Creation

by: Maya Wilson

..........

I forget what it's like to write.
Even now, this pen and this paper
Seem unfamiliar to me.
My hands no longer recognize
The previous ease with which I'd jot down my thoughts.
I have been distracted.
I'm sorry.
Many months have passed since I last created.
I feel nothing now.
Even now, as I sit in this room full of strangers,
A mind once racing with ideas lies
Still
And
Colorless.
Forgive me, but I am weary and no longer remember
What it feels to create.
Lord have mercy, I am aching, I am craving,
Send me some sort of sign!
Jesus, Mary, Joseph, God!
Teach me how you did it?
How did it feel when the sun shed its first rays?
How did you know when to make the next day?
Help me, Lord—I'm drowning!
I've forgotten how to create.

The Final Bow

I'm not entirely sure how I want to start this off but I guess I should start by saying we did it?

And I guess I should also mention that I am beyond proud of every single one of you for all of your incredible hard work in the past three months. You know who you are.

That's right, folks. Today the Abbey held its last Addams Family performance and we closed it off with a bang (meaning we did a pretty fucking fantastic job).

Firstly, I wanna give my thanks to Bray-Bray, Papa Kerr and Mrs. B: it has been such an honor and a privilege to play Wednesday Addams. I have never had more fun with a role in all my years of acting.

To Mami and Javi: It amazes me how you literally flew out for a weekend just to see me perform on a high school stage. It means more to me than you'll ever know. I love you so much.

To Haidy and Emmalene: God bless your patient, generous souls and if it weren't for you, Fester wouldn't be bald, Morticia would be blonde, Gomez would have a lame-ass mustache, Pugsley would still be tan, Grandma would be about 90 years too young, Lurch would look like a normal human being, and Wednesday wouldn't sport kickass black lipstick.

..........

Goddammit I fell asleep. Let's just pretend I posted this yesterday, shall we?

..........

To Pags and his minions: You built us a spooky mansion with many quirks. Our home may have been rebuilt multiple times with various errors along the way but would the Addams have it any other way?

To Eric: I have no clue who you're passing the torch down to, but they better be half as good as you are at lighting up a stage.

To Claire Bear, our Queen of Sound and #1 fangirl: I told you you would not regret choosing stage crew. I told you there would be pros and cons to either situation. I think it's safe to say you're pretty happy with the side you chose ;) Now you can truly say you've done it all. Thanks for battling the war that is the soundboard and for eliminating our echoes and for letting our voices ring crystal clear. Also, your opening night break-a-leg-cards never go unappreciated. In fact, it's the one thing I always look forward to before each show. Thank you. So much.

To Rory and Brandt: I will forever miss your smiling goon faces every rehearsal. Your incessant teasing and lame jokes and hilarious stories are enough to make my day. You guys are the actual best. I am so proud of you.

To Jimmy: You, my dear, saved my ass more times than I can count during this run, so God bless. Thanks for making my first stage kiss less awkward, I guess? 

To Carly: Watching you transform from Hedy LaRue into Morticia Addams has been the coolest thing in the world, I swear. You started off as a lucky sophomore that barely knew what she was doing and turned into a confident, seasoned senior, owning the stage. Your voice is enough to make people's ears melt and your comic timing is flawless. Thanks for being the next legend to play my mother (next to Sophia Diodati).

To my child, Emma K: I am so glad you got to be a part of this. Never would I ever have thought I'd get the chance to perform alongside you, and it has been so much fun to have you by my side over the course of these three months. I can't wait to keep watching you grow as an actress and as a person. I love you muchly.

For many of you, this was your last hurrah. I can't think of a better musical to end with. We owned that stage. Each and every one of us found bits of magic within ourselves and the second we stepped in front of an audience, we let that part of us explode. It's amazing what a costume, a bit of makeup, and lots of rehearsal can do. The first time I put my hair into two braids, I knew automatically something about my aura was different; no—I didn't automatically become a sadistic psychopath that tortured people in her free time. However, I did feel more of an edge in my voice and a stiffness in each step, more of a crunching in every word than before.

