Another Year Over

Hello lovelies! So I'm gonna be my ol' lazy self and conjure up the same questions I did a mere two years ago. Nonetheless, here's 2016 in a nutshell.

1. What did you do in 2016 that you'd never done before?

Hmm. Well, I visited some foreign countries with some of my best pals. Y'all know what I'm talking about ;) Ummmm my romantic endeavors developed a bit more, I guess? Let's see... I also applied for college, yippeeee (please kill me). And I went back to the Abbey knowing none of my best buds would be there when I got back :)

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Well, let's just say I tried my darndest. But 2016 was a hell of a year, folks, and not necessarily in a good way... I'm honestly just hoping 2017 doesn't kill me.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Okay, straight up, EVERYONE I KNOW is having babies. Right and left, I see posts of newborns and baby onesies and pacifiers and holy shit guys we're getting old.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My poor, poor Luc. I know we weren't exactly close but what I'd give to see him smile one more time. My heart also broke with the loss of two very good pups, Lola and Lucy. You were so good. My heart goes out to all those who suffered a loss <3

5. What countries did you visit?

I WENT TO THE COUNTRY OF WHISKEY AND LOVE (Legally Blonde peeps will understand my reference) and I also got to visit lovely bubbly England. Honestly, I could go on and on and on about that trip but I'll spare you the details.

6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?

Jesus, Maya, be KIND to yourself for once. 

7. What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

January 17th. Semi with CJS <3
February 7th. Berklee 2k16.
February 22nd. The Addam's Family.
March 21st. All State.
March 22nd. First real kiss with my first real boyfriend.
May 8th. Junior Prom with CJS <3
May 29th. My nearest and dearest graduate from the Abbey.
June 4th. The big bro's graduation.
June 6th. Off to Ireland, muthafuckas.
June 17th. Warner Bros Studios calls for many tears.
June 26th. Hardest goodbye I've ever had to do.
June 28th. Cut off my locks.
July 12th. Surgery from hell.
August 9th. We'll always remember you, Lucas.
August 22nd. Visit homedog at Trinity Church.
September 13th. First day of Senior Year.
November 8th. The day my whole world fell apart.
November 11th. The Diary of Anne Frank changes lives.
December 14th. The bro turns a total of two decades old.
December 30th. I apply to college.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Okay, so you might laugh, but honestly surviving Junior Year at the Abbey was a feat within itself. All those who've been through it will understand. I never thought it'd be possible to get through APUSH, but here I am, alive (barely). Oh! And probably applying for college in the span of two days.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I somehow just keep beating myself up. I seriously need to stop that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Whale, let's see. There was that time I had a knot in my shoulder the size of Ecuador that lasted a total of three months. There was also that time I got surgery. Oh and all those panic attacks I got for no damn reason. But hey, what can you do.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

OHMYGOSH so I have become a gift giving GURU!!! I'm particularly proud of the Christmas presents I bought people this year, which unfortunately folks, must not be revealed, cuz some of them I haven't given yet :) However, I am EXTREMELY pleased with CJS's gifts and if you know him well, you'll understand why they were perfect: a mug that says "Go away. I'm reading." and a pair of socks with different kinds of cheese drawn all over them. I am quite pleased with that choice.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Okay, not to sound like a cheesy loser, but goodness gracious, Conor has been my rock. Through it all, he's been there and he's listened and he's hugged me when I couldn't handle the world or when I was just being hormonal and I miss him so freaking much it hurts.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled?

Um. Our president elect. But that's no big deal. It doesn't affect me. Whatsoever.

*smiles while stabbing self in a cave*

14. Where did most of your money go?

Are you fucking kidding me? With college tuition coming up, that shit is staying SAVED.

15. What did you get really, really excited about?

MY TRIP TO EUROPE WITH THE PEEPS!!! That alone would suffice, but no. Papa Kerr had to bring us to my favorite place in the entire world and that place was Warner Brothers Studios where I watched my dreams come true.

16. What song will always remind you of 2016?

You've got to be kidding me.

