College Take 2

Hi you beautiful people <3

For those of you who don't know, yesterday I moved into Vassar for the second (first) time. By that, I mean that it was the beginning of my second attempt at freshman orientation. After two whole years of struggle and therapy and waiting, I FINALLY got to rejoin the land of college education.

I was beyond terrified, to say the least.

Though it was my second time around and packing and moving in was all second nature, the anxiety was still very much there. I'd be starting college after taking two years off of school. What if I forgot how to introduce myself? What if I forgot how to make friends? What if my old friends didn't remember me? What if I forget how to write a paper? What if I forget how to take notes? Do research? Participate in class? All these thoughts were swarming through my head as I unpacked my dad's CRV.

The campus brought back so many memories of my first time around. The late-night walks I took with Evan, the dorm I lived in with Linnea, the classrooms I rehearsed in with the Owls... Then there were the not-so-good parts: the basement I had almost every single panic attack in, the office I spent most of my time crying in, the dorm I was assaulted at... Those memories weren't exactly happy ones. Nonetheless, it was exciting to see some familiar faces and make friendly conversation with new ones.

Since my actual dorm got a long-awaited makeover but isn't totally finished yet, I've been placed in a temporary rooming situation until tomorrow (hopefully then I can move into my real dorm room.) I've only unpacked my sleeping bag thus far cuz it's not worth it to unpack just to have to repack and then unpack yet again. Blegh. College is frustrating. But anyhow.

Regular orientation starts on Monday I believe. It's always weird when the domestic students come to campus because I feel like the vibe completely changes. Not necessarily in a bad way. It's just different.

I miss my Owls. I can't wait to see them and hoot with them again.

I need to update my resume so I can start applying to jobs ASAP. I need to make that cash money.

I need to get in the habit of writing more often cuz every time I take a significant break and then come back to it, I always end up hating how it sounds and getting too perfectionist-y about it. Ugh. It's okay, it'll come back to me eventually.

I'm absolutely ecstatic to be a part of a community again. I've missed that. I miss feeling like an intellectual scholar who actually knows some shit. I dunno. It's nice to have conversations with people of all varying expertise.

This semester I really wanna focus on myself. Eating, sleeping, studying. Not get involved in other people's drama. I can't afford to do that this time. At least not this semester. This time around, I'm allowing myself to be selfish. This time is for me to better myself, to establish healthy routines, healthy relationships. I wanna prioritize self-care and school and the Owls and that's it. Next semester I can think about joining other clubs like Burlesque or Archery or Latinx Alliance or The Miscellany News or Student Theatre.

For now, I just want to keep myself as focused as possible on very few commitments. At least that is the hope. We'll see.

I'm excited to spend time with the love of my life, Linnea, and harass the shit out of Evan :) It'll be wonderful.

All in all, though I am quite nervous about some aspects of college life, I am also incredibly excited and thrilled to finally be able to go back to it and enjoy it for what it is. I am older now. I know things now. I have control now. I have more experience and more agency. I have the power to control how I want things to go for me. I am going to be okay. I am going to be all right. I am going to make it through.

In other news, I think my mom is visiting to give some lecture in two weeks so that'll be interesting.

Please stay hydrated while the world is on fire, thanks.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Here Are Some Things You Didn't Need

Evidently I am absolutely atrocious at keeping my word so.

Hello hi. I am still alive.

A great many random things are happening in my life at the moment. Among them:

• After MONTHS of waiting, I finally got my Vassar financial aid package and it ended up amounting to way more than I ever could have thought possible so I am VERY hyped.

• My cousin Natasha started living with us at the beginning of summer and it's been crazy weird to have somewhat of a pseudo older sister around all the time.

• After days/weeks of agonizing over dorms and roommates, I finally got my assignment last Thursday! Though initially bummed about my dorm, some dear friends of mine gave me hope and made me feel better about it.

• I've been babysitting practically nonstop the past few months and as much as I love it, HECK is it exhausting. I do love my kids tho. Very much so. My girls range from six months to eleven years old.

• I am the best sister ever and landed YD some quality paying gigs :)

• I pre-registered for fall semester classes a while back and I am itching to get my hands on my schedule because I wanna see if I got things I actually wanted.

• I forget if I mentioned but we're moving to Vermont??? Long story short, Tia Susan and Tio Bob got offered a wonderful position in Santa Cruz but don't wanna sell their VT house, so Papi is gonna take care of it for a couple of years (Natasha will for as long as she wants to stay there). YD and I will be going there during school breaks if nowhere else. Odd how the building that was never really our house is the closest feeling I have to home.

• Ali and Max will still be living at their own respective places in VT so I'll be happy happy happy to see them more often! :)

• I have made such a beautiful friend in Kota. They are such a bright, wonderful, loving soul. Funny how the universe blesses us in strange ways.

• I've become a tiny bit obsessive with lists and dorm decorating ideas? It's not that bad, I only have like 40 boards of it on Pinterest...

• In terms of moving to VT, Papi has wanted a lil baby kitty for quite some time now but wasn't given the opportunity to have one in New York. Fun fact––Tomorrow me, my dad, and the bros will be out and about searching for our forever kitty <3 I am BEYOND EXCITED!!!!!!

• I finally saw The Lion King in theaters with my fam and as shitty as its reviews were, I honestly liked it. Like, do I regret seeing it in theaters? No. Would I watch it again in theaters? No. For people expecting the same magic and nostalgia as the first one, this ain't it. For people expecting gorgeous artwork, outstanding vocals, and hilarious comedic improv, this hits all the marks. I told YD it sort of felt like a song cover but for a movie. Not a live-action remake, more of an HD hyper-realistic rendition of the artwork and not much messing around with anything else. For what it was, I enjoyed it. Watch it if only for the stunning art. Those artists deserve tons of credit.

• I also watched Avengers: Endgame sometime this summer and Spiderman: Far From Home. Let's just say ow my entire heart is in pain but it's fine. Everything's fine.

• Stranger Things season 3 came out after we waited FOREVER and I was not disappointed one bit. Like, some things coulda been different if I had my say but god bless those children I adore them.

• Sidenote, I'm super delirious right now and might be crashing pretty soon but I figured I should just write. Haven't done it in a while so it was time.

• My dear, sweet Cameron Boyce passed away at 20 and my heart ached for days. It still does. What joy he brought to my life. What joy he brought to the world. We will miss you every day of our lives. Rest easy, darling.

• I have so many things I could write about. I have so many things I should write about but my brain is a little heckin scrambled and it won't be worth trying to unjumble it right now.

• Packing is so wild. Like, I get in weird moods where I'll just do it for hours and hours and clean and organize and reorganize. I might have a problem.

• I'm so sleepy holy fuck

• My wife Megan got me hooked on the Irish show Derry Girls and season 2 just came out on Netflix I am so pumped.

• I still gotta jump on the Euphoria and Succession and Dear White People train. I'll get there. I just have tons of other things to start/finish first.

• There was a brief period of time recently where I was experiencing major medication withdrawal symptoms and let me tell you, I recommend that shit to exactly no one. Like. NADIE. Jesus fuck it was awful.

• Update: I am now also ravenous. Fuck me.

• I'm so excited to hoot with my Owls again and harass my twin Evan and hug my dear Linnea to death <3

• Making new memories is something I'm equally terrified and excited about. This needs to be a new chapter. A new page. A clean slate. I need a new beginning. I do I do I do.

I could probably go on but my eyes are closing and my stomach is gurgling so this is an adiós from me. But that sounds too final so this is more of a "Hablamos pronto. Cuídense. Los amo."

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya