Creation

by: Maya Wilson

..........

I forget what it's like to write.
Even now, this pen and this paper
Seem unfamiliar to me.
My hands no longer recognize
The previous ease with which I'd jot down my thoughts.
I have been distracted.
I'm sorry.
Many months have passed since I last created.
I feel nothing now.
Even now, as I sit in this room full of strangers,
A mind once racing with ideas lies
Still
And
Colorless.
Forgive me, but I am weary and no longer remember
What it feels to create.
Lord have mercy, I am aching, I am craving,
Send me some sort of sign!
Jesus, Mary, Joseph, God!
Teach me how you did it?
How did it feel when the sun shed its first rays?
How did you know when to make the next day?
Help me, Lord—I'm drowning!
I've forgotten how to create.

The Final Bow

I'm not entirely sure how I want to start this off but I guess I should start by saying we did it?

And I guess I should also mention that I am beyond proud of every single one of you for all of your incredible hard work in the past three months. You know who you are.

That's right, folks. Today the Abbey held its last Addams Family performance and we closed it off with a bang (meaning we did a pretty fucking fantastic job).

Firstly, I wanna give my thanks to Bray-Bray, Papa Kerr and Mrs. B: it has been such an honor and a privilege to play Wednesday Addams. I have never had more fun with a role in all my years of acting.

To Mami and Javi: It amazes me how you literally flew out for a weekend just to see me perform on a high school stage. It means more to me than you'll ever know. I love you so much.

To Haidy and Emmalene: God bless your patient, generous souls and if it weren't for you, Fester wouldn't be bald, Morticia would be blonde, Gomez would have a lame-ass mustache, Pugsley would still be tan, Grandma would be about 90 years too young, Lurch would look like a normal human being, and Wednesday wouldn't sport kickass black lipstick.

..........

Goddammit I fell asleep. Let's just pretend I posted this yesterday, shall we?

..........

To Pags and his minions: You built us a spooky mansion with many quirks. Our home may have been rebuilt multiple times with various errors along the way but would the Addams have it any other way?

To Eric: I have no clue who you're passing the torch down to, but they better be half as good as you are at lighting up a stage.

To Claire Bear, our Queen of Sound and #1 fangirl: I told you you would not regret choosing stage crew. I told you there would be pros and cons to either situation. I think it's safe to say you're pretty happy with the side you chose ;) Now you can truly say you've done it all. Thanks for battling the war that is the soundboard and for eliminating our echoes and for letting our voices ring crystal clear. Also, your opening night break-a-leg-cards never go unappreciated. In fact, it's the one thing I always look forward to before each show. Thank you. So much.

To Rory and Brandt: I will forever miss your smiling goon faces every rehearsal. Your incessant teasing and lame jokes and hilarious stories are enough to make my day. You guys are the actual best. I am so proud of you.

To Jimmy: You, my dear, saved my ass more times than I can count during this run, so God bless. Thanks for making my first stage kiss less awkward, I guess? 

To Carly: Watching you transform from Hedy LaRue into Morticia Addams has been the coolest thing in the world, I swear. You started off as a lucky sophomore that barely knew what she was doing and turned into a confident, seasoned senior, owning the stage. Your voice is enough to make people's ears melt and your comic timing is flawless. Thanks for being the next legend to play my mother (next to Sophia Diodati).

To my child, Emma K: I am so glad you got to be a part of this. Never would I ever have thought I'd get the chance to perform alongside you, and it has been so much fun to have you by my side over the course of these three months. I can't wait to keep watching you grow as an actress and as a person. I love you muchly.

For many of you, this was your last hurrah. I can't think of a better musical to end with. We owned that stage. Each and every one of us found bits of magic within ourselves and the second we stepped in front of an audience, we let that part of us explode. It's amazing what a costume, a bit of makeup, and lots of rehearsal can do. The first time I put my hair into two braids, I knew automatically something about my aura was different; no—I didn't automatically become a sadistic psychopath that tortured people in her free time. However, I did feel more of an edge in my voice and a stiffness in each step, more of a crunching in every word than before.

