On Nightmares I Had Once Upon A Time

I once had a dream I'd die by eighteen.
I wasn't sure how, or where, or why,
but I knew it'd feel necessary.
I'd seen it happen different ways.
One was by night.
I'd climb out of my window, sprint to the bay and
drown myself there.
A wandering fisherman would find my body.
Another was around midday—out in broad daylight.
I'd run out to the street and let the first car hit me.
The woman would scream at the last second and
death would be quick.
I also saw myself sitting on a wooden floor,
a bottle of pills clutched tightly in my right hand.
I'd down the whole thing, then curl up and go to bed.
Except I wouldn't wake up.
All these seemed ideal compared to the various rape,
torture and kidnapping scenes I'd never gotten out of my head.
Now, I'm not romanticizing my suicide.
I'm just telling you how I saw it vividly inside my own head.
I could lie and tell you this is was all folly,
but what use would lying do when you're
Already dead?

..........

I didn't mean to alarm any of you. I'm sorry.

I'm okay, I promise.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Busy Weekends

Hey folks.

I dunno about you but I had quite an eventful weekend.

Yesterday, I spent hours at CJS's house and watched Shawshank Redemption for the first time. Boy, was that life changing. (If you haven't seen it, PLEASE DO)

Later, the two of us met up with Claire Bear and C and a couple other people before piling on a red mini bus where Papa Kerr would drive us to UConn so we could watch the one and the only Straight No Chaser.

To sum up the performance, I'd say we were 80% amused and entertained and 20% uncomfortable. You gotta remember these guys were at their prime during their college a cappella days... They're all family men now. Yeah.

We endured a lot of dad humor last night.

HOWEVER, that does not take away from their brilliant talent and extreme enthusiasm to entertain, and entertain us they did.

According to a certain few people, I was loopy as hell on the ride back home and that led to some seriously hilarious and/or bizarre experiences.

You betcha I fell right asleep as soon as I got back.

Today was a bit less productive but I mean hey, sleep is productive too.

I went to go see Trinity Rep's production of To Kill A Mockingbird with MegMeg, Emmalene, Haidy, and Diane.

Goodness gracious, guys. I was already familiar with the story as we had to read it freshman year but holy shit were those actors talented.

The man and woman who played Atticus and Scout respectively wowed me the most by far. Firstly, the guy who played Atticus reminded me exactly of my college counselor. It was strange. Still, the guy could deliver a helluva speech and his monologues were chilling. I was absolutely in love with the talent of this man.

Secondly, despite being a fully grown woman, the lady who portrayed 7-year-old Scout was fabulous. She captured the complete essence of a child: her fidgetiness, rambunctiousness, enthusiasm, perplexity, and curiosity all lent a hand to her outstanding performance.

Anyway, I'm not here to write a play review, I just wanted to mention how awesome each one of the performers was and now that I've gotten that out of the way...

I have flipping ACTs on Saturday and I think I'm gonna die but HEY no big deal!

I have yet to rehearse my part in our spring play, Wild Oats, so that should be interesting when the time comes.

Claire brought me out the other day and I managed to get myself some sick prom shoes. Now, I just have to learn to walk in them...

Let's see, what else?

Hmm.

Well, I can't exactly think of anything else quite right now so I'll wrap it up here and try to get some work done.

I love you all!

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Happy April Fools!

I've got half an overview done and I'm currently blasting Elle King's Ex's and Oh's.

I know you're all super jealous of me right now. Go on, admit it. You'd just absolutely love stuffing your nose into an APUSH textbook and pretend to get your work done while having your mind wander a thousand different places. My kinda night.

Anyway, I missed writing and I needed a break from the academic world so here I am. The last 24 hours have been ehhhhhhhhhhhh.

First, I'd like to thank my brother dearest for nearly giving me a heart attack after his April Fools prank got a bit out of hand. Good job.

Second of all, I was plagued with homesickness and schoolwork stress dawned on me all at once plus I was a sleepy mess, so that didn't help either. Shoutout to CJS and Caellum and Mami for making me feel better <3 Or tried to, at least.

Our Spring Play is interesting to say the least. It's called Wild Oats. I'll let your imaginations contemplate that for a bit.

As much as I miss Caellum in the auditorium with me, I still have quite a squad including Claire Bear, MegMeg and Liam. God bless them.

Plus, CJS is on stage crew so that might be another good thing.

Getting back into the swing of things is quite tough after having two consecutive vacations (Spring Break and then Easter). Also, props to the Doires for having me over during Easter. It was fabulous <3

I just realized I never made a post about All State but if I remember to make one later, I'll get it up here, I promise.

Hmmmmm let's see... What else did I want to tell you?

Oh, well ACTs and SATs are soon so I'd love to die sometime within the next few weeks but yaknow it's whatever :)

I've also been on a bit of a P!ATD and FOB rampage. My apologies to my roommate Hannah Banana and thank you for putting up with me. Much love bae <3

Okidokie I kinda gotta wrap this up real quick cuz I have things to do and places to be jk more like bed so FAREWELL I LOVE YOU ALL <3

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya