love so unconditionally.

Because along with the bad times, come the good times, and it's the good times that I live for.

When someone scores their first goal; or when they hit that note they never thought they could reach; or when they play a piece so beautifully, I think I might cry; or when they finish a masterpiece that's taken them weeks to complete; or when they get an A on a test; or when they're excited about seeing a friend they haven't seen in months; or when they've had a fantastic night; or when they dance to their heart's content; or when they write a poem that leaves me speechless; or when they're giddy about eating a cupcake; or when you can just see the plain joy across their face, radiating from within; or when you see their simple smile that lights up the whole room.

Those are the moments that make it worth it. Those are the things that make all the pain so much more bearable.

Because there is so much pain in this world; so much misery; so much suffering. But I couldn't stand to live my whole life focusing on the negative.

Yes, there is pain. Yes, there is suffering. Yes, there is misery.

But there is also joy, and there is excitement, and there is bliss.

Feeling both isn't necessarily bad. It just means you're human.

..........

And there you have it, folks. Just a few thoughts I've had on my mind for a while and thought I should share.

Hasta la proxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: Thanks for toughing it out with me, C <3

On Crickets and Crayons and Wings

Well. Here concludes my first Abbey weekend, I guess.

I meant to write this post like three days ago (my bad....) but it appears I'd run out of time and energy.

So here I am.

Yesterday (Saturday, the 19th) was an interesting day. To kick it off, I handed in my first ever Overview for APUSH. That was a helluva relief.

After classes, Bray-Bray decided to cancel play practice, so that was awesome. I pretended like I was gonna do homework, but we all know that didn't happen. Sooner or later, I ended up in the Wing, where Abar decided to pop outta nowhere and make an appearance. It was really fun seeing him again :)

We went to dinner, where we met up with Claire, Brandt, Max, and the others. Eventually, Claire and I decided to head back to the dorm, except on the way, we bumped into a cozy little circle of people sitting out on the lawn, singing.

Now, this was weird. It was weird because it didn't consist of my little crew of favorite human beings. It wasn't our crew. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure this little group was full of lovely people, but the fact of the matter is they weren't my people.

They were a bunch of freshman and sophomores surrounding this one girl, Rory, who happens to be the younger sister of someone in my grade. Bottom line, her voice was insane. And by insane, I mean killer. And by killer, I mean she gave me chills.

And yes, I will admit—and I know y'all are gonna scold me for thinking like this so, I'm already ahead of you there—hearing her sing was a definite blow to the ego.

Her pipes were raspy, and unique, and loud, and those are all qualities I've struggled for years to try and learn to work on or live without.

Needless to say, I packed up my backpack and marched all the way back to the Wing, to sing until I felt better about myself.

I practiced EHX songs, I practiced my voice lesson songs, I tried learning a couple new songs by ear, I sang things to widen my range, I tried singing my favorites, I tried singing classics, I sang contemporary, I tried everything. In the end, I had a headache and some extremely sore vocal chords.

And yet, somehow I still felt overshadowed by this one, singular voice. A fucking beautiful voice, at that.

It wasn't until I couldn't feel my throat anymore and I was walking down the path back to my dorm, that I started to feel a little bit better.

I remembered this book I read when I was in kindergarten. It was about crayons.

Now, hear me out before you go ahead and skip reading this part.

It was about all the colors in the crayon box. And how all of them were beautiful.

Except no one ever wanted to use the white crayon. Cuz you can't use white crayons on white paper, duh (unless you're water coloring but that wasn't the point of this book.)

Spoiler alert: some kindergartener decides to draw on a black piece of paper that day and reaches for the white crayon. Oh, boy, did that crayon feel special.

I know, random anecdote of Maya's childhood literary choices, but my point is, this little story somehow felt more comforting than four hours of singing till my voice cracked like a 13-year-old boy's.

Despite having rushed to the Wing in a jolt of low self-esteem, I began to contemplate how much that basement of rooms means to me.

It's my little corner of the world. My space to do as I please and sing to my heart's content. Granted, I can only belt when the Wing is empty, so as not to disturb the peace, but that's besides the point.

I was on my way back to the dorm and by now the sky had gone pitch black.

Mr. Baron spoke to us earlier that day (or the day before) about not wasting moments.

Now, moments are curious. They come and go in flashes and just as we're about to grasp them, they disappear.

In that particular moment, I found myself sore, and cold, and in a bit of a sulky mood. So, instead of taking the easy way out, I decided to take a risk by leaving myself to my own thoughts. And nature. Mainly nature.

I made sure to walk reaaaaaaaallly slowly. And if you actually know me, you'd find that very hard to believe. But yes, I decided to consciously walk slowly for once.

Making my way down past Martin's, I made sure to look at every tree, notice how tall each lamppost was—sulk at my comparative height—listen to every chirp or bug around. And as I began to listen, the night sounds seemed to grow louder.