The same could be said about many of you. Carly, you mastered Morticia's elegance, incomparable passion and hand motions with ease. Jimmy, you took a dweeb like Lucas and gave him his own spark. Brandt, every aspect of your personality became stale, sarcastic and dry—just like Mal. Rory, over time you were able to develop Uncle Fester's quirky wit and still bring your own humor to the role. Caellum... Good God, C, you just became Gomez (minus the Spanish accent). It was so fun to watch all of you become these characters and see you interpret and mold them in your own way.

Arriving to the auditorium yesterday, I fully accepted my fate.

Here goes.

I let my footsteps lead me down the staircase, passing senior posters I made with my own hands along the way. Haidy and Emmalene were at the ready, fluttering about with their fairy-godmother-like powers. The clock ticked as more people started to show up and the common dressing room buzz increased.

Everything about the Sunday show is always different. The crowd, the energy, the vibes... It's all different.

Not bad. Just different.

Three full months of auditions and rehearsal and stress and anxiety all culminating in this one performance. Besides, this one was being filmed, so it had to be good. I have to say, it all felt sorta surreal. There's no way this would be the last time I'd get to perform a musical with my best buds. There's no way...

Gathering my thoughts and blaming my tears on eyelash glue, I headed upstairs to Bray-Bray's office to wait for our usual pre-show circle. We took out the infamous "eraser" and erased the previous night's performance, allowing for a fresh, new start. I kinda hate that part.

As Pags spoke the last pre-show prayer, I clutched C's hand like my life depended on it.

Please be a dream please be a dream please be a dream.

Then Bray-Bray called places and so "Thanks Places" buzzed around backstage as we all huddled around the wings. C gave little Emma a hug and I could tell she absolutely did not want to let go.

And then it was go time. The overture started playing and the adrenaline started to kick in.

Da da da dun 

*snap* *snap* 

Da da da dun 

*snap* *snap* 

Da da da dun, Da da da dun, Da da da dun 

*snap* *snap*

Overall, the show was going great. We had a pretty huge turnout, all things considered. Everyone performed to the best of their ability and the crowd ate it all up.

Act I down. 1 more to go.

Jimmy and I started Act 2 with a blowout fight. It was fantastic. 

But then came time for the one scene I dreaded most: Happy/Sad.

I looked at Caellum and I think he just knew. I made him swear to fix my makeup if it ran onstage. We hugged just before going on and I mean, I didn't really wanna let go but he was starting to hand me my crossbow and I didn't wanna shoot him by accident...

-"Wednesday!"

-"Don't even!"

-"Where do you think you're going, young lady?"

-"Away."

Please don't go please don't go please don't go

I tried to keep my shit together, C. I tried. But this was our last time. And I looked out into the audience and all I could see was darkness and a singular bright light shining ahead. And yet in the midst of all this darkness, you were the only face I could see. You sat right beside me and goddamn me for being all profound and sentimental right now but if that's not symbolic, I don't know what is.

-"Life is full of contradictions, every inch a mile. At the moment we start weeping..."

But then you looked at me and I couldn't hold it together anymore and I cried and it hurt and the world hurt and I was fully aware an entire audience was watching me but I couldn't stop.

-"That's when we should smile."

So Caellum, thank you for your time. I got to see you grow from J. Pierrepont Finch to Sam Wheat to Gomez Addams. And I couldn't be more proud. I had the privilege on not only knowing you, but becoming your friend. Thank you for being my family. Thank you for looking out for me. Thank you for giving me so many beautiful and occasionally disturbing memories. You are one of the best friends I could ever ask for. It's been a good run.

I'm not ready I'm not ready I'm not ready

When we took that final bow... Damn. I felt so happy, yet so sad. Happy/Sad. I love applauding for you all. I love reminding you all of how accomplished and talented and capable each of you are. Thank you for making this an unforgettable experience.

Before I absolutely lose it, I'm gonna wrap up with a Winnie the Pooh quote:

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Holy Fricken Frack

Well. I told you I'd be busy, didn't I?