Let It Go by James Bay
Someone New by Hozier
Ex's and Oh's by Elle King
Adventure of a Lifetime by Coldplay
Irresistible by Fall Out Boy
LA Devotee by Panic! At The Disco
Victorious by Panic! At The Disco
Send My Love (To Your New Lover) by Adele
Hold Back The River by James Bay
Into You by Ariana Grande
Cheap Thrills by Sia
Love Me by The 1975
One Dance by Drake
Ophelia by The Lumineers
Heathens by Twenty One Pilots
Can't Stop The Feeling by Justin Timberlake
Pity Party by Melanie Martinez
She Used To Be Mine by Sara Bareilles
The Sound by The 1975
Don't Let Me Down by The Chainsmokers
Red Dress by MAGIC!
I Took A Pill In Ibiza by Mike Posner
This Is What You Came For by Rihanna
Ride by Twenty One Pilots
Omen by Sam Smith
Sweatpants by Childish Gambino
Got My Mind Set On You by George Harrison
Sugar by Robin Schulz
Move To The Ocean by Brick + Mortar
Renegades by X Ambassadors
Home by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
Hair by Little Mix
Close by Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo
Shiksa Goddess by Jeremy Jordan (The Last Five Years)
Better When I'm Dancin' by Meghan Trainor
America's Sweetheart by Elle King
Woah Woah Woah by WATSKY!
What The Heck I Gotta Do by Lin-Manuel Miranda
Now and Later by Sage The Gemini
This Girl by Kungs vs Cookin' On 3 Burners
Someday by The Strokes
Diggy by Spencer Ludwig
2 Heads by Coleman Hell
Omigod You Guys by The Legally Blonde Cast
How Far I'll Go by Auli'i Carvalho
Cake By The Ocean by DNCE
i hate u, i love u by gnash ft. Olivia O'Brien
The Hills by The Weeknd
Here by Alessia Cara
Hasta El Amanecer by Nicky Jam
Steady As You Go by Tiz McNamara
La Bicicleta by Carlos Vives ft. Shakira
Mess Is Mine by Vance Joy
Chivalry Is Dead by Trevor Wesley
This Town by Niall Horan
That's My Girl by Fifth Harmony
Bad Things by Machine Gun Kelly ft Camila Cabello
Too Good by Drake ft Rihanna
Juju On That Beat by Zay Hilfigerrr and Zayion McCall
Electric Feel by MGMT
I Believe by Spring Awakening Cast
Starboy by The Weeknd
24K Magic by Bruno Mars
I Don't Wanna Live Forever by ZAYN ft Taylor Swift
Side To Side by Ariana Grande ft Nicki Minaj
Closer by The Chainsmokers ft Halsey

Just to name a few. Have fun listening to that playlist... ;)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

(a) Maybe not happier, but definitely more at peace
(b) I mean... when was the last time I've been in shape?
(c) Richer in life experiences, to put it that way

18. What do you wish you had done more of?

Appreciate the time you have left. It's slips away before you know it. Also, you need to learn how to breathe.

19. What do you wish you had done less of?

Kid, let things go. Troubles pass. Life goes on. People still love you.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

With the fambam in Vermont :) :) :)

21. Did you fall in love in 2016?

Absofruitly. Although, technically I was already in love with him...?

22. What was your favorite TV program?

STRANGER THINGS ALL THE WAY. I FREAKING LOVE THOSE CHILLUNS LIKE MY OWN.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I never thought I could hate so many people in positions of power at once. But I now realize it is entirely possible.

24. What was the best book you read?

The Catholic Mass for Dummies :)

Jk jk, my Schola buddies will understand.

Lamb by Christopher Moore. Courtesy of the bae himself <3 It is a MUST read.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Possibly James Bay? OH and The 1975 (THANK YOU CAELLUM AND SHELBY).

If we're talking musical theatre tho, please go listen to the Waitress soundtrack as well as The Last Five Years soundtrack (Thanks T). Holy shit, they're gold. And maybe while you're at it, go check out Legally Blonde ;)

26. What did you want and get?

Romantic success. A way less stressful schedule for senior year. The musical lead.

27. What did you want and not get?

Certainty. Sanity. Serenity.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Ohmygod there were so MANY:

Ghostbusters
Suicide Squad
The Legend of Tarzan
The Secret Life of Pets
Me Before You
Zootopia
Deadpool
Sing Street
The Jungle Book
Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them
Moana
Collateral Beauty

29. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Hmm. Well being a senior doesn't hurt.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?

Uhhhh well, it depends on the day??? Somedays, I look awesome blossom fabulous fantastic. Others... not so much. Let's say my go-to are my overalls and beat-up red converse. Take that as you will.

31. What kept you sane?

Honestly, Zoella never failed to make me smile. CJS, you too, love. My snuggle sessions with Amanda and Riley and Megan helped a lot of bad days, so thank you for those too. Oh, and Prozac. Yay drugs.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Okay so I never realized how fucking attracted I was to Kate McKinnon until Ghostbusters. Oh, and Jeremy Jordan is a GOD. I don't think I ever won't be in love with Scarlett Johansson. Oh oH OH how I've fallen in love with Jessie Mueller and Laura Bell-Bundy. They are both so incredibly talented and I just want to be them. Also I'd love to be/do Margot Robbie. But it's fine. Emma Watson goes without saying.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

There were too many to count but I'm gonna say November 8th really broke my heart and many others.

