Friday, June 26, 2015

3am and Here I Am Again

Well. The title says it all.

Every second ticks closer to 4 and I'm still not asleep.

I've got a massive headache at the moment but I'm choosing to ignore the fact that I'm currently staring at a screen and that's not helping. Not one bit.

I guess this is my way of saying I miss you. All of you.

Kinda wishing I dream up something cool just to feel nearer to you guys.

In the meantime, I'll write you a list.
..........

  1. I came home a couple weeks ago and as great as it is to be back... well... that got old real quick.
  2. I've been going to sleep around 4am and waking up around 2pm for the past two weeks. I am the only person I can blame for my terrible sleeping habits.
  3. My parents are having issues.
  4. I got to see Peter Pan which starred my best friend Priscila as Peter and I was so effing proud of her.
  5. I was told that I was anemic and not anemic in the same day.
  6. I'm not pregnant.
  7. I'm having a sleepover with Pri this Saturday and I'm super mega flipping excited.
  8. I'm supposed to start dance camp on Monday which should keep me busy. And hopefully whip me into shape.
  9. For some godforsaken reason, I keep forgetting to eat meals during the day so I've found myself going full days without eating by accident. I need to set myself an alarm or something.
  10. I raided my mom's closet and stashed all the stuff she can't wear anymore because now I fit perfectly into all of it.
  11. I watched Inside Out. Almost cried from all the feelings.
  12. I saw Age of Ultron. Cried from all the feelings.
  13. I visited my Abuela.
  14. One of my uncles died.
  15. I made Javier's mind blow by showing him Inception for the first time. I also made him start reading the Narnia series. He's hooked.
..........

That's all I can think of that's of relevance right now.

I'm gonna try and catch some Zs but I won't guarantee anything.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Summer Nights

Summer nights are not meant to be spent spiraling and crying into your own pillow, pitying yourself.

That's not how I remember them.


Yet here I am.


Aren't I special?


Where the fuck did I go wrong?

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Inside Out

Hey guys. I just woke up and had nothing better to do, so here I am.

Last night, my dad took Javi and me to watch Pixar's Inside Out and although incredibly depressing, it did have some very eye-opening concepts and a very simple, yet powerful moral.

Not to give any spoilers but all in all I think a huge part of the lesson learned is that it's okay to be sad. In fact, being sad is necessary in order to be able to see the good in things.

Sadness is just as valid as happiness, as confusion, as anger, as caution, as disgust.

You are entirely entitled to your feelings.

Remember that.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

Thursday, June 18, 2015

For My Dearest Claire

So Claire:

Despite currently being 1,593 miles away from you right now, I thought I'd make it seem like I was a teensy bit closer by the wonderful power of the interwebs :)

First of all, I wanna just say thank you (and Ron and Sally and Lucy) to infinity and beyond for taking me in as your sidekick for a week (or two if you count Disney). It was truly one of the greatest times I've had in a long while and if it weren't for your family's generosity, I wouldn't have been able to spend that extra time with our lovely graduates :)

For the record, it's been less than two weeks and I already miss you guys more than words can explain.

I'm gonna miss those Frosty Freez detours and those stargazing nights and watching movies with beautiful people in them <3 (ehem Narnia ehem) I'm gonna miss making nutella pancake monstrosities with you and Maeve and waking up to your domestic rituals each morning ;) I'm gonna miss campfires and smores and cleaning up after people's messes. I'm gonna miss car rides where we blasted Sleeping With Sirens's "Fuck You" while kind little old people just happened to be in the car next to us. I'm gonna miss taking long walks and pretending like we were productive because we both gave each other a history lesson on the way. I'm gonna miss Lucy's tail-whipping and her poor, abused little penguin XD I'm gonna miss accidentally matching clothes and putting on makeup in front of the mirror together. I'm gonna miss having an older sister around.

Now, the only reason I'm not 100% sad about this is because I'm almost entirely positive (if I wish hard enough) that it'll all get to happen again. And sooner than later, we'll be bitching about school and assignments and auditions again, but there will be little moments of heaven in between and it's those moments I'm looking forward to :)

Claire, I know this sounds ridiculous to say cuz I know to some people it's not that big of a deal, but I'm now the age you were when I met you. Crazy, huh? Two years sure flew by fast and if I have any say in the matter, I consider myself lucky to have witnessed the beautiful, courageous and intelligent young woman you've become over the time that I've known you.

You should know this already but you're more than just one of my best friends–you're like family to me. You've been there for me when I felt like I had no one else to turn to and you've inspired me to do so many things whether you know it or not. For one, it was because of you that I started this blog. I thought how cool it was for you to take the time to write not just for yourself, but for all of us and how dedicated you were no matter what. Seeing what you do everyday just amazes me and I will never fully comprehend how you do it. You just do.