Either way, here we are: February 15th (my little Suki's 7th bday holy crap) and I have SO MUCH to tell you.

Let's see, where did I leave off?

Ah, yes.

Firstly there was Berklee. I have so many feelings about that. I may or may not have a post written about it later... In the meantime, please go read Claire's recap of it here.

That was during the first half of our Winter Weekend. The second half was filled with various events ranging from fun to exciting to downright dangerous (we get competitive while playing games... *ehem* Catan *ehem*).

That Sunday, I finally got to see Star Wars in theaters with the bae. I also had an impromptu shopping spree with Claire and Max (my real baes, obviously) where we raided Sally's and bought Claire's first batch of hair dye (SUPER EXCITING!). Later that evening, we all ended up playing Settlers of Catan in Caellum's bedroom and dare I say, it was one of the most hilarious things I have ever experienced. We played in pairs, so Rory and Claire officially won, while Max and I took a close second, and meanwhile, poor Conor and Caellum were left begging for cyanide in their fruitless nation. I may have peed myself laughing once or twice. The next day snowed buckets and so obviously we thought it'd be a great idea to go sledding.

Wrong. We were so, so very wrong. Our faces were nearly burned away from wind chill and I was feelin the frostbite coming on. Instead, we took to Martin's, where Max and I proved to everyone else that we are true soulmates (and we also kick ass at Squares). We probably spent around three hours shuffling cards around and getting into heated competitions of Speed and Poker. I love my people.

Alas, the next day we had school, so naturally we were overcome with woe.

But that was that.

OTHER SUPER INTERESTING THING THAT HAPPENED RECENTLY:

I had my first stage kiss ever and it was awkward as fuck and I completely missed the first time and God bless Jimmy for putting up with my shit but holy crap I was so nervous and I kinda wanted to die

Since then, we've had to kiss like a trillion more times for The Addams Family but thank goodness it's only gotten easier and increasingly less awkward (except for, yaknow, the fact that the whole school and my boyfriend are gonna be watching but oh whale).

This past Thursday was Poetry Out Loud and as per usual, I memorized my poem like half an hour before the actual event (I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS, DO NOT TRY IT AT HOME) yet somehow I managed getting first place...?????????

Like........ wat. But yeah, that happened.

The weekend dragged on because Tech but HEY WE'RE GONNA PUT ON A MIGHTY FINE SHOW SO IT IS ALL A-OKAY. Plus, Saturday night the squad got to watch Deadpool and I have never not regretted something more in my life. IT WAS EFFING AMAZING.

You may be wondering what I did on my Valentine's Day especially considering the fact that I actually have a bae this year (I know none of you are wondering but I'm salty about it so I'm gonna tell you anyway).

Well, my dearest friends, I did absolutely nothing. Why, you ask? Well, because I was stuck in the goddamn auditorium the whole day and so I didn't even get to see CJS and usually I hate Valentine's Day so I wouldn't even care but it was mildly upsetting and I was stressed and homesick and exhausted and fricken frack it wasn't a good time.

ANYWAY, today was a new day and it actually went pretty well :) Tomorrow I may die after APUSH first period but yaknowI it's really okay. I should be studying right now. Ugh.

I have so many other things I'm probably forgetting but—OH WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED! MAMI AND JAVI ARE COMING TO SEE THE SHOW THIS WEEKEND AND I AM BEYOND EXCITED TO SEE THEM AGAIN AHHHHH

Yay, exciting :)

Quick shoutout to Shelbs for making me smile every single day and to Claire for being my bestest bae and to Max for tolerating my shit and to C for loving me unconditionally and to CJS for being a love and to Soph for actually deciding to go on a kickass trip with us and to Papa Kerr for being selfless and kind and to Hannah Banana for being the best roommate ever and to Emmalene for enduring the pain that is tech and making me feel hardcore as Wednesday and to Brandt for making me laugh and to Lil Kerr for being my child. There are really a lot of other people I should be thanking right now but I'm hoping they get the idea already.

Okay, but now I should really actually try and be productive.

Hasta la próxima!