The same could be said about many of you. Carly, you mastered Morticia's elegance, incomparable passion and hand motions with ease. Jimmy, you took a dweeb like Lucas and gave him his own spark. Brandt, every aspect of your personality became stale, sarcastic and dry—just like Mal. Rory, over time you were able to develop Uncle Fester's quirky wit and still bring your own humor to the role. Caellum... Good God, C, you just became Gomez (minus the Spanish accent). It was so fun to watch all of you become these characters and see you interpret and mold them in your own way.

Arriving to the auditorium yesterday, I fully accepted my fate.

Here goes.

I let my footsteps lead me down the staircase, passing senior posters I made with my own hands along the way. Haidy and Emmalene were at the ready, fluttering about with their fairy-godmother-like powers. The clock ticked as more people started to show up and the common dressing room buzz increased.

Everything about the Sunday show is always different. The crowd, the energy, the vibes... It's all different.

Not bad. Just different.

Three full months of auditions and rehearsal and stress and anxiety all culminating in this one performance. Besides, this one was being filmed, so it had to be good. I have to say, it all felt sorta surreal. There's no way this would be the last time I'd get to perform a musical with my best buds. There's no way...

Gathering my thoughts and blaming my tears on eyelash glue, I headed upstairs to Bray-Bray's office to wait for our usual pre-show circle. We took out the infamous "eraser" and erased the previous night's performance, allowing for a fresh, new start. I kinda hate that part.

As Pags spoke the last pre-show prayer, I clutched C's hand like my life depended on it.

Please be a dream please be a dream please be a dream.

Then Bray-Bray called places and so "Thanks Places" buzzed around backstage as we all huddled around the wings. C gave little Emma a hug and I could tell she absolutely did not want to let go.

And then it was go time. The overture started playing and the adrenaline started to kick in.

Da da da dun 

*snap* *snap* 

Da da da dun 

*snap* *snap* 

Da da da dun, Da da da dun, Da da da dun 

*snap* *snap*

Overall, the show was going great. We had a pretty huge turnout, all things considered. Everyone performed to the best of their ability and the crowd ate it all up.

Act I down. 1 more to go.

Jimmy and I started Act 2 with a blowout fight. It was fantastic. 

But then came time for the one scene I dreaded most: Happy/Sad.

I looked at Caellum and I think he just knew. I made him swear to fix my makeup if it ran onstage. We hugged just before going on and I mean, I didn't really wanna let go but he was starting to hand me my crossbow and I didn't wanna shoot him by accident...

-"Wednesday!"

-"Don't even!"

-"Where do you think you're going, young lady?"

-"Away."

Please don't go please don't go please don't go

I tried to keep my shit together, C. I tried. But this was our last time. And I looked out into the audience and all I could see was darkness and a singular bright light shining ahead. And yet in the midst of all this darkness, you were the only face I could see. You sat right beside me and goddamn me for being all profound and sentimental right now but if that's not symbolic, I don't know what is.

-"Life is full of contradictions, every inch a mile. At the moment we start weeping..."

But then you looked at me and I couldn't hold it together anymore and I cried and it hurt and the world hurt and I was fully aware an entire audience was watching me but I couldn't stop.

-"That's when we should smile."

So Caellum, thank you for your time. I got to see you grow from J. Pierrepont Finch to Sam Wheat to Gomez Addams. And I couldn't be more proud. I had the privilege on not only knowing you, but becoming your friend. Thank you for being my family. Thank you for looking out for me. Thank you for giving me so many beautiful and occasionally disturbing memories. You are one of the best friends I could ever ask for. It's been a good run.

I'm not ready I'm not ready I'm not ready

When we took that final bow... Damn. I felt so happy, yet so sad. Happy/Sad. I love applauding for you all. I love reminding you all of how accomplished and talented and capable each of you are. Thank you for making this an unforgettable experience.

Before I absolutely lose it, I'm gonna wrap up with a Winnie the Pooh quote:

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Holy Fricken Frack

Well. I told you I'd be busy, didn't I?

Either way, here we are: February 15th (my little Suki's 7th bday holy crap) and I have SO MUCH to tell you.

Let's see, where did I leave off?

Ah, yes.

Firstly there was Berklee. I have so many feelings about that. I may or may not have a post written about it later... In the meantime, please go read Claire's recap of it here.

That was during the first half of our Winter Weekend. The second half was filled with various events ranging from fun to exciting to downright dangerous (we get competitive while playing games... *ehem* Catan *ehem*).

That Sunday, I finally got to see Star Wars in theaters with the bae. I also had an impromptu shopping spree with Claire and Max (my real baes, obviously) where we raided Sally's and bought Claire's first batch of hair dye (SUPER EXCITING!). Later that evening, we all ended up playing Settlers of Catan in Caellum's bedroom and dare I say, it was one of the most hilarious things I have ever experienced. We played in pairs, so Rory and Claire officially won, while Max and I took a close second, and meanwhile, poor Conor and Caellum were left begging for cyanide in their fruitless nation. I may have peed myself laughing once or twice. The next day snowed buckets and so obviously we thought it'd be a great idea to go sledding.

Wrong. We were so, so very wrong. Our faces were nearly burned away from wind chill and I was feelin the frostbite coming on. Instead, we took to Martin's, where Max and I proved to everyone else that we are true soulmates (and we also kick ass at Squares). We probably spent around three hours shuffling cards around and getting into heated competitions of Speed and Poker. I love my people.

Alas, the next day we had school, so naturally we were overcome with woe.

But that was that.

OTHER SUPER INTERESTING THING THAT HAPPENED RECENTLY:

I had my first stage kiss ever and it was awkward as fuck and I completely missed the first time and God bless Jimmy for putting up with my shit but holy crap I was so nervous and I kinda wanted to die

Since then, we've had to kiss like a trillion more times for The Addams Family but thank goodness it's only gotten easier and increasingly less awkward (except for, yaknow, the fact that the whole school and my boyfriend are gonna be watching but oh whale).

This past Thursday was Poetry Out Loud and as per usual, I memorized my poem like half an hour before the actual event (I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS, DO NOT TRY IT AT HOME) yet somehow I managed getting first place...?????????

Like........ wat. But yeah, that happened.

The weekend dragged on because Tech but HEY WE'RE GONNA PUT ON A MIGHTY FINE SHOW SO IT IS ALL A-OKAY. Plus, Saturday night the squad got to watch Deadpool and I have never not regretted something more in my life. IT WAS EFFING AMAZING.

You may be wondering what I did on my Valentine's Day especially considering the fact that I actually have a bae this year (I know none of you are wondering but I'm salty about it so I'm gonna tell you anyway).

Well, my dearest friends, I did absolutely nothing. Why, you ask? Well, because I was stuck in the goddamn auditorium the whole day and so I didn't even get to see CJS and usually I hate Valentine's Day so I wouldn't even care but it was mildly upsetting and I was stressed and homesick and exhausted and fricken frack it wasn't a good time.

ANYWAY, today was a new day and it actually went pretty well :) Tomorrow I may die after APUSH first period but yaknowI it's really okay. I should be studying right now. Ugh.

I have so many other things I'm probably forgetting but—OH WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED! MAMI AND JAVI ARE COMING TO SEE THE SHOW THIS WEEKEND AND I AM BEYOND EXCITED TO SEE THEM AGAIN AHHHHH

Yay, exciting :)

Quick shoutout to Shelbs for making me smile every single day and to Claire for being my bestest bae and to Max for tolerating my shit and to C for loving me unconditionally and to CJS for being a love and to Soph for actually deciding to go on a kickass trip with us and to Papa Kerr for being selfless and kind and to Hannah Banana for being the best roommate ever and to Emmalene for enduring the pain that is tech and making me feel hardcore as Wednesday and to Brandt for making me laugh and to Lil Kerr for being my child. There are really a lot of other people I should be thanking right now but I'm hoping they get the idea already.

Okay, but now I should really actually try and be productive.

Hasta la próxima!

Much love xoxo

Maya