34. Who did you miss?

My parents. My college peeps. Suki </3

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016.

It's okay not to have all the answers. It's okay to want attention. It's okay to need loving. It's okay to want to be cradled and held and cared for when the whole world is out of whack. Some things happen for the best. Things sort themselves out. Love unconditionally. Love with your whole being. They'll thank you eventually.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love,
Sometimes two homes are better than one.
Some things you can't tell your sister 'cuz she's still too young,
Yeah you'll understand
When you love someone."

"When You Love Someone" by James TW

There ya go, folks.

I love you all. See ya on the other side :)

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya 

Suicide Call

I apologize for the alarming title. I can assure you—I am okay, my people are okay, things are okay. Please don't freak out.

I only wanted to share with you all a little thingy I wrote. Whether you know it or not, I  partake in Bray-Bray's Drama Workshop class which constitutes of eight students: a total of seven freshmen... plus me. It's interesting to say the least. I mean, hey—at least we don't have exams!

Anyway, our latest assignment was to write our very own two-person scene based on a current issue plaguing society. The kiddos went about declaring their issue one by one. Some opted for bullying, one kid mentioned domestic abuse, another brought up rape, one girl called out infertility, you name it... At the time we were studying the musical Rent (written by the late yet glorious Jonathan Larson) and discussed how it fed off a viral issue of its time: AIDS. Anyhow, I'm getting sidetracked here... I ended up choosing the topic of teen suicide for a variety of reasons.

It just really hit close to home. As an aspiring writer, I knew this was something I could write about and write about well. Not just because conjuring troubled characters comes easily to me, but because I've been on both ends of the situation. I know how the story goes, and it's never a pretty one. I have to say that I am quite proud of this piece, no matter how sad, so please don't take it as all tragedy. Please, please take this as a warning sign or even as the universe telling you to go find help. Just... please know that you are loved. You are so loved. I love you. I truly do.

That being said, it's my responsibility to warn you that the following scene may contain triggering content. You know your limits. If you don't think it wise to continue reading, please don't. It's important to take care of yourself first <3

..........

(Sam, a seventeen-year-old senior in high school sprawls out under her bed in her room. Tears decorate her features. She’s been crying for quite some time. She fiddles with an orange pill bottle in one hand. Her room is a disaster—dirty laundry strewn everywhere, forgotten homework, overturned picture frames, bedding on the floor. The alarm clock on her bedside table reads 10:43pm. Sam wipes her nose on her arm and hesitates before scrambling out from under her bed, collecting her red rotary phone. She dives back under the bed, looking like a small, frightened child.)

(The phone rings twice before lights go up on the opposite side of the stage. CJ, a slightly nerdy yet sweet young man picks up the blue rotary phone from his bedside table and sits criss-cross on top of his navy blue sheets. He wears a superhero sweatshirt, dark jeans and red converse. His room is tidy—everything in its place. Posters from various indie bands decorate his walls. He has yet to recognize Sam’s fatal mistake.)

CJ: Hello?

Sam: (sniffles) …Hey.

CJ: Sam? Is that you?

Sam: (unintelligibly) Mhmm. (pause) Ceej… I did sumthin’ bad…

CJ: (suspicious) Sam? What are you on about? What do you mean something bad? What happened? Are you okay?

(Sam starts to cry and whimper into the phone)

CJ: (alarmed) Sammy, what’s going on?

Sam: (mumbled, incoherent speech) I want it ta go ‘way, Ceejayy… All of it, I just *hic* I can’t do this any *hic* more!

(Spotlights center on each. All else is dimmed out. Both teens rake their hands through their hair fervently, in distress.)

CJ: Sammy, c’mon talk to me. It’s just me. You’re all right. Talk to me, please.

Sam: (quietly) …I (pause) I kept thuh stash.

CJ: Stash? What stash?

(Sam whimpers and realization dawns on CJ. He sits on the edge of his bed.)

CJ: Oh my fucking God, Sam, you promised you would throw those out!

Sam: (hysterical) I wanted to, Ceej! I wanted to, but the voices—they wouldn’t stop! And… And I had to do something! They just—they kept coming ba *hic* ck.

CJ: (serious and solemn) Sam, did you open them?

(Sam remains silent, staring at the pill bottle in her hands.)

CJ: (more agitated) Sam, how many did you have?

Sam: (weakly) I… I only had four…

CJ: (Gets up and kicks a wall) Goddammit, Sam! Any more and you’d be dead right now!

Sam: But that’s the whole p-point! I dunno how to feel anymore, I… (racking sobs heave through her body) My heart, Ceej, my heart! It hurts, it hurts so b-bad and I just—Ceejay I don’t wanna d-die, I just don’t wanna hurt anymore… I…

(Sam is speaking deliriously at this point and CJ realizes he needs to keep calm. He sighs and sits back down on his bed.)

CJ: (softly) It’s okay, Sam.

(Silence except for Sam’s staggered breathing.)

Sam: Maybe I should just do it.

CJ: What?

Sam: (more calm and collected, but emotionally spent) It wouldn’t matter anyway… Graduation’s in three months and I got rejected from all seven schools, Ceej. Nobody fucking wants me. Not one damn college wants me. My GPA’s in the dump, the only extracurricular I got is photography; I’m useless at sports… There’s no way I’m spending all of next year as a babysitter and my mom’s threatening to take my camera away, Ceej—my camera!

CJ: (He runs his hand through his hair, not knowing what to say) Sam, you gotta believe me, it’ll get better.

(Sam scoffs and shuts her eyes tightly. She starts bumping her head on the frame of her bed, softly at first but increasing the intensity as CJ speaks.)

CJ: Listen, you could… You could always come live here? My parents don’t mind you at all. Besides, they’ve known you since you were nine, it’s not like you’re some stranger, yaknow? C’mon, there are ways out of this, Sammy; it doesn’t all have to go to shit.

Sam: (Eyes still shut, tears leak out onto her face.) How d’you know that it won’t?

CJ: (pause) …Well, I don’t. But you’ve gotta believe me on this one, Sammy. Can you do that for me?

(He clenches and unclenches a fist over his jeans nervously, waiting for a response.)

Sam: (eyeing the pill bottle once again) Hey, Ceej?

CJ: Yeah?

Sam: If I die, will you write my eulogy?

CJ: (as if talking to a small animal) No, Sam, because you’re staying right here with me. Okay?

Sam: But what if?

CJ: (sighs, trying to please her) Of course.

(Sam slowly crawls back out from under her bed, finally sitting on top of her bed. She lies down with the phone next to her pillow. Oddly, she seems a lot calmer than she was before. CJ takes this as a good thing.)

Sam: Ceejay, tell me a story.

CJ: A story? Oh, um… Okay. (clears his throat) Well, once there was this kid named Clementine.

Sam: (slightly teasing) That’s a dumb name.

CJ: (smiling) Shut up, it’s my story. You see, Clementine didn’t have a lotta friends so his mom forced him to go to summer camp. He was really scared he wasn’t gonna be able to make friends and that the whole thing was gonna be a disaster.

(Sam listens while slowly uncapping the lid to the pill bottle.)

CJ: But on the very first day, a girl with a ladybug backpack came up to him and asked him if he knew any good jokes. Clementine said no, so the girl told him one of her own. She then introduced herself as Samantha.

Sam: Jeez, you’re really bad at naming your characters.

CJ: (indignantly) Are you gonna let me finish or not? (pause) Okay. So. Clementine and Samantha proceeded to create a new handshake and declared each other best friends.

(Sam spills the contents of the bottle into the palm of her hand. Tears well in her eyes. She pops a singular pill into her mouth.)

Sam: (chuckles, trying to seem at ease.) Hey, that handshake was sick. I wish I remembered how it went…

CJ: Well, I happen to remember it perfectly. I could show it to you next time I head north, okay?

Sam: (That strikes a chord in her. She speaks through tight lips.) Mhmm.

(Sam pops another pill.)

CJ: (laughs) Good. Now, where was I? …Ah, yes! The infamous handshake! Ohmygod, remember when we tried to do it over a mud puddle? And then you tripped me and I fell in? I couldn’t get those stains out for weeks!...

(Sam is sobbing in silence at this point. She stares at her hand before dumping the rest of the contents into her mouth. She pulls her knees up to her chest and fumbles with her alligator socks, once again wiping her nose on her arm.)

(Lights fade on both. Spotlight on the alarm clock. Now reads 12:07am. Lights come back up only on CJ. CJ has discarded his sweatshirt and is babbling happily into the phone when he realizes he’s been the only one speaking for a while.)

CJ: Hey, Sam, you still there? (pause) Sammy?