Much love xoxo

Maya

Snow Days, Surprises and Birthdays

So. It finally snowed.

Take that global warming!

Anyway, because of this tiny miracle, the Abbey finally let us have a snow day. God bless. Yep, first snow day of the year and guess who didn't sleep in? Moi. Yeah. Woke up at 5:45am on the dot, got the email around 6:30, went to breakfast just around 7ish. Of course, snow days don't stop Bray-Bray from having rehearsal, but I mean, hey—The Addams Family isn't all bad. In fact, it's the first musical I've actually thoroughly enjoyed here, so props to us :) I spent the next four hours in a cat onesie, doing absolutely nothing in the art building *cough* totally not canoodling with the boyf *cough* After rehearsal, I sorta milled about on my own and did some jamming in the Wing—til I got kicked out by a couple of lowerclassmen scrubs doing inappropriate business...

Fun times. That night I spent chilling with the boarder peeps (aka Brandt, Max, Cassie, Anjli, Rory, Jon, etc...) watching Mad Max: Fury Road in the boys' common room. Explosions ensued.

The next day—surprise surprise!—was my little nugget's 11th birthday. That's right, my little Javi is officially two full hands and a toe old. That's a lot. What am I doing with my life.

What my dearest CJS neglected to tell me, though, was that it was also his mother's birthday. Thanks a lot, babe. Instead, I learned this wonderful bit of news from C, and so he happily dragged me along to her ambush/surprise party. Needless to say, it would've been a tad bit awkward if I had just shown up at their house without knowing that. Oh whale.

Random sidenote: not that any of you were wondering, but I should 100% be writing my english paper right now. Guess what's not getting done tonight?

Ignore me. Anyway, as I was saying, it was a jolly old time at the S house with about three other families crowding around the place. After they all left, though, I being the super special creature that I am got to stay and so CJS and I got to watch A Beautiful Mind, which was quite emotional to say the least.

So that was my weekend in a nutshell. Next week is Berklee. Dear Lord, help us all...

Week after that is tech and then whoop-di-do! It's show time. Week after that: exams. God bless the Abbey.

I'M GONNA BE SO BUSY SO I'M SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR PROBABLY NOT POSTING LIKE EVER BUT HEY I'LL TRY <3

I love you all to infinity and banana :)

Hasta la proxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya <3

P.S: MY BRO GOT INTO COLLEGE TODAY AND I AM SO PROUD FRICK YES

Constellations

Constellations

by: Maya Wilson

I like holding your hand.
Fingers intertwining, veins pulsating
+ the comfort of knowing you care.
I like holding your hand because
I can count your freckles.
You laugh every time I point out
the milky way,
"No, silly, that's in the sky," you say.
"But don't you see? It's right on your hand!"
I like that your body is made of constellations.
Every freckle is another star bursting with
Brilliance
And every star is another reason to love you.
You are made of the stars, darling,
And I would never change a single one.
So when I hold your hands next,
Just let me trace your constellations.
It's entertaining.

What's Up?

Wow, I haven't posted since last year. That's quite a while.

Haha it's a joke, get it? Cuz it actually wasn't all that long ago... I'm so funny.

Anyway.

So far, The Addams Family is going swimmingly (we're almost done with Act I, thank God), EHX is sounding progressively better (we have a thing at URI tomorrow and I get to miss class woooo), SEMI IS TOMORROW AND I AM BEYOND EXCITED <3

Hmmmm let's see... Wellllllllll school is fine, I guess. It's still school.

Mid-January and it still hasn't snowed yet. Goddammit.

Break was lovely. I got to see the fam and I hung out with all my old college peeps and we had a grand old time. I miss free time.

In short, the next couple months will get crazy busy, I'm sure, but hopefully I get the chance to write sometime in between. I'm having a good time with my people and I hope everyone continues to keep their head up for the rest of winter term. It'll all be okay.

Here's to a great new year :)

Hasta la proxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: Happy early birthday Sitka <3 Stop getting so freaking old. Ew.