So loud, until I couldn't even hear myself think anymore. And that's not a bad thing.

There were crickets, and cicadas, and who knows whatever else was out there. Nonetheless, I found myself in complete awe at their combined sound. I had to stop for a moment, just by the edge of the road, to actually feel the vibration of sound, resonating within the ground and within me.

A few mosquitos found their way to my ankles, ruining the moment.

Fucking mosquitos.

Deciding I did not like bugs anymore, I walked further down the road, almost near Manor, where I stood atop Mike's favorite rock: one found just between a little cluster of trees. There, I had a perfect view of the bay, and the sky, and the stars, and the still earth beneath me.

I let my gaze rest on Orion's belt—the only constellation I know by heart—and sighed at just how brilliant it was. The whole thing.

I could hear the distant rolling of waves lapping at the shore, though the tide seemed quite calm, and I'd be lying if I told you I hadn't lost it for a moment.

Truth is, I had, in fact, completely lost myself in a trance of stars and flowers and constellations. The sky stood brilliantly before me, and I let it envelope me in its almost chilling embrace. Yeah, the wind was rough that night.

Eventually, the same damn mosquitos found their way back to me, forcing me out of my own beloved peace of mind.

Cursing the darned things, I made my way back to Benets, allowing the full fatigue of the day to finally catch up to me.

What happened later was fun, I will admit, but didn't seem to matter nearly as much.

I met up with CJS and took a walk before stopping by the admin building and sitting by the front benches. We talked and goofed around and joked about a glow stick he happened to find on the ground (I warned him not to pick it up). And it was fun.

The next day, I felt productive and took a stab at getting ahead on work, which was indeed a smart decision. Later that day, I met up with CJS again and we watched Ocean's 11 (I'd never seen it before). It was asdghjflewoiwehqjfnmv *insert heart eyes here*

So yeah. That was my first weekend. Pretty solid, I think.

Now it's on to the next one.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Baby Steps

(I actually meant to post this last night but apparently I fell asleep...Whoops)

Hello dearest fluffernutters.

I just looked up that word and it actually looks somewhat delicious.

Anyway.

Guess who finished her first day of Junior yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr???

ME! I did! 100% moi! I did I did I diddd

As Dora would say: We did it! We did it! We did it! Yeah! Lo hicimos! We did it! *insert creepy Dora music here*

Okay, sorry about that. It had to be done.

Let's just start with the fact that yesterday was a really super shitty day. That being said, I woke up at 6:30am on the dot without an alarm. I know. I'm just cool like that.

Unfortunately, it took two blow dryers, four separate outlets, and twenty minutes to blow dry my hair after I'd showered. But hey, one's gotta look good on their first day of school as an upperclassman :)

I was quite happy with my outfit, if I do say so myself (YD's girlfriend's hand-me-down dress and a pair of painful heel boots XD). I actually put makeup on for once in my life. Not a lot, but just enough to feel like I was more than just boring haha

Also, might I mention that the absolutely lovely Hannah Banderob has been paired as my roommate for this year and so far it's going fabulously <3 She's such a dear.

Anyway, so I headed to Abbey breakfast around 7:40 and met up with Claire Bear and saw CJS. The rest of our crew was being musical with Schola (I think that's how you spell that...)

Next was church, where I just sorta zoned out for an hour and marveled with Claire at Schola's new sound.

Then was the first assembly of the year, in which new teachers and faculty were announced and Liam and Sydney gave a speech about cyberbullying and Ruda came back with another announcement as DJ Ruda. It was fun.

My first class was Art History. I believe that went swimmingly even though I only knew half the people in my class. After that was Algebra 2, in which I struggled to remember what a function was and how to convince Mr. C that I'm not stupid. Next I had a free period (Thank Heavens) but I was hungry so I got lunch with G block huehuehue :P I chilled with Emma and Brandt and the blondes for a while before leaving back to my dorm to sort through the rest of my crap.

At 1:30, I strolled into the RLH with a very different group of people to join for Mrs. Bonin's Lit 3 class. Here she decided to make fun of me and call me a twelve year old. I kid you not. I will get you back, Mrs. Bonin, just wait for it...

After talking about summer reading and book reviews and Twilight (I have no idea how the topic came up), I went back to Benets for my dorm picture and to prepare for the play auditions.

We still have another day of auditions to go, but I think they went decently well. I gave it my best, at least. The turn out was better than I expected, considering most of our actors graduated last year. I was there with Meagan and C which was the highlight, by far.

To cut it short, then I had dinner and went back to my dorm to take a nap cuz I was exhausted for no reason. And so now I'm writing this. (Mainly just for me to remember my first day hehehe)

Basically, this year will be stressstressstress but I gotta take things one step at a time.

Baby steps.

Then it'll be okay.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: I saw Jay and gave him a hug today!