Reasons Part 9

Reasons Not to Die:

1. The possibility of becoming a financially stable adult human being
2. The smell of new books
3. Fairy lights
4. 10/10 more reasons to laugh when you're not dead
5. Grandma's jell-O salad
6. Thanksgivings in Vermont
7. Yan Diego
8. Buying presents for other people
9. Rainbows
10. I gotta go back to Ireland

Reasons Part 8

Reasons Not to Die:

1. Fat cats that actually like you
2. Bomb ass Spotify playlists
3. Waffle fries
4. When you wake up before your alarm
5. Cold showers on a hot day
6. The way squirrels bounce around in waves
7. Masturbation
8. Snazzy socks
9. Drawing perfectly shaped hearts
10. Sleeping stark naked

Reasons Part 7

Reasons Not to Die:

1. Billy Joel
2. Velcro sneakers
3. Dulce de leche
4. Bear hugs
5. Cool handshakes
6. Those times you find a dollar in your pocket when you weren't expecting it
7. Sunsets
8. Daisy chains
9. The way a popsicle makes you feel on a hot day
10. Butterfly kisses

Epiphanies

Music is such an unbelievably magical thing, you guys.

It's so fucking powerful and transcendent and transformative and it's just so hard to put into words.

It's just... it's able to make you feel so many things and it makes you laugh and cry and gives you thrills and goosebumps and heart palpitations and GOD it's so beautiful.

Sorry, I just needed to get that out.

Sweet dreams, my loves <3

Much love xoxo

Maya

Reasons Part 6

Reasons Not to Die:

1. String cheese
2. Watermelon Jolly Ranchers
3. Stranger Things
4. My purple winter jumpsuit
5. Cheese cubes
6. Well-loved stuffed animals
7. Knitted hats
8. Manchego wedges
9. Pants that fit perfectly
10. I really like cheese

Reasons Part 5

Reasons Not to Die:

1. Night Owls <3
2. More likely to get cast on Broadway if I'm alive
3. Memes that actually make me laugh out loud
4. Quaker Oats Dinosaur Oatmeal
5. Learning the names of all the constellations
6. I need to know how The Fosters ends
7. Thin crust pizza
8. Becoming an aunt in the future
9. Caramel kisses
10. Christmas caroling

Reasons Part 4

Reasons Not to Die:

1. Babies
2. The possibility of JK Rowling writing another Harry Potter book
3. Bumblebees
4. Ocean waves
5. The way that dogs lick your face when they love you
6. Oatmeal Raisin Cliff Bars
7. The cold side of the pillow
8. Really fast wifi
9. All the bath bombs I haven't tried
10. Peppermint hot chocolate

Where I'm At

Hello again, lovelies.

In case you didn't already know, a LOT can happen in a week. Or a couple of weeks, I guess.

We left off at a cappella auditions, right?

Turns out, each a cappella group you get accepted to has this tradition where they "sing you in", or basically they come knocking on your door in the middle of the night and serenade you whilst giving you little tokens of their appreciation (like cupcakes and cards and CDs and shotglasses.)

So that happened to me three times. Honestly? It was a tad embarrassing. Like don't get me wrong, holy shit, I was so grateful and everything to the Vastards ('90s and early '00s group), BAM! (Broadway and More) and the Night Owls (all women's jazzy/contemporary group) for choosing me and being so generous and stuff but like... the people on my hall weren't exactly pleased about all the ruckus XD Home Brewed turned me down but oh whale.

I waited and waited until about 1:30am for any word from the Devils (the group I'd been following and fantasizing about since I was fifteen) and eventually it was a no. I mean, out of the twelve people who got called back, they only pulled three. It was mad competitive. And sure, I was weepy about it, and sure I was upset, and sure I made Evan stay up with me so I wouldn't feel as bad about myself, but in the end I got over it. I still think they're a phenomenally talented group and I am truly happy for their newest members (seriously, I am really proud of them—they deserve it).

I ended up choosing the Night Owls and it's probably the best decision I ever made.

There, I've found a community of individuals who are so talented and have such a passion for what they do... They care so much not only about the music but about each other and they are so supportive of one another and it makes my heart happy, it really does. (Y'all are fantastic and I couldn't ask for a better group of lovelies to hang out and make music with!)

It's also pretty great because I have about a million owl-themed things now.

Apparently it's tradition for the newbies to be called babies and then the veterans are called the mamas. It's kind of adorable.

SO. I thought it'd be a wonderful idea to introduce you to the gang:

My mamas are Jacqui and Olivia <3 (We're the sop 1s)

Then there's Bailey, Sabrina and Emma, the sop 2s. Sadly, they didn't get any babies this year :(

Next are the altos—Imani, Zoe, Ariana, Sam, and their baby, Maisha.

And of course, the bass's—Lily, Chiara, Haley, and their babies, Helen and Elena.

Literally, they're the cutest bunch of people and they're so talented and I flipping love them all.

ANYWHO.

Let's see... what else is up...

Oh. Well I auditioned, got called back for, and then got cast in a play. Namely, Spring Awakening.

No big deal, just the one show I've wanted to be a part of since I was twelve years old but it's fine.

I will be playing Thea (sort of background, ensemble character) and I am super duper excited!!! To tell the truth, it's nice because I won't have as many lines to memorize and I won't be nearly as stressed out as the leads (rip Alice and Daniel) <3

So that's going on. Between Spring Awakening rehearsals and Night Owls rehearsals (or as Evan likes to call it, Hoot Practice), I'm sort of a busy gal. I know that might not sound like a lot for some people but like I'm pretty low-functioning at the moment so I'm quite proud of myself :)

I got to see my Tia Susan for parent weekend and that was a serious highlight. She's quite possibly one of my favorite people because she's so loving and she just gets me, she really gets me. I can't wait to see her again for Thanksgiving!

I also got to see both my parents and that was kind of a mess but I love them and I know they're trying.

I dealt with a stalking situation and a sexual assault situation within two weeks of each other and I'm still processing that.

Evan and I managed to binge up to the end of Season 2 of Narcos, so believe it or not, I've been having quite a lot of dreams about Pablo Escobar...

I did many adult things like buying my own groceries and filling out official documents and depositing checks and the like. I can hardly recognize myself.

I decidedly still don't like coffee.

The rug in the Estee Lauder Parlor still smells like cat piss and it's highly concerning.

I've fallen in love with the Dear Evan Hansen and the Be More Chill soundtracks. Go listen to them, I'm not kidding. Excellent stuff.

Late night ice cream at the Deece (our dining hall) is officially my favorite thing.

I finished up my first round of midterms and they were far easier than I thought they were going to be (I was so relieved, it's not even funny.) I mean, it's not like I stayed up 'til 4:30am studying for my intro psych exam, it's fine :) :) :) note the sarcasm

OH! OH! OH! I also received my first paycheck and holy wow it hurts so much more to spend money when it's your own.

I had a schedule-credit-crisis-mix-up and as a result, I'm headed to stay at a Buddhist monastery next weekend. So that should be interesting.

I witnessed a baby fox and their mama nuzzling each other around 5am one morning.

The Deece's omelettes are my only motivation to eat breakfast in the mornings. Thus far, I've only gotten up twice.

Linnea is quite literally the best roommate I could ever ask for. She's helped me deal with many a sticky situation and always leaves me adorable little post-it notes on my desk and taught me how to make friendship bracelets and she puts up with my crazy and it's great.

Shoutout to all the incredible people who have helped me through some particularly shitty times <3

The truth is, I'm not doing very well. I mean, it may seem like I am to a certain extent, but I'm not. I've got a lotta family stuff going on right now and some crazy wild transitions I'm dealing with and it's just sort of brought me back to a really dark place so I'm trying to manage that. Like, earlier this week, I couldn't get out of bed for a solid two days. It felt impossible. Depression is such a serious thing and I wish people were more informed about it.

I'm not saying this to make any of you worry or pity me, but just so you know where I'm at (I'm sorry for stealing your phrase, Imani, it just works.) I'm trying my best to work on myself right now. Sometimes it's great, other times, not so much. And I'm trying to be okay with that. I'm lucky enough to have a really great support network so that definitely helps.

I dunno, you guys. I'm just trying my best.

I guess people say that's all you can ever ask but sometimes it feels like they expect way more than that.

I dunno. Maybe that's just me.

Either way, I'm on break right now. I'm writing to you from my dad's place in Brooklyn. I think we're gonna hit good ol' Rhody later this week to see my older brother. Who knows.

If you've read any of my latest posts, you'll notice they're just lists.

I'm trying to make a series of lists of ten reasons I don't wanna die. It's worked so far.

Your love is always appreciated, I mean that <3

Please take care of yourselves.

Take your meds. Hydrate. Shower. Eat. Sleep. They're all equally important.

I believe in you.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Reasons Part 3

Reasons Not to Die:

1. Puddles
2. Hot showers
3. The possibility that faeries are real
4. Handwritten letters
5. The feeling you get when you make someone smile
6. Green apples
7. Linnea's post-it notes
8. Oddly shaped clouds that are funny to look at
9. Licking the frosting off of the spoon
10. All the treehouses I haven't explored yet

Reasons Part 2

Reasons Not to Die:

1. The feeling after brushing your teeth
2. The first snowfall
3. All the poems I haven't written
4. Extra whipped cream on smoothies
5. Cold pizza
6. Crackling fireplaces
7. Kittens
8. Sunshine on a chilly afternoon
9. Swishy dresses
10. My wedding day

Reasons Part 1

Reasons Not to Die:

1. Chipmunks
2. The smell of strawberries
3. Javier
4. All the music I haven't heard
5. Not being able to hit Evan in the stomach with my water bottle
6. Laughing
7. Drunk affirmations from Fonts
8. Car rides with Claire
9. Suki
10. Fuzzy socks