HAPPY MERRY NEW YEARS ALMOST

Well, first and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAEVE I LOVE YOU INFINITELY <3

It has been one hell of a year, let me tell you that. I could list all the things that I'm grateful for but I mean, y'all would get pretty tired of that XD So instead, I'm probably just gonna be boring and do the same thing I did last year, which is steal a bunch of questions off the internet and fill them in.

1) What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren about?

The greatest quinceañera of all time, that's what. What greater birthday spent than at Disney World with your very best friends?

2) If you had to describe your 2015 in 3 words, what would they be?
Challenging, exhilarating, magical.

3) What new things did you discover about yourself?

I'm way tougher than I thought I was. I also am capable of so much more than I think I am.

4) What single achievement are you most 

proud of?

Not gonna lie, I'm quite proud of many things I did this year, but choosing to say enough is enough and walking out of an abusive situation is by far the best decision I ever made this year.

5) What was the best news you received? 

Getting cast as Wednesday Addams was pretty spectacular, although finding out I got into All State might be a close second.

6) What was your favourite place that you visited in 2015?

Well this goes back to the best fifteenth birthday ever, Disney World with my people.

7) Which of your personal qualities turned out to be the most helpful this year?

Maintaining a bubbly, sunny attitude despite all the shit going on.

8) Who was your number one go-to person that you could always rely on?

There's no single person, but I guess I'd have to say mainly C and Claire got me through this year.

9) Which new skills did you learn?

Forgiveness, patience, and still working on stress relief.

10) What, or who, are you most thankful for?

All of my friends. Sincerely, I do not know what I would do without each and every one of you. And CJS, who never fails to make me smile.

11) If someone wrote a book about your life in 2015, what kind of genre would it be? A comedy, love story, drama, film noir or something else?

Yikes, that's tough... I mean, I guess you could say it started off as a drama and then morphed into a love story with its own moments of tragedy and comedy. A bit of everything, I suppose.

12) What was the most important lesson you learnt in 2015?

Be good to yourself. Always.

13) Which mental block(s) did you overcome?

Not entirely overcome, but simply realizing that I can't always make everyone happy.

14) What 5 people did you most enjoy spending time with?

That's really tough, but definitely Caellum, Claire, CJS, Hannah Banana, and Meagan.

15) What was your biggest break-through moment career-wise?

Well... Strictly speaking, I don't exactly have a career... XD If we're talking about my academic career, dear God, did I have a lot of "break-throughs" and by that I mean I discovered I can write a three paged paper in under thirty minutes, wake up at 3am and crank out forty pages of textbook reading and writing, among many other feats.

16) How did your relationship to your family evolve?

That's somewhat of a sticky question seeing as things are sorta all over the place right now... But being at boarding school definitely makes the heart grow fonder.

17) What book or movie affected your life in a profound way?

Definitely the movie The Little Prince, without a doubt. Also, Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven.

18) What was your favorite compliment that you received this year?

Well, having someone fall in love with me was one heck of a compliment... <3

19) What little things did you most enjoy during your day-to-day life?

Squirrels. Feeling clean. Fog. Crisp air. Smiles. Hugs. Snuggles. Feeling accomplished.

20) What cool things did you create this year?

I wrote some pretty kickass blog posts, I wanna say XD I also wrote some pretty interesting new poems I'm quite proud of.

21) What was your most common mental state this year (e.g. excited, curious, stressed)?

Umm, well I'm not very much of a static person. My moods are always changing and I never quite feel just one thing at a time, so I'd have to say it was a toss up between anxiety and excitement.

22) Was there anything you did for the very first time in your life this year?

I fell in love. I took medication for more than one thing. I came out to my parents and some of my friends. I finally said no.

23) What was your favourite moment spent with your friends?

Oh goodness, I am blessed to say there is not just a single moment I can pin down, simply because I have had way too many glorious moments with my people. Some of those being at Disney, others when my college peeps came back to surprise me, staying at Claire Bear's house, late night talks, among other things.

24) What major goal did you lay the foundations for?

Welllllll I mean I guess you could say I finally landed a lead...? I also continued to participate in as many musically inclined things as possible.

25) Which worries turned out to be completely unnecessary?

Thinking I would die come Junior year. Worrying whether someone really loved me or not. Grades are not everything. They're important, but not everything.

26) What experience would you love to do all over again?

Being surprised by my friends time and time again. Chilling with CJS on multiple occasions.

27) What was the best gift you received?

This is so hard to choooooseeeeee. Let's just stick with Christmas presents, yeah? First of all, I am beyond grateful to everyone for all the gifts I recieved, but good God, Shelby surprised me with a Simba pillow pet and I just about died.

28) How did your overall outlook on life evolve?

I wanna say it went from pessimistic to hopeful.

29) What was the biggest problem you solved?

My social life, kinda.

30) What was the funniest moment of your year, one that still makes it hard not to burst out laughing when you think about it?

Playing Cards Against Humanity with my fam, and just lots of little moments I cannot speak of involving my friends.

31) What purchase turned out to be the best decision ever?

MY OVERALLS. I FOUND THEM. FINALLY.

32) What one thing would you do differently and why?

I would learn to let go faster and hold onto the things that truly matter. I would probably also procrastinate less and remember to get my work done on time... haha... ha.

33) What do you deserve a pat on the back for?

I mean not to brag, but for being a pretty damn good friend, I think XD

34) What activities made you lose track of time?

Singing, tumblring, writing, listening to music, hanging with the peeps, calling CJS.

35) What did you think about more than anything else?

How freaking lucky I am to have so many beautiful creatures in my life.

36) What topics did you most enjoy learning about?

Ummm well, I mean in terms of school, English continues to be my favorite subject so... I guess just reading some pretty fantastic books and the like?

37) What new habits did you cultivate?

I've picked up on so many phrases and mannerisms from my friends, it's not even funny. Thanks a lot guys.

38) What advice would you give your early-2015 self if you could?

Listen, kid, this year's gonna be really rough. And I mean incredibly so. But you are gonna find that so many things will be worth it. Just hang in there and hold out for the light at the end of the tunnel, yeah? It'll come sooner than you expect it to.

39) Did any parts of your self or your life do a complete 180 this year?

Oh my, well, I guess you could say I finally grew a spine and declared that I had had enough of a certain situation, so that made me stronger I wanna say. I also took a risk and fell in love. That was pretty great.

40) What or who had the biggest positive impact on your life this year?

Okay, kill me for being the most cliche person ever, but CJS has been the greatest new addition to my life and even though it's taken quite a while to get comfortable with each other, I am so so so happy that I have him. No matter what happens in the future, I am thankful for the happiness you've given me.

41) What do you want the overarching theme for your 2016 to be?

Hope. Joy. Discovery.

42) What do you want to see, discover, explore?

IRELAND <3 <3 <3

43) Who do you want to spend more time with in 2016?

I mean, I really hope my graduating friends come visit me once they're gone, but I also hope to grow closer to my own grade come senior year.

44) What skills do you want to learn, improve or master?

To chill the fuck out and not be so hard on myself.

45) Which personal quality do you want to develop or strengthen?

Endurance, perseverance, positivity.

46) What do you want your everyday life to be like?

Continuing to find joy in the little things. To not let small inconveniences get in the way of my happiness.

47) Which habits do you want to change, cultivate or get rid of?
Get rid of my procrastination (HA! That'll be the day...) and try and be more positive, even with the little things. 

48) What do you want to achieve career-wise?

Damn, I just wanna pass Junior year with decent grades and not have the SAT kill me.

49) How do you want to remember the year 2016 when you look back on it 10/20/50 years from now?

Challenging, but nothing that I can't overcome without a little willpower and help from my friends and family.

50) What is your number one goal for 2016?

Let yourself be happy. Enjoy every moment. Don't let it go to waste. Forgive. Have fun. Move on.

..........

And that's somewhat of a vague-ish recap of my year! I love you all to infinity and banana. Without you guys, this year would've been absolute hell.

Hasta la próxima, 

Much love xoxo

Maya