You're stunning, and talented, and clever, and funny, and so unbelievably kind, sometimes you don't even know. You're such a genuine person and I am so, so very lucky to be a part of your life. I'm hoping to keep it that way for as long as I possibly can :)

Now before this turns into a mush-with-an-extra-side-of-cheese fest, I just wanted to say Happy 17th.

He's dug this hole way too deep
And now he's just trying to keep
Looking up instead of at his feet
But he's been blind because he's seventeen
Seventeen–EON
It was my turn to sing it to you ;)

Here's to many wonderful years more <3

Hasta la proxima!

Much love xoxo

Maya

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Because #ThugLyfe Part Four: Trapped

Well, it's definitely been a while.
...

I couldn't have been asleep more than ten minutes before I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking me awake. I cracked an eye open. 

Ugh sunlight.

"You. Small one. Up." There was snickering.

I could've punched Fonts square in the face  right then and there.

"Maeve's outside waiting for you," he smirked, prying the blanket that was still clenched in between my fingertips.

I let out a groan, which he mocked, before sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

What time is it?

Tugging a random flannel around my waist in case it was still cold outside, I made my way over to the rope ladder that hung outside the entrance.

Still not quite awake, I almost took a wrong step, missing the ladder completely, and had it not been for the hand tugging my T-shirt back, I would've dropped at least twenty feet to my death.

"Whoa! Jesus, Maya, be careful!" Claire looked at me with alarmed eyes. I gave her a sheepish smile in return.

"Maeve, you sure about letting Little Miss Klutzy Dunce Elf here handle blades this early in the morning?" C called down. 

Apparently he'd seen what happened -_-

I stuck my tongue out at him. He winked. I sighed.

"Oh, shush you!" Maeve called back in my defense. 

"Maya, just be more careful this time," Claire eyed me wearily as I grabbed hold of the rope ladder.

"Yes mother," I teased, rolling my eyes at her.

The next four hours were spent learning how to duel and deflect and stab only if very, very necessary. Nothing fatal. 

Deflecting I was good at. Aiming... not so much.

By four o'clock, Maeve and I sat by a tree stump near the foot of The Cave, sweaty and exhausted. 

"How's the apprentice coming along?" Tom grinned from up above.

Maeve threw him two thumbs up.

I slumped against her shoulder.

"Hey Maeve?"

"Hmm?"

"I..." I took a deep breath, "I just don't know if I'm cut out for this 'gang' business..." 

Her posture seemed to stiffen but her tone remained gentle.

"Well, hun, nobody's born knowing what they're cut out for. You'll grow into it," she assured me.

"I kinda wanna go back home," I mumbled, biting my lip.

She only clenched her fist for a second, but I still saw it. The gentleness was more forced this time.

"Maya, darling, you know as good as anyone that that's not an option anymore. You knew the second you jumped off that balcony that it was over," she said before getting up and climbing the ladder again, not looking back.

Shit, maybe I shouldn't have said that.

I took one good look at my surroundings and just for a split second debated running away.

No, they know you too well. You'd be caught in ten minutes.

Reluctantly, I made my way back up the rope ladder, not very eager for what was to come.

"There's my flannel!" 

Max made it a point to storm up to me while crossing her arms over her chest, looking at me expectantly with a playful smirk.

My brows furrowed for a second before I remembered the dark grey flannel tied around my waist. 

"Oh!" 

I quickly unwrapped it from myself before apologizing and handing it to her.

"Hey Maya?"

I turned around to see Tom addressing me.

"How about we put some of those weapon checking skills to use?" he hinted, as if everyone had been expecting me to start a while ago.

"Right," I mumbled, wiping the dirt and grime from my scraped hands as I let him lead me to the tiny room Emma had been "practicing" in the night before.

The second I stepped inside, I knew why it stank so much. 

The walls were littered with shelves upon shelves of some really strange looking chemicals, each with their own Do not touch or die symbol. There was a singular wooden table in the middle of the room. It had two drawers and metal scraps lying across its surface. I assumed this was Zoe's grenade station. 

Tom turned to face me again, the scar over his eye seeming a bit more noticeable in this light, before turning back to gesture to it all.

"Here's where you'll be doing the loading and sharpening. The knives are in the top drawer and the guns are at the bottom. Zoe's crap is literally everywhere so... Well, just don't touch any of it--deadly chemicals; you don't wanna get mixed up in that stuff. You need help with anything and you holler, got it?" he spun around to face me, leaning one arm back on the desk.

"Yessir," I quipped, drawing out a long sigh.

"Alright troublemaker, get to work," the redhead gave me a smirk before leaving the room.

I stared at the safety hazard that was the table in front of me.

Well, it's now or never, isn't it?
..........

People were running in and out of that little room like madmen. 

"Maya, hand me my whip."

"Short stuff, grab the revolver."

"Dear, could you pass me my knives?"

"Hand me that gun over there, Hobbit."

"Pass the grenade, just don't chuck it!"

I was handing out weapons and machinery quicker than I could even register what I was passing around.

Gunpowder dusted my cheeks and grease smeared my forehead while cuts traced themselves along my hands and arms. Time was ticking and the gang had business to do.

Emma stood by the doorway, crimson lips fixed in a permanent smile, a hazy expression taking over her eyes as if she were already in character.

"We need to get a move on, people. Let's go, go, go!" Fonts shouted at my side, throwing a jacket over his shoulders.

I watched as everyone seemed to form a line, holding out their weapons as Fonts checked them out the door.

First Max, then Zoe, then Emma, then T, then Claire, then C, then Maeve, then Tom, and Gibb.

"Dude, your fly's open,"

"Ah, fuck!" Gibb shuffled out the door with his head down as he zipped up his pants.

"Well, what are you waiting for, scrub? You gotta check out, too," Fonts held out his hand for me to take as I stepped from behind the counter, wiping my other grimy hand on my jeans.

I realized I'd already given away all the weapons in the room, not leaving any left for me.

Then was that our boss produced a singular dagger and the teensiest hand gun from his coat pocket.

"For you," he said as he tucked the dagger into the side of my belt and told me the gun was already loaded.

"Oh dear God..." I didn't quite know what to say.

"Don't think you're getting away with them that easily. You're testing them out on ground level, okay?" he laughed, playfully shoving me so I would follow the rest of the line into the other room and down the rope ladder.

"Just make sure not to kill any of us, kay Maya?" Tiernan stuck his tongue out at me, only causing me to roll my eyes at him.

"I'm not, would you relax?" I defended, trying my very best to seem more confident than I actually was.

C took a stand opposite me, taking off his shades to give me a look that asked if I was ready.

After nodding my consent, I assumed the defense position, hoping to God I wouldn't be standing on my deathbed.

I watched out of the sides of my eyes as the rest of them formed a sort of half circle around me.

Don't fuck up. Don't fuck up. Don't fuck up.

The first bullet shot. 

Not from me, but from C, and I dodged it just in time. I aimed one back at him and it just barely grazed his shoulder.

Another three bullets, one after the other, came thundering down on the ground near my feet so I was forced to hop from one foot to another while aiming my next shot.

Caellum felt like surprising me there and then, so he took out an 8 inch blade, casting aside his Glock 17, forcing me to pull out my 6 inch dagger.

One could say we were about to sword fight.

"Come on, Hobbit, I'm not gonna hurt you," C spoke condescendingly, motioning for me to come closer.

There were hoots of laughter from behind.

"Oh, I'm not afraid of that," I snarled back, inching my way closer.

"Whoa, watch out guys, this one's deadly!" Fonts teased.

Just as we were about to strike, we heard the distant churning of wheels.

"Shit, that's Toothless, we gotta go," Max signaled for us to follow her lead.

Sighing but slightly relieved that I didn't have to sword fight someone nearly two feet taller than me, I tucked my dagger back into my belt, making my way over to the rest of the gang.

"Hey," C grabbed the back of my hoodie, "good fight, kiddo,"

"Yeah, yeah," I stuck my tongue out at him for good measure.

"Hurry up!"

We were booking it now--Goddammit I'm running outta breath--and we were gonna have to skedaddle in order to jump on time.

We came to a little clearing, it wasn't the same one we jumped onto the other night, but I'm assuming there were "train stations" all around the forest.

"Here she comes..."

We all looked to the left only to see the speedy old train coming at us full blast.

Here goes nothing.

My friends looked oddly like spiders as they jumped onto the train, each landing elegantly onto the platform. I had a bit of a shaky landing, but hey--it was only my second time.

Zoe, Emma, Claire, Max, and Maeve all started shouting and screaming enthusiastically as they charged up the other flights, similar to the fangirling shouts I'd heard years before, except this time it was for...well, murder.

Urgh.

Meanwhile, C, T, Tom, Fonts, and Gibb took their posts by the ground level.

"Hey, short stuff, there're some more grenades down in the lower compartment; I think Zoe was asking about them earlier. Could you go down and get them?" Fonts turned to face me, one arm leaning against a column.

"Uh, sure..." I unbolted the trap door at the center of the platform, slightly wary as to what I would actually find down there.

Just don't touch anything that says EXPLOSIVE, FLAMMABLE, or TOXIC.

The stairs were steep and the lighting was dim--dimmer than the lighting upstairs at least, and that was saying something. I walked further into the dingy room, careful not to step on anything accidentally for fear of setting something off.

This place could be full of land mines for all I know.

It was a tiny, cramped room, but similar to Zoe's station back at The Cave, it was littered with shelves all over the walls. In the far corner there seemed to be a tattered cushion that served as a makeshift chair for anyone who came down here to work.

Then I heard a slam and then there was a click.

Scrambling back up the wooden steps, I found the trap door bolted shut.

"Hey, guys, let me out!" I started pounding on the boards that held it together.

There was another click as if an extra lock had been latched on.

"This isn't funny, let me the fuck out!" I tried shouting as loudly as I possibly could but it was no use.

Those bastards locked me in.

"I swear to God, if you don't let me out..." my hands were getting tired of smacking splintered wood and soon the only thing I could hear was the dull rumbling of the engine.

I took another look around the room.

It was small, dark, the air was thick and it reeked of toxic chemicals.

Are they trying to kill me?

After a while, all the voices from upstairs had vanished. They'd left without me.

It's gonna be a long night.


..........

One lost voice, two bloody hands and three panic attacks later, I managed to somehow fall asleep on the bottom steps that led to the trap door.

I hadn't even noticed when they'd returned, let alone when they unlocked the door.

It must've been around 3am.

I heard footsteps getting closer and jumbled conversation coming from above.

"Oh my God, is that blood on her hands?"

"Guys, I told you it wasn't a good idea..."

"She was about to break code... We had to..."

"Don't be a fucker, she didn't need that!"

I felt arms lifting me up but maybe I was too groggy or it was too dark for me to even recognize who it was.

"...huh?" I rubbed at my eyes to try and get them to focus.

"Hey, little one. We're back," 

That was Gibb's voice. I could recognize that anywhere.

Somehow the sketchy light bulb that hung from ground level's ceiling made me remember what had happened.

My eyes narrowed.

"You fucking bastards locked me in there!" I pushed myself off of him and scrambled to get on my own feet.

I was not about to let them get away with this that easily.

"You fucking knew how much I hate the dark!" I charged at Fonts.

"I'm fucking claustrophobic, did you remember that?!" 

Tiernan, probably realizing I was about to pummel our leader to the ground, took hold of my waist, so I took to clawing his arms.

"Ni me intentes de detener, maricón! ¿Es que no entienden lo que me hicieron pasar? Coño, los odio a toditos!"

"Whoa! Down, tiger!" C managed to pin down my arms so I wouldn't be a threat to anyone else. Probably.

I turned to the rest of them.

"And you guys didn't do anything! Why would you do that to me?" my voice was already gone, but I was reaching decibels unknown to man by this point.

"Maya, calm down, they can explain," Zoe tried defending them, but I held my glare on all the guys, who seemed to have come up with the brilliant plan.

C looked down at me as if trying to speak to a small child.

Goddammit.

"I'm gonna let you go now, but you have to promise not to hurt anyone, okay?" he tried making my eyes meet his but I was still too keen on glaring at everyone else.

"Not like she could hurt us if she tried..." Tom snickered, causing the rest of the crew to sneer at me.

"Fuck off, Thomas!" I had about had it with all of them at this point.

"Hey, cool it, short stuff," Fonts had been silent this whole time, almost as if he were trying to let me burn myself out before he said anything.

"We told them it wasn't a good idea," Claire stubbornly crossed her arms, looking unhappy with the boys as well.

"But why would they do it in the first place?!" I wanted answers and soon.

"Listen kid, Maeve told us what you said to her earlier today, about not being sure about this whole thing and we get it, but doubt isn't really our thing. Either you run with us or you don't," Fonts explained.

"Yep. And if we let you run off back home, we couldn't risk you blabbing off to everyone else about our headquarters or our plans or any of that. So our only other choice was to kill you," Maeve's eyes seemed to stare right through me.

My heart just about stopped.

Well, great, you were right--they are trying to kill you.

"But we didn't have the heart to finish you off yet, so we thought an unexpected little spin inside Toothless would be punishment enough," Gibb carried on.

"Well if the point was to terrorize me, then it sure as hell worked," I said with a slight laugh, hoping that the more I agreed as to how scary it was, the less they'd want to kill me.

"That wasn't the only reason why; we also just didn't think you were ready for tonight..." Tiernan gave me a sheepish grin that said he was sorry and for some reason it was so impossible not to forgive them.

I did feel somewhat defeated though.

"You did work very hard, we'll give you that--it's only been a day!" Emma gave me a smile underneath her wild mane of brown hair.

"Yeah, you'll be kickass in no time," Max winked at me, flipping her blue/green braid over her shoulder.

"Ooo looks like someone just got the legendary kickass blessing from our secret weapon. She doesn't hand those lightly, you know," Claire smirked at me, and I looked back at Max only to find a smug grin plastered on her face.

"Well, thanks, I guess," I tried laughing it off, the exhaustion of the night's events finally catching up to me.

"Oh Jesus, Maya, we should maybe patch those hands up sometime soon..." Gibb motioned to both my hands which had now stained the sides of my jeans with blood.

"Right," I suddenly became self conscious and was grateful when Emma started talking about how badly she'd messed with her victims' heads.

"Come on, dear, let's get you cleaned up," Claire took it upon herself to fix up my raw hands, cracked from hours of whacking splintered wood.

"I'm really sorry about tonight, it really wasn't a good idea..." she went off.

"Claire, it's fine," I reassured her, "Hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?"

If only I knew how true that statement was about to become.

..........

Aaaaaaand there you have it. Sorry, I know it's been months.

Writer's block is a bitch.

I can't guarantee the next one will be up soon, but I can try :)

Hasta la próxima!

Much love xoxo

Maya

Thursday, June 4, 2015

The Glowing Rocks

It was startlingly cold when Claire dragged me outside tonight.

Towels bunched up in our arms and flip flops hanging off our socked feet, we scuttled our way to a rather large patch of grass in her yard, careful not to wake the parental units.

We set down our towels on the dewy lawn when Claire deemed a spot worthy enough for stargazing. Giggling and rambling in excited spurts the whole time, I could hardly contain my eagerness.

You see, I've never been stargazing before. 

Okay, I did go once but we're not talking about it because it doesn't matter anymore.

Growing up in urban jungles your whole life can deprive you of a whole lotta Mother Nature.

We sat criss cross applesauce with our necks outstretched as far as they could go to catch a glimpse of the sky above us. The Moon was almost full but just as bright and beaming as any other day, yet for some reason He felt like hiding behind the trees.

The moon is awfully shy, I suppose.

The sky was covered in a thin blanket of fog way, way up for miles and miles and miles.

Claire proceeded to pull out her stargazing playlist which included Snow Patrol's "Dark Roman Wine", Crywolf's "Bedroom Eyes" and Koda's "The Take Down". She went ahead pointing out constellations and telling stories about her summers spent out on this exact spot.

"Claire, the world is so big."

"It sure is, dear,"

Our backs were facing the Moon, so I turned around and looked up to see the steady moving clouds flowing by Him.

"Hey look! They look like ghosts!"

The clouds had peeled back into thin wispy strips, gliding along the infinite ocean that is the sky.

The Moon shone brightly on them as they slid quickly away.

After a while, the Moon had made its way above the trees, shining an inexplicably bright light on our designated stargazing spot.

"Hey, Claire, looks like you've got a spotlight," I teased, laughing as she struck a pose and proceeded to try and make shadow puppets in the Moon's glow (they looked more like black blobs to me, but shh).

I watched as Claire laid back. Following suit, I hadn't noticed I'd gasped.

"Now we've got the best view," I wasn't looking, but I'm sure Claire was smiling in that knowing way of hers.

I wrapped my flannel tighter around my body, feeling the chills run all the way down to my toes. Whether it was the cold or my complete and utter amazement is beyond me.

"Hey Claire?"

"Hmm?"

"It looks like a big, blue lagoon. One of those creepy ones, you know? With the fog just barely touching the surface... And the stars are like these glowing rocks you try and grab at the bottom," I glanced at the Moon in my top right line of vision, "With a really, really big rock in that corner."

Claire laughed at me, "Yeah, a really, really big rock... You sure nailed that one, kiddo,"

She explained how the sky and the ocean were her two favorite things; how they were so similar and yet quite literally the complete opposite of each other.

It was so beautiful. It really, truly was.

"OHMYGOD IT'S A SHOOTING ST--goddammit, that's a plane."

My excitement was hardly crushed though, seeing as the rest of the constellations were enough to keep me in awe for centuries.

We hobbled back inside around 12:30 with cold feet and cold hands, both complaining about our terrible circulation and laughing off the stories we told each other while sitting out in the middle of the night.

Sitting out there, I knew I wanted to go to bed thinking the sky would wrap me in its unending blanket of glowing rocks.

I'm sure they're quite warm.

Hasta la próxima,

Much love xoxo

Maya

P.S: Thank you Claire <3