(Lights go up on Sam. She’s cocooned in one corner of her bed. She doesn’t appear to be breathing. The red rotary phone is hanging by a cord on the floor.)

(Blackout. Sounds of sirens in the distance.)

The End

..........

I love you I love you I love you

Hasta la proxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Holiday Refresher

Hello darlings. Forgive the long wait. Things have been crazy hectic but I promise you I have my reasons. I thought you all deserved an update on my shenanigans so here it is!

Let's see, let's see... Well. I left you off at Thanksgiving, yes?

Alrighty. It turns out that I auditioned for All State for the second year in a row on the first day of vacation aaaaaaaaaaaaand I GOT IN! Which was honestly a surprise to me seeing as I absolutely recked my audition (and not in the good way...) and ON TOP OF THAT they do this little thing called ranking for each vocal part (I'm a soprano) and last year I got ranked #17 in the state. But for some reason I HAVE YET TO UNDERSTAND, this year I got ranked #6 in the ENTIRE STATE OF RHODE ISLAND.

So. That happened. You can tell I'm obviously not excited about it whatsoever :)

I'm also gonna be in the Treble Choir (all female) this year and I'm definitely looking forward to that. It'll be... interesting, seeing as last year I was in the mixed choir.

ANYWHO. I spent an absolutely LOVELY vacation in Vermont with my nearest and dearest <3 I got them to watch Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them and oh my lord, I'm just gonna stop right there cuz otherwise I'm just gonna keep going and going and going about that beautiful piece of art.

Since I had to return early with YD and my dorm wasn't open yet, I had to stay the night at RISD with the bro and his roommate, Nevin. Not gonna lie, I was a tad skeptical at first because scary college dorm with scary artsy college kids but OHMYGOD IT WAS SO FREAKING FUN. It was honestly like a big kid sleepover and we ended up talking 'til 2am. It was far more enjoyable than my stricter dorm life back at school. I am beyond ready for college.

Next big thing, let's see... Ah, well, the first day back always marks the first day of auditions for the Winter Musical and this year it happens to be... *drumroll please*...

Legally Blonde.

I know.

Wild.

Smidgen lighter than Anne Frank.

At first, none of us were particularly excited about the prospect of having to only look at pink for the next three months, let alone have to act like valley girl sorority sisters 24/7, but I will tell you the idea grew on us. We were definitely in need of a change.

The audition process was perhaps the longest the Abbey's ever had. Two days of auditions but on the second day, we stayed for a total of five hours. Five entire hours. It was rough to say the least.

AND it might've been the longest time Bray-Bray decided to let us wait before he put up the cast list. Wasn't until 12:42pm that I received that email. You can imagine how I slept the night before.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that I will be playing the next Elle Woods, and yes, I will be dyeing my hair blonde.

But that's a whole other matter of discussion.

Rehearsals have been quite long and fatiguing but that much is expected.

What else am I missing? Hmm. Well the past two weeks have been a tad stressful for a number of reasons but I don't think I'll go into that. Besides, I only have four more days of school before holiday break, so things are looking up for me.

Oh! I spent a total of five hours yesterday working with Emmalene and a few others on holiday cards for homeless veterans. If anything, I felt like I was definitely contributing some kind of good in the world. Granted, my artistic skills are extremely rusty so some of them I'm afraid ended up looking like Kindergartner's work. HOWEVER, the ones I actually spent hours doing looked a lot more lovely and I do not consider my time at all wasted. I would be happy to do it again sometime :)

TOMORROW IS MY DORM'S XMAS PARTY AND WE'RE DOING SECRET SANTA AND I'M SO EXCITED AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and I'm also lowkey excited to give my friends their Christmas gifts because holy shit I'm so good at that.

I have three tests between now and Thursday. Pray for me so I don't die.

Ummmmmmmm.

OHMYGOD SO IT SNOWED LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT ACTUALLY STUCK TO THE GROUND AND EVERYTHING LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL AND PRISTINE AND IT WAS OFFICIALLY A WINTER WONDERLAND AND NOBODY WILL TELL ME ANY DIFFERENT.

not even the rain that washed it away this morning.

I'm really looking forward to this holiday because God knows we all need it.

I think that's about all I can remember, folks.

Best of luck to all of you taking exams and writing stressful papers and auditioning and performing and the like. I believe in you all. You can do it!!!

For some odd reason, I've been feeling a lotta feels lately and I kinda feel like spreading the love so my apologies if I'm coming off a bit strong. Not like that's ever stopped me before.

I love you I love you I love you

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya